Sue Scheff: Teens, Drinking and what Parent's Don't know

As the trial of Diane Katz Santarelli concludes, it should also be a wake-up call for parents. Teens and drinking is a concern and a very serious one.

The statistics are sobering. In a recent national survey of more than 2,500 eleventh and twelfth graders, 90 percent of teens believe their counterparts are more likely to drink and drive on prom night and 79 percent believe the same is true for graduation night.

What parents need to know is despite the tragic tales of reckless driving on prom and graduation nights, teens have a pervasive "it won't happen to me" attitude. Add to the alcohol factor distractions like texting or talking on the cell phone while driving, or the greater likelihood of multiple people in the car, and the crash potential is very real.

Parenting Tips:

• Communicate, Communicate Ask where your children are going, with whom they will be and what they will be doing. Ask who and how they will be supervised at a party. Be wary of sleepovers and all night parties. For some teens, sleepovers are opportunities to use drugs, alcohol and/or have sex, and can put them under too much peer pressure. Teen use of alcohol can lead to unprotected sex or dating violence. If your teen is at a home party, be sure you and the supervising adults share the same values and expectations for behavior at the party. Check in by phone or drive over to make sure a responsible parent is supervising the event and your child is still there. Make sure your teen has a safe ride home at the end of the party.
• Get involved. Volunteer to supervise school or neighborhood parties. Offer to chauffeur kids to and from graduation celebrations. Host an alcohol free party at your home.
• Discuss Safety with Your Child Even if your child resists alcohol and drugs, he or she is still at risk for becoming victimized by them. Emphasize the importance of watching out for careless, and possibly drunken, drivers and using the "buddy system" so that he or she is with at least one friend at all times. Encourage your child to call you at any time if he or she needs a safe ride home or for any other reason.
• Be clear about what you expect and be firm. Around age 17 and 18 is a time when youth are expected to seek more independence and are often eager to separate from parental controls. The combination of more independence along with pressures to party and fears about what the future holds can make graduating students vulnerable. Talk with your teen about what is a reasonable curfew and stick to it. Have your teen check in often. Discuss in advance the consequence for breaking the rules.
• Encourage graduating teens to take healthy risks. It is normal and healthy for teens to take appropriate risks that help them to learn, develop independence, conquer fears and build confidence. Rather than celebrating the graduation rite of passage with drinking and sex, encourage your teens to celebrate with their friends and family in some creative and healthy ways.

Source: Connect with Kids

Related articles:

Parents in Denial
Supervised Underage Drinking
Be Part of We Don't Serve Teens
Drinking: Too Smart to Start

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.  Read more.

Sue Scheff: Teen Stress

As adults we always seem to be forgetting phone number, names, and more. As we get older we believe our memory is fading, but have you considered this in teens and children? Stress can be a factor, especially with adult, however it can also be in our kids today. Connect with Kids just posted an educational article for parents to better understand this and helpful tips.

Source: Connect With Kids

Stress and Memory Loss

“I think it’s kind of validating that it’s not just ‘Oh, we’re crazy and scattered,’ but there’s really a reason why we tend to lose it a bit when we are overstressed and overscheduled.”

– Dr. Marla Shapiro, psychologist

Some teens do poorly on exams, not because they don’t know the answers, but because they’re nervous. “A lot of times, I’ll, like, stay up really late, and we’ll do flash cards or whatever, and then when it comes time for the test I’ll just sort of forget,” says 14-year-old Alix. Sixteen-year-old Reed Gott has seen it too. “A lot of times people get stressed out, and they just totally, like, bomb a test.”

According to a recent study in the journal Science, the culprit is an enzyme called PKC, or protein kinase C. Under stress, this protein in the brain causes short-term memory loss. “Unpredicted stress or unexpected events over which we have no control can activate levels of PKC and cause some of the forgetfulness and the scatteredness that we all feel when we’re really stressed,” explains psychologist Marla Shapiro.

She explains that with everything teens are expected to do, tests, papers, applying to college, add to that jobs, sports, activities and a social life, they can forget things often. Just like Jermeen Sherman, “Taking multiple AP classes or hard classes can be stressful, and I think sometimes that’s my problem, like I have too much work to do, and you try to do it all, and you lack somewhere.”

Shapiro says the best ways to overcome stress are good study skills, plenty of sleep, and if the student still draws a blank, “physically remove yourself from the situation, and take some slow deep breaths. The more they stare at that test paper, the more helpless they’re gonna feel.”

Tips for Parents

Experts say today’s children are experiencing anxieties at earlier ages. Stress can affect anyone, even children, regardless of age. Proper rest and good nutrition can help increase a child’s ability to cope with stress. It’s also important to make time for your child each day. Even as your child ages, “quality time” is important. By showing interest in your child throughout his or her life, you show that your child is important to you. Also, be sure to talk to your child about what causes stress in his or her life. Learning to relax is yet another way to combat stress.

Stress doesn’t have to be traumatic to lead to memory impairment. If one feels out of control, memory loss can occur. Control is the essential factor. When you are confident, you don’t have problems with memory.

•A child’s stresses are not limited to their own lives. If adult conversations, like office or financial troubles, are overheard, a child may experience stress.
•Stress raises kids’ risk for insomnia, skin disorders, headaches, upset stomach, depression and possibly obesity.
•Signs that your teen might be stressed include: frequent headaches, stomachaches and trouble handling anger.
•Signs that your pre-schooler or elementary student might be stressed include: sudden or extreme shyness, excessive irritability and bedwetting after months or years of dry nights.

References
•San Diego State University
•The Journal Science

Sue Scheff: Sue Scheff: Outrageous School Policies: What Parents Can Do

Has “zero tolerance” gone too far? I hear from parents regularly and I must admit, although I completely understand safety of our children is always a priority, some of the suspensions or incidents that land immature young students in alternative school situations, can be troubling – debatable at least. I believe each incident should be reviewed individually, however at the same time we do need policies in effect. This is another time parents need to be involved. Be an educated parent, you could save your child from being placed in a not so good situation.

Source: Education.com

Outrageous School Policies: What Parents Can Do

By Bob Ross

There was a lesson to be learned recently in the case of Zachary Christie, a 6-year-old first-grader in Delaware who earlier this month brought a camping utensil along with his lunch. The tool included a folding fork and knife—the reason Zachary took it out during lunch time at Downes Elementary School in Newark last month.

Unfortunately for Zachary, that favorite camping utensil also included a folded knife. That automatically made it a “dangerous instrument” under his school district’s rule, which in this case had zero tolerance for any dangerous instruments brought into school.

So Zachary was sentenced to 45 days in the district’s alternative school, a punishment that drew outrage from parents and lawmakers alike. A few days later, the school board allowed Zachary to return to school and amended the policy to include only a 3- to 5-day suspension for kids caught with dangerous instruments, if they are in kindergarten or first grade.

The incident raises questions about what parents should do if they encounter a school rule that they think is unfair and should be changed. While some observers lashed out against so-called zero tolerance policies—rules that require a certain punishment often without allowing the school principal or administrators any discretion—Diane Cargile, president of the National Association of Elementary School Principals, had a different view.

Cargile pointed out that many schools have zero tolerance rules covering a variety of different behaviors. At her school in Terre Haute, Ind., for example, an incident like the one with Zachary would go to a committee with the discretion to determine the intent of the child.

The main point that Cargile made is that parents should, and can be, vital partners with schools in setting up important rules and policies. Principals and administrators want input from parents when rules are being discussed. It’s important for parents to know the policies and rules at school and become active and involved. Don’t wait until there’s a problem to show up at school, Cargile said. “We want parent involvement and that’s how schools are made,” Cargile said. “And then when you are surprised (about a rule), you know what to do to rectify the situation. You aren’t a stranger.”

But Kathy Cowan, director of marketing and communications for the National Association of School Psychologists and a parent of four, said the plain truth is that parents often don’t know the rules and policies at their school. “Parents these days are so busy and may be working two jobs,” she said. “I don’t think it’s because they don’t care, it’s because they are busy.”

Both Cowan and Cargile agreed, however, that parents probably have more power to affect rules and policies at their children’s schools than they realize.

Here’s how parents can flex their muscle at schools around the country, according to the pair:

•Know the rules at school. It takes some work, Cowan said, but that handbook that goes home at the beginning of the school year is worth reading and understanding.
•Make sure your child knows the rules. Once you’ve gone through the handbook, it’s time to sit down with your child and emphasize the rules you think are most important for him or her to keep in mind.
•If a rule seems unfair, contact your school. Whether the issue comes up after reading the school rules or after an incident like the one with Zachary and his camping tool, don’t hesitate to make your opinion known. “It can be difficult for some parents, may be busy or feel intimidated,” Cowan said. “But a really good school administration is open to conversations with parents.”
•The next step is the school’s parent teacher organization. The PTA should have a good working relationship with school officials. “One of the responsibilities of the PTA,” Cowan said,” is to fully understand what the laws are and the consequences.”
• Be prepared to go to your School Board. While changing school rules isn’t impossible, it usually takes a little pushing, Cowan said. Many of the rules started with the School Board, and parents are one of the main constituencies of school boards.
Cowan added that, in the opinion of the school psychologists association, zero-tolerance policies that don’t provide school officials with any discretion aren’t good for schools. Rules that keep kids safe are important, but rules should have clear standards for behaviors and reasonable consequences when the rules are not followed, Cowan said.

For example, a sexual harassment policy that punishes an innocent first-grader being silly on the playground in the exact same way that an 18-year is punished for more serious behavior is absolutely wrong.

“If the parent community doesn’t understand the consequences of zero tolerance and stand up to it, then zero tolerance will live forever,” Cowan predicted. “At its best, zero tolerance is a tool schools use to shield themselves from liability.”

Follow Education.com on Twitter @Education_com

Sue Scheff: Is your child overscheduled?

Source: Education.com

By Hannah Boyd

There was a time when concerns about overscheduling kids would have been laughable. That was before scheduled play dates and after-school classes came into the picture. Now, kids race from soccer games to Mandarin class to music practice, while frazzled parents follow along wondering what happened to free time. “If you have to schedule a child’s play dates more than a week or two ahead, that child is probably overscheduled,” says Jacqueline Golding, Ph.D, Adjunct Professor at the University of California, San Francisco.

“If kids have to stay up at night past a reasonable bedtime more than once in a great while in order to do their homework after their after-school activities…they’re definitely doing too much.” “Too much over-scheduling limits two very important developmental elements,” says Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D, a child psychologist and Founder of the Better Parenting Institute.

“One is unstructured play time…kids have very little time to interact with peers without it being orchestrated. They don’t have to make any decisions or navigate friendships on their own. The other crucial element is quiet time. Kids do not know how to spend down time and entertain themselves…they need time to create their own stimulation, and not have others be the suppliers.” Sounds reasonable, right? Unfortunately, we live in a competitive society, and many parents worry that their kids will fall behind if they don’t use every spare moment enhancing their resumes. While it’s true that college admissions have become increasingly competitive, it’s also true both that there are enough spots to go around and that more and more freshmen are showing up burned-out and overwhelmed. Free play helps children develop their imaginations and their independence, build friendships, and shake off stress.

These gifts don’t show up on college applications but they benefit kids their whole lives. “As a rule of thumb, children should only be involved in one sport and one other kind of activity at a time,” says Panaccione. Every child is different, though, so one kid’s invigorating schedule is another’s overscheduled nightmare. A lot depends on age and temperament. If your child becomes irritable, complains of frequent stomachaches or headaches, starts having nightmares, or regresses or withdraws emotionally, he or she might be feeling overscheduled. So take it down a notch! It will give both of you a break.

Sue Scheff: Inspiring Kids - Be an encouraging parent...

This past weekend I wrote about teens that inspire. The response was overwhelming. What I discovered was that there are also many kids that are not quite teens, yet they are full of inspiration and dedication to their causes. Here are only two of many! I will write another article soon about these amazing kids!

I have written about Kids are Heroes on another one of my Blogs, but it deserves to be recognized again. They are a growing group that continues to encourage and recognize kids all over the world. Did you know a 10 year old girl, Mary Margaret created this idea? Her encouraging father, Gabe, put it into action for her. The website is full of kids, parents, schools and others that are making a positive difference in lives today.
Don’t be shy, go ahead – nominate someone special today! Parenting a child in a positive direction builds self esteem and confidence, both emotionally and academically.

Another amazing kid is Jaylen Arnold! Only 8 years old and on a mission to STOP Bullying! His story is one of courage and strength. He is determined to stop childhood bullying, especially for kids with special needs as himself.
I also Blogged about him recently, but like Kids are Heroes, we need to keep the positive energy flowing and more parents and people need to take an awareness to what young people can accomplish!

Remember: Kids, tweens, teens – they are our future! Let’s keep driving them in a positive direction! All these kids, and others, are making a difference. Help support them – visit their websites and follow them on Twitter!

Follow Kids are Heroes @KidsareHeroes and on Facebook.

Follow Jaylen @JaysChallenge

Sue Scheff: How to help your ADHD child cope with the stigma

During my years as a parent of an ADHD child through Elementary and Middle School, I know firsthand the struggles that some of these kids can have. One of the hardest days was when my son was “labeled” as a shrimp by his peers, or worse when he had to go down to the nurses office for his noon medication. I am not quite sure parents realize just how difficult this is for young children.

As a Parent Advocate, I make it my job to find information and educational material for parents raising kids today.

In my networking, I was introduced to Kara Tamanini, Therapist and Author, specializing with ADD/ADHD children. She created a website with a wealth of information that is user friendly and easy to understand. I find many websites about ADD/ADHD are a bit over-overwhelming; however Kids Awareness Series has easy to understand articles and advice.

With Kara Tamanini’s permission, I am sharing her latest tips on how to help your child cope with an ADHD stigma as school is opening. Be an educated parent.

1.) As a parent, the first thing you need to do to reduce the stigma of ADHD, is to not make a big deal about it. Watch and control your reaction about the symptoms of ADHD when they rear their ugly head. You making a big deal about having ADHD or that they have to take medications or an alternative treatment (natural vitamins or therapy) will only increase the challenge that they are already fighting.

2.) Don’t tell your child not to tell anyone! This definitely sends the message that having ADHD is something to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

3.) If your child is embarrassed to take medications for ADHD at school then work with your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist on finding a way for your child to take medicines before or right after school. Many children and especially older children and teenagers are embarrassed in front of their friends no matter what you say to them about taking medication.

4.) Remind your child regularly that ADHD is merely a different way of thinking about things and that their brain works differently. Don’t treat ADHD as something awful, I have found that ADHD has many positive aspects and treat it as a gift. Do not treat your child differently because they have ADHD and expect less of them, they will act accordingly and will lower their own expectations of themselves.

5.) Determine as a parent whether or not you plan to share a diagnosis of ADHD with your child or teen’s school. Parents often differ in this regard on whether or not they want their child’s teacher and school to know of an ADHD diagnosis. I highly recommend to parents that they share their child’s diagnosis of ADHD with the school and discuss strategies that need to be implemented for your child in the classroom. Your teacher should also not lower his/her expectations for your child. Yes, the ADHD child may have to have a modified curriculum, but it does not mean that they cannot learn like everyone else.

6.) Talk openly with your child about an ADHD diagnosis in order to take away the stigma of the diagnosis. Boost their self-confidence and explain how those around them may perceive their ADHD behaviors. Unfortunately, many children at your child’s school will discriminate against a child that has ADHD and often because ADHD children struggle socially, they have difficulty making and keeping friends. Encourage your child to participate in activities that will raise their self-esteem and emphasize their positive attributes. When you see your child doing something good or helpful, point it out.

7.) Encourage your child to be around other children that have similar strengths and weaknesses. ADHD is a common problem and your child may benefit from attending a social skills or an ADHD group with children that are experiencing similar struggles. Psychological treatment is also another option, where your child can learn self-confidence, coping skills, social skills, and parents can learn about how to manage negative behaviors associated with ADHD.

8.) Children and parents need to surround themselves with individuals that are positive and supportive of ADHD. The last thing a child needs to hear is that, “ADHD is not a real diagnosis, it’s just an excuse to misbehave.” This a very common misconception among the general public and many parents will experience this very thing as will their children.

9.) Lastly, use the resources that are available to you. Discuss with other parents, teachers, family members, or a local or national support group about your child’s ADHD. Information for parents and educating those around you about what ADHD is and how it affects your child and adults is the best weapon against the stigma of ADHD. Get your child the help they need at school so that they are NOT discriminated against.

Let’s start off this school year the right way and give your child every opportunity to learn and be successful!

For more info: Kids Awareness Series, Understanding My ADHD.

Also on The Examiner.com

Sue Scheff: Texting and Driving (and Teens)

Source: Tangerine Times

Texting and driving is something that just won’t go away. I’ve already written about it several times. Sorry if it is getting to be an old topic for my reader. It bugs me when I’m driving to see people doing it and it concerns me A LOT about my teens and their driving. My daughter doesn’t have her license to drive by herself yet but I know the temptation to answer the text or the phone will be huge.

The Today Show recently featured a test of someone driving while texting.

They demonstrated that texting while driving is in fact more dangerous than driving DRUNK. Scary, huh? I see it every day. It’s adults too. In fact, they are the worst. I tell my kids not to text me when I’m driving (they know my driving schedule) but rather to make a phone call. I have hands-free and although I don’t usually initiate phone calls or want to have long phone calls while driving on the highway to pick my son up, I know there are times when my kids (or husband) do need to reach me. It’s much safer for me to talk to them over speaker-phone. How can I possibly answer a text while driving 70 mph on a freeway?? But, I see people do it every day.

There is NO text or phone call as important as staying ALIVE. There is a gadget (actually there are several on the market) available that can stop you from calling or texting while driving. I think trying to use this to monitor my teenagers won’t work. Maybe it will work for someone else’s family, in which case, go for it. But in my house, my kids would figure out a way to disable the Bluetooth receiver on their phone so that they wouldn’t have to deal with the problem. You need to consider the level of technical sophistication your teen has before buying a monitoring product.We can try to teach our teens self-control. They may listen. But, what about the adults driving around doing the same thing? Where is this going?? It’s crazy out there…

Follow Tangerine Times on Twitter at @BBerryMom

Sue Scheff: Girl Scouts of the USA and Microsoft Windows Launch Online Safety Campaign

Source: Press Release Today by Girl Scouts of the USA

NEW YORK, NY — 05/20/09 — Are you looking for new and innovative ideas that can help you get up to speed with online issues teens face every day? Maybe your teenager is looking for ways to get more involved with issues that pressure them online daily. If you answered “yes” you are certainly not alone. Girl Scouts of the USA and Microsoft Windows joined forces to create LMK (text speak for “let me know”) — an online safety resource where girls are the technology experts on subjects that are often best discussed at a teen-to-teen level, like cyberbullying, predators and social networking. This girl-led campaign allows girls to share their online concerns with peer “tech-perts” about the issues that affect them while raising awareness about how to keep girls (ages 13-17) safe while surfing the Web. In addition, parents have access to a site specifically geared to their needs, equipping them with the tools necessary to understand and act on the rapidly changing world of online safety.

For most teen girls today, being online is part of a daily routine. Shannon, a member of the LMK editorial team, notes: “Now we have a chance to teach our parents a thing or two about the real issues we face every day.”

The campaign includes an interactive Web site for girls, as well as an e-newsletter and Web site for adults. Each month, the all-girl editorial board explores a different internet safety topic online and then shares what they learned in the e-newsletter which is distributed to adults the following month. The e-newsletter and parent site are designed to provide timely guidance and also serve as a tool to help families have open and honest conversations about the dangers that lurk in cyberspace. In addition, the girls’ Web site features forums, articles, quizzes, polls and a Question & Answer column from internet safety expert Parry Aftab. The program is open to everyone, Girl Scouts and non-Girl Scouts alike, as well as any adult who wants to learn about internet safety.

While the full scope of online threats, such as cyberbullying, are difficult to measure, we do know that nearly one in six U.S. children grades six to 10 is a victim of online bullying each year, according to the National Council of Juvenile Court Judges. Bullying is not “just a phase,” nor is it behavior in which “kids will be kids.” The repercussions of cyberbullying can be so grave that 14 U.S. states have passed or are proposing laws to make it a crime.
With detailed advice and information about online safety issues written by teen girls, this partnership between the Girl Scouts of the USA and Microsoft Windows provides resources for both teens and parents.

For more information, please visit the Web site for girls at: http://lmk.girlscouts.org

Sue Scheff: Parents helping Parents

As with my organization, Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, I created it to help other parents that are struggling with today’s teens. After going through a difficult time with my own teenage daughter, I made some major mistakes, however I wanted others to learn from my mistakes: more important - gain from my knowledge. I firmly believe that parents helping parents and parents learning from other parents firsthand - can be priceless!

Rhonda Spellman is a proud mother of a beautiful son - who happens to have autism. She has made it her mission in life to share with other parents and expanded her information into wonderful children’s books.

Here are some of her parenting tips and please take a moment to visit her website.

Quick tips: 9 Keys of Parenting

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome benefit from an environment that helps to build upon their strengths and builds their confidence and self esteem. What interests them? Help them to gain greater knowledge about their areas of abilities and interest. This helps to build their confidence.

To help them develop their social skills it is a good idea to talk with them frequently, inquiring how they feel about certain situations. Vary their exposure to a wide range of experiences. Observe their reaction to each and talk about their feelings.

Was the trip at the park better than the trip to the mountains? Why? What made one better or worse than the other? Try to avoid large crowds, too much noise and too many sensory impulses at one time. People with Asperger’s Syndrome are simply unable to assimilate too many variables at one time and you are setting them up for a ‘meltdown.’

It helps a person with Asperger’s Syndrome to broaden their interests and topics of conversation. Try introducing something new and different, in small steps and in small time slots. For example, visit a new location that offers a perspective that may enhance an ability they already possess. Go to a new planetarium if astronomy is “their thing.” Different settings can help them to learn what is and what isn’t socially appropriate.

Keep in mind that it is a critical element to ensure that they are in a safe, supportive, and strength-based group setting. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome unfortunately tend to act out inappropriately and become targets for bullies.

Because children with Asperger’s Syndrome are already fearful or otherwise resistant to socially interact with others it is paramount to begin working on their social skills as early as possible. They already have difficulty communicating with others and are often excluded in their schools by their peers because they appear “different” or “weird.” Involving them in small group settings in a familiar environment not only exposes them to “accepted” behaviors but it also gives them a feeling of acceptance among their peers.

*At my house we often have as many as 11 extra neighborhood children playing in the backyard with my two boys. My almost eight-year-old son has Asperger’s Syndrome. My just turned six-year-old son does not. They both are involved with the play at times. Sometimes my older son is an observer… and that’s okay. Sometimes he prefers to just play in the sandbox or paint with sidewalk chalk. *He gets the chalk wet and “paints” wonderful pictures.

I make popsicles by the dozen and the children take turns passing them out. I am firm on fairness and each knows the unwritten rule that no one is ever left out. Yes, the extra children can be exhausting… yes, the extra children can make a mess… yes, making the popsicles takes some time and it costs me a few extra dollars… Can I afford the extra time and effort? The way I see it: The interaction for my son is therapy I can’t afford NOT to do!

A child with Asperger’s self esteem is greatly enhanced when they are given opportunities to participate with and / or help others. Allowing them to pitch in and help with chores and to have responsibilities is a great start. Making sure that they are recognized and rewarded is the second step. Watching them grow into happy, stable and productive people is the always the goal.
I learn from my very different boys every day. I aim to teach them to love and accept those differences, in each other and in all others, every day.

Sue Scheff: Teenage Depression

Source: Connect with Kids

“Just this gloom was like hanging over my head and I knew something wasn’t right but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was.”

– Amy, 16 years old

New research from Columbia University finds that nearly 50 percent of teens suffer from some form of depression, anxiety, or a number of other psychiatric disorders.

“A lot of people I know get depressed all the time about lots of stuff,” says 15-year-old Meagan.

“It’s like everything’s all on your shoulders and you have to take everything at once,” says Meredith, 14.

Sixteen-year-old Amy agrees, “Just this gloom was like hanging over my head and I knew something wasn’t right but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was.”

“My parents went through an awful divorce my ninth grade year and I was devastated, worse than my heart could ever imagine,” says 18-year-old Brittany, “and it hurts a lot, and I still hurt to this day and I’m a senior in H.S.”

The symptoms vary: some kids may be lethargic and withdrawn; others may show agitation and frustration, even aggression. Often, there is a drop in grades.

And sometimes these symptoms can cause parents to punish the child, instead of providing treatment.

“Rather than thinking of children’s misbehaviors as discipline problems or misbehaviors as deliberate,” says psychologist Sunaina Jain, Ph.D., “it’s important to see them as communications from the child.”

Experts say lots of kids experience depression or anxiety, often mild and temporary, but not always. And that’s why parents need to constantly check their child’s emotional pulse.

“You know it doesn’t take hours and hours. Even a few minutes of checking in with each other every day is a great way of saying you know I’m here, I’m interested in you,” says Jain.

Tips for Parents

All teens experience ups and downs. Every day poses a new test of their emotional stability – fighting with a friend, feeling peer pressure to “fit in” with a particular crowd or experiencing anxiety over a failed quiz – all of which can lead to normal feelings of sadness or grief. These feelings are usually brief and subside with time, unlike depression, which is more than feeling blue, sad or down in the dumps once in a while.

According to the Nemours Foundation, depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months or even longer. It also interferes with a person’s ability to participate in normal activities. Often, depression in teens is overlooked because parents and teachers feel that unhappiness or “moodiness” is typical in young people. They blame hormones or other factors for teens’ feelings of sadness or grief, which leaves many teens undiagnosed and untreated for their illness.

The Mayo Clinic reports that sometimes a stressful life event triggers depression. Other times, it seems to occur spontaneously, with no identifiable specific cause. However, certain risk factors may be associated with developing the disorder. Johns Hopkins University cites the following risk factors for becoming depressed:

Children under stress who have experienced loss or who suffer attention, learning or conduct disorders are more susceptible to depression.
Girls are more likely than boys to develop depression.
Youth, particularly younger children, who develop depression are likely to have a family history of the disorder.

Possible Symptoms:

Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells
Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns
Irritability, anger, worry, agitation or anxiety
Pessimism or indifference
Loss of energy or persistent lethargy
Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
Inability to concentrate and indecisiveness
Inability to take pleasure in former interests or social withdrawal
Unexplained aches and pains
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

It is important to acknowledge that teens may experiment with drugs or alcohol or become sexually promiscuous to avoid feelings of depression. According to the National Mental Health Association, teens may also express their depression through other hostile, aggressive, risk-taking behaviors. These behaviors will only lead to new problems, deeper levels of depression and destroyed relationships with friends and family, as well as difficulties with law enforcement or school officials.

The development of newer antidepressant medications and mood-stabilizing drugs in the last 20 years has revolutionized the treatment of depression. According to the Mayo Clinic, medication can relieve the symptoms of depression, and it has become the first line of treatment for most types of the disorder. Psychotherapy may also help teens cope with ongoing problems that trigger or contribute to their depression. A combination of medications and a brief course of psychotherapy are usually effective if a teen suffers from mild to moderate depression. For severely depressed teens, initial treatment usually includes medications. Once they improve, psychotherapy can be more effective.

Immediate treatment of your teen’s depression is crucial. Adolescents and children suffering from depression may turn to suicide if they do not receive proper treatment. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for Americans aged 10-24. The National Association of School Psychologists suggests looking for the following warning signs that may indicate your depressed teen if contemplating suicide:

Suicide notes: Notes or journal entries are a very real sign of danger and should be taken seriously.

Threats: Threats may be direct statements (“I want to die.” “I am going to kill myself”) or indirect comments (“The world would be better without me.” “Nobody will miss me anyway”). Among teens, indirect clues could be offered through joking or through comments in school assignments, particularly creative writing or artwork.

Previous attempts: If your child or teen has attempted suicide in the past, a greater likelihood that he or she will try again exists. Be very observant of any friends who have tried suicide before.

Depression (helplessness/hopelessness): When symptoms of depression include strong thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness, your teen is possibly at greater risk for suicide. Watch out for behaviors or comments that indicate your teen is feeling overwhelmed by sadness or pessimistic views of his or her future.

“Masked” depression: Sometimes risk-taking behaviors can include acts of aggression, gunplay and alcohol or substance abuse. While this behavior may not appear to be depression, in fact it may suggest that your teen is not concerned about his or her own safety.

Final arrangements: This behavior may take many forms. In adolescents, it might be giving away prized possessions, such as jewelry, clothing, journals or pictures.

Efforts to hurt himself or herself: Self-injury behaviors are warning signs for young children as well as teens. Common self-destructive behaviors include running into traffic; jumping from heights; and scratching, cutting or marking his or her body.

Changes in physical habits and appearance: Changes include inability to sleep or sleeping all the time, sudden weight gain or loss and lack of interest in appearance or hygiene.

Sudden changes in personality, friends or behaviors: Changes can include withdrawing from friends and family, skipping school or classes, loss of involvement in activities that were once important and avoiding friends.

Plan/method/access: A suicidal child or adolescent may show an increased interest in guns and other weapons, may seem to have increased access to guns, pills, etc., and/or may talk about or hint at a suicide plan. The greater the planning, the greater the potential for suicide.

Death and suicidal themes: These themes might appear in classroom drawings, work samples, journals or homework.

If you suspect suicide, it is important to contact a medical professional immediately. A counselor or psychologist can also help offer additional support.

References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
American Foundation for Suicidal Prevention
Columbia University
Johns Hopkins University
Mayo Clinic
National Association of School Psychologists
National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association
National Institute of Mental Health
National Mental Health Association
Nemours Foundation
Thomson-Reuters

Sue Scheff: Teens Skipping School

Truancy is a term used to describe any intentional unauthorized absence from compulsory schooling. Children in America today lose over five million days of their education each year through truancy. Often times they do this without the knowledge of their parents or school officials. In common usage the term typically refers to absences caused by students of their own free will, and usually does not refer to legitimate "excused" absences, such as ones related to a medical condition. It may also refer to students who attend school but do not go to classes. Because of this confusion many schools have their own definitions, and as such the exact meaning of the term itself will differ from school to school and district to district. In order to avoid or diminish confusion, many schools explicitly define the term and their particular usage thereof in the school's handbook of policies and procedures.

In many instances truancy is the term referring to an absence associated with the most brazen student irresponsibility and results in the greatest consequences.Many educators view truancy as something much more far reaching than the immediate consequence that missed schooling has on a student's education. Truancy may indicate more deeply embedded problems with the student, the education they are receiving, or both. Because of its traditional association with juvenile delinquency, truancy in some schools may result in an ineligibility to graduate or to receive credit for class attended, until the time lost to truancy is made up through a combination of detention, fines, or summer school. This can be especially troubling for a child, as failing school can lead to social impairment if the child is held back, economic impact if the child drops out or cannot continue his or her education, and emotional impact as the cycle of failure diminishes the adolescent's self-esteem.

Learn more - click here.

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Parents Everywhere!

I recently discovered a great website of podcasts to help educate parents on today’s kids - including teens, pre-teens and younger!

Take a peek at http://www.parentseverywhere.com/ - If you are a parent, I am sure there is topic that will interest you!

The Parents Everywhere Network is an incredible resource of experts who provide you with the parenting tools you need every week. Subscribe to our Podcasts for free and each show will be automatically downloaded to your computer where you can listen to each episode on your computer, or copy the files to your iPod or MP3 Player. You can also listen directly from our website, where ever you see the embedded player. The shows are free, convenient and only 20 minutes long. You can listen anytime, anywhere!

Love Our Children USA - Keeping Children Safe and Strengthening Families

Love Our Children USA™ is the national nonprofit leader in breaking the cycle of violence against children. The organization has become 'the Go-To' prevention organization for all forms of violence and neglect against children in the U.S.

Visit www.loveourchildrenusa.org

Parents Universal Resource Experts: Pot in the Summer by Connect with Kids

By Connect with Kids

“During the summer, I went out more. And during the school year, I was focused on my homework and stuff, and the summer was mostly just a time for me to relax and just chill out and go party.”

– Angelique, 18

For most teens, the summer brings sun, swimming and maybe some extra time spent on the skateboard. But for others, the season marks the time when they first try pot.

“Beginning of summer, first day of summer, in fact,” says Sarah, who’s 19.

“It was during the summer because then we could stay out later and a lot of other kids were out of school, too,” 18-year-old Angelique adds.

In fact, studies show 40 percent of teens who smoke marijuana first tried the drug during the summer.

“They have a lot of free time. A lot of kids are bored during the summer. They’ve got nothing to do. So the fact that a lot of kids are starting to get into things they shouldn’t and experiment isn’t surprising at all,” says addiction counselor Dr. Robert Margolis, who serves as executive director of Solutions Counseling in Atlanta.

Experts say for that reason, parents should keep their children busy during the summer break.

“I think they ought to ask themselves do they have any plan going into the summer for their kids. What are their kids going to do? Are they going to get a job? Are they going to maybe go study someplace … are they going to have something that’s structured to do?” Dr. Margolis says.

He says that regardless of their own personal experiences when they were young, parents should explain the dangers of marijuana, especially at the beginning of the summer.

“What parents need to understand is that this is a very harmful, addictive drug that ruins people’s lives. And they better be prepared with facts to discuss this with their kids,” Dr. Margolis says.

Talks with her parents, and her doctor, finally convinced Angelique to stop smoking marijuana.

“Like they’re more dangerous than cigarettes and all that stuff. I didn’t know that,” she says.

Tips for Parents

The summer months often bring more freedom to teens. But many of them abuse this freedom, as evidenced by data released by the National Household Survey on Drug Abuse that shows 40% of teens first try marijuana during the summer. In fact, about 5,800 teens try marijuana for the first time each day in June and July.

According to the C-D-Cs annual Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance report more than 38% of teens report having use marijuana in their life. Nearly 20% admitted to smoking pot within the past 30 days. 8% of kids tried marijuana prior to turning 13 years of age.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), the prevalence of drug use can, in part, be attributed to the overall perceptions and attitudes that drug use – particularly that of marijuana – is not harmful and is insignificant. Yet, those who choose to use this substance do risk developing serious health problems. The NIDA says that marijuana is responsible for the following physical effects in a user:

THC – the main chemical in marijuana – changes the way in which sensory information gets into and is acted on by particular systems in the brain. The system most affected is the limbic system, which is crucial for learning, memory and the integration of sensory experiences with emotions and motivations. Investigations have shown that THC suppresses neurons in the information-processing system of the brain.
A person who smokes marijuana regularly may have many of the same respiratory problems that tobacco smokers develop. The individual may have daily cough and phlegm, symptoms of chronic bronchitis and more frequent chest colds. Continuing to smoke marijuana can lead to abnormal functioning of lung tissue injured or destroyed by marijuana smoke.
Regardless of the THC content, the amount of tar inhaled by marijuana smokers and the level of carbon monoxide absorbed are three to five times greater than among tobacco smokers. This may be due to marijuana users inhaling more deeply and holding the smoke in the lungs.
In order for parents to help curb the growing problem of marijuana use among teens, they must first understand the dangers involved in using the drug. The National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign cautions parents to be aware of the following points about marijuana use:

Marijuana is the most widely used illicit drug among youth today.
More teens enter treatment for marijuana abuse each year than for all other illicit drugs combined.
Marijuana is addictive.
Marijuana use can lead to a host of significant health, social, learning and behavioral problems at a crucial time in a young person’s development.
Adolescent marijuana users show lower academic achievement compared to non-users.
Even short-term marijuana use has been linked to memory loss and difficulty with problem-solving.
Time and again, kids say that their parents are the single most important influence when it comes to using drugs.
As a parent, how can you determine if your teen is using marijuana? According to the NIDA, you should look for the following symptoms associated with marijuana use:

Appears dizzy and has trouble walking
Seems silly and giggly for no reason
Has very red or blood shot eyes
Has trouble remembering events that have just occurred
Although these symptoms will fade within a few hours of use, other significant behavioral changes – including withdrawl, depression, fatigue, carelessness with grooming, hostility and deteriorating relationships with family members and friends – may signal that your teen is in trouble. If your teen is using drugs, he or she may also experience changes in academic performance, have increased absenteeism, lose interest in sports or other favorite activities and develop different eating or sleeping habits.

Whether or not you suspect your child is using marijuana, it is crucial that you discuss the issue at an early age. The experts at DrugHelp suggest following these steps when discussing tough issues, like drug abuse, with your child:

Create a climate in which your child feels comfortable approaching you and expressing his or her feelings.
Don't shut off communication by responding judgmentally, saying, "You're wrong" or "That's bad."
Give your child an opportunity to talk.
Show your interest by asking appropriate questions.
Listen to what your child has to say before formulating a response.
Focus on what your child has to say, not on language or grammar.
Use probing questions to encourage a shy child to talk.
Identify areas of common experience and agreement.
Leave the door open for future conversations
References
DrugHelp
National Institute on Drug Abuse
National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Bullies in Cyberspace

By http://www.education.com/

Everyone remembers the school bully in their lives. Maybe they stole your bike, or bloodied your nose, or spread a nasty rumor that had you hiding out in the bathroom. Whatever they did, they made life miserable. But as bad as they were, you could identify them, predict their behavior and try to steer clear.

Unfortunately for your kids, that may no longer be the case. That’s because bullies can still be on the school grounds, but they can also be in cyberspace, lurking where no one can see them.

Cyberbullying is on the rise, and the bad guys are not always who you think. A bully can be a girl spreading rumors about a former friend, or a student trying to get revenge on a teacher who gave them a bad grade, or a group of kids playing a prank on an unsuspecting schoolmate. Cyberbullying is a complex beast. Often it starts with otherwise nice kids from nice families who go online to “have a little fun” at someone else’s expense. But it can get out of hand very quickly.

Bullies are resourceful. With all the high-tech tools out there, they can take their pick from cell phones, pagers, websites, blogs, chat rooms, IMs, or emails. They can go on a site and invite other people in to help bully their victim – by asking them to comment on their picture. They can create a webpage that looks like it belongs to the person being bullied, but is malicious. They can enter an email address and have their victim spammed with messages from websites they’ve never visited. They can put up embarrassing pictures, or even use a tool like Photoshop to adjust a picture and make it look different.

Read entire article here: http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Ed_Bullies_Cyberspace_2/

Sue Scheff: How to Hang with your Teen

By Shoulder to Shoulder

Ok, we know it may seem like an oxymoron: parents and teens having fun together? It has been known to happen. Whether its family activities, time just for you and your teen, special events and trips or just the every day activities around the house, find ways to create fun and connections with teens.



HERE ARE SOME IDEAS:

Read the same book and then talk about it.
Take a class together. Try dog obedience or cooking classes.
Go out for lunch to celebrate the beginning of the school year.
Celebrate half birthdays with a special family meal.
Share a subscription to a favorite teen magazine and talk about one article.
Cook a special meal together for someone who is ill.
Go to a music store and listen to their favorite CDs. Then have them listen to our music. (Ignore the groans.)
Take your teen to work with you.
Build something together.
Take a trip by car and visit places that were special to you when you were your teen’s age.
Go for a bike ride with one of their friends and the friend’s parent.
Have a favorite “breakfast diner” and eat there once a month.
Schedule your lunch hour during your teen’s lunch break - check them out of school and take your teen to lunch.
Ask your teen for suggestions.

Sue Scheff: Standing Up for Your Children's Educational Rights

By ADDitude Magazine

Learn your child’s educational rights to get him the support he needs in the classroom.

In an ideal world, teachers and school administrators would be as eager as parents to see that children with ADD get what they need to succeed in school. Unfortunately, teachers are pressed for time as never before, and school districts are strapped for cash. So it’s up to parents to make sure that their kids get the extra support they need.

“The federal government requires schools to provide special services to kids with ADD and other disabilities, but the school systems themselves bear much of the cost of these services,” says Susan Luger, director of The Children’s Advisory Group in New York City. “Though they’ll never admit it, this gives the schools an incentive to deny these services. The process of obtaining services has become much more legalistic over the past 10 years.”

Click here for the entire article.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Teen Eating Disorders

Teen Eating Disorders – Recognising Bulimia and Anorexia

Does Your Teenage Boy or Girl Show Weight Loss, Increased Body Hair, Acne?: How to Spot the Signs of an Eating Disorder

Is your teen losing weight, suffering from severe acne, hiding food, or fasting? Could it be Anorexia or Bulimia? Causes, symptoms and treament discussed.

Is your teen losing weight, suffering skin problems like severe acne, hiding food, binging, vomiting or fasting? He or she might have an eating disorder.

Anorexia nervosa and Bulimia are serious eating disorders that have severe health impacts, sometimes even causing death in teens as young as eleven or twelve.

Weight loss, over-excercising, teenage acne,counting calories, depression and disorted body image, binging or uncontrolled eating, vomiting, and hiding food. These are just some of the symptoms. There are many others.

Symptoms of Anorexia:

Weight loss-15% below the ideal weight for her age and height.
Being obsessive about counting calories and eating fat-free foods.
A fear of gaining weight.
Being cagey about eating habits.
Obsessive and compulsive or excessive exercising.
Abusing laxatives or diuretics.
Mood and emotional problems like depression or anxiety.
A severely distorted self and body image.
Loss of bone mass.
Absence of menstrual periods.
Low body temperature.
Death-from dehydration, heart failure or other causes.

The main symptom of Anorexia Nervosa is a marked fear of being fat and obssessions about being and becoming thin. This usually translates into intense and secretive efforts to avoid food. No matter how thin an anorexic girl or by becmes they will still see themselves as fat. Ultimately the person will starve themselves, and use excercise and laxatives to aid this process.

Unfortunately attempting to force an anorexic teen to eat will likely end in failure and might even make the problem worse. This is because the disorder isn’t really about food or weight. Some patients become obsessed with other health concerns like treating acne, hair care, or how they dress and behave.

Anorexia is more than just a desire to look good or be accepted. Teens with these diseases are looking for more than just a perfect body. Anorexia is a complex psychological disorder that is linked to severe depression and low self-esteem.

Symptoms of Bulimia:

Uncontrollable eating (binge eating).
Dieting, fasting and vomiting as weight control measures.
Visiting the bathroom often after eating –usually to purge.
Heartburn, indigestion or sore throat.
Being obssessive about body weight.
Mood changes and depression.
Hoarding or hiding food.
Dental changes such as loss of enamel, cavities and abrasions –due to frequent vomiting.
Dehydration and electrolyte loss.
Bowel, kidney and liver damage.
Irregular heartbeat and possible cardiac arrest.

Teens with bulimia eat very large amounts of food and then induce vomiting to remove the food from their bodies. They are not comfortable or happy with their self and body image.

Most appear to be of normal weight, which can make the disorder difficult to spot, but some are underweight or overweight. Some sufferers also abuse drugs and alcohol. Bear in mind that many obese people have binge eating disorder but this is not the same as Bulumia.

Who gets Anorexia and Bulimia?

Around 75% of girls are not happy about their weight or feel they are too fat. Anorexia occurs only in 1% of girls worldwide. Do bear in mind that while eating disorders are more common in girls they also affect teen boys.

About 90% of sufferers are girls between 12 and 25 (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill). Fewer than 10% are boys or men. It is more prevalent in groups that value slim physiques such as athletes, dancers or models. As already mentioned eating disorders may be masked in seeking treatment for acne, skin problems, tooth decay etc. just as an adult might.

What causes eating disorders?

It is not known exactly why one person will develop an eating disorder and another won’t. In two thirds of cases dieting can trigger the disease, but this is not the only important trigger mechanism. Most girls and boys with eating disorders have low self and body image or co-existing emotional disorders like anxiety and depression.

How dangerous are eating disorders?

The effects of both Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia can be very damaging to the general health. They can even cause death. Diuretics (water pills), laxatives, and weight loss pills can be very damaging to the body’s organs. Syrup of ipecac is often used to induce vomiting and is also deadly if used in excess. Very low body weight on its own offers some life-threatening complications.

Some effects are minor such as skin, hair problems and back acne, for which treatment might be sought. Most teenagers do not need any type of diet, except a healthy one. If your teen is overweight good eating habits and exercise is usually all that is needed to bring the problem under control.

The body mass index (BMI) of a teen is more important than calorie and pound counting. A body mass index below the 5th percentile for the child’s age and sex can be considered underweight. Consult BMI tables for more information.

How to help your teen cope with an eating disorder:

Teens can be helped to avoid falling prey to unhealthy obsessions with food or weight by learning early on to associate healthy eating with good health and self-love. Avoid excessive focus on weight within the family and place the emphasis on lifestyle changes not dieting.

If you suspect that your teen has an eating disorder, use "I” statements and make sure he or she understands that you are concerned not judging. It is important to LISTEN. The average teen finds it hard to share emotions, and these teens are especially blocked or sensitive.

In Anorexia nervosa it is very important that some weight is regained as soon as possible so this should be an important goal of treatment. To do this, teens will need to overcome fears and perceptions in a therapeutic setting. In most cases any eating disorder is best dealt with at a clinic or facility especially tailored for this.

Concerned parents can call the National Eating Disorders Association’s Toll-Free Information and Referral HelpLine at 1-800-931-2237.

If you uncover that your child does have an eating disorder he or she needs to be evaluated as soon as possible. Eating disorders need to be properly diagnosed by medical and psychiatric professionals. They always need medical attention.

The National Institute of Mental Health has an online brochure on eating disorders that discusses current research.

Eating Disorders will also provide parents with information. Teens should read: Eating Disorders: Facts for Teens.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Behavior Therapy for Children with ADHD

By ADDitude Magazine

Seven parenting strategies guaranteed to improve the behavior of your child with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD).

The fundamentals of behavior therapy are easy to understand and implement, even without the help of a therapist. Have you ever given your child a time-out for talking back — or a “heads-up” before taking him someplace that is likely to challenge his self-control? Then you already have a sense of how behavior therapy works.

“A lot of behavior modification is just common-sense parenting,” says William Pelham, Jr., Ph.D., director of the Center for Children and Families at the State University of New York at Buffalo. “The problem is that none of us were trained how to be good parents, and none of us expected to have children who needed parents with great parenting skills and patience.”

The basic idea is to set specific rules governing your child’s behavior (nothing vague or too broad), and to enforce your rules consistently, with positive consequences for following them and negative consequences for infractions. Dr. Pelham suggests these seven strategies:1. Make sure your child understands the rules.

Telling a child to “do this” or to “avoid doing that” is not enough. To ensure that your child knows the rules cold, create lists and post them around the house. For example, you might draw up a list detailing the specific things your child must do to get ready for school.Make sure the rules are worded clearly. Go over the rules to make sure he understands, and review them as necessary. Stick with the routines until your child has them down.

Click here for more: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1563.html

Sue Scheff: Should Your Teen Get a Summer Job?

By Education.com www.education.com

Last summer your teenager lazed around the pool complaining he was bored. This summer, though, he's old enough to get a job. So should you send him to the nearest fast-food place to make him earn his keep? Before uttering an unequivocal and enthusiastic "yes!" take a little time to sit down with your teen and discuss the long-term effects of how he chooses to spend his summer.

There are certainly benefits to your teen getting a summer job. When she's bringing home some money, she can start paying some of her own expenses. She'll be occupied, less likely to get into trouble and won't be complaining that she's bored. But did you know that getting a job, even as early as the summer after her freshman year, can make her more attractive to colleges, too?

"Colleges want students to use their free time wisely and well," states Lisa Sohmer, a member of the National Association for College Admission Counseling's Board of Directors. "Students can have summer jobs to earn money, but they can earn –and learn – other things as well, such as maturity and responsibility." That sense of responsibility may catch a college's attention, but the type of work a student does will keep it. According to Elizabeth Wissner-Gross, author of What High Schools Don't Tell You: 300+ Secrets to Make Your Kid Irresistible to Colleges by Senior Year, it's not enough to get a job at the local pizza place."Ideally," she says, "the student's work experience should help further the student's interests and academic passions." In other words, the teen who aspires to be a doctor should be working in a hospital or research facility this summer instead of flipping burgers.
Click here for entire article: http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Teen_Summer_Job/