Teens Surfing Online: Do you know who they are chatting with?

When safety trumps privacy..... being a parent always takes priority... friendship will come later....

"Your teen comes home from school and goes up to her bedroom, closes the door and goes online." - ScreenRetriever


As a parent of a teenager in today's digital society it can be difficult to keep up with the ever changing Internet.  It can be more challenging to keep your lines of communication open with your teen to insure their safety both online and off, however it is a priority for parents.

Stats parents should know:

• More than 500,000 predators are online everyday
• Kids 12 to 15 are susceptible to being groomed and manipulated by offenders online
• FBI stats show that more than 50% of victims of online sexual exploitation are 12-15 years old
• 89 % of all sexual advances towards our children take place in internet chat rooms and through instant messaging
• In (27%) of exploitation incidents, predators asked kids for sexual photographs of themselves.
• 4% of kids get “aggressive” sexual solicitations that included attempts to contact the kids offline

As an added tool for assistant and protection for your teens and children, parents may want to consider ScreenRetriever.  (Watch the video).

ScreenRetriever gives you peace of mind.  Screen Retriever is the only supervising software that follows the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics.  Sign up today for your free 2-week trial period.  No credit card is required for this trial period.

Need help installing it?  Yoursphere for Parents is a click away with user friendly instructions!
You can join ScreenRetriever on Facebook and follow them on Twitter.

Join me on Facebook  and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today's teenagers.

Tough love is not an option: It is a choice to get your teen help!

Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, Tough love or "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit. Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse.  Tough love is exactly that: Tough.  Loving our children is unconditional, but we don't have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.

There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough! This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups (if you can find them and if you believe in their philosophy), along with professional intervention. This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it. 

Many times tough love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene.  If you see that Tough love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). 

Quality Residential placements work with the entire family. Once the child is safely removed from the family, everyone is able to concentrate on the issues calmly and rationally. Tough love can mean finding the most appropriate setting outside of the home for your child.

While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems. With time and distance, the healing starts to occur. Tough love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in many families, very necessary and very rewarding.  

Tough love if used correctly can be helpful.  However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing.  Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems.  Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do.  

Don't be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.

Learn more about quality residential therapy at www.helpyourteens.com. 

As far as Tough Love Support Groups, I am not familiar with any groups that are still operating today.  Years ago it there an organization by that name, however I understand they disbanded. Personally I was never a fan of them - since I know that many parents could never just abandon a child.  I understand the concept - and I do know that loving our child to death is not an option, but there are choices out there, and residential therapy is one of them.  If your child is a young adult, it is a different scenario and again, there are ways to handle it.

Sue Scheff: Ten Common Myths About Eating Disorders

During this time of year when eating and food seems to be more abundant, especially those sweets, as parents we need to be aware of our kids and teens and their eating habits. Eating Disorders can be common in many teens that are trying to fit into a clique or other emotional reason.

Carolyn Friedman, is working on her Masters and recently wrote an excellent article on “10 Common Myths Eating Disorders.” She asked me to share it with my readers. Take the time to read and learn more. You never know when you may need this knowledge. A short time ago, she also gave us the “10 Common Myths About Suicide.”

10 Common Myths About Eating Disorders

By Carolyn Friedman

Like many mental illnesses and conditions, eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa come prepackaged with a disconcerting number of misconceptions. Allowing these unfounded stereotypes to continuously creep through the public’s consciousness is a dangerous game with potentially lethal consequences. General confusion and ignorance regarding eating disorders further isolates and shames sufferers who already feel misunderstood, escalating their anxiety levels and increasing the risk of serious injury. These myths also prevent possible treatment for those who may have an eating disorder, but believe that their exclusion from one or more of the myths means they do not. Only by working tirelessly to dispel them can the eating disordered begin traveling down a relatively more positive road to recovery.

1. The media is to blame. : One of the most pervasive myths regarding eating disorders involves pointing fingers at movies, television shows, and magazines touting thinness (or, for men, lean and/or muscular as the only attractive body shape. With so many of the female eating disordered considering emaciated actresses, dancers, and models as “thinspiration,” it is easy to see how this misconception came into existence. However, anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders are far more complex and complicated than merely a construct of warped societal perceptions of attractiveness. While bombardment of supposedly glamorous waifs and taut bodybuilders negatively impacts the severity of eating disorders, in no way can it be considered the root cause, either. At their core, anorexia, bulimia, and their kin are mental illnesses related to brutal levels of anxiety and depression, which manifest themselves in erratic eating patterns and, in the most extreme cases, starvation. Psychologists and scientists are still trying to unlock any potential biological or behavioral origins that would better explain the nuances of eating disorders, but blame does not exclusively lay with the media. It does not help, but it also does not initiate.

2. Only women have eating disorders. : An estimated 5-15% of anorexia and bulimia cases are actually male, as are up to 35% of the binge eating disordered. While the staggering majority of sufferers are statistically female, the illnesses are not their exclusive domain by any means. Both men and women struggling with an eating disorder tend to display a distorted body image, though the former focuses more on musculature while the latter tends to zero in on becoming thinner. This myth is especially disconcerting, since stereotyping eating disorders as absolutely female prevents men and boys with the diseases from receiving a proper diagnosis and treatment. Even though the psychological profiles of male and female eating disordered carry the exact same behavioral, social, physical, and emotional symptoms, males who feel they may be suffering from anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorder may end up denying themselves necessary medical care if they believe that only women can be diagnosed as such.

3. Only upper-class Caucasians have eating disorders. : Eating disorders do not discriminate based on race or socioeconomic bracket any more than they do on gender. Psychologists have diagnosed eating disorders on all continents, with the obvious exception of Antarctica, and at every income level. The University of California at Santa Barbara reports mostly equal instances of eating disorders amongst its Asian, Caucasian, and Hispanic students. Like the myth that only women can be diagnosed with an eating disorder, the opinion that they also occur exclusively amongst Caucasians with upper-class backgrounds carries with it some bothersome implications. By adhering to the myth, sufferers of a comparatively lower socioeconomic bracket and/or different ethnicity may potentially reject the idea of seeking professional help altogether. Likewise, they also run the risk of ending up with a misdiagnosis and improper treatment.

4. The eating disordered are easy to spot because they are so thin. : Those suffering from an eating disorder cannot be spotted in a crowd any more than those with clinical depression, anxiety issues, and other common mental illnesses. The disease does not seek out specific body types any more than it does anything else. Many individuals are genetically predisposed to sport a skinny frame, and their appearance does not inherently indicate the presence of an eating disorder. Nor does someone with a comparatively larger frame clearly represent the absence of one. Women and men of all shapes and sizes can fall victim to eating disorders if they fit the psychological profile – there are absolutely no physical signs or symptoms associated with this mental illness. Disturbing images of skeletal bodies ravaged by anorexia or bulimia come only from the most extreme and prolonged cases. They serve as a sign of what the eating disordered can eventually become without attentive, supportive, and healthy medical and psychological treatment, but they are not to be considered illustrative of the majority of sufferers.

5. The eating disordered don’t eat. : If voluntary starvation was indicative of an eating disorder, many individuals with religious or sociopolitical reasons for abstaining from food who don’t otherwise display any signs of psychologically struggling with one would incur an incorrect diagnosis. The truth is, most eating disordered do actually eat as a means of veiling their illness from potentially concerned family and friends. Some choose to create a feeling of fullness by eating calorie–neutral foods such as celery, though some very rare and extreme cases have gone so far as to actually eat cotton balls. Others eat, but purge the contents of their digestive tract by inducing vomiting or taking laxatives later on. One of the most common eating disorders, eating disorder not otherwise specified, or EDNOS, is characterized by obsessively calculating and analyzing food intake. Binge eating disorder involves an almost uncontrollable compulsion to consume food, but without purging afterwards. Only the most severe, often un- or insufficiently treated, instances resort to outright starvation, but given their sensationalist nature they receive the brunt of the attention. This serves only to perpetuate the myth and drive it further into the public’s consciousness – family and friends worried that a loved one may be suffering from an eating disorder could potentially dismiss the idea once the individual in question eats in front of them.

6. Having an eating disorder is a lifestyle choice. : As with all mental illnesses, those suffering from an eating disorder do not elect to live life shackled with the associated stresses. Factors such as poor self-esteem, poor impulse control, depression, and anxiety all play a part in diagnosing an individual with an eating disorder. The label of “lifestyle choice” implies some level of control, as if the sufferer can phase in and out of their symptoms voluntarily. Adhering to a healthy diet and exercise regimen are both lifestyle choices, but when they are carried out to excessive, compulsive extremes they cease to be considered as such and instead end up as indicators of something far more serious. This lack of control and overall sense of being trapped separates the eating disordered from those simply desiring to lose weight for health reasons. Eating disordered individuals display a complex network of emotional, mental, and physical issues that completely negate any perceptions that they have simply made the choice to hurt themselves.

7. Nobody dies from an eating disorder. : If left untreated or undiagnosed, an eating disorder is one of the few common mental illnesses that can actually kill the host. As a result of unhealthy and inadequate eating habits, sufferers can fall victim to permanent liver, heart, brain, and kidney damage. Inefficient and injured organs potentially lead to a coma, even death. 5-10% of anorexics die within the first ten years of diagnosis, 18-20% after twenty, and 20% will eventually die due to physical complications or suicide. Because of prevailing stigmas and misconceptions, only one in ten eating disordered individuals are estimated to enter into a treatment plan. By driving stakes into these horrifying myths, the psychological community and active, concerned members of society can hopefully save many more lives from ending as a result of a treatable medical condition.

8. The eating disordered only care about looking pretty. : One of the nastiest, most degrading stigmas associated with eating disorders involves taunts and callous dismissals of its victims as shallow, petty bubbleheads concerned only with the pursuit of the insanely specific and unrealistic Hollywood ideal of what constitutes beauty. This blasts a giant and entirely unnecessary rift between the eating disordered and mainstream society, furthering miring them in misunderstood isolation and precluding attempts to seek solace and treatment before it becomes too late. Faced with adversity and scorn from external sources, many choose to simply soldier forth and accept their cruel, anxious fate, believing that even extensive psychotherapy cannot cure them. At their very core, eating disorders are not inherently about food or appearance or beauty. They are about depression, poor self-esteem and self-image, and anxiety. While media blitzes of PhotoShopped celebrities do, in fact, actively help reinforce the issue, they also do not stand as the primary reason why men and women alike succumb to eating disorders.

9. Eating disorders are not illnesses. : The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition, Text Revision officially recognizes four eating disorders – anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, rumination syndrome, and EDNOS. Many professionals in the psychological community also recognize binge eating disorders, which are under consideration for inclusion in future publications of the DSM. Because of their inclusion in a an official diagnostic manual used by the psychological and medical communities, eating disorders ought to be regarded as serious illnesses and handled as such.

10. An individual cannot have more than one eating disorder. : A logical assumption, but it is actually incorrect. Because anorexia, bulimia, EDNOS, and rumination syndrome all share common symptoms and underlying issues, some sufferers have been known to drift from one to another in order to try and satiate the depression and anxiety. It is not uncommon for a bulimic to quit a system of binging and purging and resort to eating inadequately, and the same is true in reverse. Professionals as well as concerned family and friends must pay close attention in order to detect subtle shifts in behavior that may signify the presence of multiple eating disorders.

By making an earnest effort to promote an awareness and understanding of eating disorders, millions of lives all over the world can be improved, if not outright saved. Unfortunately, numerous presumptions, misconceptions, and absolute lies prevent many men and women from realizing they suffer from an eating disorder, therefore precluding them from seeking the therapy that could very well mean the difference between life and death. Spreading the truth and destroying these dangerous falsehoods stands as the best method of preventing the suffering of more individuals who do not realize that they are not beyond health, happiness, and hope.

Sue Scheff: Does your teen cheat? Do they lie?

Do kids and teens cheat and lie? Does this carry into their adulthood? Check out this excellent article and parenting tips you should take the time to read and discuss with your kids.

The latest survey from the Josephson Institute on Ethics finds that kids who cheat in high school are more likely to continue cheating and lying through life: to their spouse, their boss, their clients. What can parents do to stop the deceit?

Source: Connect with Kids

Kids Cheat and Lie

“If you try one big lie, you’re going to keep doing it, over and over.”

– Crystal, 13 years old

“If you try one big lie, you’re going to keep doing it, over and over.”
-Crystal, 13 years old

The latest survey from the Josephson Institute on Ethics finds that kids who cheat in high school are more likely to continue cheating and lying through life: to their spouse, their boss, their clients. What can parents do to stop the deceit?

Talk to any group of kids, and it’s easy to find someone who has told a lie, or cheated. “Almost everybody has,” says 14-year-old Kachun.

According to the Josephson Institute on Ethics, 64 percent of high schoolers admitted to cheating on an exam last year.

“[A friend] showed me her report card, it had a lot of D’s and C’s and no A’s and she took a pencil and erased her grades!” exclaims 13-year-old Crystal.

And 42 percent of teens have told a lie to save money. “As far as telling the truth all the time I don’t think that can be done by anybody,” says Ross, 16.

“Societal standards are becoming lax and it’s up to parents to counteract that,” explains child psychologist Dr. Spencer Gelernter.

He says parents have to set firm standards of right and wrong. And often, for parents, that means telling the truth about a time when you may have told a lie. “It’s perfectly acceptable to tell your child you messed up when you were a child and that you made some mistakes. And that you want your child to do better than you did,” says Gelernter.

And even kids who do lie or cheat can learn not to, especially if they understand the consequences.

“If you try one big lie you’re gonna keep doing it over and over, it’s like –addicted!—and you will keep lying more,” says Crystal.

A recent edition of the “Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth,” a comprehensive national survey on the ethics of young people administered by The Josephson Institute of Ethics showed the following concerning high school students:

Nearly two-thirds (71 percent) admit they cheated on an exam at least once in the past 12 months (45 percent said they did so two or more times)

Almost all (92 percent) lied to their parents in the past 12 months (79 percent said they did so two or more times)

Over two-thirds (78 percent) lied to a teacher (58 percent two or more times)

Over one-quarter (27 percent) said they would lie to get a job

Forty percent of males and 30 percent of females say they stole something from a store in the past 12 months

These statistics seem to be indicative of a drift away from the morals and values that parents traditionally associate with society in the United States. In the press release accompanying the preliminary result of the survey, Michael Josephson, founder and president of the Josephson Institute of Ethics and CHARACTER COUNTS!, called on politicians to recognize the vital importance of dealing with “shocking levels of moral illiteracy” as part of any educational reform package. Saying the survey data reveals “a hole in the moral ozone,” Josephson added: “Being sure children can read is certainly essential, but it is no less important that we deal with the alarming rate of cheating, lying and violence that threatens the very fabric of our society.”


Tips for Parents
When discussing issues of morality and values, how can a parent illustrate what it means to be a person of character? The Center for the 4th and 5th R’s provides the following examples of characteristics of an individual with a positive character. For example, a person of character …

Is trustworthy:

Honesty – Tell the truth. Be sincere. Don’t deceive, mislead or be devious or tricky. Don’t betray a trust. Don’t withhold important information in relationships of trust. Don’t steal. Don’t cheat.
Integrity – Stand up for your beliefs about right and wrong. Be your best self. Resist social pressures to do things you think are wrong. Walk your talk. Show commitment, courage and self-discipline.
Promise-keeping – Keep your word. Honor your commitments. Pay your debts. Return what you borrow.
Loyalty – Stand by, support, and protect your family, friends, employers, community and country. Don’t talk behind people’s backs, spread rumors, or engage in harmful gossip. Don’t violate other ethical principles to keep or win a friendship or gain approval. Don’t ask a friend to do something wrong.
Treats all people with respect:

Respect – Be courteous and polite. Judge all people on their merits. Be tolerant, appreciative and accepting of individual differences. Don’t abuse, demean or mistreat anyone. Don’t use, manipulate, exploit or take advantage of others. Respect the right of individuals to make decisions about their own lives.
Acts responsibly:

Accountability – Think before you act. Consider the possible consequences on all people affected by actions. Think for the long-term. Be reliable. Be accountable. Accept responsibility for the consequences of your choices. Don’t make excuses. Don’t blame others for your mistakes or take credit for others’ achievements. Set a good example for those who look up to you.
Pursue excellence – Do your best with what you have. Keep trying. Don’t quit or give up easily. Be diligent and industrious.
Self-control – Exercise self-control. Be disciplined.
Is fair and just:

Fairness – Treat all people fairly. Be open-minded. Listen to others and try to understand what they are saying and feeling. Make decisions which affect others only on appropriate considerations. Don’t take unfair advantage of others’ mistakes. Don’t take more than your fair share.
Is caring:

Caring and kindness – Show you care about others through kindness, caring, sharing and compassion. Live by the Golden Rule. Help others. Don’t be selfish. Don’t be mean, cruel or insensitive to other’s feelings. Be charitable.
Is a good citizen:

Citizenship – Play by the rules. Obey laws. Do your share. Respect authority. Stay informed. Vote. Protect your neighbors and community. Pay your taxes. Be charitable and altruistic. Help your community or school by volunteering service. Protect the environment. Conserve natural resources.

According to experts at CHARACTER COUNTS!, character building is most effective when you regularly see and seize opportunities to …

Strengthen awareness of moral obligations and the moral significance of choices (ethical consciousness).

Enhance the desire to do the right thing (ethical commitment).
Improve the ability to foresee potential consequences, devise options and implement principled choices (ethical competency).
When trying to instill morals and values to your child, experts at CHARACTER COUNTS! say it is important to …

Be consistent – The moral messages you send must be clear, consistent and repetitive. Children will judge your values not by what you say but by what you do and what you permit them to do. They will judge you not by your best moments but by your last worst act. Thus, everything you say and do, and all that you allow to be said and done in your presence, either reinforces or undermines the credibility of your messages about the importance of good character. Over and over, use the specific language of the core virtues – trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship – and be as firm and consistent as you can be about teaching, advocating, modeling and enforcing these “Six Pillars of Character.” When you are tired, rushed or under pressure you are most tempted to rationalize. It may help to remember that the most powerful and lasting lessons about character are taught by making tough choices when the cost of doing the right thing is high.

Be concrete – Messages about good attitudes, character traits and conduct should be explicit, direct and specific. Building character and teaching ethics is not an academic undertaking; it must be relevant to the lives and experiences of your children. Talk about character and choices in situations that your children have been in. Comment on and discuss things their friends and teachers have done in terms of the “Six Pillars of Character.”

Be creative – Effective character development should be creative. It should be active and involve the child in real decision-making that has real consequences (such as teaching responsibility through allocating money from an allowance or taking care of a pet). Games and role-playing are also effective. Look for “teaching moments,” using good and bad examples from television, movies and the news.

References
The Josephson Institute of Ethics
CHARACTER COUNTS!
Center for the 4th and 5th R’s
“Turn It In” Plagiarism Prevention Program
National Education Association

Sue Scheff: Driving Tips That May Save Your Teen’s Life Over the Holidays

After just finishing a 10-part series inside Dr. Michele Borba’s BIG Book of Parenting Solutions, I can officially say it is one of the most comprehensive parenting books I have ever reviewed and fortunately own. My daughter (a mother herself) will be receiving a copy under the tree this holiday season! I cannot express enough what a magnificient gift this is for anyone that works with children, moms-to-be, daycare providers, coaches and more.

This week Michele Borba posted a timely Blog as many are traveling and I especially think of our kids/teens traveling home from school for the holidays. Take the time to be an educated parent and learn how to prepare yourself and your teen before they get behind the wheel!
Happy Thanksgiving and make it a safe one!

By Michele Borba

REALITY CHECK: Nearly 10,000 youths have died as passengers in car crashes. Of those crashes, 54% were riding with a teen driver. Car crashes are the leading cause of death for tweens and teens.

Michele Borba: Driving Tips That May Save Your Teen’s Life Over the Holidays
This week yet there were more sobering headlines in our local papers: two more horrific car crashes involved teens from our local high schools. Both crashes happened within a few days of one another. Three teens lives were cut short. Others are in critical condition. And once again I shutter, and then I cry.

I’ve had five close friends over the last ten years lose their beautiful teen sons in driving fatalities. All were the most loving of parents, all the boys were wonderful, glorious, and good, and each parent would have read this prior to the worst day of their life, and said, “Not my kid.”
But the stark reality is such a tragedy could happen to your child. So please read this carefully and take this very seriously — especially as these holiday approach and teens have more driving time. Knowing the risks just may save your child or their friend.

Here are study highlights found by Dr. Flaura Koplin Winston from The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia revealing the most dangerous driving circumstances for youth:

Driving with inexperienced (less than a year driver) on high-speed roads (more than three-quarters of the fatal crashes occurred on roads with speed limits higher than 45 mph)
Driving without a seatbelt: nearly two-thirds of youth passengers were not wearing seat belts
Driving with a male teen driver who had been drinking and on weekends: 72% of crashes happened between 6 am to 10 pm.

Here are a few essential Dos and Don’ts parenting solutions based on research findings that just may keep your teen safer. I know some of these are “easier said than done,” but that’s where talking, talking and talking to your teen over and over and over come in — as well as monitoring, monitoring, and more monitoring.

Do NOT let your teen drive with a teen with less than a year’s driving experience. The risk is too great. I know this is going to be inconvenient. But please review those research studies carefully. Please!

Do NOT let your inexperienced teen drive over 40 mph. This one is tough to uphold but monitor. There are new devices that parents are installing in their cars so they can watch their teen’s driving habits.

Do NOT let your child get into a car without wearing a seat belt. Make sure you mandate wearing them in your own car. And talk, talk, talk about the life-saving feature of wearing those belts.

DO NOT let your kid use that darn cell phone when driving. Figure out a way that he doesn’t have to go switching channels on his Ipod when driving.

DO teach your teen how to bulk peer pressure. A study by the Boys and Girls Clubs of America of over 46,000 teens revealed that peer pressure is one of the biggest issues they face and that “Just say no stuff”does not work. Teens want you to teach them specific things they can do and say to counter that peer pressure.

DO give your teen (and each of his friends) a card with phone numbers of taxicab services to call. Put emergency cab fare money (like fifty dollars) in a drawer and tell your teen it is “Just in case you ever need a taxi cab.”Make sure your kid has a safe way home in case of drinking or sleep deprivation. Driving home late and sleepy killed two of my friends’ sons. They were not drinking.

DO tell your teen that if he ever abuses your car rules those keys will be removed. One of my girlfriend’s sons lost the car privilege for a year (and learned his lesson); another hid her son’s car in another friend’s garage to ensure her child could access it. Yes MOM!!!

DO have your teen sign a contract specifying that passengers must wear seat belts, which roads he may drive on, speed limits he must adhere to and of course never drink. Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD – and founded as Students Against Driving Drunk) is an organization you may want to connect with. If also provides a free online contract you can download.

DO get on board with other parents. Introduce yourself. Exchange phone numbers. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) is a great organization that mobilizes parents.

DO set up a secret code in your family. In our house if one of my sons ever called any time and said, “Mom, I think I’m getting the flu” it was my signal to drop everything and go pick up my child. It meant he was in a tough situation and needed a “rescue.” Turns out he was at a party that was supposed to be supervised by parents who decided to be “cool” and supply kegs while they left the kids. Those parents should have been arrested, but I was so glad we had that secret code. I also have a pack with my girlfriend that if she’s not available I will pick up her kids, and she mine.

We’ve only had to do so once and we still are so grateful we had that pact. Also set up a secret text code such as 111 or 333–something so simple and memorable that your child could instantly text you that code and you would know to drive and pick up your teen, ASAP.

DO carefully think through if your teen really is ready to drive at age sixteen. Every study shows that most kids that age are not mature enough to get behind that wheel. Remember this isn’t about your convenience, but your child’s life.

Keep your teen safe! Please! This is life and death stuff. Nothing is more precious than our children. Please pass this information on to another parent. Let’s save our kids together!

For more information and specific tips on how to reduce risky behaviors refer to The Book of Book of Parenting Solutions especially the chapters on drinking, steroids, peer pressure and sex. Research shows that while there is no silver bullet that protects our kids, moms and dads who are “hands-on” in their parenting approach (adhere to a curfew, know their kids friends, voice their concerns about drinking and drugs, monitor their teens’ comings and goings and are not afraid to SAY NO) greatly reduce their teens’ risky behaviors. When it comes to drinking and driving, please tune up your “hands-on parenting.” This is a matter of life and death.

Sue Scheff: Sue Scheff: Outrageous School Policies: What Parents Can Do

Has “zero tolerance” gone too far? I hear from parents regularly and I must admit, although I completely understand safety of our children is always a priority, some of the suspensions or incidents that land immature young students in alternative school situations, can be troubling – debatable at least. I believe each incident should be reviewed individually, however at the same time we do need policies in effect. This is another time parents need to be involved. Be an educated parent, you could save your child from being placed in a not so good situation.

Source: Education.com

Outrageous School Policies: What Parents Can Do

By Bob Ross

There was a lesson to be learned recently in the case of Zachary Christie, a 6-year-old first-grader in Delaware who earlier this month brought a camping utensil along with his lunch. The tool included a folding fork and knife—the reason Zachary took it out during lunch time at Downes Elementary School in Newark last month.

Unfortunately for Zachary, that favorite camping utensil also included a folded knife. That automatically made it a “dangerous instrument” under his school district’s rule, which in this case had zero tolerance for any dangerous instruments brought into school.

So Zachary was sentenced to 45 days in the district’s alternative school, a punishment that drew outrage from parents and lawmakers alike. A few days later, the school board allowed Zachary to return to school and amended the policy to include only a 3- to 5-day suspension for kids caught with dangerous instruments, if they are in kindergarten or first grade.

The incident raises questions about what parents should do if they encounter a school rule that they think is unfair and should be changed. While some observers lashed out against so-called zero tolerance policies—rules that require a certain punishment often without allowing the school principal or administrators any discretion—Diane Cargile, president of the National Association of Elementary School Principals, had a different view.

Cargile pointed out that many schools have zero tolerance rules covering a variety of different behaviors. At her school in Terre Haute, Ind., for example, an incident like the one with Zachary would go to a committee with the discretion to determine the intent of the child.

The main point that Cargile made is that parents should, and can be, vital partners with schools in setting up important rules and policies. Principals and administrators want input from parents when rules are being discussed. It’s important for parents to know the policies and rules at school and become active and involved. Don’t wait until there’s a problem to show up at school, Cargile said. “We want parent involvement and that’s how schools are made,” Cargile said. “And then when you are surprised (about a rule), you know what to do to rectify the situation. You aren’t a stranger.”

But Kathy Cowan, director of marketing and communications for the National Association of School Psychologists and a parent of four, said the plain truth is that parents often don’t know the rules and policies at their school. “Parents these days are so busy and may be working two jobs,” she said. “I don’t think it’s because they don’t care, it’s because they are busy.”

Both Cowan and Cargile agreed, however, that parents probably have more power to affect rules and policies at their children’s schools than they realize.

Here’s how parents can flex their muscle at schools around the country, according to the pair:

•Know the rules at school. It takes some work, Cowan said, but that handbook that goes home at the beginning of the school year is worth reading and understanding.
•Make sure your child knows the rules. Once you’ve gone through the handbook, it’s time to sit down with your child and emphasize the rules you think are most important for him or her to keep in mind.
•If a rule seems unfair, contact your school. Whether the issue comes up after reading the school rules or after an incident like the one with Zachary and his camping tool, don’t hesitate to make your opinion known. “It can be difficult for some parents, may be busy or feel intimidated,” Cowan said. “But a really good school administration is open to conversations with parents.”
•The next step is the school’s parent teacher organization. The PTA should have a good working relationship with school officials. “One of the responsibilities of the PTA,” Cowan said,” is to fully understand what the laws are and the consequences.”
• Be prepared to go to your School Board. While changing school rules isn’t impossible, it usually takes a little pushing, Cowan said. Many of the rules started with the School Board, and parents are one of the main constituencies of school boards.
Cowan added that, in the opinion of the school psychologists association, zero-tolerance policies that don’t provide school officials with any discretion aren’t good for schools. Rules that keep kids safe are important, but rules should have clear standards for behaviors and reasonable consequences when the rules are not followed, Cowan said.

For example, a sexual harassment policy that punishes an innocent first-grader being silly on the playground in the exact same way that an 18-year is punished for more serious behavior is absolutely wrong.

“If the parent community doesn’t understand the consequences of zero tolerance and stand up to it, then zero tolerance will live forever,” Cowan predicted. “At its best, zero tolerance is a tool schools use to shield themselves from liability.”

Follow Education.com on Twitter @Education_com

Sue Scheff: Teen Drug Use

This is only one excellent article from a website and organization that has a vast amount of information for parents and teens regarding drug abuse. Take the time to be an educated parent, which equals a prepared parent and leads to safer teens!

Source: Parents. The Anti-Drug.

Although teens are turning away from street drugs, now there's a new threat and it's from the family medicine cabinet: The abuse of prescription (Rx) and over-the-counter (OTC) drugs.
Parents and caregivers are the first line of defense in addressing this troubling trend.
What's the problem?

Teens are abusing some prescription and over-the-counter drugs to get high. This includes painkillers, such as those drugs prescribed after surgery; depressants, such as sleeping pills or anti-anxiety drugs; and stimulants, such as those drugs prescribed for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Teens are also abusing over-the-counter drugs, such as cough and cold remedies.

Every day 2,500 youth age 12 to 17 abuse a pain reliever for the very first time. More teens abuse prescription drugs than any illicit drug except marijuana. In 2006, more than 2.1 million teens ages 12 to 17 reported abusing prescription drugs.1 Among 12- and 13-year-olds, prescription drugs are the drug of choice.2

Because these drugs are so readily available, and many teens believe they are a safe way to get high, teens who wouldn't otherwise touch illicit drugs might abuse prescription drugs. And not many parents are talking to them about it, even though teens report that parental disapproval is a powerful way to keep them away from drugs.3

What are the dangers?

There are serious health risks related to abuse of prescription drugs. A single large dose of prescription or over-the-counter painkillers or depressants can cause breathing difficulty that can lead to death. Stimulant abuse can lead to hostility or paranoia, or the potential for heart system failure or fatal seizures. Even in small doses, depressants and painkillers have subtle effects on motor skills, judgment, and ability to learn.

The abuse of OTC cough and cold remedies can cause blurred vision, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, coma, and even death. Many teens report mixing prescription drugs, OTC drugs, and alcohol. Using these drugs in combination can cause respiratory failure and death.

Prescription and OTC drug abuse is addictive. Between 1995 and 2005, treatment admissions for prescription painkillers increased more than 300 percent.4

Sue Scheff: Inspiring Kids - Be an encouraging parent...

This past weekend I wrote about teens that inspire. The response was overwhelming. What I discovered was that there are also many kids that are not quite teens, yet they are full of inspiration and dedication to their causes. Here are only two of many! I will write another article soon about these amazing kids!

I have written about Kids are Heroes on another one of my Blogs, but it deserves to be recognized again. They are a growing group that continues to encourage and recognize kids all over the world. Did you know a 10 year old girl, Mary Margaret created this idea? Her encouraging father, Gabe, put it into action for her. The website is full of kids, parents, schools and others that are making a positive difference in lives today.
Don’t be shy, go ahead – nominate someone special today! Parenting a child in a positive direction builds self esteem and confidence, both emotionally and academically.

Another amazing kid is Jaylen Arnold! Only 8 years old and on a mission to STOP Bullying! His story is one of courage and strength. He is determined to stop childhood bullying, especially for kids with special needs as himself.
I also Blogged about him recently, but like Kids are Heroes, we need to keep the positive energy flowing and more parents and people need to take an awareness to what young people can accomplish!

Remember: Kids, tweens, teens – they are our future! Let’s keep driving them in a positive direction! All these kids, and others, are making a difference. Help support them – visit their websites and follow them on Twitter!

Follow Kids are Heroes @KidsareHeroes and on Facebook.

Follow Jaylen @JaysChallenge

Sue Scheff: Parenting Tips

Back to school is here, however these tips are recommended all year round. As a Parent Advocate, I always remind parents - an educated parent is a prepared parent.

1. Communication: Keeping the lines of communication of your child should be a priority with all parents. It is important to let your kids know you are always there for them no matter what the subject is. If there is a subject you are not comfortable with, please be sure your child has someone they can open up to. I believe that when kids keep things bottled up, it can be when negative behaviors can start to grow.

2. Knowing your Children’s Friends: This is critical, in my opinion. Who are your kids hanging out with? Doing their homework with? If they are spending a lot of time at a friends house, go out of your way to call the parent introduce yourself. Especially if they are spending the night at a friends house, it important to take time to call the parents or meet them. This can give you a feeling of security knowing where your child is and who they are with.
3. Know your Child’s Teachers: Keep track of their attendance at school: Take time to meet each teacher and be sure they have your contact information and you have theirs if there are any concerns regarding your child. In the same respect, take time to meet your child’s Guidance Counselor.

4. Keep your Child Involved: Whether it is sports, music, drama, dance, and school clubs such as chess, government, school newspaper or different committees such as prom, dances and other school activities. Keeping your child busy can keep them out of trouble. If you can find your child’s passion – whether it is football, soccer, tennis, gymnastics, dance, music – that can help keep them focused and hopefully keep them on track in school.

5. Learn about Internet Social Networking: In today’s Cyber generation this has to be a priority. Parents need to help educate their kids on Cyber Safety – think before they post, help them to understand what they put up today, may haunt them tomorrow. Don’t get involved with strangers and especially don’t talk about sex with strangers. Avoid meeting in person the people you meet online without you being there. On the same note – cell phone and texting – don’t allow your child to freely give out their cell numbers and never post them online. Parents should consider ReputationDefender/MyChild to further help protect their children online.

6. Encourage your teen to get a job or volunteer: In today’s generation I believe we need to instill responsibility and accountability. This can start early by encouraging your teen to either get a job or volunteer, especially during the summer. Again, it is about keeping them busy, however at the same time teaching them responsibility. I always tell parents to try to encourage their teens to get jobs at Summer Camps, Nursing Homes, ASPCA, Humane Society or places where they are giving to others or helping animals. It can truly build self esteem to help others.

7. Make Time for your Child: This sounds very simple and almost obvious, but with today’s busy schedule of usually both parents working full time or single parent households, it is important to put time aside weekly (if not daily at dinner) for one on one time or family time. Today life is all about electronics (cell phones, Ipods, Blackberry’s, computers, etc) that the personal touch of actually being together has diminished. Pick a time, 8:30pm? 9:00pm? Take 15 minutes and turn off all electronics and talk about your day.

8. When Safety trumps privacy: If you suspect your teen is using drugs, or other suspicious behaviors (lying, defiance, disrespectful, etc) it is time to start asking questions – and even “snooping” – I know there are two sides to this coin, and that is why I specifically mentioned “if you suspect” things are not right – in these cases – safety for your child takes precedence over invading their privacy. Remember – we are the parent and we are accountable and responsible for our child.

9. Are you considering outside treatment for your child? Residential Therapy is a huge step, and not a step that is taken lightly. Do your homework! When your child’s behavior escalates to a level of belligerence, defiance, substance abuse or God forbid gang relations – it may be time to seek outside help. Don’t be ashamed of this – put your child’s future first and take steps to get the help he/she needs – immediately, but take your time to find the right placement. Read Wit’s End! for more information.

10. Be a parent FIRST: There are parents that want to be their child’s friend and that is great – but remember you are a parent first. Set boundaries – believe it or not kids want limits (and most importantly – need them). Never threaten consequences you don’t plan on following through with.
Take the time to be an educated parent.

Sue Scheff: Too Sexy, Too Soon: How to Counter the X-Rated World So Our Daughters Grow Strong From the Inside Out

Get ready, on September 3rd, Dr. Michele Borba's releases her BIG Book of Parenting Solutions! Here is a sneak peak!

REALITY CHECK: Sure, the world these days is more X-rated, but parents have always been an excellent counterbalance to sleaze and raunchiness. Stay involved so you can help your daughter read her world with more critical eyes. Remember you really do influence your daughter’s attitudes, values, and self-esteem. Be mindful of your influence so she grows to be strong from the inside out.

These days it’s almost impossible to not hear about what Brittney, Lindsay, and Paris are up to with their pictures blasted on just about every news channel and magazine cover. But have you wondered if those sexy young celebrities are influencing our kids’ values? And what about the steady onslaught of images portraying girls as sex objects in just about every medium these days? Could those images actually effect how our kids turn out?

The American Psychological Association’s study confirms what many parents feared: All those raunchy, sexy girl messages do indeed have an negative impact on our daughters and are correlated eating disorders, lower self-esteem, and depression. The Today Show asked me to address what parents can do to counter those negative messages. Here are a few solutions from my latest book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, I offered to help us raise strong, healthy, emotionally secure young girls who can buck those raunchy images.

1.Start early. Our children begin to learn values and self-esteem when they are still in diapers. Your goal is to help your daughter from the youngest age know she is a person of worth just for who she is, and not for how she looks. Be mindful of that goal, and don’t deviate from it. After all, raising children to be strong and healthy is a 24/7 proposition and in today’s sexually-explicit culture that aim becomes even more challenging.

2.Get savvy about our new culture. Remove those blinders and take a realistic look at the new X-Rated world. Sexy, raunchy images of girls are everywhere. TV shows push the limits, magazines flaunt photos young party-going girl celebrities, the Internet has no rules, and CD lyrics are darn-right scandalous. But watch out: these days marketers are targeting even our youngest girls. The new “Hooker Look” (I can’t think of a better term) is the hot new fashion. Last year seven-to twelve year- old girls spent $1.3 million on thong undies. Toy makers are designing new long-legged, doey-eyed looking female dolls in slinky outfits ready for the hot-tub for our preschoolers. You do control the purse strings and that remote! Use your power.

3.Find healthier outlooks. Discover your daughter’s natural passion and talent whether it be surfing, basketball, art, yoga, soccer, and then support her involvement. Those positive activities will help you focus more on her talents and interests, and show her that you value her for her strengths, not appearance. It will also help her develop a stronger identify based on her passions instead of ones borrowed from young, rich celebrities on magazine covers.

4.Tune into your daughter’s world. From television shows, video games, movies, music and Internet sites, stay involved in your daughter’s lifestyle choices. Monitor what she watches and listens to, and who she seems to admire. Doing so will help you understand her values at that moment, as well as help guide your next discussions about your family values,

5.Explain why. If you don’t like a TV show, movie, CD, video or an outfit explain “Why” instead of just saying, “No.” Your daughter needs to learn how to make wise choices and needs someone (that’s you!) to be her sounding board.

6.Befriend the moms of your daughter’s friends. Find other like-minded moms with similar values as yours, and band together! Figure out what your standards are (curfew, makeup, movie ratings), and then support each other. Besides, as kids get older they generally choose friends with similar interests and values.

7.Downplay popularity and appearance. Girls need to hear messages that convey: “Who you are is far more important than how you look.” So zip your tongue and halt those comments likes: “She’s lost so-o-o-o much weight!”, “I love her hair!”, “I wonder what cream she uses?” “Did you get invited to the birthday party?” Also, watch your gossip and how you talk about other women–especially in front of your daughter. Your kids are scrutinizing your behavior, and they do copy what they see and hear. So always be the example you want your daughter to copy.
8.Stay involved. Expect your daughter to challenge you or even tune you out. That’s normal and part of growing up. Those tween years in particular are the times our daughters need us to help them make sense of a sometimes perplexing world. In fact, a study by the Girl Scouts of America found that preteens emphasized how important it was to know someone was them for them to listen and help. So stay involved.

9.Find common connectors. Is there anything (and I do mean anything) you and your daughter can enjoy doing together? Here are a few possibilities: yoga, reading, knitting, running, charity work, biking, taking a cooking class or cooking, joining an exercise club, watching a weekly television sitcom. It makes do difference what the activity is, but doing something together on an ongoing basis helps gel your relationship, and keep you talking.

10.Don’t forget your sons. Boys, as well, are bombarded by those sexy images and cause unhealthy images of women to develop. What’s more, our boys may think girls even like to be treated as sex objects. Don’t leave your son out of the mix. Talk to him. Counter those messages by giving him the right view of how women do like to be treated.

This article is excerpted from Michele Borba’s book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries (Jossey-Bass) available for order now: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0787988316

Sue Scheff: Mommy Perks!

People that know me, know I always share parenting ideas, articles, books, websites and more. Today, well, it is more! It is Mommy Perks! I am sure there are many mom’s and dad’s out there that would enjoy being part of a parenting network – check this out! As a Parent Advocate, I loved all these ideas to help reach out to more families.

What is Mommy Perks?

About Mommy Perks
Click here to see what others are saying about Mommy Perks.

Meet Shara Lawrence-Weiss, owner of Mommy Perks:

Prior to purchasing Mommy Perks, I was a Mommy Perk Rep. I then become co-owner and later, sole owner. Over the last few years I have researched, read, studied, watched and compared a variety of marketing and networking trends. I have modified the way that Mommy Perks runs based on those changes and the needs of small business owners.

Many mom-owned sites are now selling advertising space. In my experience, these ad spots almost never turn sales. From time to time they do but not often. What does turn sales for a small business? Especially a niche business? Well, word of mouth is a big part of the equation. As a Mommy Perks client, I will personally buy your product (if possible) and test it, use it, blog about it and more. I will do this in order to truly understand what you do and how you do it. I can then refer to you others honestly and without reservation. Research shows that 3rd party endorsements are far more effective than self-plugging. Of course you’ll say your own product is terrific, right? That will quickly go over many heads. If someone else is promoting you, though, the chances that your product or service will gain more attention are far higher.

I know this to be the case based on numerous factors. One of those factors is my other business: Personal Child Stories. When I first signed up with Mommy Perks as an advertiser (back in 2007), my graphic ad was placed on the website. Nothing came. Nothing happened. I got visits to my website but no sales. Since that time, I have built relationships with people – through the Mommy Perks site. Lots of book sales have occurred based on those relationships; the networking, marketing, word of mouth, having others refer me out and so on. By working together as a team far more has been accomplished. Newsletter sign ups, book sales, new friends made.

That is my ultimate goal with each business that I serve and help. To help them plant seeds and to teach them to water those seeds. It all takes time. Nothing grows over night (other than bacteria but let’s not go there).

Patience and perseverance, I always say. Slow and steady wins the race. Why spend money on flat ads being placed on a website with no PR to back your money? Other sites charge even more than Mommy Perks just to place your graphic on their site. Why not spend the money more wisely?

Welcome to the Mommy Perks way of thinking
Click here to visit our Ad and PR Packages page.

Why join the Mommy Perks Community?We have been turning the heads of some big names lately and continue to gain more media attention across the country for our small business philosophies. Mommy Perks is the BIG place for SMALL business!

We are a COMMUNITY of moms, small businesses, friends and family.

We offer:

A one-stop shopping experience
Free Membership to shop the discounts
Free ads for mom’s groups and non-profits
Our popular VIP Blog: free business reviews, giveaways, freebies and more
Enter to Win contests each month for members
Informative eNewsletters sent 1-2 times per month
Newsletter giveaways exclusive to members
Periodic email specials/discounts sent on behalf of our partners (advertisers)
Kid’s Corner with tips, crafts, articles and more
GreenScene: simple green living tips
Affordable advertising for any family friendly business or service

Join our growing community today and let others know they too can get PERKED!

Once we receive your information you will get a membership card in a Welcome email. You can use your membership card and code to save on purchases online and in stores locally and nationally.

Check back often to find new partners and perks at http://mommyperks.com/

Sue Scheff: Teens and Dating

By Denise Witmner at About.com

Teens need to learn many things while traveling through the life stage of adolescence. Help your teen learn about dating by knowing these five truths:

•It is normal for a teen to be interested in dating.
While some teens tend to be interested in dating earlier than others, it is a normal adolescent life stage experience for all teenagers. Girls are more vocal about the dating interest and tend to be interested to a greater degree at a younger age, but boys are paying attention also. There is no way around it; your teenager is going to want to date. When he/she does, you’ll have to step up to the plate with some parenting skills.(Try this parenting contract for teen dating too.)

•Teenagers do not know how to date.
A teen does not learn how to date in the classroom and most likely has only picked up on some of the basics, like respecting someone’s personal space, at home. But they haven’t learned the ins and outs of a give and take relationship yet. They will be learning this as they date, and ‘on the job’ type of training. You can reinforce the values that concern dating and relationships by discussing them with your teenager and modeling them with your spouse or significant other. Do not be afraid to bring up these issues. Do not feel that they are not important. Teens that are taught values are important will look for dates with similar good values. That is who you want your teen dating, right?

•Teens whose parents talk to them about dating are better prepared and happier.
You want your teenager to grow up happy, so remember that happiness in life is found in the journey. While the topic of teens and dating can make the most confident parent nervous, you should do your best not to project those anxious feelings when discussing dating - and the rules and limits of dating - with your teen. Relax and have informative dating conversations that will strengthen your relationship with your teen and empower you both to enjoy this part of their life.

•Your teen will need privacy.
As parents, we are not very comfortable not knowing what is going on in our child’s life. But as your teen starts to date, you will need to take a step back and not try to know ‘everything’. You may at first have a hard time and feel like something is wrong. That is normal – your parenting role is changing. Change always feels awkward at first. On the other hand, your teenager may want to chat about the experience. He/she may have some questions to ask. If so, make yourself available. But remember to try not to ‘read into’ any of the questions and begin prying.

•Your teen will still need you to be ‘around’.
When you have one of your talks with your teen about dating, you will need to set up a pick up scenario. Teens are notorious for getting themselves into situations that they have a hard time getting out of by themselves. Many times this happens on dates. Therefore, let your teenager know you are available for a ride home. You will pick him/her up at anyplace or anytime, even three o’clock in the morning. You will do so without any consequences to your teenager with the understanding that everyone makes mistakes in judgment. You simply want your teen to be safe. Arguments, drinking, etc can all be a part of a bad dating experience. So, hope for the best, prepare for the worst and be there for your teen.

Sue Scheff: Why Actions Speak Louder Than Words When It Comes to Building Moral Development

By Michele Borba

My first teaching job almost three decades ago was with a group of adorable six and seven-year-olds in Saratoga, California. I was also working on my doctorate at the same time and was fascinated with Harvard psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg’s new research on moral development. He believed morality is acquired in stages and could be increased by posing moral dilemmas to kids to stretch their moral reasoning.

So I read everything I could on his theory and began using his ideas with my students. After several lessons I noticed a few students seemed to have a better understanding of good and bad behavior and were responding to my questions with the “correct” moral answers. I was ecstatic: I thought for sure that my lectures were making a major difference on my students’ moral growth.

My excitement quickly faded: The next day my principal notified me that he’d caught my two best “moral talkers” throwing rocks at a neighbor’s house during recess and broke a window. He was especially upset that the boys couldn’t understand why their actions were wrong and showed little remorse for the damage they caused. I was bewildered: these were the same kids who always impressed me in our moral discussions.

They sure had all the right answers and sounded like they knew right from wrong. So how could they be acting immorally if they were talking so morally? My discussion with them taught me a lesson I’ve never forgotten.

“The rocks were just there and we didn’t have anything to do, so we just started throwing them,” explained one boy. “We didn’t think the window would break.”

The second boy admitted: “I guess if it were my house I’d be kind of mad, but walls were really dirty. If the window didn’t break the man would never know that we were throwing rocks at his house.”

These two kids sure had me fooled! I quickly realized my mistake: I assumed because these kids talked morally, they would also act morally. Was I ever wrong! They also taught me that sounding as though you have a strong conscience is no guarantee for good behavior. After all, how we choose to behave really does speak louder than what we say with our words. Just make sure you don’t make the same mistake with your kids.

Knowing the right and decent way to act and acting that way should be the only test to determine whether your child has developed a strong moral compass. It’s up to us to make sure our kids’ moral compasses are solid and in place so they really will talk as well as act right and do so with or without our guidance.

Just remember: Using simple parenting solutions can make real differences on your children’s lives—especially when you choose ones that matter most in raising good kids. Then commit to making those strategies become a habit in your own daily parenting so your child internalizes them.

Sue Scheff: Summer Survival Tips for Families Managing ADHD

Source: PowerMomsUnite

Striking a Balance: Summer Survival Tips for Families Managing ADHD

One major issue with ADHD and summer vacations is the bored factor. Once the novelty of having all that free-time-to-do-anything wears away, what to do with all that free time becomes a problem. On the other hand, over-scheduling and over-planning the summer can lead to burn-out and irritability for both parents and children. The art of managing ADHD during the summer is really about the art of finding balance. Several strategies can help strike this balance.

Keep a calendar: Use a monthly or weekly calendar and write down vacation, camp and community trip dates. Kids need routine to feel secure, but be sure to leave some dates empty to allow for free time to simple create and imagine in the back yard.

Prescript your day: Early in the day, sit with your child and review what they want to accomplish and what you need to accomplish. Negotiate how each of you will spend your time so as not to conflict. Explicitly state how you expect your child to behave for any important activities (like that very important conference call at 1PM) and be sure to reward them for following the “script.”

Make a summer contract: Use the summer as an opportunity to help your child explore their interests, reinforce their academic skills, and find their passions. Write out a contract with your child, in which they list their goals for the summer. Goals could include places they would like to visit, books they would like to read, cub scout activities they would like to complete, models they would like to build- the list of possibilities is endless. Include goals you and the teacher identify as well. If you have a therapist, consult them regarding activities to persue over the summer break. Activities can be focused on building a friendship with a particular friend, trying new foods with dinner, volunteering at a local soup kitchen, or learning the steps to complimenting a sibling. Set a due date and reward for completing each goal. Consider rewarding the child with a bonus for completing all their goals for the summer.

Loosen up but keep a routine: Part of the brillance of summer is the long days and lazy nights without a tight schedule to keep. The occasional later bedtime and relaxation of the rules are part of the inherent beauty of summer vacation. That being said, basic family rules, chores, and routines still need to be followed. Be mindful that a little sleep deprivation can lead to meltdowns for both parent and child any time of year. Rules about not playing on the computer all day, still need to be followed, even during the summer. Too much screen time robs kids of opportunities to build social skills and develop interests as well as leads to irritability.

Manage medicine: Some parents take a medication vacation over the summer, in an effort to allow their children to gain some weight and height. There is little evidence however, that ADHD medications permanently impact a child’s height. Kids often grow slower than their non-medicated peers, but do eventually catch-up.
Before taking a medication vacation, consider all the aspects of your child’s summer. Will you be taking a long trip, during which time your child will need to sit still? How will you all survive the trip? Will your child be in camp, where she will need to follow directions? Will ADHD behavior make it hard for her to participate in group activities or attend to social cues from new friends? Will your child have lots of unscheduled time with neighborhood kids, in which impulsive behavior could result in unsafe decisions or poor peer interactions? Before taking a medication vacation, consider all these potential situations.

ADHD is a chronic lifelong condition that needs to managed- will your child’s self-esteem, self-image, and social skill acquisition benefit from a medication vacation? Consider your goals for your child’s summer and how a medication vacation could affect your child’s success in their summer activities.

In lieu of a complete ADHD medication vacation, consider the use of shorter acting medications for the most challenging activities of your child’s summer- like a long car ride or plane trip. Shorter acting medications can cause fewer appetite- suppressing effects. Speak with your child’s physician, and collaborate with your child, as you make these decisions. Remember that as you are modeling healthy management of a condition that will likely be a lifelong journey for your child. Fuel their passions, provide opportunities to build skills, and model a healthy approach to symptom management.

Relax: Use the summer to reconnect and play. Just as your kids schedule time to do homework during the school year, schedule regular time to play with your kids every day after work. Play catch, go for a swim, bike down to the ice cream shop- do activities together to build your relationship and create a healthy self- image. Enjoy your summer together!

Sue Scheff: Teen Suicide

Suicide is the third most common cause of death amongst adolescents between 15-24 years of age, and the sixth most common cause of death amongst 5-14 year olds. It is estimated that over half of all teens suffering from depression will attempt suicide at least once, and of those teens, roughly seven percent will succeed on the first try.

Teenagers are especially vulnerable to the threat of suicide, because in addition to increased stress from school, work and peers, teens are also dealing with hormonal fluctuations that can complicate even the most normal situations.

Because of these social and personal changes, teens are also at higher risk for depression, which can also increase feelings of despair and the desire to commit suicide. In fact, according to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) almost all people who commit suicide suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder or substance abuse disorder.

Often, teens feel as though they have no other way out of their problems, and may not realize that suicidal thoughts and feelings can be treated. Unfortunately, due to the often volatile relationship between teens and their parents, teens may not be as forthcoming about suicidal feelings as parents would hope. The good news is there are many signs parents can watch for in their teen without necessarily needing their teen to open up to them.

At some point in most teens’ lives, they will experience periods of sadness, worry and/or despair. While it is completely normal for a healthy person to have these types of responses to pain resulting from loss, dismissal, or disillusionment, those with serious (often undiagnosed) mental illnesses often experience much more drastic reactions. Many times these severe reactions will leave the teen in despair, and they may feel that there is no end in sight to their suffering. It is at this point that the teen may lose hope, and with the absence of hope comes more depression and the feeling that suicide is the only solution. It isn’t.

Teen girls are statistically twice as likely as their male counterparts to attempt suicide. They tend to turn to drugs (overdosing) or to cut themselves, while boys are traditionally more successful in their suicide attempts because they utilize more lethal methods such as guns and hanging. This method preference makes boys almost four times more successful in committing suicide.

Studies have borne out that suicide rates rise considerably when teens can access firearms in their home. In fact, nearly 60% of suicides committed in the United States that result in immediate death are accomplished with a gun. This is one crucial reason that any gun kept in a home with teens, even if that teen does not display any outward signs of depression, be stored in a locked compartment away from any ammunition. In fact, the ammunition should be stored in a locked compartment as well, and the keys to both the gun and ammunition compartments should be kept in a different area from where normal, everyday keys are kept.

Remember to always keep firearms, ammunition, and the keys to the locks containing them, away from kids.

Unfortunately, teen suicide is not a rare event. In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that suicide is the third leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 24. This disturbing trend is affecting younger children as well, with suicide rates experiencing dramatic increases in the under-15 age group from 1980 to 1996. Suicide attempts are even more prevalent, though it is difficult to track the exact rates.

Learn more.

Sue Scheff: ADHD Alternatives

As a parent of an ADHD child, I have always been aware of the Feingold Program. Although I wasn’t able to use the diet for my son, I know many success stories and believe that parents should be aware of all alternatives.

Source: Feingold Association

What: Free seminar on dietary options for children (and adults!) with learning, behavior, and other health problems,AND a hands-on activity in which you can find out for yourself just how much food dye it takes to create those pretty colors of frosting on a cupcake.

WHEN: Thursday, June 25, 2009 7:00 pm – 8:30 pm

WHERE: Marriott SpringHill Suites Hotel 899 Elkridge Landing RoadLinthicum, Maryland (near BWI Airport)(410) 694-0555

SPONSOR: The Feingold AssociationTel: 800-321-3287 or 631-369-9340

Sue Scheff: Teens, Kids and Physcial Education

More and more kids and teens are more attached to their electronical gadgets rather than physcial activites. What happened to the past generations of playing kick ball or riding your bikes with neighborhood friends? PE4Life helps parents incorporate physical education back into your lives. Learn More:

Source: PE4Life

Parents are busy with a full workday, helping their children with homework, engaging their children in after school activities, and so on. This doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for physical activity in your own lives. Do you realize that schools have devalued and cut physical education to the point that the majority of children get one day of PE per week?

Children today have a shorter life expectancy than their parents for the first time in one hundred years because of the epidemic of obesity, according to Dr. William Klish, Professor of Pediatrics and Head of Pediatric Gastroenterology at Baylor College of Medicine. Lack of PE at school is a disservice to your child’s health. Speak up. Demand that your school offers daily quality physical education.

Use PE4life as a resource partner to enhance your school’s PE program. A recent study revealed that 81% of teachers and 85% of parents favor requiring students to take physical education every day at every grade level. As parents, you can rally people in your community to get involved by ordering a PE4life Community Action kit video and show it to the PTA, the school board and other community groups.

The next step is to invite PE4life to make a presentation to your school leaders, bring a team of people to train at a PE4life Academy, or invite PE4life to do an in-service for your school staff. As your resource partner, PE4life can provide these and many other services to your school as you work to get children more active and healthy.

The PE4life Approach to Physical Education:

Be offered to every child every day
Be available for all students, not just the athletically inclined
Provide a wide variety of sports and fitness activities to promote an active and healthy lifestyle
Assess students on their personal progress toward fitness and physical activity goals
Incorporate technology on a regular basis

Extend beyond the walls of the gymnasium to form community and business partnerships

Today’s “New P.E.,” as exemplified by PE4life, is a health-and-wellness-based approach to physical education that caters to all students, not just the athletically inclined. Students are encouraged to pursue a variety of sports and physical activities (team and individual) – for a lifetime.

Get Involved—Become a Friend of PE4life, get your community involved, sign up up for the PE4life newsletter and communicate to government leaders.
News & Info—Get the latest information on physical education, childhood obesity, exercise and the brain, youth fitness and legislative news. Also link to other great websites.
Results—Review research findings and measurable outcomes of PE programs.
Grant Info—Find creative sources of funding for the physical education program at your child’s school and a forum where you can ask questions or share your thoughts and successes.
PE4life Program Services—Find information about our Program Service Packages, how to order our services, training dates, academy locations, and testimonials.
Events–Find dates for Academy Training, National PE4life Day, PE4life Workshops, and PE Conferences.

Students in PE4life programs are inspired by the opportunity to set personalized goals and be graded on effort not athletic ability. PE4life Programs incorporate technological tools so students can develop personal responsibility through self-assessment. With these tools, students are able to set goals appropriate to their individual fitness levels and check their progress as they move forward. Gone are the days of grades based solely on a stopwatch. Today’s “New PE” places more emphasis on assessing a student’s progress toward cardiovascular fitness and muscular endurance goals.

We’ve heard time and time again from parents who have attended PE4life Program Service training sessions that they wish they’d been able to participate in a physical education program like this when they were in school. None of us can turn back the clock, but we can all help make the benefits of a health-and-wellness-based physical education program available to our children.

“Kids bring their excitement about daily activity into their families. PE4life keeps kids and famillies together: the foundation of a stronger America.”–Archie Manning, Former NFL Pro Bowl Quarterback & League MVP