Teen Relationships: When Your Teen Suffers Their First Break-Up

There’s no love quite like the first love; unfortunately, the first love also tends to be among the most painful when things inevitably end. While your teen may be walking through the house with a permanent smile on her face and visions of forever in her mind, you know that it’s likely just a matter of time before the bloom falls from the rose and real life sets in. Helping your teen navigate the painful and complicated world of surviving her first heartbreak isn’t easy, but it’s something that every parent will inevitably have to help with along the way. Handling the situation badly can be actively damaging to your own relationship with your teenager, so be sure that you have a basic idea of how to proceed in order to help her recover without sacrificing the harmony in your home.

Be Supportive, Not Smothering

Your teen needs to know that you’re there for her when she needs you, but she’ll also need to deal with the trauma and pain of her first real break-up in her own way. That may mean hours on the phone with her friends dissecting what went wrong and exploring the natural journey of grief, or it could mean throwing herself into extracurricular activities in a bid to fill up all of her free time. Provided that she doesn’t resort to risky or dangerous behavior as a means of soothing the pains of her broken heart, it’s wise to let her set the pace. Make sure that you’re available when she asks for help, but that you don’t smother her or foist unsolicited advice on her every time she comes into the room.

Avoid Using Language That Minimizes Her Experience

As a parent who’s watching a child suffer, your first instinct may be to downplay the importance of the event in hopes that she’ll realize how inconsequential a high-school break up is. Before minimizing her pain and implying that her feelings of grief are exaggerated or melodramatic, think back to your first experience with heartbreak. While you certainly know now that it wasn’t the end of the world, that doesn’t mean it didn’t feel that way at the time. It’s entirely possible to offer reassurance and support without minimizing the experience, and almost always the most effective method.

Don’t Bash The Ex

When someone hurts your child, no matter how old she is, it’s human nature to think less of them. If you weren’t wild about your teen’s partner before the break-up, it’s even easier to resort to bashing and dismissive language. Keep in mind, however, that high school romances have a way of resurfacing. Even if your teenager swears that she’s calling off a relationship for good, there’s a decent chance that reconciliation will bring that ex back into the fold at some point. If you’ve vocally expressed your distaste for her partner or confessed to never caring much for them in the first place, that reunion might be a tense one for everyone involved. Focus on building your child back up and helping her to recover, rather than tearing down the party that you feel is responsible for her pain.

Be Prepared for a Relapse

Teenagers tend to possess fairly mercurial dispositions, so your teen may seem to be over the worst of her mourning and on the road to recovery when a massive relapse forces her back to square one. The best way to deal with such an abrupt loss of progress is to be prepared for it from the beginning. Hope for the best, but realize that the first sighting of an ex with a new flame can be enough to restart a teenage girl’s grieving process altogether.

Offer Distractions, Not a Lecture

You can give your teen an “I told you so” lecture, reminding her of your warnings about getting too close to a teenage partner or shaming her for choices that she made over the course of her relationship, but it will do absolutely no good. In fact, it’s more likely to push her away and make her uncomfortable with the idea of approaching you in the future. After all, who wants to approach someone for help during a painful time when the only help they’ll get is a sound scolding? Even if you have a particular bone to pick with your teen, the days immediately following a breakup might not be the appropriate time to address the situation.

Familiarize Yourself With the Signs of Depression

To you, the end of a high school romance may seem like little more than a blip on the radar. To your teen, however, that break-up is the radar. While it’s certainly not true that every teen who goes through a breakup will feel like it’s the end of the world, some take such things harder than others. Teens that are already prone to depression or who are at risk can begin to suffer from the condition in the aftermath of a particularly messy break-up, so be sure that you’re apprised of the risks and understand how to spot the signs of teenage depression.

Eating Disorders and Your Kids

How am I supposed to bring this up with my kids? I don’t know where to start.

Initiating a conversation about someone else is a neutral, non-threatening way to broach the topic. If you hear that someone in your child’s school has an eating disorder, that is an appropriate time to bring it up. Your child already knows or will hear rumors soon, and may have questions that you can answer. If you don’t have any examples closer to home, there are frequently stories of celebrities in and out of treatment.

One that your child may already know is Demi Lovato, a teen actress and singer who has been in numerous Disney movies and TV shows. She entered the residential treatment center last fall, and in April 2011 she gave a few interviews where she discussed some pretty heavy topics.

She discussed being bullied as a child, and her subsequent depression, eating disorder, and self-mutilation, as well as her recent diagnosis with bipolar disorder, her recovery, and helping other girls in her new role with Seventeen Magazine. Here are a few sources for you that condense her story: an article that summarizes Demi’s disorders and treatment or this video where Demi discusses being bullied, her eating disorder, cutting, and her treatment.

Chances are, your children already know her story, and have heard about people at school doing things like skipping meals, purging, or cutting. Demi’s life may not have been that of a typical child, but we can use her story to check in and connect with our children.

Why should I be concerned if my kid is on a diet? I’m on a diet too.

You as an adult are more likely to have your diet in the proper perspective. Kids and teens, especially perfectionist, driven, rule-bound ones, can take things too far until it is a compulsion they cannot control. In her interview, Demi said that by fifteen years old, she was skipping most meals, and when she failed to lose weight, started throwing up. Take stock of your own eating habits – ditch the rules about food, weighing portions, or calorie counting, and instead focus on eating mostly nutritious food, only when you are hungry. Also, never cut yourself down for your weight or what you eat, or be critical about others’ weight or appearance. Before you say it, think how it would sound coming out of a child’s mouth.

My son has been losing weight, but it’s for sports, so that doesn’t count, right?

It’s true that girls and women are more likely to develop eating disorders, but out of eleven million suffering from ED today, one million of those are male. Check over the list of symptoms below, and pay attention to your instinct as a parent. If anything about the way your son is losing weight concerns you, talk to him and talk to a professional. Better safe than sorry!

What’s the difference between an eating disorder and a diet? Or, what are the symptoms of an eating disorder?

It’s possible to diet without developing an eating disorder, but most medical professionals agree that children should not be on any diets.

Where the two differ, however, is the ability or inability to think logically and rationally. So when a normal dieter looks in the mirror and sees progress, anorexics have a distorted view and cannot see themselves as anything but fat. Their irrational compulsion justifies extreme measures, like purging, skipping entire meals, and laxatives. A medical professional or therapist can help with an accurate assessment and diagnosis, but let your instinct as a parent serve as an early warning system. You are often the first to know when something is up with your child, even if you aren’t sure what it is.

Be watchful for these symptoms:

• Different eating habits, diet plans, skipping meals, snacks, meat, or desserts, avoiding eating with others
• Distorted, negative self-image
• Eating alone, in secret, or at night
• Avoiding social situations that involve food
• Change in moods including depression, anxiety, withdrawal, irritability, obsessive behavior in other activities
• Preoccupation with dieting, calories, food, cooking, diet books, what others are eating 
• Visiting websites that promote unhealthy weight loss
• Any weight loss, weight gain, or failure to make expected gain in height
• Compulsive exercising
• Taking laxatives, diet pills, or steroids
• Making excuses to get out of eating
• Going to the bathroom right after meals, running water to hide vomiting sounds
• Wearing loose clothing to hide weight loss or body shape
• Hoarding high-calorie food, or evidence of binge eating (food wrappers, quantities of food disappearing)

If I suspect they are hiding something, should I snoop in their things?

If you are truly concerned for their safety, you are justified in violating their privacy. This is a last resort, however, and there are ways to avoid it unnecessarily. Are you sure you can’t draw it out in a conversation? If you are just curious, or feeling out of touch, you should instead be working on building your relationship. If you are paying for your son or daughter’s cell phone, internet service, and car payments, you can establish upfront rules about their use that don’t leave them feeling violated. Be judicious with what you find.

If it’s serious, such as laxatives, weapons, drugs, evidence that they are being bullied or stalked by a predator, act on it immediately. They will of course be furious and hurt, but the danger to them is substantial. If you find something upsetting but not dangerous, such as communication complaining about you, first take a deep breath, try to remember what it was like to be a teenager, and let go of your anger. Then work on strengthening your connection.

I’ve seen signs, and now I’m worried. How do I ask my son or daughter if they have an eating disorder?

If you have reason to believe there is a problem, tell them you are concerned without using guilt or blame. Begin by saying, “We have noticed this. Let’s talk.” Skip the lecture, ask open questions, and do more listening than talking. Show compassion and patience. Don’t accuse, shame, or demand anything (except, of course, a visit to a doctor).

Find a therapist that has experience and training in eating disorders. Educate yourself with the resources available from reputable sources such as the National Institute of Mental Health site, the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Parent Toolkit, or call the NEDA Helpline at 800-931-2237. HelpGuide.org also has a good basic guide for family and friends.

Why is our son or daughter doing this? Is it my fault?

Finding who to blame should not be your first action. However, the question may nag you whether you as a parent have contributed to your child’s condition. Parents do not cause eating disorders. Studies have found that someone can inherit a predisposition, but there are many other factors involved. Like in Demi’s case, where she suffered from depression first, and was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder, ED is often combined with other mental conditions such as depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, or anxiety. Personality traits like perfectionism, eagerness to please, and being highly driven seem to correlate. ED patients come from every sort of family, every ethnicity, cultural background, and economic status. Parents can, however, be instrumental to recovery.

Special contributor: M. Quinlan

Be an educated parent, you will have healthier teens.

Continue reading on Examiner.com Talking to your teens about eating disorders - Jacksonville Parenting Teens | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/parenting-teens-in-jacksonville/talking-to-your-teens-about-eating-disorders#ixzz1S6lC5Anu

Teen Internet Addiction: Facebook Depression or Obsession

Depression.  Obsession.  Addiction.


Are these three adjectives that surround social networking?

Social networking is on the rise, a recently released  study from The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) found that 22 percent of teenagers log onto their favorite social media sites more than 10 times a day, and that 75 percent own cell phones. This level of engagement online increases the risks of cyberbullying, “Facebook depression” (a new phenomenon where “de-friending” and online bullying lead to symptoms of depression), exposure to inappropriate content, and sexting.

What can parents do if they suspect their teen or child is heading down a dark road?

Looking at Facebook to begin with, is your teen age appropriate?  You have to be at least 13 years-old to be a member. On Facebook's help center it clearly states:  Facebook requires individuals to be at least 13 years old before they can create an account. 

Facebook even takes it a step further with a report form to fill out if you suspect an underage member.
If your child is younger, it is wise to deactivate their account until they are of age or you feel they are ready for it.

It is important to help your child to understand, you are not attempting to block them 100% from social networking, however having boundaries is crucial.

These boundaries are what can help teenagers from going down the dark path of depression from over exposure of technology.  Teens literally go to bed with their cell phones so they don't miss a text!  This is ridiculous and parents need to start being parents.

Whether you have given the law of your home to your child or teen, or not, it is a serious and growing concern that parents need to be aware of.  Teenage depression is very serious.

A note to parents:  Be an example to your child.  How often are you online or plugged in?

Holidays, Gifts and Parenting - Staying Sane

During the holidays it is great to have guest Bloggers and Experts to add to my Blog.  Today, my good friend and Parenting Expert (also Today Show Contributor), Michele Borba has written a very timely and educational article.  Spending Time (Not Every Dime) Together for the Holidays! Especially today, as so much materialism has developed – compounded with a stressed economy – families need to learn the value of holidays without the materialistic aspect.  Read on and don’t forget to order Michele Borba’s best selling parenting book (scroll down).

By Dr. Michele Borba

Parenting advice to help your kids enjoy the holidays without splurging and find the silver lining in spending less money but more time with your family.

In the midst of our lousy economy, many families have decided to take holiday spending down a notch and cut back on the shopping and gift-giving. After all, it’s a tight economy, jobs are scarce, and the holidays can be pricey. The last thing you need to do right now is dip into those hard-earned savings. But many parents facing a toned-down Christmas find that their biggest concern is not how to cut back this year, but how to prepare their kids for fewer presents under the tree. It’s all about the timing, and now is when you should start prepping your kids for a back-to-basics Christmas.

The worst thing to do is to announce to your kids on Christmas Eve, “Oh, by the way, Santa won’t be able to make it this year.” Making that last-minute announcement will come as a shock to your kids after weeks of anticipation and excitement. It’s best to tell them now, but regardless of when you tell them, be prepared for your kids to protest.

At first, the thought of fewer presents might not sit very well with your kids, but by explaining your situation to them, you will soon find that your kids will understand. Cutting back this year will take a little effort, but with a little planning you may discover that it not only saves money, but also takes a lot of stress out of the holidays—and it can even make them more enjoyable. The silver lining to spending less on the holidays is that you will help your kids understand the real meaning Christmas: it’s the people, not the things, that matter. Besides, this is a great way for your kids to learn that the gifts with the most value don’t cost a thing.

Tips to help you cut back while still enjoying the holiday merriment

Set a budget. Start by taking an honest look at your family’s finances. Based on your situation, decide on a holiday budget that is affordable. Write down that amount and pledge to not spend one penny more. Above all, do not dig into your hard-earned savings. Financial security is far more important to a child than some pricey present that is all-too-quickly forgotten (or broken). And if cutting back makes you feel guilty, ease up on yourself. Children are much more resilient than we credit them for. And remember, you are teaching your kids a valuable lesson.

Share new expectations. Pass your new holiday plans on to your kids by simply explaining that everyone will be receiving fewer presents. Kids don’t have big expectations about the holidays unless we build them. A calm, matter-of-fact approach usually works best. If you are asked the “why” question, just be honest and say it’s because money is tighter. Use the “birds and bees” talk guidelines: provide details that are age-appropriate and only on a need-to-know basis. Your kids don’t need to hear dismal financial details or all about your mortgage bills. Just give your kids a heads-up enough time in advance to keep their expectations in check as the holiday season approaches.

Reframe Santa. Over the past several decades, kids have grown to believe that the guy from the North Pole can grant any wish. I think Santa’s ‘magic giving powers’ were due to manufacturers who wanted parents to buy more-more-more, causing the holidays to become a consumer buying frenzy. So take Santa’s magic down just a notch and tell your younger kids what our grandparents were told, ‘Santa decides what he will bring to each child. He has so many boys and girls to deliver packages to. It’ll be fun to see what will be under the tree.” You don’t have to take all the magic out of Christmas, just don’t build false hopes that Santa is guaranteed to bring everything your child desires.

Cut out the holiday fluff. When it comes to the holidays, the extra little purchases here and there really tend to add up. Think about all of the holiday paraphernalia you purchased last year—gift cards, ribbon, wrapping paper, greeting cards, postage, table decorations, etc.—and get your kids involved in helping you make them instead. For instance, your older kids can create holiday cards via the computer by typing up personal greetings, scanning photos, or decorating with online holiday images and emailing them to friends and family to save on stamps. Your kids (young and old) can create wrapping paper by decorating brown butcher paper or grocery bags turned inside out with drawings or cookie cutters dipped in tempera paint. Even younger children can make tags for presents with index cards and holiday stickers from the dollar store. Get creative with your kids. Not only will you save money, you’ll bank some fantastic holiday memories in the process.

Make the holidays for the kids. It’s expensive enough to buy gifts for your kids, but when you consider purchasing gifts for everyone else that you know, (friends, grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents, etc.) you can quickly blow your holiday budget before you even get to purchasing gifts for kids. Instead of shopping for that mile-long list of friends and relatives, forgo the gift exchange and put that money towards the kid gifts. Your friends and family will understand and might even be relieved that they won’t have to buy you something in return. After all, most of us wouldn’t really miss receiving another tie from Aunt Harriet or bath powder from your sister.

Draw names. If forgoing the gift exchange with your extended family is not an option, you could propose that instead everyone draw the name of just one family member to buy a gift for. You could also set a ten dollar gift limit. This goes for both adults and kids. Having a price limit will make sure that kids have to be creative in their gift-giving and will teach them about sticking to a budget.

Check out thrift stores. The best gifts don’t always have to come wrapped in their original packaging, and you don’t have to pay full price to give someone a thoughtful gift that they will love. When shopping for gifts, don’t overlook the dollar stores, garage sales, book sales at the library, thrift stores, discount stores, and e-Bay. By shopping around, you can find great sale items and perfect stocking stuffers at greatly reduced prices.


Emphasize together time. Suggest that family members give the gift of time to your kids instead of purchased gifts. Have a family outing to a zoo, skating rink, or to the beach. You can even go berry picking or kite flying. Teaching your kids a specific skill such as how to fish, bake an apple cobbler, knit a scarf, or throw a football is also a fantastic way to give your “time gift.” The point is that you are spending time together, and whatever you choose to do, being together often proves to be more memorable than opening up that “it” toy or electronic device that will soon be forgotten.

Suggest handmade instead of store bought. While preparing for that gift exchange, specify that a certain number should be no-cost items. Doing so makes Christmas less consumer-driven and brings back the true spirit of giving. Aside from crafty ideas, remind your kids that coupon books are great gifts that they can share with family members. These coupons can promise to call Grandma once a week, pledge to bake cookies for Grandpa, or vow to take out the trash for Mom sans nagging.
In the end, remember that the holidays are really meant to be about love, togetherness, and wonderful memories. ‘Cutting back’ this year may actually just be a blessing in disguise, a way to help your kids understand the true meaning of Christmas and bring back the real magic of the holidays.
Dr. Michele Borba, Parenting Expert 

Order her book today - Big Book of Parenting Solutions.  It is the one and only book you will need for many years to come!  I often refer to it as the Big Book of Parenting Recipes!  Michele Borba is our Julia Child  – Number one when it comes to parenting as Julia Child was to cooking!

Sue Scheff: Summer Depression and Teens - Waves of Depression

The sun is shining, the beach goers are splashing and the kids are smiling.  Why are some people and teens struggling with depression?

Depression can be a transient response to many situations and stresses. In adolescents, depressed mood is common because of the normal maturation process, the stress associated with it, the influence of sex hormones, and independence conflicts with parents.

• About 20 percent of teens will experience teen depression before they reach adulthood.
• Somewhere between 10 and 15 percent of teens show symptoms of depression at any given time.
• About 5 percent of teens are suffering from major depression at any one time.
• As many as 8.3 percent of teens suffer from depression for at least a year at a time.
• Most teens with depression will suffer from more than one episode. 20 to 40 percent will have more than one episode within two years, and 70 percent will have more than one episode before adulthood. Episodes of teen depression generally last about 8 months.
• Dysthymia, a type of mild, long-lasting depression, affects about 2 percent of teens, and about the same percentage of teens develop bipolar disorder in their late teenage years. 15 percent of teens with depression eventually develop bipolar disorder.
• A small percent of teens also suffer from seasonal depression, usually during the winter months in higher latitudes.
• 30 percent of teens suffering from depression will also develop one or more problems with substance abuse.
• Less than 33 percent of teens suffering from depression successfully seek and receive help for their disorder.

Sources: National Institutes of Health and Sue Scheff Teen Depression Website


If you feel your teen is struggling with depression, be sure to reach out and try to get them to talk about it.  Local therapy is always a good place to start.   www.helpyourteens.com

Be an educated parent, you will have healthier and safer teens.

Read more.

Sue Scheff: Digging Out of Deep Depression for Teens and Adults

Depression, sadness, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, isolation, fear, etc. Are you depressed? Do you know someone that is suffering with depression? Do you suspect your teenager may have signs of clinical depression?

During today's economy, many parents are struggling financially, maybe even lost their jobs or homes. Teenagers are going through a turbulent time as bullying and school violence climbs. Peer pressure is common as teens find it difficult to keep up with what they believe are the cool groups.

Guide to Healthcare Schools has developed a comprehensive list of depression resources on the Internet. They have asked me to share this extensive research in hopes that it will help people understand the signs of depression, the types of depression as well as some treatment directories.

Today, depression is one of the leading disorders facing adults, teens, and children, and while an increasing number of people seek help, an even larger contingency of the population suffer in silence.

Recovering from depression is a long and treacherous rode, often requiring the treatment of underlying causes of depression as opposed to merely a chemical imbalance.

Of course, the first step to recovering from depression is recognizing that you have a problem. The following list of articles and statistics are designed to help you learn more about what depression is, the symptoms of depression, how to seek help, and how to begin to recover.

Statistics on Depression in the United States

The following statistics were gathered by PBS .

• Depression affects 15 million American adults, which is roughly 8% of the U.S. population.
• Bipolar disorder or manic depression affects a staggering 6 million American adults. This is roughly 3% of the population.
• Women are twice as likely to develop depression as men.
• 80% of people who experience depression do not receive any sort of treatment.
• 80-90% of people who experience serious depression are unemployed.
• 90% of people who commit suicide have some sort of diagnosable mental illness.
• Scientists predict that by the year 2020 depression will be the 2nd most prevalent health problem in the world.

Read the entire research and resources - click here.

Read more.

Be an educated parent, you will have a healthier family.

Sue Scheff: Teen Suicide

This is not a subject many people are comfortable with, however critical that parents understand that it is very real. Recently I wrote an article on Examiner about Teenage Suicide and stressed that parents become educated on the warning signs and statistics. Take the time to be an educated parent – you will have a safe teen. Don’t be in denial, this is a serious and growing concern. Also visit Florida Initiative For Suicide Prevention founded by Jackie Rosen.

Source: Connect with Kids

Teen Suicide

“There’s a myth out there that if you talk about it, then you aren’t going to do it. Well that isn’t true. If you talk about it, usually it’s a cry for help.”

– Catherine Marnell, a high school counselor

This year an estimated 5 thousand young people in the U.S. will take their own life. And studies show that for every one suicide, there are nearly 200 teens who try to die and fail. That translates into one million kids who are experiencing serious psychological pain. But there are ways that parents, teachers and even other students can help.

At one area high school, the first line of defense against conflict and depression are the 25 student members of the Peer Helpers program. They talk about all kinds of issues affecting teens today, including youth suicide prevention.

“I’ve known three people [who've] committed suicide,” says Shalisha, 17.

“I had a best friend who tried to commit suicide. I’ve known her since kindergarten, but I never saw anything because she never really said anything about it,” 16-year-old Karina says.

“I’ve had three or four people I know kill themselves and about two attempt it – just one in the past week,” says Alexis, 16. “It’s sad. It’s unfathomable.”

Each year, 16 percent of teens seriously consider suicide. Another eight percent actually attempt to take their own life. It is the third leading cause of death among young people.

“We need to reach out and help these kids who are hurting,” says Catherine Marnell, a school counselor who runs the Peer Helpers program. She says parents should act whenever there are signs of depression. Marnell advises parents not to minimize their child’s pain or assume it’s not real.

“They’ll say, ‘Oh, no, my kid is just having a bad day.’ And I think parents tend to want to believe that everything is going to be OK, when they need to instead seek professional intervention,” Marnell says.

Like their parents, students can help their peers by recognizing the signs of a suicidal teen.

“My friends would give stuff away, they would tell me that they’re not happy. They’d tell me flat out that they’re gonna to try to commit suicide,” Alexis says.

“We try to kinda be a lifeline throughout the school,” 16-year-old Brandon says. “We want to let everybody know that they can come and talk to us whenever they need to.”

Some teenagers feel so overwhelmed with what they are experiencing that they believe their only escape is through suicide. Many parents and friends may not know there is a problem, however, until it is already too late. The risk of suicide may become evident to others if they know the warning signs of suicide. They include:

•Suicide notes
•Extreme depression
•Previous suicide attempts
•Drastic changes in mood, behaviors or tendencies
•References to death or dying
•Extremely risky behavior
•Giving away meaningful possessions

Tips for Parents

Intervention may be the best way to prevent suicide. If your child suspects a friend of having suicidal thoughts or tendencies, share with them the following options, developed by the National Association of School Psychologists.

•Know the warning signs! Read over the list above and keep it in a safe place.
•Do not be afraid to talk to your friends. Listen to their feelings. Make sure they know how important they are to you, but don’t believe you can keep them from hurting themselves on your own. Preventing suicide will require adult help.
•Make no deals. Never keep secret a friend’s suicidal plans or thoughts. You cannot promise that you will not tell – you have to tell to save your friend.
•Tell an adult. Talk to your parent, your friend’s parent, your school’s psychologist or counselor – a trusted adult. And don’t wait. Don’t be afraid that the adults will not believe you or take you seriously – keep talking until they listen. Even if you are not sure your friend is suicidal, talk to someone. It’s okay if you “jump the gun” – this is definitely the time to be safe and not sorry.
•Ask if your school has a crisis team. Many schools have organized crisis teams, which include teachers, counselors, social workers, psychologists and principals. These teams help train all staff to recognize warning signs of suicide, as well as how to help in a crisis situation. These teams can also help students understand warning signs of violence and suicide. If your school does not have a crisis team, ask your student council or faculty advisor to look into starting a team.
If you suspect your child of considering suicide, be sure to act quickly and take it seriously. Many times, the main factor leading kids to consider suicide is depression. If you suspect your child is struggling with depression, consider sharing with him/her the following suggestions, created by Teen Contact.

•Get help. Talk to someone that can help you get the help you need. Depression is a serious condition.
•Be active. Exercise daily and be around people. Don’t isolate yourself.
•Monitor your eating habits and make sure you’re eating a healthy diet.
•Consult a doctor.
•Don’t make any big decisions while you are depressed. You’re probably not thinking clearly. Also, don’t accept any additional responsibility while you are feeling depressed. Keep your tasks manageable.
•Change takes time. It probably took you a while to get depressed, so realize that it will probably take a while to feel better.
•Start using positive thinking and positive self-talk with yourself. Negative thinking plays a big part in depression. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, turn it around. This takes practice, but keep it up.
•Do some volunteer work. Helping others can help you, too.

References
•National Association of School Psychologists
•Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
•Center for Education, Treatment and Prevention of Addiction

Also visit my website on Teen Suicide Information.

Sue Scheff: Teenage Suicide

As you have probably heard before, talking to your teen about suicide is one of the most important things you can do in helping to prevent a suicide attempt. Many times parents are unsure of what to say and instead say nothing. Here are some suggestions of how you can open the channels of communication and help your teen open up.

First, tell your teen you care; no matter the state of your relationship, just hearing this can go a long way. Tell your teen you are there if needed, and are willing to listen without judging. NAMI estimates that around 80% of all teens who attempt suicide give some sort of verbal or nonverbal warning beforehand, so be sure to take whatever your teen says completely seriously.

A common mistake parents make when dealing with a suicidal teen is thinking that if they mention suicide they will be planting the idea in their teen’s brain. This is simply not accurate. In fact, by mentioning your fears, you are showing your teen that you take their actions and their life seriously. Remember, most people who are suicidal do not really want to die- they want to put an end to the suffering they are experiencing. When given an opportunity to be helped through that suffering, or when some of that suffering is alleviated by knowing they aren’t alone, this can help reduce the desire to end the pain by more drastic means.

Did you know? (Florida Initiative for Suicide Prevention)

Worldwide over 1,000,000 people die each year by suicide.

The CDC's most recent report shows the largest One-Year Increase in Youth Suicide Rate in 15 Years

Suicide takes the lives of over 2,400 Floridians and over 33,300 Americans in 2007.
Suicide is the 11th cause of death in the Americans.

In 2004, there were 2,382 reported suicide deaths in Florida.

In Broward County Florida the youngest documented child to complete suicide was 9 years of age.

Florida has the 2nd highest number of suicides in the Nation and ranks #13 highest rate of all the states [2001].

Florida has more than two times the number of suicides than homicides or deaths by HIV/AIDS.
Every 43 seconds someone in the U.S. attempts suicide; Every 17 minutes someone in the U.S. dies by suicide.

For every single completed suicide there are at least 25 attempts!

Each person who dies by suicide leaves behind an average of eight loved ones or survivors, not to mention friends, co-workers, schoolmates and religious affiliates

For more info: Parents' Universal Resource Experts, Florida Initiative for Suicide Prevention, Teen Suicide, National Institude of Mental Health, NAMI.

Also on Examiner.com

Sue Scheff: Freshman Blues - Teen going to college for the first time

Did you just send your child/teen off to college for the first time? Be prepared as a parent for how your child is feeling, experiencing how they are coping. Here are some great parenting tips during this transitional time.

Source: Connect with Kids

“College is stressful. You’re trying to look what you’re going to be in the future, and you don’t really think about that in high school. When you’re in college you’re trying to be someone, get somewhere, and I think it’s a little bit stressful trying to get to where you want to be.”

– Jennifer, 18 years old

Throughout the summer, many high school graduates were eagerly counting the days until college, when they would begin a new life away from their eyes of their parents. But now that they’re in college many are discovering a dark cloud.

High school senior Sarah has been busy narrowing down college choices and writing applications. She’s excited but also a little worried. “I think it’s going to be difficult to, you know, make all those new friends and adjust to it so quickly,” she says. And it may be more difficult than she knows.

According to a new Associated Press Poll, 85 percent of college students feel stressed, 42 percent say they have felt depressed or hopeless in the past two weeks, and another 13 percent showed the signs of being at risk for depression.

“They just get there and they’re surprised by how much homesickness they may have, how much loneliness they may have amongst all these people,” says psychiatrist Dr. John Lochridge.

He says it starts as stress: making new friends, the demands of college work, being on their own for the first time in their lives. “It’s a little stressful, but I’m trying to hold it together,” says college student Kasim Hasan, 19.

What’s more, according to a study by the University of Michigan, college students who are depressed are twice as likely to drop-out of school.

Many high school seniors don’t anticipate that part of the college experience and that’s why parents should prepare them. “You open up that conversation. You say, ‘You know, I think it’s going to be harder than you think. It’s a different kind of stress from anything you’re used to,’” says Dr. Lochridge.

His advice: let them know it’s OK to feel down at times and that you’ll be there to listen. Also encourage them to share their struggles with a roommate or new friend because they’re probably struggling, too.

Sarah realizes that struggle is part of becoming an adult. “It’s all going to fall on me,” says Sarah. “I have to get everything done, and hopefully I can become independent and rely on myself.”

Tips for Parents

Depression is a medical condition. It can cause one to find the simplest tasks difficult to complete and can affect school attendance. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, depression strikes about 17 million American over the age of 17 each year. That’s more than cancer, AIDS or coronary heart disease. An estimated one out of 10 children experiences difficulty escaping the symptoms of depression for long periods of time.

Some common reasons for depression, especially among college students, are: the loss of a significant relationship, leaving home, academic difficulties, parental conflict or concerns regarding one’s future. Environmental and biochemical factors may also play a role in causing depression. In some cases of depression, the affected individual can become so overwhelmed that thoughts of hurting him or herself or even suicide may occur. An estimated 15 percent of chronic depression cases end in suicide. Symptoms of depression include:

■The inability to experience pleasure, even from activities that once felt good.
■Feelings of worthlessness or guilt.
■Isolation from friends, family and peers.
■Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits.
■Fatigue.
■Irritability.
■Indecisiveness.
■Poor concentration.
Everyone has or will experience feeling depressed at some point in their lives. Notable historical figures like Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Ludwig von Beethoven, Georgia O’Keefe and Mark Twain all suffered from the disease.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, between 80 and 90 percent of all cases of depression can be treated effectively. However according to the National Institute of Mental Health, two-thirds of those suffering from depression don’t get the help they need. Many fail to identify their symptoms or attribute them to lack of sleep or a poor diet. Others are just too fatigued or ashamed to seek help.

What should you do if you suspect that someone close to you is suffering from depression?

■The most important thing is to remain supportive.
■Do not blame the person for his or her depression.
■Do not be confrontational or try to get the individual to “snap out of it.”
■Voice your concerns for the person’s wellbeing.
■State that you want to and are willing to help.
■Open lines of communication. This can range from just listening to the person to seeking out help from a mental health professional.

References
■National Institute of Mental Health
■Oregon Counseling
■Pfizer Inc.
■U.S. Food and Drug Administration
■University of Texas

Sue Scheff: Causes of Teen Depression

There are many causes of teen depression.

The most common causes are:

•Significant life events like the death of a family member or close friend, parents divorce or split, breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or moving to a new school/area.

•Emotional/Physical neglect, being separated from a nurturer, abuse, damage to self esteem.

•Many changes happening too quickly can cause depression. For some teens, any major change at one time can trigger symptoms.

•Stress, especially in cases where the teen has little or no emotional support from parents, other family members, or friends.

•Past traumatic events or experiences like sexual abuse, general abuse, or other major experiences often harbor deep within a child and emerge in the teen years. Most children are unable to process these types of events when they happen, but of course, they remember them. As they age, the events/experiences become clearer and they gain new understanding.

•Changes associated with puberty often cause emotions labeled as depression.

•Abuse of drugs or other substances can cause changes in the brainÕs chemistry, in many cases, causing some types of depression.

•Some medical conditions such as hypothyroidism are believed to affect hormone and mood balance. Physical pain that is chronic can also trigger depression. In many cases, depression caused by medical conditions disappears when medical attention is sought and treatment occurs.
•Depression is a genetic disorder, and teens with family members who have suffered from depression have a higher chance of developing it themselves.

Learn more - click here.

Sue Scheff: Warning Signs of Teenage Depression

Common warning signs/symptoms of teenage depression

•Changes in eating and sleeping habits (eating and sleeping too much or too little)
•Significant change in weight (loss or gain)
•Often misses school and/or shows bad school performance
•Reclusive, withdrawing from friends or family members
•Quick to show anger/rage
•General restlessness or anxiety
•Overreacts to criticism, even constructive
•Seems very self conscious, guilty
•Unusual problems with authority
•No longer partakes in or enjoys activities and events they once loved
•Indecision, lack of concentration, or forgetfulness
•Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
•Frequent health complaints despite being healthy
•Lack of motivation and enthusiasm for every day life
•Drug/alcohol abuse
•Mentions or thoughts of suicide


Learn more - click here.

Sue Scheff: Why Kids and Teens Steal

Source: KidsHealth

Your child does homework on time, helps you clear the table after dinner, and even helps with housework on the weekends. So can it be true that this same child is stealing?
Before you react, it helps to know a little about why kids steal and where to get help.

Why Kids and Teens Steal

Kids of all ages — from preschoolers to teens — can be tempted to steal for different reasons:
Very young children sometimes take things they want without understanding that things cost money and that it's wrong to take something without paying for it.

School-age kids usually know they're not supposed to take something without paying, but they might do so anyway because they lack enough self-control.

Preteens and teens know they're not supposed to steal, but might steal for the thrill of it or because their friends do. Some might believe they can get away with it. As they're given more control over their lives, some teens steal as a way of rebelling.

And other complex reasons can be factors. Kids might be angry or want attention. Their behavior may reflect stress at home, school, or with friends. Some may steal as a cry for help because of emotional or physical abuse they're enduring.

In other cases, kids and teens steal because they can't afford to pay for what they need or want — for example, they may steal to get popular name-brand items. In some cases, they may take things to support drug habits.

Whatever the reason for stealing, parents need to find out the root of the behavior and address other underlying problems, like drug abuse, that may surface.

What Should I Do?

When a child has been caught stealing, a parent's reaction should depend on whether it's the first time or there's a pattern of stealing.

With very young children, parents need to help them understand that stealing is wrong — that when you take something without asking or paying for it, it hurts someone else. If a preschooler takes a piece of candy, for instance, parents can help the child return the item. If the child has already eaten the candy, parents can take the child back to the store to apologize and pay for it.
With school-age kids, too, it's important to return the stolen item. By the first and second grades, kids should know stealing is wrong. But they may need a better understanding of the consequences.

Here's an example: If a child comes home with a friend's bracelet and it's clear the child took it without the friend's permission, the parent should talk to the child about how it would feel if a friend took something without asking first. The parent should encourage the child to call the friend to apologize, explain what happened, and promise to return it.

When teens steal, it's recommended that parents follow through with stricter consequences. For example, when a teen is caught stealing, the parent can take the teen back to the store and meet with the security department to explain and apologize for what happened.

The embarrassment of facing up to what he or she did by having to return a stolen item makes for an everlasting lesson on why stealing is wrong.

Further punishment, particularly physical punishment, is unnecessary and could make the child angry and more likely to engage in even worse behavior.

If it's a first-time offense, some stores and businesses may accept an apology and not necessarily press charges. However, some stores press charges the first time around. And there's often little sympathy for repeat offenders.

Kids of all ages need to know that shoplifting isn't just about taking things from a store — it's taking money from the people who run the businesses. Plus, shoplifting makes prices higher for other customers. They should also know that stealing is a crime and can lead to consequences far worse than being grounded, including juvenile detention centers and even prison.

If stealing money from a parent, the child should be offered options for paying back the money, like doing extra chores around the house. It's important, however, that a parent not bait the child by leaving out money in the hopes of catching the child in the act. That could damage the sense of trust between a parent and child.

If a Child Keeps Stealing

If your child has stolen on more than one occasion, consider getting professional help. Repeat offenses may indicate a bigger problem.

One third of juveniles who've been caught shoplifting say it's difficult for them to quit. So, it's important to help kids and teens understand why stealing is wrong and that they may face serious consequences if they continue to steal.

Others who may be able to talk to you and/or your child about the problem and help you address it include a:

family therapist or counselor
family doctor (who may be able to refer you to a family therapist or counselor)
minister, priest, or rabbi
school counselor (especially if your child is stealing from the school)
support group, such as the National Association for Shoplifting Prevention (NASP) or Cleptomaniacs and Shoplifters Anonymous (CASA), which may be able to provide information or help (look in your phone book for groups in your area)

Although most ordinary acts of theft or shoplifting are deliberate, some people who steal may have kleptomania. With this rare compulsive disorder, which makes up a very small portion of all shoplifting cases, a person feels a sense of tension or anxiety before the theft, then feels relief or gratification when committing the theft. The person may feel guilt afterward and often discard the objects after stealing them, and also might have other compulsive disorders (such as an eating disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder, OCD).

Whatever the underlying cause, if stealing is becoming a habit with your child or teen, consider speaking with a doctor or therapist to get to the cause of the behavior. It's also important to routinely monitoring your child's behavior, keep him or her away from situations in which stealing is a temptation, and establish reasonable consequences for stealing if it does occur.

Reviewed by: W. Douglas Tynan, PhD, ABPPDate reviewed: November 2008

Sue Scheff: Preventing Teen Drug Addiction

As a Parent Advocate, it is always frightening when a parent realizes their teen or tween may be experimenting with drugs (substance use). Here are some warning signs you should be aware of. Remember, an educated parent gives you the power to help your teen before it escalates to addiction.

Why do they start? What Should I Look For?

A major factor in drug use is peer pressure. Even teens who think they’re above the influence of peer pressure can often find it hard to refuse trying drugs when they believe their popularity is at stake. Teens may feel that taking drugs or alcohol to fit in is safer than becoming a perceived social exile, and may not realize that their friends will not abandon them simply for refusing a joint or bottle of beer.

A popular adage that is thrown around regarding peer pressure says if your friends would abandon you for not accepting an illegal substance, they’re not “real” friends- but try telling this to a teenager. A more effective method is to acknowledge the pressure to fit in and work with your teen to find solutions to these problems before they arise. Suggest that your teen offer to be the designated driver at parties, and work with them to develop a strategy for other situations.

Even agreeing to back your teen up on a carefully crafted story can help enforce your bond with them- giving them the okay to tell their friends to blame you or that you give them random drug tests will go a long way. Knowing they have your support in such a sensitive subject can alleviate many of their fears, and knowing they can trust you helps instill the idea they can come to you with other problems.

This is also an excellent time to remind them to never allow friends to drive under the influence and to never get into a car with someone under the influence. Reassure your teenager that if they should give in to peer pressure and become intoxicated or high, or if they have no sober ride home though they are sober themselves that it is always okay to call you for a ride home. Some parents may want to consider getting teens a cell phone for emergency use, or giving them an emergency credit card for cab fare.

Depression is another major factor in drug use. For more in depth information on teenage depression, please visit Sue Scheff™’s Teen Depression Resource. Despite the fact that many substances actually make depression worse, teenagers may be lured in by the initial high, which in theory is only replenished by more drugs. Thus begins the vicious cycle that becomes nearly impossible to break without costly rehabilitation. If you notice your teen is acting differently, it may be time to have a talk with them to address these changes. Remember- do not accuse your teen or criticize them. Drug use is a serious cry for help, and making them feel ashamed or embarrassed can make the problem worse. Some common behavior changes you may notice if your teen is abusing drugs and alcohol are:

Violent outbursts, disrespectful behavior
Poor or dropping grades
Unexplained weight loss or gain
Skin abrasions, track marks
Missing curfew, running away, truancy
Bloodshot eyes, distinct “skunky” odor on clothing and skin
Missing jewelry money
New friends
Depression, apathy, withdrawal
Reckless behavior

Defining Gateway Drugs
What Can You Do?
Need help? Are you considering outside treatment? Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/

Sue Scheff: Teen Suicide

Suicide is the third most common cause of death amongst adolescents between 15-24 years of age, and the sixth most common cause of death amongst 5-14 year olds. It is estimated that over half of all teens suffering from depression will attempt suicide at least once, and of those teens, roughly seven percent will succeed on the first try.

Teenagers are especially vulnerable to the threat of suicide, because in addition to increased stress from school, work and peers, teens are also dealing with hormonal fluctuations that can complicate even the most normal situations.

Because of these social and personal changes, teens are also at higher risk for depression, which can also increase feelings of despair and the desire to commit suicide. In fact, according to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) almost all people who commit suicide suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder or substance abuse disorder.

Often, teens feel as though they have no other way out of their problems, and may not realize that suicidal thoughts and feelings can be treated. Unfortunately, due to the often volatile relationship between teens and their parents, teens may not be as forthcoming about suicidal feelings as parents would hope. The good news is there are many signs parents can watch for in their teen without necessarily needing their teen to open up to them.

At some point in most teens’ lives, they will experience periods of sadness, worry and/or despair. While it is completely normal for a healthy person to have these types of responses to pain resulting from loss, dismissal, or disillusionment, those with serious (often undiagnosed) mental illnesses often experience much more drastic reactions. Many times these severe reactions will leave the teen in despair, and they may feel that there is no end in sight to their suffering. It is at this point that the teen may lose hope, and with the absence of hope comes more depression and the feeling that suicide is the only solution. It isn’t.

Teen girls are statistically twice as likely as their male counterparts to attempt suicide. They tend to turn to drugs (overdosing) or to cut themselves, while boys are traditionally more successful in their suicide attempts because they utilize more lethal methods such as guns and hanging. This method preference makes boys almost four times more successful in committing suicide.

Studies have borne out that suicide rates rise considerably when teens can access firearms in their home. In fact, nearly 60% of suicides committed in the United States that result in immediate death are accomplished with a gun. This is one crucial reason that any gun kept in a home with teens, even if that teen does not display any outward signs of depression, be stored in a locked compartment away from any ammunition. In fact, the ammunition should be stored in a locked compartment as well, and the keys to both the gun and ammunition compartments should be kept in a different area from where normal, everyday keys are kept.

Remember to always keep firearms, ammunition, and the keys to the locks containing them, away from kids.

Unfortunately, teen suicide is not a rare event. In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that suicide is the third leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 24. This disturbing trend is affecting younger children as well, with suicide rates experiencing dramatic increases in the under-15 age group from 1980 to 1996. Suicide attempts are even more prevalent, though it is difficult to track the exact rates.

Learn more.

Sue Scheff: Parents Need to Learn More about Inhalant Abuse

As summer is here, teens and tweens may find idle time and many parents are unaware of a deadly substance abuse that can be located within their own home - ordinary household product that could potentially have harmful affects on your child's health.

I hear from parents about their child smoking pot, or taking prescription pills (bars) but are you aware of cooking spray, gasoline, spray paint, felt tip pens, nail polish remover and much more?

Learn more at Inhalant.org and don't become a statistic.

WHAT IS INHALANT ABUSE?

Inhalant abuse refers to the deliberate inhalation or sniffing of common products found in homes and communities with the purpose of "getting high." Inhalants are easily accessible, legal, everyday products.

When used as intended, these products have a useful purpose in our lives and enhance the quality of life, but when intentionally misused, they can be deadly. Inhalant Abuse is a lesser recognized form of substance abuse, but it is no less dangerous. Inhalants are addictive and are considered to be "gateway" drugs because children often progress from inhalants to illegal drug and alcohol abuse.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that one in five American teens have used Inhalants to get high.Inhalation is referred to as huffing, sniffing, dusting or bagging and generally occurs through the nose or mouth. Huffing is when a chemically soaked rag is held to the face or stuffed in the mouth and the substance is inhaled. Sniffing can be done directly from containers, plastic bags, clothing or rags saturated with a substance or from the product directly.

With Bagging, substances are sprayed or deposited into a plastic or paper bag and the vapors are inhaled. This method can result in suffocation because a bag is placed over the individuals head, cutting off the supply of oxygen.

Other methods used include placing inhalants on sleeves, collars, or other items of clothing that are sniffed over a period of time. Fumes are discharged into soda cans and inhaled from the can or balloons are filled with nitrous oxide and the vapors are inhaled. Heating volatile substances and inhaling the vapors emitted is another form of inhalation. All of these methods are potentially harmful or deadly. Experts estimate that there are several hundred deaths each year from Inhalant Abuse, although under-reporting is still a problem.

What Products Can be Abused?

There are more than a 1,400 products which are potentially dangerous when inhaled, such as typewriter correction fluid, air conditioning coolant, gasoline, propane, felt tip markers, spray paint, air freshener, butane, cooking spray, paint, and glue.

Most are common products that can be found in the home, garage, office, school or as close as the local convenience store. The best advice for consumers is to read the labels before using a product to ensure the proper method is observed. It is also recommended that parents discuss the product labels with their children at age-appropriate times. The following list represents categories of products that are commonly abused.

Click here for a list of abusable products.

Sue Scheff: Stop Medicine Abuse

I was asked by caring parents and individuals to give people encouraging news. StopMedicineAbuse is making a difference in creating awareness in parents and helping open up the lines of communication with their teens and tweens today.

Although almost two-thirds parents have talked to their teens about cough medicine abuse, a large number still have not had this critical conversation. To help alert these parents, many OTC cough medicines will now feature the Stop Medicine Abuse educational icon on the packaging. The icon, which also can be viewed online (see above), is a key reminder for parents that teen medicine abuse is an issue that they need to be aware of.

Look for them on Facebook and join their Fan Club Group to stay updated.

How can you help?

More Parents Talking with Their Teens about Cough Medicine Abuse

Posted by Five Mom, Christy Crandell , on Monday, May 11, 2009

Our efforts to educate parents about medicine abuse have reached thousands of families in the United States. With your help, more parents than ever are learning about this risky teen substance abuse behavior and are talking with their teens. According to the Partnership Attitude Tracking Study, released by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, 65 percent of parents have talked to their teens about the dangers of abusing OTC cold and cough medicine to get high-an 18 percent increase in the number of parents who talked to their teens in 2007.
My fellow Five Moms and I are excited to share this promising news with you, but there is still much work ahead. Although nearly two-thirds of parents have talked with their teens, 35 percent of parents said that they have not had this important conversation.

We know that when parents talk to their teens about the risks of substance abuse, their teens are up to fifty percent less likely to abuse substances. If you have not already talked with your teens about the dangers of cough medicine abuse, visit our talk page for some helpful ideas on how to have this discussion.

It is also critical that we share this information with our friends and communities as well. Too many parents are still unaware that some teens are abusing OTC cough medicine to get high, and it is important that we talk with them about this behavior. By talking with other parents, we can make sure that every family has the knowledge and tools to help keep teens safe and healthy.

Sharing information about cough medicine abuse is easy. It only takes a moment to start a conversation, and thanks to Stop Medicine Abuse, you can Tell-A-Friend through e-mail or post the Stop Medicine Abuse widget to your blog or web site. The more parents are aware of cough medicine abuse, the better we can prevent this behavior from happening in our communities.
Have you talked with other parents about cough medicine abuse?

Share your advice about having this conversation at the Stop Medicine Abuse Fan page

Sue Scheff: Teenage Depression

Source: Connect with Kids

“Just this gloom was like hanging over my head and I knew something wasn’t right but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was.”

– Amy, 16 years old

New research from Columbia University finds that nearly 50 percent of teens suffer from some form of depression, anxiety, or a number of other psychiatric disorders.

“A lot of people I know get depressed all the time about lots of stuff,” says 15-year-old Meagan.

“It’s like everything’s all on your shoulders and you have to take everything at once,” says Meredith, 14.

Sixteen-year-old Amy agrees, “Just this gloom was like hanging over my head and I knew something wasn’t right but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was.”

“My parents went through an awful divorce my ninth grade year and I was devastated, worse than my heart could ever imagine,” says 18-year-old Brittany, “and it hurts a lot, and I still hurt to this day and I’m a senior in H.S.”

The symptoms vary: some kids may be lethargic and withdrawn; others may show agitation and frustration, even aggression. Often, there is a drop in grades.

And sometimes these symptoms can cause parents to punish the child, instead of providing treatment.

“Rather than thinking of children’s misbehaviors as discipline problems or misbehaviors as deliberate,” says psychologist Sunaina Jain, Ph.D., “it’s important to see them as communications from the child.”

Experts say lots of kids experience depression or anxiety, often mild and temporary, but not always. And that’s why parents need to constantly check their child’s emotional pulse.

“You know it doesn’t take hours and hours. Even a few minutes of checking in with each other every day is a great way of saying you know I’m here, I’m interested in you,” says Jain.

Tips for Parents

All teens experience ups and downs. Every day poses a new test of their emotional stability – fighting with a friend, feeling peer pressure to “fit in” with a particular crowd or experiencing anxiety over a failed quiz – all of which can lead to normal feelings of sadness or grief. These feelings are usually brief and subside with time, unlike depression, which is more than feeling blue, sad or down in the dumps once in a while.

According to the Nemours Foundation, depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months or even longer. It also interferes with a person’s ability to participate in normal activities. Often, depression in teens is overlooked because parents and teachers feel that unhappiness or “moodiness” is typical in young people. They blame hormones or other factors for teens’ feelings of sadness or grief, which leaves many teens undiagnosed and untreated for their illness.

The Mayo Clinic reports that sometimes a stressful life event triggers depression. Other times, it seems to occur spontaneously, with no identifiable specific cause. However, certain risk factors may be associated with developing the disorder. Johns Hopkins University cites the following risk factors for becoming depressed:

Children under stress who have experienced loss or who suffer attention, learning or conduct disorders are more susceptible to depression.
Girls are more likely than boys to develop depression.
Youth, particularly younger children, who develop depression are likely to have a family history of the disorder.

Possible Symptoms:

Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells
Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns
Irritability, anger, worry, agitation or anxiety
Pessimism or indifference
Loss of energy or persistent lethargy
Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
Inability to concentrate and indecisiveness
Inability to take pleasure in former interests or social withdrawal
Unexplained aches and pains
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

It is important to acknowledge that teens may experiment with drugs or alcohol or become sexually promiscuous to avoid feelings of depression. According to the National Mental Health Association, teens may also express their depression through other hostile, aggressive, risk-taking behaviors. These behaviors will only lead to new problems, deeper levels of depression and destroyed relationships with friends and family, as well as difficulties with law enforcement or school officials.

The development of newer antidepressant medications and mood-stabilizing drugs in the last 20 years has revolutionized the treatment of depression. According to the Mayo Clinic, medication can relieve the symptoms of depression, and it has become the first line of treatment for most types of the disorder. Psychotherapy may also help teens cope with ongoing problems that trigger or contribute to their depression. A combination of medications and a brief course of psychotherapy are usually effective if a teen suffers from mild to moderate depression. For severely depressed teens, initial treatment usually includes medications. Once they improve, psychotherapy can be more effective.

Immediate treatment of your teen’s depression is crucial. Adolescents and children suffering from depression may turn to suicide if they do not receive proper treatment. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for Americans aged 10-24. The National Association of School Psychologists suggests looking for the following warning signs that may indicate your depressed teen if contemplating suicide:

Suicide notes: Notes or journal entries are a very real sign of danger and should be taken seriously.

Threats: Threats may be direct statements (“I want to die.” “I am going to kill myself”) or indirect comments (“The world would be better without me.” “Nobody will miss me anyway”). Among teens, indirect clues could be offered through joking or through comments in school assignments, particularly creative writing or artwork.

Previous attempts: If your child or teen has attempted suicide in the past, a greater likelihood that he or she will try again exists. Be very observant of any friends who have tried suicide before.

Depression (helplessness/hopelessness): When symptoms of depression include strong thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness, your teen is possibly at greater risk for suicide. Watch out for behaviors or comments that indicate your teen is feeling overwhelmed by sadness or pessimistic views of his or her future.

“Masked” depression: Sometimes risk-taking behaviors can include acts of aggression, gunplay and alcohol or substance abuse. While this behavior may not appear to be depression, in fact it may suggest that your teen is not concerned about his or her own safety.

Final arrangements: This behavior may take many forms. In adolescents, it might be giving away prized possessions, such as jewelry, clothing, journals or pictures.

Efforts to hurt himself or herself: Self-injury behaviors are warning signs for young children as well as teens. Common self-destructive behaviors include running into traffic; jumping from heights; and scratching, cutting or marking his or her body.

Changes in physical habits and appearance: Changes include inability to sleep or sleeping all the time, sudden weight gain or loss and lack of interest in appearance or hygiene.

Sudden changes in personality, friends or behaviors: Changes can include withdrawing from friends and family, skipping school or classes, loss of involvement in activities that were once important and avoiding friends.

Plan/method/access: A suicidal child or adolescent may show an increased interest in guns and other weapons, may seem to have increased access to guns, pills, etc., and/or may talk about or hint at a suicide plan. The greater the planning, the greater the potential for suicide.

Death and suicidal themes: These themes might appear in classroom drawings, work samples, journals or homework.

If you suspect suicide, it is important to contact a medical professional immediately. A counselor or psychologist can also help offer additional support.

References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
American Foundation for Suicidal Prevention
Columbia University
Johns Hopkins University
Mayo Clinic
National Association of School Psychologists
National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association
National Institute of Mental Health
National Mental Health Association
Nemours Foundation
Thomson-Reuters

Sue Scheff - Parenting Teens Self Injury

Self abuse (or self mutilation) can come in many forms; most commonly it is associated with cutting, hair pulling or bone breaking, but it can also manifest itself as eating disorders like bulimia, and/or anorexia. This site will focus mainly on cutting, which is the most common form of self abuse, with 72% of all self injurers choosing to do so by cutting themselves, and hair pulling. Cutting is exactly as it sounds; when your teen cuts him or herself as a physical expression to feel emotional pain.

There are many reasons why teens injure themselves, but many people assume it’s just ‘for attention’. Often this can be an element of why your teen may be abusing him or her self, but just as often it can be something your teen does privately to express the emotional pain they feel inside. And while self injury is a taboo subject, it is estimated that 3 to 6 million Americans self injure themselves in some way, and that number is on the increase- in fact, its already doubled in the past three years.

Learn more - click here.

Sue Scheff 2009 Quick Parenting Tips

Sue Scheff – Founder of Parents’ Universal Resource Experts and Author of Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-Of-Control Teen
Offers 10 Parenting Quick Tips for 2009


1. Communication: Keeping the lines of communication of your child should be a priority with all parents. It is important to let your kids know you are always there for them no matter what the subject is. If there is a subject you are not comfortable with, please be sure your child has someone they can open up to. I believe that when kids keep things bottled up, it can be when negative behaviors can start to grow.

2. Knowing your Children’s Friends: This is critical, in my opinion. Who are your kids hanging out with? Doing their homework with? If they are spending a lot of time at a friends house, go out of your way to call the parent introduce yourself. Especially if they are spending the night at a friends house, it important to take time to call the parents or meet them. This can give you a feeling of security knowing where your child is and who they are with.


3. Know your Child’s Teachers – Keep track of their attendance at school: Take time to meet each teacher and be sure they have your contact information and you have theirs if there are any concerns regarding your child. In the same respect, take time to meet your child’s Guidance Counselor.

4. Keep your Child Involved: Whether it is sports, music, drama, dance, and school clubs such as chess, government, school newspaper or different committees such as prom, dances and other school activities. Keeping your child busy can keep them out of trouble. If you can find your child’s passion – whether it is football, soccer, gymnastics, dance, music – that can help keep them focused and hopefully keep them on track in school.


5. Learn about Internet Social Networking: In today’s Cyber generation this has to be a priority. Parents need to help educate their kids on Cyber Safety – think before they post, help them to understand what they put up today, may haunt them tomorrow. Don’t get involved with strangers and especially don’t talk about sex with strangers. Avoid meeting in person the people you meet online without you being there. On the same note – cell phone and texting – don’t allow your child to freely give out their cell numbers and never post them online. Parents should consider ReputationDefender/MyChild to further help protect their children online.

6. Encourage your teen to get a job or volunteer: In today’s generation I think we need to instill responsibility and accountability. This can start early by encouraging your teen to either get a job or volunteer, especially during the summer. Again, it is about keeping them busy, however at the same time teaching them responsibility. I always tell parents to try to encourage their teens to get jobs at Summer Camps, Nursing Homes, ASPCA, Humane Society or places where they are giving to others or helping animals. It can truly build self esteem to help others.


7. Make Time for your Child: This sounds very simple and almost obvious, but with today’s busy schedule of usually both parents working full time or single parent households, it is important to put time aside weekly (if not daily at dinner) for one on one time or family time. Today life is all about electronics (cell phones, Ipods, Blackberry’s, computers, etc) that the personal touch of actually being together has diminished.

8. When Safety trumps privacy: If you suspect your teen is using drugs, or other suspicious behaviors (lying, defiance, disrespectful, etc) it is time to start asking questions – and even “snooping” – I know there are two sides to this coin, and that is why I specifically mentioned “if you suspect” things are not right – in these cases – safety for your child takes precedence over invading their privacy. Remember – we are the parent and we are accountable and responsible for our child.


9. Are you considering outside treatment for your child? Residential Therapy is a huge step, and not a step that is taken lightly. Do your homework! When your child’s behavior escalates to a level of belligerence, defiance, substance abuse or God forbid gang relations – it may be time to seek outside help. Don’t be ashamed of this – put your child’s future first and take steps to get the help he/she needs – immediately, but take your time to find the right placement. Read Wit’s End! for more information. Take a moment to read a recent News Articles from the Miami Herald on Wit’s End and Sun-Sentinel - Rescuing Your Troubled Teens.

10. Be a parent FIRST: There are parents that want to be their child’s friend and that is great – but remember you are a parent first. Set boundaries – believe it not kids want limits (and most importantly – need them). Never threaten consequences you don’t plan on following through with.