Parenting Teens: Is Your Teen Ready for College?

How much preparation is your teen doing to get ready for college?  Besides dreaming about a new freedom, are they taking the education seriously?  The coursework can be different and very challenging to some.  Keeping your teen motivated in a positive direction is important.+

Source: Connect with Kids

College Prep or Not?

“We found that when students take those upper-level courses, beyond Algebra Two … it greatly increased their chances of being ready for college.”

– Jon Erickson, ACT Educational Services

As high school seniors all over the country work to complete their college applications, a troubling new study called the 2010 Deloitte Education Survey reveals that slightly less than one-third of high school educators feel their students are prepared for college when they leave high school. In fact, findings support that a third of college students are taking remedial courses in college.

Twins Lauren and Stefanie are college freshman. Both of them say their high school wasn’t all that demanding.

Lauren says: “I saw teachers who lacked willingness to really be there. Teachers who I thought didn’t really seem to care about preparing their students.” And she notes, “I didn’t see a lot of incentives in my school for students to be academically motivated. We didn’t really get any kind of rewards or anything like that for being motivated.”

Stefanie had a similar experience. “Most of my friends,” she says, “were in what was called on-level classes. And the on-level classes were not intense. (They) did not require much effort at all … didn’t require attendance, even.”

That leaves many experts wondering … are high school kids prepared for college?
Jon Erickson, vice president of educational services for ACT, which administers the annual college entrance exam, explains, “If students aren’t ready for college, especially as measured by the college readiness benchmarks, their odds of either not getting into college, of going into remediation or not doing well once in college or of not graduating are greatly increased.”
According to the Deloitte 2010 Education Survey, more than one-third of college freshman need remedial courses to catch up. And a staggering 92 percent of teachers surveyed say they don’t have the data to help them measure how their students are doing in college – to make adjustments to their coursework.
Experts say, the way to get ready for college is for high school kids to take the toughest courses they can.

“We found that when students take those upper-level courses beyond Algebra Two… the upper science courses like physics,” says Erickson, “it greatly increased their chances of being ready for college, regardless of how they do in high school.”

And he says parents can play a huge role in motivating their kids. “We find that if they help their students choose their four-year course plan very early in eighth-grade, that’s a great benefit to students.”
Stefanie and Lauren say they were encouraged to take those higher-level courses, and it’s paying off. Both are doing well in their first semester in college as they head into final exams.
“I’ve always been very into my education and wanting to push for success,” says Lauren, “and my parents always placed a big emphasis on my schoolwork.” Stefanie says, “I really feel that I was prepared, that I know what my teachers expect of me.”

What We Need To Know

Schools nationwide are urged to strengthen the high school core curriculum to help improve students’ readiness for college and the workforce. Students in K-8 who are not learning the foundational skills for rigorous high school coursework should be identified earlier and provided with supportive interventions, thus preparing them for higher-level math and science courses such as trigonometry, pre-calculus, chemistry and physics.

A new study by ACT, Inc. reveals that racial and income gaps in college success rates can be narrowed by ensuring that all students take a rigorous core curriculum in high school. The report, entitled “Mind the Gaps: How College Readiness Narrows Achievement Gaps in College Success,” calls for college and career readiness standards that are aligned among K-12, postsecondary education, and workforce training programs. It also suggests that student readiness for college and career should be monitored early and often.
The U.S. Department of Education prepared this list of recommended high school coursework for college-bound students. The specific classes listed here are examples of the types of courses students can take:

• English for four years. Types of classes include American Literature, Composition, English Literature and World Literature.
• Mathematics: Three to four years. Types of classes include Algebra I, Algebra II, Calculus, Geometry, Precalculus, Trigonometry. History and Geography for two to three years. Types of classes include Civics, Geography, U.S. History, U.S. Government, World History, World Cultures.
• Laboratory Science for two to four years. Types of classes include Biology, Chemistry, Earth Science, Physics.
• Foreign Language for two to four years.
• Visual and Performing Arts for at least one year. Types of classes include Art, Dance, Drama or Music.
• Challenging Electives for one to three years. Types of classes can include Communications, Computer Science, Economics, Psychology, Statistics.

Students and their parents should enlist the support of the high school guidance counselor. Questions to ask can include:

• What basic academic courses do you recommend for students who want to go to college?
• How many years of each academic subject does the high school require for graduation?
• What elective courses do you recommend for college-bound students?
• Can students who are considering college get special help or tutoring?
• What activities can students do at home and over the summers to strengthen their preparation for college?
• How much homework is expected of students preparing for college?
• What do different colleges require in terms of high school grades and SAT or ACT scores?

Resources

• “Mind the Gaps: How College Readiness Narrows Achievement Gaps in College Success.”
• U.S. Department of Education Recommendations for Academic Preparation
• 2010 Deloitte Education Survey

Being Gay and Being a Parent of a Teenager

Recently I spoke with a mother that is struggling with her daughter that is openly gay.  This daughter is in her 20′s and the parents are still having difficulties accepting this.  Looking for blame, searching for reasons and most of all, hoping “this will pass”.  I will not pass judgment on any parent or anyone, I am a firm believer until you walk in my shoes, you truly don’t know how you would feel.  I would like to believe I would be accepting of homosexuality in my kids, and I believe I would be, as I am very open and Liberal minded, but again, I have never been faced with it.  Yes, I have relatives that are openly gay, and I am more than fine with it.   I have many friends that are gay, and actually they are the most generous and wonderful, caring people.  I don’t want to talk about them like they are a species, they aren’t.  They are just like you and me, and every other human.  They have feelings, they have emotions and they have their beliefs.  We all have ideas of what makes us as an individual happy, but it is not what makes others happy.  Diversity and  tolerance makes the world go round.

Connect with Kids recently published an article on teen kids with gay parents.  Is it a struggling? If so, for who?  The kids, the parents or society?

Source: Connect with Kids

Teen Children of Gay Parents

“A lot of teenagers will use (the word) ‘gay’ to mean ‘stupid’ or ‘dumb’… which is not true.”
– Jordan, 14, whose mother is a lesbian

Yes, the kids are alright. New research on the behavior of children of gay parents, published in the journal Family Process, reveals that the kids are not only psychologically healthy, but often appear to exhibit a lower incidence of social problems than their peers. What — and when – gay parents tell children can make a difference on how those kids handle their non-traditional family situation.
When Jordan was nine, his mom broke the news.
“Up to that point, I had not expressed to him that I was a lesbian,” says Lisa, his mom.
Jordan says initially he didn’t think much of it, but now that he’s older…
“I’m afraid a lot of people are going to be looking at my mom and others and thinking that ‘they’re not right,’ and that’s not true,” says Jordan.
Experts say adolescence for a child of a gay parent can be especially tough.
“You have a dual adjustment situation where a child is struggling to adjust to their own sexuality and to come to more adult terms about their parents sexuality, and on top of that, they’re trying to adjust to their peer group,” says Dr. Cathy Blusiewicz, an adolescent psychologist.

And what peers think and say can mean everything to a teenager.

“One difficulty of adolescence is that real desire to fit in and to be like everybody else,” says Dr. Blusiewicz.
Experts say support groups for children of gay parents can help your child meet other kids in the same situation.

“It’s comforting not to feel like you’re the only one,” says Dr. Blusiewicz.

And by talking openly about sexuality early on, at age-appropriate levels, experts say both straight and gay parents can help their child grow up to be more accepting adolescents.

“From a very young age, I have raised him to be open to difference,” says Mrs. Prince, “to stand up for who he is on any level, whether it’s about his family, or any other issue that he feels strongly about.

Jordan’s friends know his mom is a lesbian and think it’s no big deal. But to those who do, he says…
“I’m not really concerned about that. I don’t have to take the insults in. I don’t have to take weird looks and stuff like that.”

What We Need To Know

Teaching a child the dangers of harassment and/or bullying behavior based upon sexual preference can be a very difficult process for some parents. As with other discussions, there are a number of things that parents can do to make the discussion a little easier and more effective.

• Parents need to inform themselves before they talk with their kids. Parents need to get the facts about homosexuality and need to be prepared to share the facts their kids in an age-appropriate manner.
• Parents need to come to grips with their own feelings regarding gays, lesbians and bisexuals, and to share those values with their children in the context of the discussion. For many parents, this is the most difficult aspect of the conversation, and there are no easy answers to the problem.
• Parents need to maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for the discussion. Try to use words that are comfortable and familiar when talking to kids about important topics. Parents should also try to encourage the child to talk and ask questions. They need to know that they can talk about things with the parents freely and without fear of consequence.
• It is important for parents to search for a support group of other parents who share their same concerns and are facing the same issues. If one is not available in your area, organize one. The sharing of ideas and fears can help alleviate anxiety and give parents ideas and thoughts they may not have realized otherwise.

Resources

• American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
• Family Acceptance Project
• Family Process Journal
• Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

Sue Scheff: Teens Sneaking into R-Rated Movies

Who hasn't sneaked into an "R" rated movie when they weren't of age or not accompanied by an adult? 

Researchers at Dartmouth School of Medicine found that more than 2.5 million kids ages 10 to 14 have seen movies restricted to older teens and adults. Some are watching them on the Internet, others at home and still others are sneaking into the theaters.

Experts are concerned, saying movies are uniquely engaging. For two hours, kids are held captive in the reality of that movie. That means the R-rated sex and violence have more power than television or video games to change how they think or even act.

New research suggests that keeping kids from R-rated movies can help them from drinking, smoking and doing a lot of other things that parents don't want them to do.

Connect with Kids offers some great advice to parents. Before allowing your teen to head off to the movies for a night out, it is important you find out as much information as you can about the movie first. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests:

• Read reviews. Look in the newspaper for a review on the movie
• Check the Internet. You can often find sites dedicated to the movie. This will provide you with a little more information on the movie content.
• Talk to friends who have seen it. Often the best way to determine if the movie is appropriate is to ask someone who has seen it.
• Choose carefully when considering movies with PG-13, PG, or even G ratings. Remember a PG movie that contains some violence or nudity will have a much different effect on a five-year-old child than it would a 12-year-old.
• If you are still not sure. See the movie yourself first. You are the best judge as to whether this is appropriate for your child.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens!

Read more.

Sue Scheff: Summer Time - Chances of Your Teens Experimenting with Pot are Higher

On almost a daily basis I hear from parents about their teens smoking pot on a regular basis.  It is quite disturbing that it has become acceptable in many ways.   With extra time and many teens hanging out during the summer months, chances are higher that they may have an opportunity to try pot.  Are you ready for this?  How will you respond?  Talk now, don't wait for it to happen.

Source: Connect with Kids

For Teens, Is Summer Going to Pot

“During the summer, I went out more. And during the school year, I was focused on my homework and stuff, and the summer was mostly just a time for me to relax and just chill out and go party.”

– Angelique, 18

Recent research from the Partnership for a Drug Free America reports that marijuana use among teens is on the rise. Mix in another statistic: That during the summer months when kids have more free time, more will try pot for the first time. Pot use may really approach new highs.

For most teens, the summer brings sun, swimming and maybe some extra time spent on the skateboard. But for others, the season marks the time when they first try pot.

"Beginning of summer, first day of summer, in fact," says Sarah, who's 19.

"It was during the summer because then we could stay out later and a lot of other kids were out of school, too," 18-year-old Angelique adds.

In fact, studies show 40 percent of teens who smoke marijuana first tried the drug during the summer.
"They have a lot of free time. A lot of kids are bored during the summer. They've got nothing to do. So the fact that a lot of kids are starting to get into things they shouldn't and experiment isn't surprising at all," says addiction counselor Dr. Robert Margolis, who serves as executive director of Solutions Counseling in Atlanta.

Every month... but especially during the summer months, parents need to know what their kids are up to.
"I think they ought to ask themselves do they have any plan going into the summer for their kids. What are their kids going to do? Are they going to get a job? Are they going to maybe go study someplace ... are they going to have something that's structured to do?" Dr. Margolis says.
He says that regardless of their own personal experiences when they were young, parents should explain the dangers of marijuana, especially at the beginning of the summer.
"What parents need to understand is that this is a very harmful, addictive drug that ruins people's lives. And they better be prepared with facts to discuss this with their kids," Dr. Margolis says.
Talks with her parents, and her doctor, finally convinced Angelique to stop smoking marijuana.
"Like they're more dangerous than cigarettes and all that stuff. I didn't know that," she says.

What Parents Need To Know

The summer months often bring more freedom to teens. But many of them abuse this freedom, as evidenced by data released by the National Household Survey on Drug Abuse that shows 40% of teens first try marijuana during the summer. In fact, about 5,800 teens try marijuana for the first time each day in June and July.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention annual Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey, more than 38% of teens report having use marijuana in their life. Nearly 20% admitted to smoking pot within the past 30 days and 8% of kids tried marijuana prior to turning 13 years of age.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), the prevalence of drug use can, in part, be attributed to the overall perceptions and attitudes that drug use – particularly that of marijuana – is not harmful and is insignificant. Yet, those who choose to use this substance do risk developing serious health problems. The NIDA says that marijuana is responsible for the following physical effects in a user:

• THC – the main chemical in marijuana – changes the way in which sensory information gets into and is acted on by particular systems in the brain. The system most affected is the limbic system, which is crucial for learning, memory and the integration of sensory experiences with emotions and motivations. Investigations have shown that THC suppresses neurons in the information-processing system of the brain.
• A person who smokes marijuana regularly may have many of the same respiratory problems that tobacco smokers develop. The individual may have daily cough and phlegm, symptoms of chronic bronchitis and more frequent chest colds. Continuing to smoke marijuana can lead to abnormal functioning of lung tissue injured or destroyed by marijuana smoke.
• Regardless of the THC content, the amount of tar inhaled by marijuana smokers and the level of carbon monoxide absorbed are three to five times greater than among tobacco smokers. This may be due to marijuana users inhaling more deeply and holding the smoke in the lungs.

In order for parents to help curb the growing problem of marijuana use among teens, they must first understand the dangers involved in using the drug. The National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign cautions parents to be aware of the following points about marijuana use:

• Marijuana is the most widely used illicit drug among youth today.
• More teens enter treatment for marijuana abuse each year than for all other illicit drugs combined.
• Marijuana is addictive.
• Marijuana use can lead to a host of significant health, social, learning and behavioral problems at a crucial time in a young person's development.
• Adolescent marijuana users show lower academic achievement compared to non-users.
• Even short-term marijuana use has been linked to memory loss and difficulty with problem-solving.
• Time and again, kids say that their parents are the single most important influence when it comes to using drugs.

As a parent, how can you determine if your teen is using marijuana? According to the NIDA, you should look for the following symptoms associated with marijuana use:

• Appears dizzy and has trouble walking
• Seems silly and giggly for no reason
• Has very red or blood shot eyes
• Has trouble remembering events that have just occurred

Although these symptoms will fade within a few hours of use, other significant behavioral changes – including withdrawal, depression, fatigue, carelessness with grooming, hostility and deteriorating relationships with family members and friends – may signal that your teen is in trouble. If your teen is using drugs, he or she may also experience changes in academic performance, have increased absenteeism, lose interest in sports or other favorite activities and develop different eating or sleeping habits.
Whether or not you suspect your child is using marijuana, it is crucial that you discuss the issue at an early age. The experts at DrugHelp suggest following these steps when discussing tough issues, like drug abuse, with your child:

• Create a climate in which your child feels comfortable approaching you and expressing his or her feelings.
• Don't shut off communication by responding judgmentally, saying, "You're wrong" or "That's bad."
• Give your child an opportunity to talk.
• Show your interest by asking appropriate questions.
• Listen to what your child has to say before formulating a response.
• Focus on what your child has to say, not on language or grammar.
• Use probing questions to encourage a shy child to talk.
• Identify areas of common experience and agreement.
• Leave the door open for future conversations

Resources

• DrugHelp
• National Institute on Drug Abuse
• National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Sue Scheff: Teens, Drinking and what Parent's Don't know

As the trial of Diane Katz Santarelli concludes, it should also be a wake-up call for parents. Teens and drinking is a concern and a very serious one.

The statistics are sobering. In a recent national survey of more than 2,500 eleventh and twelfth graders, 90 percent of teens believe their counterparts are more likely to drink and drive on prom night and 79 percent believe the same is true for graduation night.

What parents need to know is despite the tragic tales of reckless driving on prom and graduation nights, teens have a pervasive "it won't happen to me" attitude. Add to the alcohol factor distractions like texting or talking on the cell phone while driving, or the greater likelihood of multiple people in the car, and the crash potential is very real.

Parenting Tips:

• Communicate, Communicate Ask where your children are going, with whom they will be and what they will be doing. Ask who and how they will be supervised at a party. Be wary of sleepovers and all night parties. For some teens, sleepovers are opportunities to use drugs, alcohol and/or have sex, and can put them under too much peer pressure. Teen use of alcohol can lead to unprotected sex or dating violence. If your teen is at a home party, be sure you and the supervising adults share the same values and expectations for behavior at the party. Check in by phone or drive over to make sure a responsible parent is supervising the event and your child is still there. Make sure your teen has a safe ride home at the end of the party.
• Get involved. Volunteer to supervise school or neighborhood parties. Offer to chauffeur kids to and from graduation celebrations. Host an alcohol free party at your home.
• Discuss Safety with Your Child Even if your child resists alcohol and drugs, he or she is still at risk for becoming victimized by them. Emphasize the importance of watching out for careless, and possibly drunken, drivers and using the "buddy system" so that he or she is with at least one friend at all times. Encourage your child to call you at any time if he or she needs a safe ride home or for any other reason.
• Be clear about what you expect and be firm. Around age 17 and 18 is a time when youth are expected to seek more independence and are often eager to separate from parental controls. The combination of more independence along with pressures to party and fears about what the future holds can make graduating students vulnerable. Talk with your teen about what is a reasonable curfew and stick to it. Have your teen check in often. Discuss in advance the consequence for breaking the rules.
• Encourage graduating teens to take healthy risks. It is normal and healthy for teens to take appropriate risks that help them to learn, develop independence, conquer fears and build confidence. Rather than celebrating the graduation rite of passage with drinking and sex, encourage your teens to celebrate with their friends and family in some creative and healthy ways.

Source: Connect with Kids

Related articles:

Parents in Denial
Supervised Underage Drinking
Be Part of We Don't Serve Teens
Drinking: Too Smart to Start

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.  Read more.

Sue Scheff: Teens and Lying - Is it ever acceptable?

To be honest or not to be honest.  We all teach our children to be honest, however is there a time when telling a "small" or "white" lie is o-kay?  Read what that experts have to say:

Source: Connect with Kids

Teens and Lying

“In our culture, truth is such a premium in the public discourse. I think that emphasizes the importance of finding it and promoting it within ourselves, and in others.”

– Hal Thorsrud, Ph.D, assistant professor of philosophy, Agnes Scott College

As final exams and academic evaluations approach in schools nationwide, consider this finding from a study conducted by the Josephson Institute of Ethics: Cheaters in high school are far more likely as adults to lie to their spouses, customers and employers, and to cheat on expense reports and insurance claims.

How many lies do you tell a week? How about a day? According to an Associated Press-Ipsos poll, ten percent of those surveyed said they had probably told a lie in the past week. 65 percent said sometimes, lying is morally justified.

So, is there such thing as a "good lie"?

"A good lie is something that I guess boosts someone's morale - makes someone feel better," says 15-year-old Lily Muntzing.

16-year-old Javonna disagrees. "No lie is a good lie," she says, "but if I was to tell a lie, I would tell, you know, a white lie because another lie - a major lie - would escalate into something bigger."

What do the experts say?

"Lying is morally wrong," says Hal Thorsrud, an assistant professor of philosophy at Agnes Scott College. "However," he laughs, "there are, I believe, cases in which lying is either morally irrelevant - trivial lies you might tell, to save someone's feelings - or cases in which it is useful to lie for the sake of a good cause."

He says the classic example of a good cause is the story of the murderer at your door, asking the whereabouts of the person they're looking to kill. In that scenario, it's perfectly moral to lie about the location of the intended victim.

"The crucial caveat here though is, if you are thinking about telling a lie for the sake of a good cause [there are] some very important things to consider," he says. "First, don't deceive yourself. Be sure that you're telling a lie and also be aware that the lie is not the good thing - it's what you're hoping to achieve by that lie. And be very cautious if that lie happens to coincide with your self- interests."

That means, he says, that lying to your parents to get out of trouble doesn't count as a good cause.

16-year-old Laura Lion once lied to her mom about where she was going. "I told her that I was going to go spend the night at my friend's house," she says, "but I went to a concert instead, then went to a party. She found out, and grounded me for a month."

Experts say that, for some teens, lying is a part of the struggle for independence.

"'You're not the boss of me'- it's the war cry of every teenager, probably," says Thorsrud. "Even though that autonomy and that freedom is very scary, it's so desirable. And it drives kids to do just about anything to get it."

Ironically, experts say one of the best ways to teach teens the value of honesty and moral integrity is when the teen makes a mistake - or when they're caught in a lie.

"Sometimes the best way to learn about integrity is to be out of integrity - and to experience the pain and the shame and the restlessness and the feeling of not feeling good inside," explains Dr. Tim Jordan, a pediatric developmental behavioral health specialist. "To me, that is the best deterrent."

Javonna's learned her lesson that way: "It's a horrible feeling 'cause you know that you lied, and you know that you told this big old lie that everybody knows that you told."

Laura says what worked for her was her mom's disappointment: "It's more so when my mom says, 'well, I wish you could have trusted me - and if you're honest with me I'll give you more lenience.'"

Tips for Parents
Dishonesty may seem like a minor issue in comparison to other adolescent problems, but it is rooted in an attitude of disrespect – for others, for authority and for one's values. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, many children begin to lie at around four and five years old. Children of that age like to make up stories and blur the line between fantasy and reality. Older children begin to tell lies in a more self-serving manner, either to get out of trouble or to protect their privacy.

Parents should always look for those teachable moments in which the importance of honesty and truthfulness can be discussed. Use positive reinforcement and praise your child for being honest. Also, model honest behavior. Teach your children to be truthful by showing them honesty. If you have lied to your child in the past, you may have some issues to deal with beyond simply setting consequences. If there is one behavior that turns teens off, it is adult hypocrisy. This is not to say parents must be perfect, but you also cannot say to your child, "I'm adult so I can lie, but you can't." Teens simply don't buy that argument.

If you find that your child is lying, try to determine why they thought lying was the best choice in this situation. If there is a reason why your child felt compelled to lie, you want to know it so you can possibly eliminate any misunderstandings. Did your child lie about failing a test because he or she thought you would be angry? Perhaps he needs additional help. Did your child lie about a party because alcohol would be present, which is unacceptable to your family? You may find your child lied simply because they knew the behavior was wrong and they didn't want to get caught. This will mean you need to let them know in very clear terms what behaviors are unacceptable and what the consequences will be, not only for repeating that behavior, but for lying about it. These are two separate events that will lead to separate sets of consequences.

References
■American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
■National Association for the Education of Young Children
■Josephson Institute of Ethics
■By Parents-For Parents

Sue Scheff: Teens, Stress and Memory Loss

As adults we always seem to be forgetting phone number, names, and more. As we get older we believe our memory is fading, but have you considered this in teens and children? Stress can be a factor, especially with adult, however it can also be in our kids today. Connect with Kids just posted an educational article for parents to better understand this and helpful tips.

Source: Connect With Kids

Stress and Memory Loss

“I think it’s kind of validating that it’s not just ‘Oh, we’re crazy and scattered,’ but there’s really a reason why we tend to lose it a bit when we are overstressed and overscheduled.”

– Dr. Marla Shapiro, psychologist

Some teens do poorly on exams, not because they don’t know the answers, but because they’re nervous. “A lot of times, I’ll, like, stay up really late, and we’ll do flash cards or whatever, and then when it comes time for the test I’ll just sort of forget,” says 14-year-old Alix. Sixteen-year-old Reed Gott has seen it too. “A lot of times people get stressed out, and they just totally, like, bomb a test.”

According to a recent study in the journal Science, the culprit is an enzyme called PKC, or protein kinase C. Under stress, this protein in the brain causes short-term memory loss. “Unpredicted stress or unexpected events over which we have no control can activate levels of PKC and cause some of the forgetfulness and the scatteredness that we all feel when we’re really stressed,” explains psychologist Marla Shapiro.

She explains that with everything teens are expected to do, tests, papers, applying to college, add to that jobs, sports, activities and a social life, they can forget things often. Just like Jermeen Sherman, “Taking multiple AP classes or hard classes can be stressful, and I think sometimes that’s my problem, like I have too much work to do, and you try to do it all, and you lack somewhere.”

Shapiro says the best ways to overcome stress are good study skills, plenty of sleep, and if the student still draws a blank, “physically remove yourself from the situation, and take some slow deep breaths. The more they stare at that test paper, the more helpless they’re gonna feel.”

Tips for Parents

Experts say today’s children are experiencing anxieties at earlier ages. Stress can affect anyone, even children, regardless of age. Proper rest and good nutrition can help increase a child’s ability to cope with stress. It’s also important to make time for your child each day. Even as your child ages, “quality time” is important. By showing interest in your child throughout his or her life, you show that your child is important to you. Also, be sure to talk to your child about what causes stress in his or her life. Learning to relax is yet another way to combat stress.

Stress doesn’t have to be traumatic to lead to memory impairment. If one feels out of control, memory loss can occur. Control is the essential factor. When you are confident, you don’t have problems with memory.

•A child’s stresses are not limited to their own lives. If adult conversations, like office or financial troubles, are overheard, a child may experience stress.
•Stress raises kids’ risk for insomnia, skin disorders, headaches, upset stomach, depression and possibly obesity.
•Signs that your teen might be stressed include: frequent headaches, stomachaches and trouble handling anger.
•Signs that your pre-schooler or elementary student might be stressed include: sudden or extreme shyness, excessive irritability and bedwetting after months or years of dry nights.

References
•San Diego State University
•The Journal Science

Sue Scheff: Boys Brag about Sex - Teenage Sex

O-kay, let’s face it, teens are very well versed in sex education – far more than generations prior. However the bragging rights seem to continue. According to the CDC, an estimated 48% had sexual intercourse before graduating from high school. Nearly two-thirds of teens that have had sexual intercourse say they regret it and wish they had waited, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Connect with Kids just posted an interesting article about boy and their boosting about their sexual encounters.

Boys Brag about Sex

Source: Connect with Kids

“Some guys are really stupid and all they want is to have sex and, yeah, they brag about everywhere.”

– Stephanie, 16 years old

Teenage boys like to talk about it and, sometimes, they exaggerate.

“All they talk about is sex,” 17 year old Tyler says. “You go walking down the hallway…sex, sex, sex. ‘Hey I had sex with her, I had sex with him.’”

In a new Seventeen magazine survey of boys and young men, almost half said they were virgins and one in four said he had lied to other kids about not being a virgin. According to the survey of 1,200 boys and young men, age 15 to 22, 60 percent said they lied about something sexual, 30 percent lied about “how far they had gone,” and 78 percent said that there was too much pressure from society to have sex.

17 year old Brad confirms that “guys brag all the time. I mean I’ve met one guy who hasn’t bragged about it. ”

Still there are some boys, like 17 year old Jesse, who are willing to say ‘no’ even when pressured by a girl.

“I was just astonished and I was like, ‘no’ because I like know this girl, she was my friend, but she wasn’t someone I wanted to do that stuff with. She wasn’t the right person for me to lose my virginity with.”

Daniel Jean-Baptiste, a health educator, says he has seen a change in the attitude of young men. “The attitude is starting to become, ‘I don’t really care if my buddies are talking about it and this person is bragging about it. It’s not really a big deal, because you can get STDs. Or you can get someone pregnant.”

Many experts argue that in our culture, boys are pressured to have sex, or at least say they have, but that it’s up to parents to talk about the seriousness of sex… and the risks.

“A young person is never too young to talk about HIV, to talk about STDs, to talk about puberty,” Jean-Baptiste says. “And I think that if parents start to talk to their young people before they reach puberty… you’ve really seasoned them, so that in the future years… you’ll be more comfortable and they’ll be more comfortable talking to you.”

They will be more comfortable, as he says, and there is a good chance they will listen.

“Kids, they might not say they listen to their parents but deep down inside, there’s always… their parents are their little voice… anything a parent says usually does get taken to heart,” says 18 year old Jesse.

Related Information

It’s not uncommon to see statistics showing that girls face a great deal of pressure to have sex at an early age. But a new survey from the Kaiser Family Foundation shows that girls are not alone. Researchers found that one in three teen boys reported feeling peer pressure to have sex – often from male friends. In fact, the survey findings showed that boys were more likely than girls to feel pressure and more likely to believe that waiting to have sex is a myth.

How prevalent is sexual behavior among teens? The most recent numbers come from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2007 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey of high school students from 34 states:

•An estimated 48% had sexual intercourse before graduating from high school.
•Approximately 15% had sexual intercourse with four or more partners before graduating from high school.
•Nearly 62% of currently sexually active students used a condom during last sexual intercourse.
•Approximately 90% of the students said they had been taught about AIDS and HIV infection in school.

Tips for Parents
Nearly two-thirds of teens that have had sexual intercourse say they regret it and wish they had waited, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. The campaign also found that when it comes to making a decision about sex, 30% said that friends influenced their decision the most.

As a parent, how can you help your child make an informed decision about sex? It is first important to openly discuss sexual health with your child. Although it may be tough and awkward at times, open communication and accurate information that comes from you – the parent – increases the chance that your teen will postpone sex or use appropriate methods of birth control once he or she begins. The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry offers the following advice when talking to your child about sex:

•Encourage your child to talk and ask questions.
•Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.
•Use words that are understandable and comfortable.
•Try to determine your child’s level of knowledge and understanding.
•Keep your sense of humor, and don’t be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.
•Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring and respect for oneself and one’s partner.
•Be open in sharing your values and concerns.
•Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
•Help your child to consider the pros and cons of choices.
Your teen may be feeling pressure to have sex from a number of places – friends, peers or partners. As a parent, it is important that you give your child the necessary tools to make a decision about sex before peer pressure makes the decision for him or her. The American Social Health Association (ASHA) offers the following advice about sex and peer pressure to share with your teen:

•Not every person your age is having sex. Even if sometimes it feels like everyone is “doing it,” it is important to realize that this is not true. People often talk about sex in a casual manner, but this doesn’t mean they are actually having sex.
•Hollywood doesn’t show the full story. Sexual situations are everywhere in our culture. They are on television, in movies and even in commercials and magazines. This is part of the reason why we enjoy these things so much. Just remember: Characters in these movies, television shows and advertisements are actors and actresses. They can’t get unwanted pregnancies and STDs. You can.
•There are lots of great reasons why people wait to have sex. You may be making plans to go to college or to start a job after you finish high school. Would a baby in your life make it easier or tougher for you to do the things you’ve dreamed about? Wanting to avoid STDs is another reason that some people are very cautious about becoming sexually active.
You can continue to help your teen avoid peer pressure to have sex by teaching him or her the following strategies from the ASHA:

•Hang out with friends who also believe that it’s okay to not be ready for sex yet.
•Date several people and hang out with different groups of people.
•Go out with a group of friends rather than only your date.
•Introduce your friends to your parents.
•Invite your friends to your home.
•Always carry money for a telephone call or cab in case you feel uncomfortable.
•Stick up for your friends if they are being pressured to have sex.
•Think of what you would say in advance in case someone tries to pressure you.
•Be ready to call your mother, father or a friend to pick you up if you need to leave a date.
•Never feel obligated to “pay someone back” with sex in return for an expensive date or gift.
•Say “no” and mean “no” if that’s how you feel.

References
•American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
•American Social Health Association
•Kaiser Family Foundation
•National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
•Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (CDC

Sue Scheff: Teens and College Students Learn the Value of Debates

During the election year we hear about the presidential debates and encourage our teens to get involved and learn. However have you ever thought of the value of a good debate and what it can teach your children? Today more high and college students are learning to give their opinions and beliefs through sound and educational debates.

Source: Connect with Kids

The Value of Debate

“It provides a way for students to learn outside of the traditional classroom. They have control over their learning, and that inspires students and motivates them.”

– Bill Newnam, debate coach

After declining in popularity, high school and college debate teams are now making a comeback. Today, there is a new pool of young students who are learning to battle against each other using words and their wits and gaining important life skills along the way.

On the court and on the field, kids love to compete. And now on the intellectual front, a familiar type of competition – a contest of reasoning and persuasion that some kids misunderstand – is gaining popularity again.

“Before I got into debate, I thought it was for geeks,” 15-year old Hannah says.

Willie, 14, echoes those sentiments. “I thought you had to be a nerd or you were geeky or you weren’t cool [to debate].”

As it turns out, many students say it is cool to match wits and win an argument against other students. And while these students are having fun, they are also learning.

“Debate teaches us three things that we can use in almost any field we go into,” says Bill Newnam, associate director of debate for Emory University. “It teaches us incredible critical thinking skills, very good research skills and strong organizational and presentational skills.”

In fact, some studies show that teenagers who participate in organized debate for at least one year are able to significantly improve their critical thinking skills. And kids say that debating is training for the mind.

“It’s helped with my school work and my articulation skills,” Willie says. “I speak out more. I comprehend better.”

“In class, I used to not talk. I used to sit back in the corner, but now it’s like I know what I’m talking about so I talk more,” Hannah says.

Participating on a debate team also helps boost kids’ confidence and teaches them how to use words and ideas to resolve a conflict.

“Words are strong enough themselves. So if you speak what you think is right, people will accept or reject it,” Willie says.

In the past, competitive debate was mostly associated with students who attended private schools and came from affluent backgrounds. But the argumentative practice is now gaining popularity with students all across the United States, even those who attend inner-city schools. In fact, the Urban Debate League (UDL) says approximately 3,000 students take part in its nationwide program.

So why are more students choosing to exercise their minds by joining high school debate teams? According to a study conducted by Gary Alan Fine, author of Gifted Tongues: High School Debate and Adolescent Culture, the reasons for teens’ involvement in debate fall into three categories:

Strategic Involvement – Many students associate debate with the worlds of politics and law, and some who desire to follow these career paths say joining a debate team is a “logical choice.” Others join in an attempt to “beef up” their transcripts before applying to college.
Fun Experience – The number of students who join because “I always liked to argue” is considerable. These students find competitive debate both challenging and conducive to camaraderie.
Network Recruitment – Many students join a debate team because their friends are members. Others say that their parents, siblings or teachers whom they admire often influence their decision to try competitive debating.

Tips for Parents

The UDL says that because students involved in debate regularly engage in writing, information analysis, and in-depth library and Internet research, they often receive higher grades than non-debaters in high school and are more likely to continue on to post-secondary education. A recent study published in the journal Communication Education lends further evidence to debate’s educational benefits. The study’s findings showed students who participated in organized debate for at least one year improved their critical thinking skills by 44 percent. If you want to encourage your teen to join a debate team, the Puget Sound Speech and Debate Association suggests informing him or her of these potential benefits of participation. Debating …

• Offers preparation for leadership.
• Provides for investigation and intensive analysis of significant contemporary problems.
• Develops proficiency in critical thinking.
• Emphasizes quality instruction.
• Encourages student scholarship.
• Develops the ability to make prompt, analytical responses.
• Develops critical listening skills.
• Develops proficiency in writing.
• Encourages mature judgment.
• Develops courage.
• Encourages effective speech composition and delivery.
• Develops social maturity.
• Develops multicultural sensitivities.
• Develops computer competencies.

Although the popularity of debate is rising, many schools do not have a debate program in place. The National PTA encourages parents to approach their children’s school administrators with concerns about student programs or the lack thereof. If your child’s school cannot provide a forum for debate, you can find information for student involvement in national or state high school debate programs by contacting the UDL or the National Forensic League.

References
Urban Debate League
Gifted Tongues: High School Debate and Adolescent Culture
Communication Education
Puget Sound Speech and Debate Association
National PTA
National Forensic League

Sue Scheff: Bullying Busters or Bystanders

As the news continues about the rising rates of bullying, parents need to take a stand. Determine if your child is being bullied or possibly a bully. Has your child witnessed another child being teased? Is he/she a bully bystander or will they be the one that busts them (tells the teacher or person in authority)?

The U.S. Department of Education cites the following ways in which bystanders and peers of victims can be negatively affected by acts of bullying:

• They may become afraid to associate with the victim for fear of lowering their own status or of retribution from the bully and becoming victims themselves.
• They may fear reporting bullying incidents because they do not want to be called a "snitch," a "tattler" or an "informer."
• Some experience feelings of guilt or helplessness for not standing up to the bully on behalf of their classmate.
• Many may be drawn into bullying behavior by group pressure.
• They may feel unsafe, unable to take action or a loss of control.

Bullying has become a vicious trend that although is not new, it is escalating as it spreads into cyberbullying. We are hearing about more children suffering with depression and committing suicide that may have links to them being bullied or teased in school or outside of school.

To find out more parent tips visit Connect with Kids - Bullying Bystanders.

Be an educated parent, learn all you can about bullying. Talk to your children and encourage them to do the right thing.

Read more on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Racism starts at home

Today we live in a melting pot. Our children are exposed to many diversities of life through a wide variety of cultures and languages. Generations earlier the divide seemed to be clearer. There were the "white" neighborhoods and the "black" neighborhoods.

Unfortunately there is still some racism that exists with some people. Whether it is your grandparents or parents, adults from prior generations have a harder time accepting all walks of life. Children today are more likely not to see color, race, religion.

Connect with Kids recently published an article, Pre-Empting Racism which shared how teens today are learning more from other students with different backgrounds starting in their earlier years.

Tips for Parents

At what age do children begin to notice and understand race? Psychologist Stephen Quintana, Ph.D., has developed and evaluated a model of children's understanding of ethnicity, race, gender, social status, nationality and social class. Quintana's research, through interviews conducted with hundreds of children of various ethnic backgrounds, led to a model described in Monitor on Psychology, a journal of the American Psychological Association. The model divides children's developmental understanding of race and ethnicity into four levels:

• Physical: Ages 3 to 6. Children in this age group view race purely in physical terms and may think racial characteristics can be changed by surgery, that skin color could be the result of staying in the sun too long.
• Literal: Ages 6 to 10. Children understand that ethnic background is a function of ancestry that influences not only how people look, but also the food they eat, the language they speak, and the activities they enjoy. It is a very literal understanding of ethnicity.
• Social: Ages 10 to 14. Children realize that ethnicity can be linked to social class. Often, among children in this age group, interracial and inter-ethnic friendships that began in elementary school come to an end, as social groups become more racially segregated.
• Group: Adolescence. Many teenagers express pride in their heritage and a sense of belonging to a group. Their view of ethnicity and race matures.

Source: Connect with Kids

Be an example for your children, we can learn from all walks of life.

Read more and watch video on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Teen's Getting Teacher Recommendations for College Applications

As your High School Juniors and Seniors prepare to apply to colleges, getting teacher recommendations is usually part of the process. Today colleges have become competitive and more selective on their applicants. Many college recruiters are using search engines to research their applicant, however the old-fashion teacher recommendations are also an asset. Here is a great article to help parents and teens to better understand this process.

Source: Connect with Kids

Teacher Recommendations

“I only see a few (recommendation letters) that are really specifically negative, but a few are less than positive. That’s the best way I can put it. Where they say, ‘Well, this student may be strong in this area in the future,’ or, ‘They have a lot of potential.’”

– David Graves, Associate Director of Admissions, University of Georgia

Across the country, high school seniors are in the midst of applying to college. One important factor is a recommendation from a teacher – a task that is not always without risk.

“I only see a few that are really specifically negative, but a few are less than positive,” says David Graves, associate director of admissions at the University of Georgia. “That’s the best way I can put it. Where they say, ‘Well, this student may be strong in this area in the future,’ or, ‘They have a lot of potential.’”

He says “a lot of potential” is one of those phrases that shows a teacher has reservations.

“They might say something like, ‘They turn in all their information on time,’” he adds. “Well, I expect that from everybody pretty much, so just having that as their best praise isn’t much of a praise.”

Another risk is that letters can be so vague as to become meaningless.

“That doesn’t give me any insight if its just a run-of-the-mill ‘here’s my formula’ recommendation letter,” says Graves.

His advice? Students should ask the teacher directly if they would give a positive review.

“Just say, ‘How do you feel I’ve done in your class?’” suggests Graves.

“If you are really having doubts, I would probably reconsider asking that teacher,” says Afrooz, a high school senior at Atlanta International School.

Also, kids should choose a teacher who can be specific about their skills and efforts in the classroom.

“I felt like I wanted teachers who knew me,” says Eva, 18, “not just as a strong student, but as a person.”

Another tip is to find the right teacher. A good choice is a math or English teacher from junior year.

“It might be a teacher that teaches, you know, driver’s ed,” says Graves. “And that’s not going to matter that much to me what the driver’s ed teacher says.”

Finally, he says, ask for the letter at least a month in advance.

“I think I asked for my letter about two or three months before it was due,” says senior Graham, “just to make sure that they had time.”

“I was kind of late so I kind of had to do a little begging,” says classmate Rodrigo.

Experts advise students to get to know their guidance counselor as well, because many universities require the counselor to fill out an evaluation form.

Students once allowed the luxury of “finding themselves” now fear that without serious direction early in high school, their future may be lost. What they may lose instead is their childhood.

College enrollment has increased nearly 20% since 1985 and almost tripled from a generation ago. With competition for specific schools fiercer than ever, high school freshmen hoping to go to a choice school are told they may already be behind in the race to build a college résumé.

“I guess in middle school they start emphasizing they’re like, OK, you gotta start getting good grades ’cause colleges will look back even at your eighth-grade year if you’re on the brink of getting in or not getting in,” 17-year-old Sharyn says.

However, good grades may only get them past the first cut. Then, it’s outside activities like volunteer work or special clubs that factor in as much as 40% by some colleges.

Says 17-year-old Andrew: “Sometimes, I find that I take too many things at once – track, academic, math team … I mean, it’s really time consuming.”

Experts say parents of these pressurized kids need to look closely for signs of too much stress and urge them to ease up.


Tips for Parents

It’s one of the most difficult and important decisions your child will make in his or her young adult life. And no parent of a high school junior or senior needs reminding of the pressure that selecting a school brings to his or her child and the entire family.

Recent statistics reveal that it’s also more competitive to enroll in college than years before. Between 1985 and 1995, higher education enrollment increased by 16%, due in part to an increase in female enrollment and the new trend of part-time students. And while experts urge parents to have an open dialogue with their child to deal with the stress, there are a few changes in the process that will make enrolling in a school easier.

More and more schools are turning to the Internet to disperse information, easing the workload on counselors and empowering the curious student. A word of caution: stay with reliable sites or go to a specific college website to verify application deadlines.

Another stress reliever: The trend toward hiring assistance for the essay portion of an application seems to be subsiding. More and more colleges have stated that they are looking for creative responses, even if they are unpolished. And many universities have dropped the essay portion of the application altogether, relying on scores and recommendations to make their decision.

Here are a few starting steps to help you or your child pick the right college or training program:

Request as much information as possible from the schools on your list, including an application for admission, financial aid and all costs.
Make a short list of the schools that possess the characteristics for which you are looking.
Decide if a traditional college is right for you – consider picking up information on community technical schools.

References
Mapping Your Future
National Center for Education Statistics

Sue Scheff: Can Gossip be good for your teens?

What an interesting article this week on Connect with Kids. Gossip can be good in some ways and extremely hurtful in other ways. Where is the balance? Be an educated parent, read this educational article.

Source: Connect with Kids

Gossip Is Good

“It lets people really know each other, and know about what's going on in their lives. And that enables people to feel safe. It makes them feel a sense of belonging.”

– Wendy Simonds, PhD, sociology

The Tiger Woods scandal sparked discussions about personal image and adultery on news stations and at dinner tables across the country. But are these discussions useful or just gossip? Some experts say they can be both.

"Did you see the outfit she had on?" friends Zuri and Meimi laugh.

It's often irresistible and painful. "[It] ruins friendships, ruins lives, messes people's reputations, hurt's people's feelings," seventeen-year-old Zuri says.

"I'm normally the one who starts and spreads the gossip," says seventeen-year-old Kyle, "so, I mean, I've broken up a lot of good friends over gossip."

And sixteen-year-old Caitlin has been the brunt of it as well, "I've had my fair share of broken friendships that I've kind of had to rekindle because of things that were said or spread around because people didn't know all the facts."

Gossip can hurt, psychologists say, but here's the surprise, "It lets people really know each other, and know what's going on in their lives," explains Wendy Simonds, professor of sociology at Georgia State University, "And that enables people to feel safe. It makes them feel a sense of belonging."

And in a teenager's life it can act as a social road map of right and wrong and as a warning signal, not to befriend the wrong person.

Seventeen-year-old Meimi found out through gossip that a guy she was dating was trouble, "You know, I had to listen and a couple of weeks later I had found out he sold drugs and he had been locked up and a lot of stuff, so I was kind of appreciative of gossip at that point."

Still, experts and kids warn, you have to be careful. "I think it's always a good idea to try to personalize the issue that's being talked about, what if it were me and people were talking about me this way," advises Simonds.

"Gossip is fine, as long as it's not making up complete lies," says sixteen-year-old Lee, "And just being flat out mean, that's not cool."

As hard as it is to believe, the words "sibling" and "gossip" originated from the same word: "Godsibb." The word originally translated to mean "a person related to one in God," or a "godparent." In this circumstance, gossip was used to denote a relationship of trust and friendship. However, in the 1800s, the word "gossip" began to stray from its original roots until it became what it is today – nearly the opposite or what is was originally.

Tips for Parents

Gossip can be extremely harmful, but there are some times when it can be helpful. Dr. Offra Gerstein, a clinical psychologist, gives the following suggestions for parents to share with their children for how to handle gossip in a healthy manner:

■Create healthy ways of connecting with others that do not require negative talk about a third party.
■When you are told about another person, ask for verification of the information. Trusting that what is said is true without challenging its veracity makes you a partner in perpetuating gossip.
■If you hear negative talk, refuse to listen and politely attempt to stop the speaker.
■Ask the "gossipper" to tell you what positive things he/she may relate about the individual being criticized.
■When you are entrusted with a secret, feel honored and never repeat it to anyone. Repeating confidences is like stealing one's dignity.
■Feel free to share positive gossip with others, provided that your facts are correct.
■As enjoyable as it may be to bond with someone temporarily through gossip, the damage to all parties is immeasurable. Resist the momentary temptation for gaining a wholesome sense of self-respect.

References
■Psychology Today
■Santa Cruz Sentinel
■University Press of Kansas

Sue Scheff: Teen stress to keep up with their peers

The pressure today to have the right cell phone, perfect hair, name brand clothes and purses, not to mention the fancy cars, for teenagers is overwhelming!  We have always heard about keeping up with the Jones', but this is now keeping up with the Jones' teenagers. 

Generation "Me"

By Connect with Kids

“They are looking at materialism in an effort to demonstrate and to illustrate self-worth. And, when you are not able to buy enough, when you are not able to have the iPod, the iPod phone and the BMW... when you're not able to have all those things at one time, there tends to be a diminished sense of self-worth.”

– David Wall Rice, Ph.D., Personality Psychologist

A new study from San Diego State University finds that five times more teens suffer from depression and anxiety than teens who grew up during the Great Depression. Experts say the reasons are many, including school stress, intense competition, instability at home and the need for more.

Instead of "peace, love and happiness," teens today say they want designer labels, fancy cars and the latest technology.

"I kinda felt left out when I didn't have a camera phone," explains 17-year-old Ebonee.

"Like, I'll save up all my money and buy purses," adds 14-year-old Marisa.

"I have a couple jeans that are more than $200, maybe $300," admits 18-year-old Joey.

And that need for the newest and latest, experts say, is one of the reasons behind much of today's anxiety and depression. In fact, according to a new study by San Diego State University, five times more teens suffer from depression now than they did in 1938.

Experts say it's sad, but often teens confuse what they have, with who they are.

"They are looking at materialism in an effort to demonstrate and to illustrate self-worth," says Dr. David Wall Rice, a personality psychologist with Morehouse College. "And, when you are not able to buy enough, when you are not able to have the iPod, the iPod phone and the BMW... when you're not able to have all those things at one time, there tends to be a diminished sense of self-worth."

Experts call the obsession "Affluenza" – and even during the recession, many teens still suffer from it.

We gave a group of high school cheerleaders a test to see whether or not they have it.

They were asked: "Have you ever lied to a family member about the amount you spent for a product?" "Do you ever use shopping as a therapy?" "Has one of your credit cards ever been rejected by a sales person because you were over the limit?"

Several kids in the group answered 'yes' to all three questions.

Experts say one of the easiest ways for parents to counteract "Affluenza" is by setting limits. If kids ask for items they don't need, parents should refuse without feeling guilty.

"There are some boundaries that you need to set," he says, "and you need to be able to say 'no'. 'No, you can't have those.' Or, 'no, you can work towards that. Maybe in about four to six weeks you might be able to get them on your own, if it's that important to you.'"

Numerous studies show that kids who regularly eat dinner with their families are better students, happier, healthier people and less likely to smoke, drink or use drugs. For example, a University of Michigan study of children between the ages of 3 and 12 found that more meal time with the family was the single strongest predictor of better achievement scores and fewer behavioral problems. In fact, time spent eating with one's family proved even more beneficial than time spent studying or in church.

■In 2003, 61 percent of youths 12 to 17 said they ate dinner with their families at least five nights a week, an increase from 47 percent in 1998.
■In general, children who eat with their families have better nutrition, abuse fewer substances, are less suicidal and have less sex.
■Researchers found that the more frequently kids ate with their parents, the less likely they were to smoke, drink, use marijuana or show signs of depression.
■On September 27, 2004, 400 communities and 42 states proclaimed the date a day to eat dinner with your children. Companies from General Mills to Bristol-Myers Squibb offered employees incentives – in some cases leaving work early – to do so.

Tips for Parents

For many, family dinners are often far from the ideal bonding experience. Considering the time necessary to prepare a meal, the logistical challenges of getting everyone to the table and the potential for squabbles between siblings and spouses, many parents secretly dread the family dinner. Some parents place kids at opposite ends of the table in an attempt to avoid bickering.

Families should view dinnertime as an opportunity to reconnect, share daily events and strengthen relationships. Thirty-eight percent of family cooks say their children influence food purchases and preparation, so involve your kids in shopping and cooking processes. Some ideas to reap the most benefit from table-time include:

■Stimulate conversation and reduce arguments by making dinnertime special. Distinguish between routine and ritual. Transforming your household with lit candles, music, a tablecloth and one simple, cooked meal for everyone can work wonders.
■Ask yourself, "What am I doing that aggravates dinnertime?" Often, the answer is unnecessary reprimanding. Dinner should not be a control struggle. If kids don't eat their vegetables, let it go.
■Don't allow conversation to be an interrogation regarding school or activities. Ask kids conversation starters like: If you could meet someone from history, who would it be?
■Be creative, especially when kids are young. Try a one-color meal or an alphabet dinner, with every dish beginning with the same letter. Picnic in the living room or even try dining under the table.
■If dinner is too much to handle, try breakfast, or start with just Sunday night.

References
■American Dietetic Association
■U.S. News & World Report
■University of Rochester
■The Wall Street Journal

Sue Scheff: Supervised Underage Drinking

As New Year's Eve is fast approaching, people have made their plans or in the process of deciding what they will be doing. One thing is almost certain, many plans include drinking alcoholic beverages. It is a fact that the rate of drunk driving increased during holiday times, however that doesn't mean we can't still remind people that drunk driving and buzzed driving kills!
The topic of underage drinking is also a huge concern, and a topic every parent of a teen needs to be aware of. According to a Connect with Kids article this past summer, it gave some insights as to why some parent "allow" this and the philosophy behind it.

Here are some excerpts from the article, and you make your own decisions.

"It's kind of like [parents] open the door as soon as you get to the party, and they have a bowl to the side where they take your keys before you even start drinking."

- Cameron Herron, 19

New research from Penn State University reports that high school kids who aren't allowed to drink alcohol are far less likely to drink heavily when they get to college. This contradicts the conventional wisdom that forbidding alcohol turns it into a kind of "forbidden fruit" that causes kids to go wild in college.

But still, every year there are parents who break the law: they host a party and serve teens alcohol.

How often does this happen? According to teens, all the time.

"It's kind of like they open the door as soon as you get to the party," says 19-year-old Cameron Herron, "and they have a bowl to the side where they take your keys before you even start drinking."

Why do some parents allow underage drinking?

"Because they would rather it be at their house and for them to have the control," answers 19-year-old Marlena Flesner, "and for them to know where their kids are."

"I hear that a lot," says Dr. Michael Fishman, an addiction specialist, "and the fallacy is ‘to keep the kids safe'."

That's the assumption, but is it true? Is it really safer when kids drink with adult supervision?

"I've been at parties where I've seen a mom say, ‘hey, this kid is a little too drunk - no more for him,'" says 19-year-old Anthony Machalette.

The problem, kids say, is that sometimes there is no supervision.

"And it was pretty much all of us downstairs partying," recalls 19-year-old Ryan Soto. "The parents are upstairs doing - nothing. They just kind of minded their own business and let us have a party downstairs."

"Usually they are not around," agrees Marlena Flesner. "They just kind of host it and sometimes buy the alcohol - or they just allow it."

And often, the kids start drinking at home - but they don't stay there.

"In fact, some people are going to leave that house intoxicated," says Dr. Fishman.

"It was a lot of the wealthy parents who had a big house," says 20-year-old Jessica Holt, about one party she attended. "A lot of people could come. They wouldn't collect keys or anything."

Finally, experts say, allowing kids to drink at home sends a message.

"You're introducing a lifestyle to your 15, 16, 17 year old and that lifestyle is alcohol. And so by allowing them to drink in your home, you're basically giving them permission to drink in the world at large and any time they'd like," explains Stacey DeWitt, President of Connect with Kids.

She says it's easier for kids to say no if you make a stand against underage drinking that is loud and clear.

"I know my mother would kick my behind if I was drinking underage," says 20-year-old Erin Smith.

What do you think? Watch the video - be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.

Please have a safe and healthy New Year's Eve, and you really don't need alcohol to have fun! Learn about to put your own twist into the New Year Eve's party with your teens!

Also on Examiner.

Sue Schefff: What Teens Need to Know About STD's

Parenting teens today is challenging and although many of our concerns today are focused on technology and online safety, we need to go back to basics – a trend that a parent of any generation needs to be concerned about. Teens having sex. Years ago it was a fear of pregnancy, today it is so much more. Sexually transmitted diseases are not going away and kids/teens needs to understand the consequences which can not only lead to infertility, but in extreme cases, the end of life.

The latest statistics from the Centers for Disease Control show that there is one sexually transmitted disease that affects more teenage girls than any other age group. Last year, 1.2 million cases of Chlamydia were reported among teens. That’s 100,000 more than the year before.

Source: Connect with Kids

Chlamydia on the Rise

“I don’t really know anything about it.”

– Berit, Age 16, when asked about Chlamydia.

The latest statistics from the Centers for Disease Control show that there is one sexually transmitted disease that affects more teenage girls than any other age group. Last year, 1.2 million cases of Chlamydia were reported among teens. That’s 100,000 more than the year before.

What is Chlamydia?

If you ask many teenage girls, you’re likely to get a blank stare. “I really don’t know much about it at all,” says 14-year-old Tavia.

Or you’ll get a wrong answer. “Um, it’s one of the female body parts,” says 14-year-old Jade.

Most kids don’t know it, but Chlamydia is a sexually transmitted disease that infects 1.2 million teenage girls every year.

Kids often don’t know what it is and they don’t know they have it, because the symptoms may not show up for years when it’s too late.

“Chlamydia infections have been associated with pelvic inflammatory disease, which can cause scarring of the fallopian tubes and lead to infertility,” says infectious disease specialist Dr. Kimberly Workowski.

According to the CDC, nearly half of all new Chlamydia cases are among teenager girls for two reasons: first, teens are less likely than adults to use condoms; second, the immature cells in a teenage girl’s cervix are more vulnerable to infection.

Still, it’s a “very curable disease,” says Dr. Workowski. Curable, if it detected. Many teens, however, don’t suspect they have the disease, and they’re afraid to go to a doctor to get checked.

“I don’t think they’re really educated about that stuff yet, they don’t even listen, they don’t care,” says Jade.

Experts say parents should take the lead, and talk with their child about getting tested.

“You can get a non-invasive test, like a urine sample, to see if there is any evidence of chlamydia,” says Dr. Workowski. The experts say, if parents think to themselves, “there is no way my child has chlamydia!” they need to consider the consequences if they’re wrong.

“You’re daughter…can be infertile,” Dr. Workowski warns, “because of this infection.”


Tips for Parents
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Chlamydia (”kla-mid-ee-uh”) is the “most common bacterial sexually transmitted disease in the US today. It is estimated that 4,000,000 new cases occur each year. The highest rates of Chlamydia infections are among 15-to19-year-olds, regardless of demographics or location.

Chlamydia is transmitted through sexual contact (primarily vaginal and anal) with an infected person. According to the Association for Voluntary Surgical Contraception International (AVSC), about 75% of infected women and half of infected males have no symptoms of chlamydia. In other words, most people infected with the disease don’t even know they have it.

Symptoms

In women, symptoms of chlamydia may include:

an unusual vaginal discharge
bleeding after intercourse
bleeding between menstrual periods
abdominal or pelvic pain
In men, symptoms of chlamydia may include:

discharge from the penis
burning with urination
swollen and/or painful testicles
(Keep in mind, most people with chlamydia have no symptoms at all.)

Treating Chlamydia

The best way to prevent sexually transmitted disease (STDs) is to not have sexual relations. The CDC recommends that people who are sexually active use a condom, and get regular checkups for STDs. Though condoms are good at protecting against some STDs, others such as herpes and HPV may still be passed on through sexual contact.

Most STDs are readily treated, and the earlier treatment is sought and sex partners are warned, the less likely the disease will do irreparable damage such as the formation of scar tissue in the woman which can lead to infertility or an increased likelihood of a tubal pregnancy which can be life threatening.

Chlamydia can be easily treated and cured with antibiotics. It is also important that sexual partners receive treatment in order to prevent getting infected again. Doctors also recommend avoiding sex while being treated to reduce the chances of getting the infection again or giving it to someone else.


References
AVSC International
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
American Academy of Pediatrics

Learn more about teen pregnancy.

Sue Scheff: College Visits with Teens

Do you have a teen that is considering what college they want to apply to? Many will apply to several colleges and hopefully are accepted at their first choice. Are you visiting these schools with your teen? What about the overnight visits – what happens if you go to the hotel as your teen “experiments” a night on campus? Connect with Kids just posted an interesting article. Some points I honestly never considered. I didn’t realize how many teens do spend the night on campus prior making a decision. But what are they really doing in the dorms/on campus?

Source: Connect with Kids

Overnight College Visits

“As soon as their parents leave to go to the hotel or something and it’s just the students left behind, they go crazy. They go wild and they really don’t make good decisions.”

– Jordan, 17 years old

High school seniors everywhere are in the process of deciding where to do to school next year. And a big part of that decision hinges on their visits to college campuses.

But what goes on during those visits may surprise their parents.

Jordan, 17, has visited eight college campuses this fall. She and her friends have seen the campuses, spent the night in dorms and eaten in dining halls. But, she says, many high school seniors she knows have done even more. “If their parents are with them, they’re doing the responsible things, but as soon as their parents leave to go to the hotel or something and it’s just the students left behind, they go crazy. They go wild and they really don’t make good decisions,” she says.

In fact, surveys have shown that 40 percent of teenagers who stay overnight for a college visit will drink, use drugs or have sex.

Jordan isn’t surprised at those numbers, especially after some of the wild stories her friends have brought back home. “My friend who went to freshman orientation, he ended up getting drunk, falling down a flight of stairs. A few other friends ended up losing their virginity just because they were drinking,” she says.

Experts say part of the problem is that ‘college visit’ means different things to different kids. Joy Gray Prince, a director of college counseling at a high school explains, “I have kids all the time come into my office. I’ll say, ‘well, did you visit X university?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Did you have an official tour?’ ‘No, I went to visit my buddy, so-and-so.’ That is not a visit.”

A responsible visit, she says, and a safer one, has a specific agenda that parents should know ahead of time. “What are you going to get out of this visit? Are you going to take a tour? Are you going to have an information session at the admission office? Will you make an appointment with a professor?” says Prince.

She says parents should make sure their kids don’t visit over a weekend and should always contact the admissions office in advance, “because you want that college or university to know that you’ve been on that campus. Because for some, demonstrated interest is important. They want to know to know you’ve been on campus.”

College road trips, portrayed in many sources as being fun and exiting, can often leave the participants regretting they went, especially when they involve sex. Nearly two-thirds of teens that have had sexual intercourse say they regret it and wish they had waited, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. The campaign also found that when it comes to making a decision about sex, teens say parents matter more than they might think.

Results of the poll of 501 teenagers:

Most have regrets. Sixty-three percent of teens surveyed who have had sexual intercourse wish they had waited longer. Fifty-five percent of boys and 72 percent of girls said they wish they had waited longer to have sex.
Parents are influential. When asked who influenced their decisions about sex the most, more teens cited their parents than any other influence (37 percent). Thirty percent of teens said that friends influenced their decision-making the most. An equal percentage (11 percent) of teens identified the media and their religious communities as most influential.

Tips for Parents
A great way to prevent damaging and regretful actions by your teenagers while on road trips is to discuss the pitfalls and dangers of having sex. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says talking to your children about love, intimacy and sex is an important part of parenting. Parents need to create a comfortable atmosphere in which to talk to their kids about these issues. Children and adolescents need input and guidance from their parents to help them make healthy and appropriate decisions about sex. The AACAP says, “Open communication and accurate information from parents increases the chance that teens will postpone sex and will use appropriate methods of birth control once they begin.”

In talking with your child, it is helpful to:

Encourage your child to talk and ask questions.
Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.
Use words that are understandable and comfortable.
Try to determine your child’s level of knowledge and understanding.
Keep your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.
Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring and respect for oneself and one’s partner.
Be open in sharing your values and concerns.
Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
Help your child to consider the pros and cons of choices.

References
Centers for Disease Control & Prevention
American Social Health Association
Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD)
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
College application tips for parents and teens.

College application tips for parents and teens.