Parent Role Models: Do You Practice What You Preach to Your Teen?

We are always telling our kids and teens what to do.


But do we practice what we preach?


As parents I know we like to think that we do no wrong, but have you ever thought about the fact that kids learn by example?  How many times a day would you say that you get after your kids about something?  Where are they learning those behaviors?  I know we’d like to think that they get it from their friends, but I think if you really thought about it that you might find that they are getting their bad examples from you.
Check out 10 situations where adults often model bad behaviors to kids.

1. Texting while driving: I know I’m guilty of this.  I think that I only read a text while I’m driving, but I write back when I’m stopped at the stoplight.  Do you think the kids know the difference?  The slight nuance of only texting while you are stopped?  Or do they just see your cell phone in your hand?  If we want our kids to be safe when they become drivers we have to model responsible texting behaviors now.
2. Road rage: Unfortunately I am very guilty of this one.  I’m always yelling at drivers when they do things that irritate me.  I try not to use profanity when the kids are in the car with me, but I know they are listening because I’ve heard my then six year old telling the driver of the car in front of me to get out of our way because we’re in a hurry.  At the time I think I told her that only the driver gets to do that.  But I was thinking that I was not setting a very good example for my kids.
3. Playing a game: How many times have you gotten upset when you were playing a game as a family?  This can range from calling each other punk when they play the third draw card in a row while playing Uno to refusing to play the game anymore because you lost.  I’ve seen both of these and many more.  It’s important to remember that it’s just a game and it doesn’t really matter.  If your kids see you losing your cool over a simple card game then how can we get upset with them when they do the same thing at school or with their friends?
4. Kids Sporting Event: Parents can get so riled up over a what they perceive to be a bad call at a soccer game, football game, insert sport here game that it’s unreal.  We were at a soccer tournament with my 10 year old son.  The parents of the other team got so upset at the officials that the off-duty police officers had to come and escort them to their next game.  They were yelling at our parents as well and it was all we could do to get all of our parents out of there before it came to blows.  The kids saw this happen and we wonder why you see poor sportsmanship on the field.
5. Waiting in line: Some people are very time intolerant.  They would rather do almost anything other than stand in a long line.  It’s not my favorite way to spend my time either, but it doesn’t bother me.  What kind of behavior are you modeling for your kids when you keep complaining that the line is too long and this is all a big waste of time etc.?  You need to act like you would want them to act.
6. Eating out: I think we’d all like to think we are raising kids who treat everyone fairly and courteously.  But what kind of example are you setting when you get upset with the waitress for messing up your order?  I’ve seen people get really angry with wait staff if their food is taking too long or if their order is wrong.  First of all, keep in mind that your children are watching you verbally abuse this stranger over food.  Secondly, keep in mind that that person that you are yelling at did not make the food.  They just brought it out to you.  And even if they put the order in wrong, I don’t think any of us can say that we’ve never made a mistake.
7. Smoking: Every time an adult picks up a cigarette they are modeling bad behavior.  Cigarettes are poison and very unhealthy.  Again, kids learn by example so if you smoke what makes you think that they won’t start that bad habit too?
8. Drinking excessively: Many times adults will over indulge at home or at a party.  Their kids see them acting in a weird way.  Kids have no idea why mommy or daddy is acting this way.  This can be very scary for kids and it doesn’t send a great message to the kids.  It gives them the idea that to have a good time you need to drink large amounts of alcohol.
9. Yelling: We don’t want our children to yell at their teacher or us do we?  I’m pretty sure we don’t even want them to yell at each other.  When we yell at our children we are modeling bad behavior.  Again, kids learn by example.
10. Hitting: It never ceases to amaze me that parents are surprised that their kids hit other kids at the park.  “I just don’t know why Johnny just hit your daughter?  He’s never been a hitter.”  No, but I’m sure that Johnny has been swatted a time a two since the first thing this mom did was smack him on the butt for hitting my child.  I wonder where he got the idea that hitting was the thing to do.

Source:  Nanny Classifieds

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Teen Runaways - A parents nightmare

Holidays can be a time of joy and a time of turbulence in some households.  Is your teen starting to become withdrawn?  Hanging with a different group of friends? Do you suspect he/she is using drugs or drinking? 

Are they leaving your home and not coming home?  Do they think they know it all?


Unfortunately some parents experience this type of teen behavior and it can escalate during the holidays when they have more free time.

The authorities all but tell you (or they do tell you) “typical teen” they will show up eventually.  In the meantime you are a nervous wreck.

What do you do?  Here are some quick tips for you:

• Keep an updated phone list with the home and cell numbers of your teen’s friends. Using the phone list, call every one of your teen’s friends. Talk immediately with their parents, not their friends, as teenagers will often stick together and lie for each other. The parent will tell you anything they know, including the last time contact was made between their child and yours. They will also know to keep closer tabs on their own child.
• Keep an updated photo of your child on hands at all times. With this photo, create one-page flyers including all information about your teen and where they were last seen. Post these flyers everywhere your teen hangs out, as well as anywhere else teenagers in general hang out. Post anywhere they will allow you to.
• Immediately contact your local police. It is advised that you actually visit the office with a copy of the flyer as well as a good number of color photos of your teen. Speak clearly and act rationally, but make sure that they understand how serious the situation is.
• Contact the local paper in order to run a missing ad. Also, contact any other printed media available in your area; many will be very willing to help.
• Contact your local television stations, as well as those in nearby counties. Most stations will be more than happy to run an alert either in the newscast or through the scrolling alert at the bottom of the screen.

Be sure to contact National Runaway Switchboard and if you need residential therapy, please contact Parents’ Universal Resource Experts. 

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Teen Help - Struggling Teens and Frustrated Parents

Parents of at-risk teens have many common thoughts, here are some of them:

My daughter is so smart, she is highly intelligent.
My son is extremely handsome, very athletic and always had lots of friends.
My daughter is beautiful, was the captain of her cheerleading team etc….
My son has an IQ of 170, yet is failing.
My daughter wants to drop out of high school.
My son wants to get his GED and is not attending school.
My daughter made the varsity team and yet dropped out.
My son was swim captain and now was asked to leave the team. (He was caught with pot, but said it was his friends.
My daughter smokes pot, but it is only recreational.
My son likes to drink beer, but it isn’t all the time.

Excuses for parents:

It is the friends he/she is hanging with.
The teacher doesn’t like my son/daughter.
The school has zero tolerance.
His father isn’t around enough.
The coach expects too much.
If it wasn’t for this one neighbor, we wouldn’t have these issues.
Okay, these lists could go on for a long time but at the end of the day, week, month, year – it is YOUR son/daughter making the choice to hang with a certain friend, be a part of an undesirable peer group, and smoke that joint with a swig of alcohol!
Parents that continue to live in this ship of denial will end up with many regrets.
Parent that believe that sending their teen to a residential therapy program for help is a sign of their (the parent’s) failure, are very much mistaken.
Parents that hope and pray things will change – we only wish them the best, in some (very rare) situations, it will get better.
Parents that believe changing schools will make a difference, think twice.
Parents that literally move and believe things will change with a fresh start, think again.

Like adults that attempt to run from their problems, your teens are no different.  If they are struggling now, chances are very good they will be struggling shortly after the change again.

You are not a failure, this is not your fault – and it is time to stop the blaming and start the healing.  After exhausting all your local resources – it may be time to find outside help, and that can mean residential.
True, you don’t want to put your teen in a program that houses hard-core teens, but it is also true you need to find a program that has strong emotional growth (clinical), fully accredited academically (don’t miss out on an education), as well as the critical component of enrichment programs. You need to find the passion in your teen to help stimulate them to a positive direction in life.

Learn more by visiting www.helpyourteens.com.

Residential Treatment Centers (RTC), Therapeutic Boarding Schools (TBS), Emotional Growth Programs, Wilderness Programs, State Funded Programs, Programs for Low-Income, Boot Camps, Scared Straight Programs, Tough Love, Summer Camps, Short Term Programs, Traditional Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Reform Schools, JAIL.

Sue Scheff: Texting and Driving (and Teens)

Source: Tangerine Times

Texting and driving is something that just won’t go away. I’ve already written about it several times. Sorry if it is getting to be an old topic for my reader. It bugs me when I’m driving to see people doing it and it concerns me A LOT about my teens and their driving. My daughter doesn’t have her license to drive by herself yet but I know the temptation to answer the text or the phone will be huge.

The Today Show recently featured a test of someone driving while texting.

They demonstrated that texting while driving is in fact more dangerous than driving DRUNK. Scary, huh? I see it every day. It’s adults too. In fact, they are the worst. I tell my kids not to text me when I’m driving (they know my driving schedule) but rather to make a phone call. I have hands-free and although I don’t usually initiate phone calls or want to have long phone calls while driving on the highway to pick my son up, I know there are times when my kids (or husband) do need to reach me. It’s much safer for me to talk to them over speaker-phone. How can I possibly answer a text while driving 70 mph on a freeway?? But, I see people do it every day.

There is NO text or phone call as important as staying ALIVE. There is a gadget (actually there are several on the market) available that can stop you from calling or texting while driving. I think trying to use this to monitor my teenagers won’t work. Maybe it will work for someone else’s family, in which case, go for it. But in my house, my kids would figure out a way to disable the Bluetooth receiver on their phone so that they wouldn’t have to deal with the problem. You need to consider the level of technical sophistication your teen has before buying a monitoring product.We can try to teach our teens self-control. They may listen. But, what about the adults driving around doing the same thing? Where is this going?? It’s crazy out there…

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Sue Scheff: Mothers Against Predators Online

Mission:

Mothers Against Predators is a non-profit corporation whose mandate is to promote legislation and education to facilitate the creation on an effective defense against Internet predators. Through outreach programs and advocacy groups, M.A.P. will educate children and parents on effective ways to be protected from Internet predators, and how to properly report inappropriate or illegal behavior. M.A.P. works in partnership with local and national elected officials and law enforcement to create effective legislation and laws to provide a defense against Internet predators.

About:

Mothers Against Predators inc. Is a group of Parents, Political Leaders, and Law enforcement who strive to protect our children online. It was formed to create a united front in response to the ever in creasing dangers our children face online. In 2004 my daughter had just turned 12; she became the victim of an online predator. Experience is the best teacher; in the past four years many have realized the need for a strong moveme nt to stem the tide of violence and exploitation of innocent children. We are gaining support, we are making a difference, please join us.

Visit http://www.wearemap.org/aboutus.htm to receive a copy of their flyer.

Tech Tips from M.A.P.: http://www.wearemap.org/techtips.htm

FAQ: http://www.wearemap.org/faq.html

Sue Scheff: Parenting Teenagers

Parenting Teenagers - The Agony and the Ecstasy

By Sue Blaney

Parents, Professionals and Parent leaders will find this report FULL of actionable and helpful information. Download it for free….and let us hear your comments and suggestions! Click here for free download!

Don’t forget to join their Mailing List and Receive “20 Top Tips for Parenting Teens” and our bi-weekly newsletter with “Tips and Tools for Successfully Parenting Your Teenagers.”

Sue Scheff: Parenting Teens Info

Another informational website for parents raising teens. Parenting Teens offers resources such as podcasts, books, articles, Blogs and other valuable insights on raising teens in today’s society.

Sue Blaney empowers, educates and connects parents of teenagers. She is the author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster! How Parents of Teenagers Can Smooth Out the Ride, the acclaimed guide for parents and parent discussion groups that has helped thousands of parents around the country improve relationships with their teens.

Her popular blog and websites http://www.pleasestoptherollercoaster.com/ and http://www.parentingteensinfo.com/ feature valuable content including free parenting articles, podcasts, tips and newsletters.

She is a frequent speaker and advises parents of teenagers, secondary school educators and faith-based educators in ways to increase parent engagement, improve communication and create parent discussion groups. With a background as a Certified Professional Behavior Analyst, Sue is a communications expert and has spent 30 years in training, marketing, publishing and sales. She is the founder of ChangeWorks Publishing & Consulting Co.

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