Sue Scheff: Bringing out the best in our teens and kids

With all the negative outside influences that surround our children, it is important today that parents encourage their kids and find out what their passion is and build on it. Children’s Author and Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Kara Tamanini, recently wrote an excellent article just on this topic.

By Kara Tamanini

How Do We Bring The Best Out in Our Kids

Parents often wonder how to bring out the best in their children in order to produce the best possible child that they can. While consistent parenting, discipline, and communication are all keys to this, here are a few tips on bringing out the best possible child that you can.

1.) Have regular family meetings, dinners, or family game night with your child/children. We have all seen the commercials on T.V. about the importance of family dinners or having a family game night. Well folks, this time that we spend with our kids is really that important. Here is your chance to show an interest in what your child is doing and to ask questions about what is going on in their life. Ask about their friends and what is going on at school. By doing so, parents can often avoid their child later on turning into the quiet; withdrawn or surly teenager that tells their parents virtually NOTHING about what is going on in their life. This usually is not a good thing for parents or the teen!!

2.) Monitor the television shows that your child is watching. Reduce the amount of T.V. and watch for shows that have alot of violent content in them. Set a curfew for your child and always know where and with whom your child currently is. Trouble usually occurs when parents do not know where their child is and with whom.

3.) If you see that your child is struggling with self-control or anger problems, then by all means enroll them in a class on anger management, social skills, or how to make friends. These groups are usually available through schools, churches, or the local YMCA. Anger that is left untreated children, almost always becomes a bigger problem later on.

4.) Try to do things together with your child that your child enjoys. Praise your child as often as possible and by all means encourage your child to talk about their feelings. Ask them how their day went at school. Communication on your child’s developmental level goes a very long way with letting your child know that you take an interest in them. (even when your child tells you that they did nothing all day long at school!)

5.) If you find out that your child is having problems at school in getting along with other kids or in bullying others, then by all means talk to your child and your child’s teacher about their behaviors. Communication and dealing with issues as they come up is the key in avoiding problems later on down the road. And of course, implement reasonable and age-appropriate consequences for behavior as discipline problems come up.

Visit Kid Awareness Series for more fantastic and educational articles

Sue Scheff: Are you struggling with your child about their bedtime?

Another great article from Kara Tamanini. Learn more about her fantastic children's books and more of her educational articles at http://www.kidsawarenessseries.com/

How to stop arguing with your kids about bedtime

By: Kara Tamamini

A frequent complaint from parents is how to get their kids to bed at night without arguing and complaining. Does this sound familiar to you? You put your child/children to bed at the designated time and five minutes later your daughter or son is out of their room complaining about something. They tell you that they have to go to the bathroom, they need a drink of water, they are not tired, they are scared, the television is too loud and they can not go to sleep, or they are still hungry! Most kids have said this or something similar to their parents at least a million times. So how exactly do we get our children to go to sleep at night and stay in their room asleep. Here are a few simple tips that may be helpful:

1.) Make sure you are not putting your child to bed too early. A 3-year-old child most likely has a bedtime that is much earlier than say a 9-year-old child. Most children require alot of sleep, however if you are putting your eight or nine-year-old to bed at 8 p.m. and they don’t get up until 7 a.m. then you want to consider letting them stay up a little later. Yes, it is true that children require more sleep than adults, however some children do not require as much sleep as others. Try letting the older child stay up a little later.

2.) Sitting around playing video games or watching television after dinner will most likely not tire most children. Try letting them play outside or go for a walk or some type of physical exertion. Physical exertion wears children out not T.V. or sitting in their room.

3.) Turn off most of the lights in the house and if you are watching television then turn the T.V. down. Most kids, no matter what the age will not go to bed if they think that you are doing something interesting. Kids have the attitude, “but I don’t want to miss anything” and if they see or hear you laughing or doing something interesting they will struggle to go to bed.

4.) Do not feed your child sugar or caffeine at night. If children are struggling to go to bed, the last thing they need is a soda or chocolate bar after dinner. These types of snacks, if given should be given after lunch or earlier in the daytime.

5.) Keep a routine time to go to bed and stick to it. If you have a schedule of what your child does before they go to bed, then don’t deviate from the routine. For example, if your routine is to eat dinner, let your child play outside, then take a bath, then go to bed, then stick to it. Changing routines, no matter how old the child is disconcerting and most kids and adults do better when they know what to expect.

Above all, be firm and consistent. If you give in over and over, then your child will try to manipulate you and test your patience. You can expect your child to cry, plead, and whine about going to bed. Expect the argument that will ensue, but remember to be consistent.

Sue Scheff: How to help your ADHD child cope with the stigma

During my years as a parent of an ADHD child through Elementary and Middle School, I know firsthand the struggles that some of these kids can have. One of the hardest days was when my son was “labeled” as a shrimp by his peers, or worse when he had to go down to the nurses office for his noon medication. I am not quite sure parents realize just how difficult this is for young children.

As a Parent Advocate, I make it my job to find information and educational material for parents raising kids today.

In my networking, I was introduced to Kara Tamanini, Therapist and Author, specializing with ADD/ADHD children. She created a website with a wealth of information that is user friendly and easy to understand. I find many websites about ADD/ADHD are a bit over-overwhelming; however Kids Awareness Series has easy to understand articles and advice.

With Kara Tamanini’s permission, I am sharing her latest tips on how to help your child cope with an ADHD stigma as school is opening. Be an educated parent.

1.) As a parent, the first thing you need to do to reduce the stigma of ADHD, is to not make a big deal about it. Watch and control your reaction about the symptoms of ADHD when they rear their ugly head. You making a big deal about having ADHD or that they have to take medications or an alternative treatment (natural vitamins or therapy) will only increase the challenge that they are already fighting.

2.) Don’t tell your child not to tell anyone! This definitely sends the message that having ADHD is something to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

3.) If your child is embarrassed to take medications for ADHD at school then work with your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist on finding a way for your child to take medicines before or right after school. Many children and especially older children and teenagers are embarrassed in front of their friends no matter what you say to them about taking medication.

4.) Remind your child regularly that ADHD is merely a different way of thinking about things and that their brain works differently. Don’t treat ADHD as something awful, I have found that ADHD has many positive aspects and treat it as a gift. Do not treat your child differently because they have ADHD and expect less of them, they will act accordingly and will lower their own expectations of themselves.

5.) Determine as a parent whether or not you plan to share a diagnosis of ADHD with your child or teen’s school. Parents often differ in this regard on whether or not they want their child’s teacher and school to know of an ADHD diagnosis. I highly recommend to parents that they share their child’s diagnosis of ADHD with the school and discuss strategies that need to be implemented for your child in the classroom. Your teacher should also not lower his/her expectations for your child. Yes, the ADHD child may have to have a modified curriculum, but it does not mean that they cannot learn like everyone else.

6.) Talk openly with your child about an ADHD diagnosis in order to take away the stigma of the diagnosis. Boost their self-confidence and explain how those around them may perceive their ADHD behaviors. Unfortunately, many children at your child’s school will discriminate against a child that has ADHD and often because ADHD children struggle socially, they have difficulty making and keeping friends. Encourage your child to participate in activities that will raise their self-esteem and emphasize their positive attributes. When you see your child doing something good or helpful, point it out.

7.) Encourage your child to be around other children that have similar strengths and weaknesses. ADHD is a common problem and your child may benefit from attending a social skills or an ADHD group with children that are experiencing similar struggles. Psychological treatment is also another option, where your child can learn self-confidence, coping skills, social skills, and parents can learn about how to manage negative behaviors associated with ADHD.

8.) Children and parents need to surround themselves with individuals that are positive and supportive of ADHD. The last thing a child needs to hear is that, “ADHD is not a real diagnosis, it’s just an excuse to misbehave.” This a very common misconception among the general public and many parents will experience this very thing as will their children.

9.) Lastly, use the resources that are available to you. Discuss with other parents, teachers, family members, or a local or national support group about your child’s ADHD. Information for parents and educating those around you about what ADHD is and how it affects your child and adults is the best weapon against the stigma of ADHD. Get your child the help they need at school so that they are NOT discriminated against.

Let’s start off this school year the right way and give your child every opportunity to learn and be successful!

For more info: Kids Awareness Series, Understanding My ADHD.

Also on The Examiner.com

Sue Scheff: Could Your Child Be A Bully?

By Kara Tamanini - Author and Therapist

Could your child be a Bully??

Bullying is a problem that occurs in social settings. Bullying behaviors can occur at school, in a peer group, or anywhere a child interacts with their peers. Most bullying behaviors occur at the school setting where there is less adult supervision, such as in the hallway or the cafeteria. In addition, cyber-bullying or bullying a child on the internet is also occurring at an increased rate and there is extensive research in this area.

What are the characteristics of a bully:

1.) Bullying usually occurs at school and not on the way to and from school
2.) Boys most likely are the bullies and tend to be more physically aggressive; however bullies that are girls tend to spread rumors and are verbally aggressive
3.) Bullying is the most prevalent in elementary school, however bullying is prevalent in middle and high school as well.
4.) Bullying by boys declines substantially after age 15. Bullying by girls declines significantly after the age of 14.
5.) Schools in disadvantaged areas tend to have higher bullying rates by research findings. Also, schools where there is a higher prevalence of children that have behavioral, emotional, or learning disorders, the bullying rate is also higher. In classroom settings where the children are of at least average intelligence, there tends to be less bullying behavior
6.) Bullies often tend to have a below average level of intelligence and a lower reading level than their peers.
7.) In schools that have a high level of parent/teacher and principal involvement, the bullying rate is lower
8.) Girls tend to bully girls through gossiping, spreading rumors, giving the girl the "silent treatment" or refusing to talk to her and getting a group of girls to also not talk to her. Boys tend to be more physically aggressive and boys will bully both boys and girls.
9.) Most bullies do not "operate" alone. They want a group of people on "their side".

A bully tends to be a child that is aggressive, dominant and tends to have little remorse for their actions or whether or not they hurt others. Unfortunately, parents are often unaware of the problem or their child’s actions towards other children and as a result the parent has never discussed bullying behaviors with their child. A number of researchers believe that a bully comes about or is cultivated through a combination of their interactions with their adults, peers, and their teachers. A bully tends to focus on peers that are chronic victims and their peers that they see do not react well to any form of aggression.

Kara T. Tamanini, M.S., LMHC
Author and Therapist
Founder of Kids Awareness Series
http://www.kidsawarenessseries.com/

Kara T. Tamanini is a licensed therapist that works with children/adolescents with a variety of childhood mental disorders.

Follow Kara Tamanini on Twitter at @KidTherapist