What Happens When Good Kids Start Making Bad Choices?

Post Newtown tragedy and we as a society not only mourn the loss of precious lives, we are debating what we can do from to prevent this from happening again.

The conversation of gun control and mental health will continue for a long time.

As someone that works with parents of struggling teenagers, I am faced on a weekly basis with families that are at their wit’s end.  They have exhausted all their local resources, the therapy sessions are going nowhere (if you can get your child to attend), school has usually reached their limit with the student, and in some cases the local authorities are now involved.

Over the past few weeks we have heard from parents that feel like their teenagers are holding them hostage in their own homes.  They will punch holes in walls, they will scream at their parents, the level of disrespect today is at an all time high.  Sadly, though we are only hearing about this in the media lately, it has been going on for years.

Some of these homes consist of only one parent or both parents are working leaving less supervision and guidance at home.  Gone are the days when kids came home to at least one parent.  Is this part of the problem of today’s society?  I am not convinced of that.  In my opinion it could be one of the excuses.

Kids today lack the respect that generations prior were born and raised with.  Gone are the days when a parent told a child to be home at 10:00pm and they were actually home at 10:00pm without question.  Today the teen will argue that every other kid has a curfew of 2:00am and that is when he/she will be home whether we like it or not.

Yes, that is the way many parents are living today – at the mercy of their teenager.  I am sure some of you are recognizing your child here.

It’s not just pot anymore.

When a teen has escalated to a point that they are now controlling your home, failing in school, using drugs, hanging with the less than desirable peer group (which by the way they have become themselves), and you have determined this is more than typical teenage behavior – it may be time to seek residential therapy.  These are typically good kids making bad choices.  Some may label them spoiled rotten brat syndrome.

Residential therapy is sometimes mistaken for mental illness.  Though there are residential treatment centers that help the mentally challenged, I am discussing residential therapy that is aimed at building a child back up to making the better choices, teaching them self-respect and respect for others, continuing their education (underachievers) and offering enrichment programs.

Many of these teens are spoiled brats.  The problem; entitlement issues.  Many parents today are guilty of over-indulging our kids and the results are coming back to us during the puberty years – in spades. The sweet angel of a toddler we once had is now a troubled teenager that is driving us mad.  We literally don’t recognize the person they have turned into.  From sneaking out of the house, to dropping out of their favorite sport – that once happy-go-lucky child has gone missing.   It is a parent’s responsibility to find them again.  It is not about shipping them off, it is about giving them a second chance at a bright future.  Sometimes that does involve removing them from their comfort zone; their environment.

Researching for residential therapy can be daunting.  The sticker shock of the price to get your child help can leave you feeling completely helpless and hopeless.

Don’t allow this to happen.  Yes, residential therapy can be costly, however there are some that accept insurances and there are others that work with parents in accordance to their income.  You need to do your homework, there is help out there.  Don’t be a parent in denial, be proactive – it is our responsibility as a parent to get our child the help they may need.

As far as private residential programs for teen help, even though they can be a bit more expensive, don’t assume anything.  You need to do your due diligence and research.  Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com for a list of tips and questions to ask schools and programs.  Being an educated parent helps you to find the best program for your individual child.  Learn more in Wit’s End!  Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen (HCI).

Follow me on Twitter and join me on Facebook for more parenting information.

Therapeutic Boarding Schools and Residential Treatment Centers

You have finally reached your wit's end.  It has come to a point where you have exhausted all your local resources.  The one on one therapy is no longer working, if it ever did.  The fact is, it is a fight to even get your teen to attend a session.  If you do get them to attend - how many times to they actually manipulate the therapist to actually believe there isn't an issue at all...... in some instances the blame can come right back to the parent!

Yes, manipulation of a teen is priceless.  They are the best at what they do.  However now is the time for the parent to be the best at what they are - a parent.

You decided it is time for residential therapy and you jump on the Internet and you start with Google by typing in key words.  Teen help, struggling teens, defiant teens, teen help programs, military schools, reform schools, troubled teens, rebellious teens, etc.

What you will find is a list of marketing arms that are very quick to "sell you a group of programs" rather than discuss what is best for your individual teenager.  I always caution parents to beware of these toll free numbers and marketing arms that you have no clue where you are calling and who is connected to what.

I once was at my wit's end - my story is what prompted me to created an organization to help educate parents about the big business of "teen help".  Take a few minutes to read - "A Parent's True Story" and you will realize that although you absolutely need to get your son or daughter help, you also need to take the time to do your research.

I have listed some "Do's and Don'ts" when searching -  these are some great helpful hints for parents.  This is such a major emotional and financial decision that I encourage to read through my website and learn as much as you can before making a decision.  I firmly believe in residential programs - I just also believe you need to select the right one for your child's needs.

Visit www.helpyourteens.com for more information.

Teen Drug Use: 10 Warning Signs

Parent denial is very common. Not one parent wants to admit that their own child may be drifting off in a negative direction. However if you ignore the obvious signs, you are no better than condoning this substance abuse.

Tips to help prevent substance abuse:
 
1. Communication is the key to prevention. Whenever an opportunity arises about the risks of drinking and driving or the dangers of using drugs, take it to start a conversation.
2. Have a conversation not a confrontation. If you suspect your teen is using drugs, talk to them. Don’t judge them, talk to them about the facts of the dangers of substance abuse. If your teen isn’t opening up to you, be sure you find an adolescent therapist that can help.
3. Addict in the family? Do you have an addict in your family? Sadly many families have been effected by someone that has allowed drugs to take over their lives. With this, it is a reminder to your teen that you want them to have bright future filled with happiness. The last thing you want for them is to end up like ____.
4. Don’t be a parent in denial. There is no teenager that is immune to drug abuse. No matter how smart your teen is, or athletic they are, they are at risk if they start using. I firmly believe that keeping your teen constructively busy, whether it is with sports, music or other hobbies they have, you will be less at risk for them to want to experiment. However don’t be in the dark thinking that your teen is pulling a 4.0 GPA and on the varsity football that they couldn’t be dragged down by peer pressure. Go back to number one – talk, talk, talk – remind your teen how proud you are of them, and let them know that you are always available if they feel they are being pressured to do or try something they don’t want to.
5. Do you know what your teen is saying? Listen or watch on texts or emails for code words for certain drug lingo. Skittling, Tussing, Skittles, Robo-tripping, Red Devils, Velvet, Triple C, C-C-C-, Robotard are some of the names kids use for cough and cold medication abuse. Weed, Pot, Ganja, Mary Jane, Grass, Chronic, Buds, Blunt, Hootch, Jive stick, Ace, Spliff, Skunk, Smoke, Dubie, Flower, Zig Zag are all slang for marijuana.
6. Leftovers. Are there empty medicine wrappers or bottles, burn marks on their clothes or rug, ashes, stench, etc in their room or if they own a car, in their car? Teens (and tweens) either take several pills or smash them so all of it is released at once. Be sure to check all pockets, garbage cans, cars, closets, under beds, etc. for empty wrappers and other evidence of drug use. Where are your prescription drugs? Have you counted them lately?
7. Body language. Tune into changes in your teen’s behavior. Changing peer groups, altering their physical appearance and/or lack of hygiene, eating or sleeping patterns changing, hostile and uncooperative attitude (defiance), missing money or other valuables from the home, sneaking out of the house, etc.
8. Access to alcohol. Look around your home, is there liquor that is easily accessible? Teens admit getting alcohol is easy-and the easiest place to get it is in their home. Know what you have in the house and if you suspect your teen is drinking, lock it up! Talk to them about the risks of drinking, especially if they are driving.
9. Seal the deal. Have your teen sign a contract to never drink and drive. Students Against Drunk Driving (SADD) www.saddonline.com provides a free online contract to download. It may help them pause just the second they need to not get behind that wheel.
10. Set the example, be the example. What many parents don’t realize is that you are the leading role model for your teen. If your teen sees you smoking or drinking frequently, what is the message you are sending? Many parents will have a glass of wine or other alcoholic beverage, however the teen needs to understand you are the adult, and there is a reason that the legal drinking age is 21.

Do you have a teen that you suspect is using drugs? Have you exhausted all your local resources? Take the time to learn about residential therapy, visit www.HelpYourTeens.com. Each teen and family are unique, there are many teen help programs, knowing how to locate the one best for you can be a challenge, however Parents’ Universal Resource Experts in can help, starting with a free consultation.

Join us on Facebook and learn more about today's teens! Follow us on Twitter!

Be an educated parent, you will have healthier teens.

Teen Help Programs: The Search

Tips for Searching for the Right Teen Help Program for My Child:

My story is a cautionary tale that I always hope parents can learn from.

I always tell parents to be cautious of the hundreds of toll free numbers and websites they find online that lead to marketing arms.  These marketing arms are not always in the best interest of your child.  It is always best to try to find a program or school that you can talk directly to the owner or director - someone who will be responsible for your child and accountable for their progress from the day they arrive to the day they finish.

With this - you are also speaking with someone that is only going to want to accept a student that they feel they can help - since their reputation will reflect their success with your child.  Whereas with a marketing arm, in many cases, they will get their commission and you will not hear from them again and they have nothing vested.

Another falsity I see many parents fall for is the misconception that all students need a Wilderness program to break them down prior entering a residential therapeutic program. 

This can not only be an expensive first step, it can also be an extra step that your teen has to complete and then start all over with a new set of therapists and school.  What I find more upsetting is some Wilderness programs won't say that most kids go on to longer term programs - so parents go into these short term programs thinking that 6-9 weeks will resolve issues that have been going on for a few years.  In my opinion, it is only a band-aid that quickly falls off if you are not able to go on to the next step.

If you sit back and truly think about it - why don't you just start at a residential therapeutic boarding school to begin with?  Why add an additional $15K-20K glorified camping trip?  They say to break your child down - however, isn't your child already broken down?  If you can find a solid 6-9-12 month program this should accommodate what you would get from doing your Wilderness.

I encourage parents to look for what I consider the ACE factor:

A=Academic's - Be sure the program is accredited academically
C=Clinical  - Be sure they have qualified therapist
E=Enrichment Programs - Be sure they offer enrichment program to stimulate your teen in a positive direction (ie: sports, music, culinary, fine arts, etc... it doesn't have to be all of them, but something to help boost their self esteem).

Visit me on www.helpyourteens.com for a free consultation and more helpful hints and tips for finding quality programs.

Join me on Facebook  and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today's teenagers.

Troubled Teens: Who can help you?

When a parent first hits that brick wall of having a teen that is out-of-control they literally are clueless at who to call or what to look up on the Internet.

Being in the dark can lead to making rash decisions and this is something you don't want to do when it comes to your child.

Some parents assume that Educational Consultants are the experts to turn to for placement of troubled teens and in some cases, that may be true.  However, like with many other purchases in life, you need to know what you are buying into.

Educational Consultants were originally designed to help parents with their teens to find the right colleges and with the application process. As many know, this has been replaced with CollegeBoard and many other websites online.

As the shift in teen help increased, they seemed to branch out into the residential treatment field.  Most have not experienced what you are going through.  Most do not know what you are dealing with at home.  Only an experienced parent that has been there really knows that feeling of helplessness.  Which is why I created Parents' Universal Resource Experts, Inc.

We are parents - we have walked your shoes.  After experiencing an extremely difficult time with my own teenager - surfing the Internet - being scammed online - my teen being harmed at a program that misrepresented themselves, I decided to take a closer look at this teen help industry.

After years of visiting schools and programs, collecting years of feedback (from parents, students and employees), background researches, on-site visits, etc... We offer parents advice and educated tips on looking at schools and programs.

The last thing parents need to get involved in, in our opinion, is an EC (Educational Consultant) Shuffle. What is the EC Shuffle? Find out more and try not to get into the mix.  We do not employ this type of assistance for your needs.  "The EC I spoke with only wants $500.00, that seems fair."   Remember the cliché you get what you pay for, yes, you will find some Educational Consultants that will only charge $500.00 but you also get limited services usually including the EC Shuffle with a list of programs.  Nothing more than you could have found on your own in a few Internet searches.

Some Educational Consultants are fair and don't employ this type of method.   Please remember this is your child and no one knows him better than you.  Do you really need a middle person for your child?  Shouldn't the program speak directly to you?  Save yourself $5000.00 and find the right for your child.  It may take you a day or two longer, but you can do it.  Sometimes it doesn't take that long - it is all about knowing the right questions - and at www.helpyourteens.com - we have helpful tips and hints to guide you.

Join me on Facebook  and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today's teenagers.

Smart Teens Failing In School and Making Bad Choices

When your teen is withdrawing, what can you do?

What happened to my teen that as making straight A's always so concerned about getting their homework done on time, participated in school activities and looked forward to family gatherings?

Adolescence? Peer pressure?  Today's society? A school incident such as bullying/cyberbullying?  Teen dating abuse?
Relationship issues? Teacher problems?



Your teen that was always part of your family is now secretive, defiant, non-responsive, snaps at you, is suddenly changing her peer group or worse than that, isolating herself/himself from everyone.  What is going on?

Sometimes it could be something a parent can't detect however they do see their once flourishing child now sinking into a deep dark hole.  They are either gravitating to a negative peer group or withdrawing all together, becoming secretive and actually failing school.  Sometimes skipping classes or not attending school at all.  Do you suspect they are using drugs or drinking?

What is the next step?

Seeking local help and all local resources should always be the first step.  Once you have exhausted all these options and you still see your child is sinking deeper, it may be time to consider residential therapy.  This is a major emotional and financial decision.

This will take time and research.  The Internet will be your friend and your foe at this point.  It is important you understand the difference between Internet fact and Internet fiction. Who to trust and who is simply "selling" you a litany of programs.

For a free consultation on this daunting industry, and a free chapter of my book, Wit's End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out of Control Teens, visit www.helpyourteens.com.

Tough love is not an option: It is a choice to get your teen help!

Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, Tough love or "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit. Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse.  Tough love is exactly that: Tough.  Loving our children is unconditional, but we don't have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.

There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough! This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups (if you can find them and if you believe in their philosophy), along with professional intervention. This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it. 

Many times tough love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene.  If you see that Tough love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). 

Quality Residential placements work with the entire family. Once the child is safely removed from the family, everyone is able to concentrate on the issues calmly and rationally. Tough love can mean finding the most appropriate setting outside of the home for your child.

While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems. With time and distance, the healing starts to occur. Tough love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in many families, very necessary and very rewarding.  

Tough love if used correctly can be helpful.  However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing.  Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems.  Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do.  

Don't be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.

Learn more about quality residential therapy at www.helpyourteens.com. 

As far as Tough Love Support Groups, I am not familiar with any groups that are still operating today.  Years ago it there an organization by that name, however I understand they disbanded. Personally I was never a fan of them - since I know that many parents could never just abandon a child.  I understand the concept - and I do know that loving our child to death is not an option, but there are choices out there, and residential therapy is one of them.  If your child is a young adult, it is a different scenario and again, there are ways to handle it.

Troubled Teens: Finding Help You Can Trust

Especially during the holiday season, this can be one of the hardest decisions a parent can make.

Sending a child to a residential program/school is a major decision. It is not one to be taken lightly or to be decided on overnight.

Usually a teen's behavior has been slowly escalating and a parent knows that deep down things are not getting better.  As much as you hope and pray that things will change, this is only typical teen behavior, sometimes it just isn't.

With drug use and substance abuse rising - more dangerous and deadly ingredients being used, such as spice and inhalants, parents have reason to be concerned.  It isn't your marijuana of generations prior - it is so much worse and in many cases - addictive and deadly.

If you have reached your wit's end and now surfing the Internet for help, remember, anyone can build a website.  Anyone can put up nice pictures and create great content.  You need to do your due diligence.

Years ago I struggled with my own teenager.  I was at my wit's end.  I didn't realize what a big business this "teen help industry" was.  Yes, my child needed help, but what we received was anything but that.  My story is a cautionary tale - not one to scare you into not using a program, however on the contrary, you have to get your child help, but you have to do your research in getting them the right help.

Here are some quick tips:

• Your child is not for sale, try to avoid those marketing arms selling you a list of programs that are not in the best interest of your child's individual needs.
• Always speak with an owner or director - Someone that has a vested in your teen's recovery.  Their reputation is on the line.
• Wilderness and other short term programs are usually nothing more than a band-aid that will fall off as quickly as the program lasted.  They are expensive camping trips and in most cases the Wilderness program will tell you at about 4 weeks that your teen will need to continue on to a longer term program.  What? Yes, now you go back to the research board and worse than that, your teen will be deflated when he finds out he/she isn't coming home in 6-9 weeks as they were lead to believe - and they will be starting all over again with a new therapist - new schedule - and new setting.  Don't get caught up in this "shuffle."  Start and finish with the same school/program.
• The average stay should be about 6-9-12 months, depending on your teen.  Anything less is probably non-effective.  Anything more, you may be creating abandonment issues in my opinion. 
• Do you really need an Educational Consultant?  Absolutely not.  You are the parent and no one knows your teen better than you do - with a few tips, you will be able to make some sound choices.

For more helpful hint and tips, please contact www.HelpYourTeens.com for a free consultation. After the ordeal I went through, I created this advocacy organization to help educate parents on finding safe and quality programs. 

Join me on Facebook  and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today's teenagers.

Teens Failing in School: Teen Help

This is the time of year parents are calling - their teen is failing, hanging out with the wrong peer group, possibly using drugs or drinking, and even running away.

Over the past few weeks the increase of calls relating to teen runaways is disturbing.  Many of these parents believe that finding a good two-week summer program will fit this issue.  What parents don't understand is it took longer than two weeks to get to this point, it will certainly take longer to determine where this is stemming from.

Are you a parent that is considering a Wilderness Program for the summer? Think twice again.  This can be a very, very expensive camping trip and a band-aid that will soon fall off once school opens again.

As a matter of fact, Wilderness programs will tell you about 4 weeks into it (usually at $400 a day or more) - that your teen will need a longer term program following this camping journey.  Seriously - parents, you may be at your wit's end - but think about this?  Why? 

Why not start and finish with a program that can firmly help your teen with long term results - short term programs, short term results.

Parents that believe that they will "shock" their teen into appreciating what they have are sorely mistaken.

If you are struggling with your teenager, visit www.helpyourteens.com and get some sound advice.  Don't get sucked into a summer program or Wilderness journey that will most likely only scratch the surface.

Good kid, bad choices: Parent Choices for Troubled Teens

What happened to that sweet 5 year-old you sent off to Kindergarten?
What happened to that athletic tween that loved T-Ball?
What happened to my little angel that loved going to the mall with me?
What happened to my child that always worked so hard to get good grades and always worked to make me proud?

Where did my kind son go?

Where did their childhood go?

Today's society is challenging for teenagers - but can be even more distressful for their parents.  When slowly they watch their good child turn into a tween or teen that they barely recognized.  Underneath the questionable clothing, the piercings we had to reluctantly agree to - and the tattoos they got on their own - our child is deep in there somewhere!

After exhausting all local resources, whether it is an excellent adolescent therapist to local support groups and even out-patient facilities, you are looking at a teen that is heading down a dark road.  It is time for parents to dig deep and find the strength to get their teen the help they need - unfortunately it usually is not at home.

Residential therapy is a big step and a step not to take lightly.  Are you considering a Residential Treatment Center, Therapeutic Boarding School, Military School or other out of home options?  Learn about the differences and find what is best for your teen - visit www.helpyourteens.com.

Read Wit's End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen today!

Teen Help: Parent Confusion of Internet Deception - Who Do you Believe?

Major decision, can you trust cyberspace?

You have resolved yourself to the fact that you can no longer control your teen’s behavior as they are spiraling out-of-control.  Where did that cute little child go?


Actually, they are still there, but deeply buried under the layers of peer pressure, society, technology, divorces, and life in general.  Life is not perfect, however with teens (although they believe they are nearly adults) they are not mature enough to understand that divorce isn’t their fault, a parent losing a job isn’t their fault, a death is not their fault, being bullied isn’t their fault – and before you know it, they have baggage that would outweigh even adults.

Now you get online – where can I find help!  I am at my wit’s end!!!!

You start to see all these websites, clearing houses, marketing arms, toll free numbers etc… Then just when you think you found a program that can help, you find some very harsh website of disgruntled parents and other kids that attended that program.

Don’t panic. Look at the sources -is it a reliable source?  Is it a legal case?  Or simply people that have too much time on their hands, have a vengeance after a school  or program and can’t move on with life.  Unless you see some legal cases to substantiate these claims – chances are very good that their sole motive is to prevent others from getting help and slam programs.

It is a fact – just about every school or program in our country (and probably others) have the “good, bad and ugly” about them. You are not in business for years and won’t have clients that are not happy with your services.  This is why it is so critical parents do their research.

As a victim of this myself, I have won two jury trials – I have proved that my issues as being a disgruntled parent were justified in a court of law -and that these malicious websites are nothing but a way to deter parents from believing my story or getting my help.  I always tell parents, I am either famous or infamous – depending on the website you find – but in  reality – I have taken it to the justice system and proved that I was being stalked, harassed and worse because the program my daughter was abused at simply wants me gone.

Order today

Want to know more – visit www.helpyourteens.com and read Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out of Control Teen.