Sue Scheff: Military Schools - Are they right for your child?

Almost on a daily basis I have to explain to parents that Military Schools are an honor and privilege to attend – they are not for troubled teens. For parents that seem to defy this, I share with them that if their child is expelled for any reason (such as drug use, alcohol, defiance, etc.) you -the parent – risk forfeiting your tuition which can be upwards of $20K or more. The misconception that drugs are not on Military School campus’ is simply not true. Where there is will, there is a way. They are not lock-downs.

In many Military Schools, your child needs to interview with the school, have a good GPA and in many cases have letters of references. Another words, they have to have a desire to attend a Military School. In some cases they may go reluctantly, but are not beligerent about it. Usually if you start them younger, you will find your child more cooperative.
So what are Military Schools?

Military Schools and Academies offer a student the opportunity to reach their highest academic potential as well as build up their self-esteem to make better choices in today’s society. We encourage parents to let their children know that Military Schools are a privilege and honor to attend and not for troubled children.

Military Schools are not for punishment; they are a time for growth. With many students the structure and positive discipline that Military Schools offer are very beneficial. It not only encourages them to become the best they can be, it enhances them to grow into mature respectable young men and women. Many students do not realize they would enjoy Military Schools until they actually visit the campus and understand the honor it is. Military Schools will give your child the vision to reach their goals and dreams for their future. The high level of academics combined with small class sizes creates a strong educational background.

Many ADD/ADHD students do very well in a Military School and Military Academy due to the structure and positive discipline. If your child is ADD or ADHD you may want to consider this type of environment. Many parents start with a summer program to determine if their child is a candidate for Military School.

Military Schools and Academies tuitions vary. Most start at $22,000.00 per school year. There is financing available through lenders and some scholarships. Visit http://helpyourteens.com/ if you would like more information about Military Schools and believe your child would be a good candidate. As a parent of a child that is ADHD, he successfully graduated Military School and obtained a full academic scholarship in a private college and starting medical school next year. Military Schools are an exceptional education for many students.

Sue Scheff: Connecting with your preteen

Source: KidsHealth.org

Connecting with Your Pre-Teen

Staying connected as kids approach the teen years and become more independent may become a challenge for parents, but it’s as important as ever — if not more so now.

While activities at school, new interests, and a growing social life become more important to growing kids, parents are still the anchors, providing love, guidance, and support.

And that connection provides a sense of security and helps build the resilience kids needs to roll with life’s ups and downs.

What to Expect

Your preteen may act as if your guidance isn’t welcome or needed, and even seem embarrassed by you at times. This is when kids start to confide more in peers and request their space and privacy — expect the bedroom door to be shut more often.

As difficult as it may be to swallow these changes, try not to take them personally. They’re all signs of growing independence. You’re going to have to loosen the ties and allow some growing room.

But you don’t have to let go entirely. You’re still a powerful influence — it’s just that your preteen may be more responsive to the example you set rather than the instructions you give. So practice what you’d like to preach, just preach it a little less for now.

Modeling the qualities that you want your preteen to learn and practice — respectful communication, kindness, healthy eating, and fulfilling everyday responsibilities without complaining — makes it more likely that your son or daughter will comply.

What You Can Do

Small, simple things can reinforce connection. Make room in your schedule for special times, take advantage of the routines you already share, and show that you care.

Here are some tips:

•Family meals: It may seem like drudgery to prepare a meal, particularly after a long day. But a shared family meal provides valuable together time. So schedule it and organize it just as you would any other activity. Even if you have to pick up something pre-made, sit down together to eat it. Turn off the TV and try to tune out the ringing phone. If it’s impossible to do every night, schedule a regular weekly family dinner night that accommodates kids’ schedules. Make it something fun, and get everyone involved in the preparation and the cleanup. Sharing an activity helps build closeness and connection, and everyone pitching in reinforces a sense of responsibility and teamwork.

•Bedtime and goodnight: Your child may not need to be tucked in anymore, but maintaining a consistent bedtime routine helps preteens get the sleep needed to grow healthy and strong. So work in some winding-down time together before the lights go out. Read together. Go over the highlights of the day and talk about tomorrow. And even if your preteen has outgrown the tuck-in routine, there’s still a place for a goodnight kiss or hug. If it’s shrugged off, try a gentle hand on the shoulder or back as you wish your child a good night’s sleep.

•Share ordinary time: Find little things that let you just hang out together. Invite your preteen to come with you to walk the dog. Invite yourself along on his or her run. Washing the car, baking cookies, renting movies, watching a favorite TV show — all are opportunities to enjoy each other’s company. And they’re chances for kids to talk about what’s on their mind. Even riding in the car is an opportunity to connect. When you’re driving, your preteen may be more inclined to mention a troubling issue. Since you’re focused on the road, he or she doesn’t have to make eye contact, which can ease any discomfort about opening up.

•Create special time: Make a tradition out of celebrating family milestones beyond birthdays and holidays. Marking smaller occasions like a good report card or a winning soccer game helps reinforce family bonds.

•Show affection: Don’t underestimate the value of saying and showing how much you love your preteen. Doing so ensures that kids feel secure and loved. And you’re demonstrating healthy ways to show affection. Still, preteens may start to feel self-conscious about big displays of affection from parents, especially in public. They may pull away from your hug and kiss, but it’s not about you. Just reserve this type of affection for times when friends aren’t around. And in public, find other ways to show that you care. A smile or a wave can convey a warm send-off while respecting boundaries. Recognize out loud your child’s wonderful qualities and developing skills when you see them. You might say, “That’s a beautiful drawing — you’re really very artistic” or “You were great at baseball practice today — I loved watching you out there.”

•Stay involved: Stay involved in your preteen’s expanding pursuits. Getting involved gives you more time together and shared experiences. You don’t have to be the Scout leader, homeroom mom, or soccer coach to be involved. And your child may want to do more activities where you’re not in charge. That’s OK. Go to games and practices when you can; when you can’t, ask how things went and listen attentively. Help kids talk through the disappointments, and be sympathetic about the missed fly ball that won the game for the other team. Your attitude about setbacks will teach your preteen to accept and feel OK about them, and to summon the courage to try again.

•Stay interested: Stay interested and curious about your preteen’s ideas, feelings, and experiences. If you listen to what he or she is saying, you’ll get a better sense of the guidance, perspective, and support needed. And responding in a nonjudgmental way means your child will be more likely to come to you anytime tough issues arise.

Sue Scheff: Build a connection with your middle school child

Author of A Parents' Guide to Middle School Years, Joe Bruzzese offers parenting podcasts. Check them out - they are very educational and always something new for parenting today's kids.

By Joe Bruzzese

While listening in on a mother-daughter conversation today I overheard the young girl say, “Alright it’s summer. When does the fun start Mom?” To which her mother replied, “Well, we are going to take a vacation in three weeks, but I need to work.” With a frustrated grin, her daughter turned and walked away. When kids hit summer they equate the words, summer break, with fun. Fun typically means vacation, camp, trips to the movie theater and time spend with Mom and Dad. Finding time to spend with your child during the summer months helps to strengthen your connection. Planning for a short trip or outing with your child in the hours after the workday or on the weekend has a dramatic impact on the connection you will continue to build in the coming years.

Does your middle schooler have you completely confused, frustrated or confused and frustrated? I would love to hear from you? Send me an email with your story. joe@thinking-forward.com

Sue Scheff: Protecting Kids Online

This is an article that will help you to better understand we do what we have to do as responsible parents. I remember years ago (well, a decade or more now) when AOL was fairly new and the IM’g was the “hot ticket for teens” - I would sneek a peek at what my young teen was chatting about. I still believe that we have to be a responsible parent - respect their privacy but also know that if we suspect strange behavior, we need to take the appropriate precautions to keep our kids safe.

Source: WiredMoms.com
By: Admin
Here is my personal opinion - Parenting is parenting. It is not espionage. When you bring a child into your home to raise and love and care for there is an unwritten contract of sorts that you will do everything you possibly can to keep that child safe from harms way, give them a safe place to come home too and love them unconditionally.

Lately, there have been several articles in the blog world about parents that are concerned about “spying” on their children. The big problem with this concept ( as one mother reminded me the other night ) the operative word here is “child”.

Somehow as parents we have been given a bill of goods that watching over their Internet life is somehow sneaky or invading their privacy.

In real life, you ask them where they are going and when they’ll be home. You check up on the friends they are hanging out with and if they were to put up a big gigantic poster on the front of your home saying terrible swear words - you would probably make them take that down.
There is really not very much that is “private” online.

If they are posting something they wouldn’t want their mother to see it can be just as much of a problem for them as if that post was a poster on the front of your house. It is out there for the public to see. And as parents, we are part of the public. If they are posting something that a million other loons can view I definitely want to be one of those loons.

Talk to your child about what is a reasonable expectation for Privacy while they are under 18. It is completely reasonable for them to expect privacy in the bathroom - it is completely reasonable for them to expect privacy when they are talking to their friends face to face.

There is even a reasonable amount of privacy in their own bedroom - as long as there are no internet connections in there. You can even ask them directly what they expect in regards to privacy. Talk about privacy issues as it regards to them at school and other public places as well. Then just let them know that you love them and that there are boundaries that are set by parents and clearly define what yours are.

We are not a secret society of espionage agents - we are their parents. It’s not spying - it’s parenting.

Sue Scheff: Mothers Against Predators Online

Mission:

Mothers Against Predators is a non-profit corporation whose mandate is to promote legislation and education to facilitate the creation on an effective defense against Internet predators. Through outreach programs and advocacy groups, M.A.P. will educate children and parents on effective ways to be protected from Internet predators, and how to properly report inappropriate or illegal behavior. M.A.P. works in partnership with local and national elected officials and law enforcement to create effective legislation and laws to provide a defense against Internet predators.

About:

Mothers Against Predators inc. Is a group of Parents, Political Leaders, and Law enforcement who strive to protect our children online. It was formed to create a united front in response to the ever in creasing dangers our children face online. In 2004 my daughter had just turned 12; she became the victim of an online predator. Experience is the best teacher; in the past four years many have realized the need for a strong moveme nt to stem the tide of violence and exploitation of innocent children. We are gaining support, we are making a difference, please join us.

Visit http://www.wearemap.org/aboutus.htm to receive a copy of their flyer.

Tech Tips from M.A.P.: http://www.wearemap.org/techtips.htm

FAQ: http://www.wearemap.org/faq.html

Sue Scheff: Video Game Addiction

As summer approaches, I am sure many parents can benefit from learning more about what our kids are playing online or with their handheld digital games. Check out this website with advice and resources to help you naviagate your child and their attraction to video games.

Source: Video Game Addiction

Video game addiction? Yes, it could be common problem in America youth. According to a latest study published in Psychological Science May 2009, a top-tier peer-reviewed scientific publication in psychology, about 8.5 percent of youth between 8 to 18 years old show symptoms of video game addiction.

As one of the most representative scientific study on video game addiction, this publication has been getting a lot of medium attention. As a result, it has been raising concerns from parents. Unsurprisingly, it also raised some debates, from game players and video game makers.

The goal of this website is to provide unbiased information about video game addiction and influence of video game to the daily life of ours and our next generation in both positive and negative ways.

Sue Scheff: Alcohol and the Teen Brain

Source: Connect with Kids

Alcohol and the Teen Brain

“And one important difference we found…was that the kids with the heavy drinking patterns were not able to retain as much information as the kids who were non-drinkers.”

– Susan Tapert, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

16-year-old Veronica Dyer is taking part in a long-term study. The National Institutes of Health is examining the effects of alcohol on the teenage brain.

“And one important difference we found…was that the kids with the heavy drinking patterns were not able to retain as much information as the kids who were non-drinkers,“ says Susan Tapert, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist involved in the study.

“The subject on the left is a normal, healthy 15-year-old boy,” says Tapert, as she looks as brain images, “and the subject on the right is a 15-year-old boy who is actually a very heavy drinker. You can see that this is a really important area of the brain for remembering locations of things, and over here – nothing. [The heavy drinker] is not using these important brain areas to do this task, and as a result he actually didn’t perform as well on the task.”

Teens who drink twice a week consistently scored an average of ten percent lower on short-term memory tests, compared to non-drinkers.

In other words, says Tapert, “the heavy drinker is more likely to get a B, whereas the non-drinker would be able to get an A. So it’s kind of that amount of a difference.”

16-year-old K.T. Taylor says she’s been drinking heavily for four years. Now in rehab, Taylor says the alcohol has affected her memory.

“Yeah, my memory changed a lot,” she says. “I can’t remember anything anymore. I still do good on my tests – it’s just more effort than I used to have to put into it.”

Has K.T. suffered any long-term damage from drinking? No one knows. But Veronica isn’t taking that risk.

“I personally have never drunken even an entire drink of alcohol,” she says. “A lot of my friends have and I have seen how it affected them. They’re slower in school and that’s all they think about doing. And they become addicted to it in a way and I don’t want to be into that, so I don’t do it.”


Tips for Parents

Research shows that adolescents may be more vulnerable to brain damage from excessive drinking than older drinkers. Alcohol impairs brain activity in the receptors responsible for memory and learning, and young people who binge drink could be facing serious brain damage today and increased memory loss in years to come. If one begins drinking at an early age, he/she is more likely to face alcohol addiction. Consider the following …

Imaging studies have revealed a connection between heavy drinking and physical brain damage.
Neither chronic liver disease nor alcohol-induced dementia, the most common symptoms of severe alcoholism, need be present for alcohol-induced, physical brain damage to occur.

Alcohol-induced brain damage usually includes extensive shrinkage in the cortex of the frontal lobe, which is the site of higher intellectual functions.

Shrinkage has also been observed in deeper brain regions, including the cerebellum, which helps regulate coordination and balance, and brain structures associated with memory.

Alcohol abstinence has shown positive results. Even three to four weeks without alcohol can reverse effects on memory loss and problem-solving skills.

Adolescents have a better chance of recovery because they have greater powers of recuperation. If you suspect your child has alcohol-related brain damage, it is imperative to have him or her assessed by a medical doctor or psychologist. Treatment depends on the individual and the type of brain damage sustained. People with impaired brain function can be helped. Often it is necessary to reduce the demands placed on the patient. Also, a predictable routine covering all daily activities can help. Consider the following points when easing your child’s routine …

Simplify information. Present one idea at a time.
Tackle one problem at a time.
Allow your child to progress at his or her own pace.
Minimize distractions.
Avoid stressful situations.
Structure a schedule with frequent breaks and rest periods.
Consider joining an alcoholism support group.

References

Alcoholism Home Page
Better Health Channel
National Youth Violence Prevention Center
Psychological Assessment Research and Treatment Services
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration

Sue Scheff: Parents Need to Learn More about Inhalant Abuse

As summer is here, teens and tweens may find idle time and many parents are unaware of a deadly substance abuse that can be located within their own home - ordinary household product that could potentially have harmful affects on your child's health.

I hear from parents about their child smoking pot, or taking prescription pills (bars) but are you aware of cooking spray, gasoline, spray paint, felt tip pens, nail polish remover and much more?

Learn more at Inhalant.org and don't become a statistic.

WHAT IS INHALANT ABUSE?

Inhalant abuse refers to the deliberate inhalation or sniffing of common products found in homes and communities with the purpose of "getting high." Inhalants are easily accessible, legal, everyday products.

When used as intended, these products have a useful purpose in our lives and enhance the quality of life, but when intentionally misused, they can be deadly. Inhalant Abuse is a lesser recognized form of substance abuse, but it is no less dangerous. Inhalants are addictive and are considered to be "gateway" drugs because children often progress from inhalants to illegal drug and alcohol abuse.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that one in five American teens have used Inhalants to get high.Inhalation is referred to as huffing, sniffing, dusting or bagging and generally occurs through the nose or mouth. Huffing is when a chemically soaked rag is held to the face or stuffed in the mouth and the substance is inhaled. Sniffing can be done directly from containers, plastic bags, clothing or rags saturated with a substance or from the product directly.

With Bagging, substances are sprayed or deposited into a plastic or paper bag and the vapors are inhaled. This method can result in suffocation because a bag is placed over the individuals head, cutting off the supply of oxygen.

Other methods used include placing inhalants on sleeves, collars, or other items of clothing that are sniffed over a period of time. Fumes are discharged into soda cans and inhaled from the can or balloons are filled with nitrous oxide and the vapors are inhaled. Heating volatile substances and inhaling the vapors emitted is another form of inhalation. All of these methods are potentially harmful or deadly. Experts estimate that there are several hundred deaths each year from Inhalant Abuse, although under-reporting is still a problem.

What Products Can be Abused?

There are more than a 1,400 products which are potentially dangerous when inhaled, such as typewriter correction fluid, air conditioning coolant, gasoline, propane, felt tip markers, spray paint, air freshener, butane, cooking spray, paint, and glue.

Most are common products that can be found in the home, garage, office, school or as close as the local convenience store. The best advice for consumers is to read the labels before using a product to ensure the proper method is observed. It is also recommended that parents discuss the product labels with their children at age-appropriate times. The following list represents categories of products that are commonly abused.

Click here for a list of abusable products.