Sexual Education and Teens: The Peer Pressure to Have Sex

School is back in session and the peer pressure is back in full swing.  Raising teens in today’s world is not easy.  The pressure to fit-in is always going to be complicated.

Whether your teenager’s health classes at school take an abstinence-only approach to sexual education or not, the responsibility of encouraging abstinence still falls largely upon your shoulders as a parent. Sexual activity at an early age could potentially lead to an unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases or both. Teenagers are beginning to experience adult urges, but still have an underdeveloped sense of the impulse control that governs most adult social interaction.
Approaching your teen about sexuality and abstinence doesn’t have to be awkward and uncomfortable, though, especially if you’ve established a foundation of open, honest communication.

Get to Know Your Teen
It’s not easy to talk to someone that you don’t really know, especially if your lack of mutual familiarity makes a frank conversation about sex painfully awkward. In order to effectively teach your teenager why he should avoid sexual activity until he’s older and more mature, you’ll have to be able to speak comfortably about other things, too. It’s also important that you know who his friends are, what he’s interested in and who he’s dating. The peer group around your teenager will have a certain amount of influence over his decisions, especially if he’s involved in a romantic relationship. You’ll need to tailor your conversations regarding sexuality to meet his individual situation, something you simply can’t do if you don’t know these basic bits of information.

Avoid Moral Ambiguity
If abstinence from premarital sex is important to your family because of your religious beliefs, you have concrete reasons aside from teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases for encouraging such behavior. Teenagers tend to think that the worst-case scenario doesn’t apply to them, and while these situations happen to other people, they’ll never happen to them. Heads of secular households will need to avoid attaching an ambiguous moral stigma to the idea of teen sex, especially if it’s not something you actually believe. If religion isn’t a driving force behind your hopes for abstinence, it’s best to stick to the facts.

Encourage Him to Pursue Long-Term Goals
A teenager that’s focused on a long-term goal, like finishing college or excelling in an area in which he’s particularly talented, may be more determined to avoid potential stumbling blocks along the road to the success he dreams of. Making sure that you encourage your teenager’s ambitions and that you explain how easily they could be derailed by an unplanned pregnancy or an incurable sexually transmitted disease can put a spin on abstinence that he understands.

Limit Screen Time, But Don’t Be Afraid to Use Entertainment as a Talking Point
Sex sells, a fact that’s readily apparent any time you switch on the television. While limiting screen time is a wise choice for a variety of reasons, you should realize that you simply can’t shield your teenager from allusions to sexual activity on television, in music or on the Internet. Rather than trying to block all references to sexuality, you should use them as talking points. Remember that talking about abstinence is an ongoing dialogue, not a one-time discussion. Topical conversations about the things that your teen sees on television are another effective way of applying these important principals to his real life in a way that makes sense to him.

Consider the Effects of Substance Use
Teenagers aren’t renowned for their impulse control and drinking or drug use can cause their inhibitions to drop even further. Understanding the causal link between substance use and sexual activity is essential for parents because your teenager will almost certainly find himself in the position of being offered drugs or alcohol at some point in his high school career. Making sure that your stance on experimentation with controlled substances is clear and that your teenager understands just how quickly a single mistake can ruin a promising life is important.

Have Frank Discussions About the Ramifications of Teen Pregnancy
The abstract notion of being saddled with an infant before graduation is a scary one to teenagers, but it’s still not a concept that fully sinks in most of the time. Teenagers may understand that sex can lead to pregnancy, but they still tend to believe that it will never happen to them. Girls may even believe that teen pregnancy isn’t so devastating, and they may believe that they have the necessary tools to parent. Making sure that your children absolutely understand how devastating an unexpected pregnancy would be is essential, as it may be the one lesson they hold on to when they’re confronted with temptation.

While it’s important to talk to your teens about abstinence and maintaining sexual purity, it’s also important that you foster a sense of openness and trust in your relationship with them.
A teen that’s terrified of your reaction to an impulsive mistake or even an informed decision regarding his sexual activity isn’t likely to discuss the matter with you at all, leaving you firmly in the dark. Make sure that your child knows that you strongly encourage abstinence, but that you’re there to listen to him and to help him through difficult situations even if he doesn’t live up to those expectations.

Source: Babysitting Jobs

Is Your Teen Hooking Up?

Keep up with today's teen lingo is imperative, and here is one very good reason.  Hooking up is no longer just meeting you at the mall....

The teens say that two kids were “hooking up” at a party. It might sound like two kids were just meeting. But actually, it may be a dangerous practice that parents need to know about.

Today, “hooking up” can describe a wide variety of brief, casual, sexual relationships. For some it could just mean that two young people kissed. But often, it means they had some form of sex.

The Kaiser Family Foundation found that 37% of teens said they knew someone who had “hooked up.” Teens who “hook up” with others are putting themselves at risk. They’re in danger of getting pregnant or of getting HIV/AIDS or other diseases.

There are emotional and academic risks, too. Teens say that after “hooking up,” it is hard to face the other person. They may feel that they have been used. At the very least, homework and schoolwork suffer, and failing one or more classes is a real danger.

Parents need to talk openly with teens about “hooking up.” Make sure your child knows your family’s values and standards on sexual involvement. Many teens who have tried “hooking up” say they wish they had not.

Parents need to let teens know that they have the right to say no to any sexual involvement. Despite the messages of popular culture, not everyone is having sex.

Copyright © 2013 Parent Institute

Teen Sex: Encouraging Your Teens To Wait to Have Sex

Raising teens in today's world is not easy.

Whether your teenager’s health classes at school take an abstinence-only approach to sexual education or not, the responsibility of encouraging abstinence still falls largely upon your shoulders as a parent. Sexual activity at an early age could potentially lead to an unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases or both. Teenagers are beginning to experience adult urges, but still have an underdeveloped sense of the impulse control that governs most adult social interaction.

Approaching your teen about sexuality and abstinence doesn’t have to be awkward and uncomfortable, though, especially if you’ve established a foundation of open, honest communication.

Get to Know Your Teen
It’s not easy to talk to someone that you don’t really know, especially if your lack of mutual familiarity makes a frank conversation about sex painfully awkward. In order to effectively teach your teenager why he should avoid sexual activity until he’s older and more mature, you’ll have to be able to speak comfortably about other things, too. It’s also important that you know who his friends are, what he’s interested in and who he’s dating. The peer group around your teenager will have a certain amount of influence over his decisions, especially if he’s involved in a romantic relationship. You’ll need to tailor your conversations regarding sexuality to meet his individual situation, something you simply can’t do if you don’t know these basic bits of information.

Avoid Moral Ambiguity
If abstinence from premarital sex is important to your family because of your religious beliefs, you have concrete reasons aside from teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases for encouraging such behavior. Teenagers tend to think that the worst-case scenario doesn’t apply to them, and while these situations happen to other people, they’ll never happen to them. Heads of secular households will need to avoid attaching an ambiguous moral stigma to the idea of teen sex, especially if it’s not something you actually believe. If religion isn’t a driving force behind your hopes for abstinence, it’s best to stick to the facts.

Encourage Him to Pursue Long-Term Goals
A teenager that’s focused on a long-term goal, like finishing college or excelling in an area in which he’s particularly talented, may be more determined to avoid potential stumbling blocks along the road to the success he dreams of. Making sure that you encourage your teenager’s ambitions and that you explain how easily they could be derailed by an unplanned pregnancy or an incurable sexually transmitted disease can put a spin on abstinence that he understands.

Limit Screen Time, But Don’t Be Afraid to Use Entertainment as a Talking Point
Sex sells, a fact that’s readily apparent any time you switch on the television. While limiting screen time is a wise choice for a variety of reasons, you should realize that you simply can’t shield your teenager from allusions to sexual activity on television, in music or on the Internet. Rather than trying to block all references to sexuality, you should use them as talking points. Remember that talking about abstinence is an ongoing dialogue, not a one-time discussion. Topical conversations about the things that your teen sees on television are another effective way of applying these important principals to his real life in a way that makes sense to him.

Consider the Effects of Substance Use
Teenagers aren’t renowned for their impulse control and drinking or drug use can cause their inhibitions to drop even further. Understanding the causal link between substance use and sexual activity is essential for parents because your teenager will almost certainly find himself in the position of being offered drugs or alcohol at some point in his high school career. Making sure that your stance on experimentation with controlled substances is clear and that your teenager understands just how quickly a single mistake can ruin a promising life is important.

Have Frank Discussions About the Ramifications of Teen Pregnancy
The abstract notion of being saddled with an infant before graduation is a scary one to teenagers, but it’s still not a concept that fully sinks in most of the time. Teenagers may understand that sex can lead to pregnancy, but they still tend to believe that it will never happen to them. Girls may even believe that teen pregnancy isn’t so devastating, and they may believe that they have the necessary tools to parent. Making sure that your children absolutely understand how devastating an unexpected pregnancy would be is essential, as it may be the one lesson they hold on to when they’re confronted with temptation.

While it’s important to talk to your teens about abstinence and maintaining sexual purity, it’s also important that you foster a sense of openness and trust in your relationship with them.

A teen that’s terrified of your reaction to an impulsive mistake or even an informed decision regarding his sexual activity isn’t likely to discuss the matter with you at all, leaving you firmly in the dark. Make sure that your child knows that you strongly encourage abstinence, but that you’re there to listen to him and to help him through difficult situations even if he doesn’t live up to those expectations.

Source: Babysitting Jobs

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Teens having sex: It starts younger and younger

Why are teens having sex younger?

Parents today face so many more hurdles than generations prior.  Is it television? Media? Technology? Or simply kids are growing up way too fast! 

Gone are the days you can sit on the sofa and watch a movie on TV with your kids without a commercial for some type of sexual enhancement drug/gel or other type of stimulant to increase your sex life (as an adult) pops up.  Even if your “kid” is a young adult, it can be uncomfortable to sit there with them and watch. 

With all this type of hype in their face – why do we wonder why kids are having sex earlier and earlier?

A guest writer, Sara Dawkins, has written a great article for parents, teens and educators to read:

Encouraging Teens to Abstain

When the state of California started to mail condoms for free to children ages 12-19, you had to know there was a problem. While I do agree with the concept of safe sex, I do not think teens should be encouraged to have sex at all. I know it is not realistic to assume that no teen is going to have sex, but isn’t it the parent’s job to inform their child of the ramifications of sex at such a young age.

It is a scientific fact that teens brains take time to develop. Some of the higher thinking processes doesn’t become fully formed and implemented even up to the early twenties. So how can parents expect children of 13, 14, 15 years to make rational, lifelong decisions like sex? If children have to wait until they are 18 to smoke and 21 to drink, then why don’t we have an age limit for sex?
I know there are certain limits on sex to protect children from adults, but what about protecting children from each other? When there are T.V. reality shows about 16 year old parents, there is apparently a problem. And it’s not all about birth control and safe sex education. That’s all well and good, but we are ignoring the emotional impact of sex.

Sex is supposed to be an act between a life-long couple. It bonds people, makes you become one with the other person. But what happens when you have sex with three, four, eight people? Are you forming bonds with each one? What kind of emotional impact does that have? Not only does having multiple partners affect teens, but even having one partner at a young age is emotionally trying. The have essentially married that person, and what happens when the relationship fails? Which it will. Then the teens go through the same heartbreak as a divorce, except they don’t have the adult emotional and rational ability to deal with it.

Do you remember how much better (and worse) things felt when you were a teen? There is a reason for that. Between hormones raging and the maturation of the brain, teens feel things much more than most adults. So how much more does sex affect them? This is one reason you should encourage teens to abstain from sex until they are adults. They are just not equipped, emotionally or mentally, to deal with the connection and ramifications. Not to mention having children of their own.

How can you help teens stay abstinent in a sex-drenched world? Teach them not to get into situations where they will be alone with the opposite sex and become tempted. Help them to understand the ramifications of their actions in the long term. If they have a person they are dating, remind them not to get too caught up in emotions and touching. They will thank you when they get older.

Author Bio
Sara Dawkins is an active nanny as well as an active freelance writer. She also helps in providing information on nanny jobs through her writing.  Learn more about her Learn more about her here.

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Teen Pregnancy: November 19th is National Adoption Day

Most people are well aware that being  a parent is not easy, however being a teenage parent can be twice as hard.  The ability to finish school decreases, finances are strained and your body is changing rapidly.

16 and Pregnant along with Teen Moms give you an inside look at how hard it is being a teen parent.  The reality of these reality shows is real!  Most teens are not ready to be a mother, they are not mature enough to understand the responsibility nor are many financially ready.

This doesn't mean that you can't have a child, there are options.  This is not a political article, nor is it judgmental, it is only to bring about the awareness of options for pregnant teens.

Adoption is not about giving your child away, it is about loving your child enough to know that you aren't able to give he/she the life another family could offer.  With today's latest adoption services, there are many choices.  Some include the teen being part of the child's life, as in an open adoption.

November 19th is National Adoption Day

National Adoption Day is a national day of celebration of adoptive families and an opportunity for courts to open their doors and finalize the adoptions of children from foster care. Since 2000, more than 35,000 children have had their adoptions finalized on National Adoption Day.

On November 19, 2011, families, adoption advocates, policymakers, judges and volunteers will come together and celebrate adoption in communities large and small all across the nation.

The One Day Project was created by the National Adoption Day Coalition to share with the thousands of waiting children what this one day is like, and what it means to find their forever family. Watch this video to see how this one day has changed actor Willie Garson’s life, and the lives of thousands of children waiting in foster care.

Learn more - click here.

Teens Hooking-Up: Teen Slang Parents Should Know

Summer flings are around the corner as school is almost over for the year.  What will your teen be doing this summer?  Who will they be hanging with?

Parents, it is time you get in the know!


Have you ever wondered where certain expressions come from? Me too, which is why cliches and figures of speech have become a hobby of mine. Well, since it’s springtime, traditionally a time for romance, why not have a look at some expressions for getting together (wink-wink)?

Great! Here’s a list of 10 slang terms for “hooking up”, and their origins.

1. Discussing Uganda – This one is credited to the British magazine Private Eye, a satirical publication that has a tradition of coining such euphemisms. It stems from an incident at a party where a female
   
   journalist used the term to explain her absence during a brief sexual rendezvous upstairs, reportedly at the time when Idi Amin and his Ugandan regime predominated the news.
2. Friends With Benefits – A relationship wherein the partners are not romantically involved, and who would characterize their relationship essentially as a friendship, which includes consensual but non-committal sex ( the “benefits” part). The earliest reference of the phrase in this context that I could find is in the 1996 Alanis Morissette song, Head Over Feet.
3. Starter Marriage – A term referring to a marital hook-up, meaning a first marriage of short duration and with no children. It’s a play on the expression “starter home” whose popularity is credited to a book by Pamela Paul, The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony.
4. To Know in the Biblical Sense – A euphemism for having sexual relations. Taken, as the term implies, from the Bible, as in Genesis 4:1 -”And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived…”
5. Making the Beast with Two Backs – Another sexual euphemism, this one from Shakespeare’s Othello, act 1, scene 1: Iago: I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.
6. Tying the Knot –  Marriage has long been associated with such metaphorical imagery of binding ties or knots. This phrase is said to have originated with a Roman custom where the bride wore a girdle which had knots that the groom would need to untie before consummating the union.
7. Jumping the Broom – In some cultures (Welsh  and Gypsy, for instance), it is a ceremonial tradition for the groom and  bride to literally jump over a broomstick, or a flowering branch of broom (evergreen shrub).
8. Painting the Town Red – This expression for spending an evening in revelry can be traced to Henry Beresford, the 3rd Marquess of Waterford, who quite literally painted the town of Melton Mowbray red to celebrate a successful fox hunt.
9. Booty Call – A modern-day reference to a request for casual sex; derived from the sexual term for a woman’s derriere, it means a call made to a prospective partner for the purpose of hooking up in order to have sex, or the act itself.
10. And, inevitably, we have sexual euphemisms derived from this age of the internet, including a favorite of mine which needs no explanation … Putting YouTube into MySpace.

Source: Top Dating Sites

Teens and Sex: Remaining a Virgin in College

Believe it or not, some teens do in fact want to remain virgins until marriage. If you are part of this group and have managed to survive high school with your virginity still intact, then you have completed a huge accomplishment. But you will learn early on that during college you will be faced with a variety of different challenges that might make your vow of celibacy hard to keep. But there are some easy and practical ways that you can remain a virgin in college.

The first thing you need to do is know your limits. If you wish to remain a virgin, this doesn't mean that you have to cast off the opposite sex indefinitely, but you do need to be open about your desire to remain a virgin and set your limits. As cliché as it may sound, many lose their virginities because they were "caught up in the heat of the moment." So it's best not to put yourself into a situation that could jeopardize your virginity. For example, if you have no intentions of surpassing passionate kissing (or whatever your limit may be) let your partner know and make sure that it never truly gets past that point.  Know your limits and stick to them. If your boyfriend/girlfriend or date becomes agitated with your limits, then it's probably best you send them on their way and find someone else who is understanding. And there are people out there who are understanding, don't doubt that.

Another way to remain a virgin in college is to avoid temptations like alcohol. All too often males and females lose their virginities with a one night stand because they were drunk.  Not only do they lose something in an instant they've worked their whole lives to keep, but drunken sex is also a common way people contract STDs and get pregnant (they tend to forget about using contraceptives). Avoiding temptations doesn't necessarily mean you can't have fun and go to parties, but you can either not consume alcoholic drinks all together, or at least make sure you drink responsibility.  Limit yourself to one or two, nursing them rather than "chugging," and eat a good meal beforehand.

Lastly, don't make having sex, or rather not having sex, a goal. This is because if you constantly have it on your brain, it will become an active part of your thinking process. Once it's a part of your thinking process, you will either have to constantly resist the urge or you will let it take over your life—potentially sabotaging a wonderful relationship for fear that you will be pressured into having sex. Instead of worrying about having sex or not having sex, immerse yourself in your other interests and your school work. When your mind is stimulated and satisfied in other ways, you will become less interested in sex.

By-line:
This guest post is contributed by Kate Willson, who writes on the topics of top online colleges.  She welcomes your comments at her email Id: katewillson2@gmail.com.  This article is reprinted with the author's permission.

Read more.

Sue Scheff: Relationship Reality with Teens and Sex

As summer is approaching teens have more spare time.  Whether they are engaging in summer parties, summer sleep overs or just hanging out, sex is a topic that many teens are in tune with.

What is your teen's relationship reality?  Do they understand that a relationship is built on trust and respect?  It is more than going out on a few dates, it is more than spending hours on the phone or texting each other continuously.

The decisions your teen make about their relationships matter a lot - both in the short-term and in the long-term. So, Stay Teen has collected some facts, tips, and feedback from teens about what makes a healthy relationship and how to avoid an unhealthy one.

Tips for healthy relationships:

• Just because you think "everyone is doing it," doesn't mean they are. Some are, some aren't — and some are lying.
• There are a lot of good reasons to say "no, not yet." Protecting your feelings is one of them.
• You're in charge of your own life - don't let anyone pressure you into having sex.
• You can always say "no" — even if you've said "yes" before.
• If you're drunk or high, you can't make good decisions about sex. Don't do something you might not remember or might really regret.
• Sex won't make him or her yours and a baby won't make them stay.

FACT: Most teens say it is not embarrassing to be a virgin. - Stay Teen

Encourage your teen to take the StayTeen.org quiz  today!

In South Florida, Planned Parenthood can help you educate your teens on sex and if they are considering have it. Teen Talk is targeted at discussing sex education and protection with your teens.

Be an educated parent, you will have healthier and safer teens.

Read more.

Sue Scheff: Boys Brag about Sex - Teenage Sex

O-kay, let’s face it, teens are very well versed in sex education – far more than generations prior. However the bragging rights seem to continue. According to the CDC, an estimated 48% had sexual intercourse before graduating from high school. Nearly two-thirds of teens that have had sexual intercourse say they regret it and wish they had waited, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Connect with Kids just posted an interesting article about boy and their boosting about their sexual encounters.

Boys Brag about Sex

Source: Connect with Kids

“Some guys are really stupid and all they want is to have sex and, yeah, they brag about everywhere.”

– Stephanie, 16 years old

Teenage boys like to talk about it and, sometimes, they exaggerate.

“All they talk about is sex,” 17 year old Tyler says. “You go walking down the hallway…sex, sex, sex. ‘Hey I had sex with her, I had sex with him.’”

In a new Seventeen magazine survey of boys and young men, almost half said they were virgins and one in four said he had lied to other kids about not being a virgin. According to the survey of 1,200 boys and young men, age 15 to 22, 60 percent said they lied about something sexual, 30 percent lied about “how far they had gone,” and 78 percent said that there was too much pressure from society to have sex.

17 year old Brad confirms that “guys brag all the time. I mean I’ve met one guy who hasn’t bragged about it. ”

Still there are some boys, like 17 year old Jesse, who are willing to say ‘no’ even when pressured by a girl.

“I was just astonished and I was like, ‘no’ because I like know this girl, she was my friend, but she wasn’t someone I wanted to do that stuff with. She wasn’t the right person for me to lose my virginity with.”

Daniel Jean-Baptiste, a health educator, says he has seen a change in the attitude of young men. “The attitude is starting to become, ‘I don’t really care if my buddies are talking about it and this person is bragging about it. It’s not really a big deal, because you can get STDs. Or you can get someone pregnant.”

Many experts argue that in our culture, boys are pressured to have sex, or at least say they have, but that it’s up to parents to talk about the seriousness of sex… and the risks.

“A young person is never too young to talk about HIV, to talk about STDs, to talk about puberty,” Jean-Baptiste says. “And I think that if parents start to talk to their young people before they reach puberty… you’ve really seasoned them, so that in the future years… you’ll be more comfortable and they’ll be more comfortable talking to you.”

They will be more comfortable, as he says, and there is a good chance they will listen.

“Kids, they might not say they listen to their parents but deep down inside, there’s always… their parents are their little voice… anything a parent says usually does get taken to heart,” says 18 year old Jesse.

Related Information

It’s not uncommon to see statistics showing that girls face a great deal of pressure to have sex at an early age. But a new survey from the Kaiser Family Foundation shows that girls are not alone. Researchers found that one in three teen boys reported feeling peer pressure to have sex – often from male friends. In fact, the survey findings showed that boys were more likely than girls to feel pressure and more likely to believe that waiting to have sex is a myth.

How prevalent is sexual behavior among teens? The most recent numbers come from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2007 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey of high school students from 34 states:

•An estimated 48% had sexual intercourse before graduating from high school.
•Approximately 15% had sexual intercourse with four or more partners before graduating from high school.
•Nearly 62% of currently sexually active students used a condom during last sexual intercourse.
•Approximately 90% of the students said they had been taught about AIDS and HIV infection in school.

Tips for Parents
Nearly two-thirds of teens that have had sexual intercourse say they regret it and wish they had waited, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. The campaign also found that when it comes to making a decision about sex, 30% said that friends influenced their decision the most.

As a parent, how can you help your child make an informed decision about sex? It is first important to openly discuss sexual health with your child. Although it may be tough and awkward at times, open communication and accurate information that comes from you – the parent – increases the chance that your teen will postpone sex or use appropriate methods of birth control once he or she begins. The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry offers the following advice when talking to your child about sex:

•Encourage your child to talk and ask questions.
•Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.
•Use words that are understandable and comfortable.
•Try to determine your child’s level of knowledge and understanding.
•Keep your sense of humor, and don’t be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.
•Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring and respect for oneself and one’s partner.
•Be open in sharing your values and concerns.
•Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
•Help your child to consider the pros and cons of choices.
Your teen may be feeling pressure to have sex from a number of places – friends, peers or partners. As a parent, it is important that you give your child the necessary tools to make a decision about sex before peer pressure makes the decision for him or her. The American Social Health Association (ASHA) offers the following advice about sex and peer pressure to share with your teen:

•Not every person your age is having sex. Even if sometimes it feels like everyone is “doing it,” it is important to realize that this is not true. People often talk about sex in a casual manner, but this doesn’t mean they are actually having sex.
•Hollywood doesn’t show the full story. Sexual situations are everywhere in our culture. They are on television, in movies and even in commercials and magazines. This is part of the reason why we enjoy these things so much. Just remember: Characters in these movies, television shows and advertisements are actors and actresses. They can’t get unwanted pregnancies and STDs. You can.
•There are lots of great reasons why people wait to have sex. You may be making plans to go to college or to start a job after you finish high school. Would a baby in your life make it easier or tougher for you to do the things you’ve dreamed about? Wanting to avoid STDs is another reason that some people are very cautious about becoming sexually active.
You can continue to help your teen avoid peer pressure to have sex by teaching him or her the following strategies from the ASHA:

•Hang out with friends who also believe that it’s okay to not be ready for sex yet.
•Date several people and hang out with different groups of people.
•Go out with a group of friends rather than only your date.
•Introduce your friends to your parents.
•Invite your friends to your home.
•Always carry money for a telephone call or cab in case you feel uncomfortable.
•Stick up for your friends if they are being pressured to have sex.
•Think of what you would say in advance in case someone tries to pressure you.
•Be ready to call your mother, father or a friend to pick you up if you need to leave a date.
•Never feel obligated to “pay someone back” with sex in return for an expensive date or gift.
•Say “no” and mean “no” if that’s how you feel.

References
•American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
•American Social Health Association
•Kaiser Family Foundation
•National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
•Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (CDC

Sue Scheff: Rainbow Party - A game or party you don't want your teens to attend!

This is a sensitive subject and many will be appalled and disgusted, however as a parent, it is about being educated. Knowing what can be happening in your neighborhood, in your schools, or even in your own home - is your responsibility as a parent to stay in touch with your children and their lives.

"Rainbow Party" by Paul Ruditis, is written as fiction, however has a powerful message that many will be shocked to hear about. This rainbow party is not about homosexuals coming out, it is about sex and your teens. It is, in fact, an oral-sex party in which each girl wears a different color lipstick. In theory, after the girls perform oral sex on the boys, they would be left with rainbows around their penises.

Many parents have the sex talk with their kids. Many schools offer sex education. There are also many resources, websites and books that can help educate your teens to be better prepared when they do decide to have sex. But have you talked to your teens about the dangers of games/parties such as "Rainbow Parties?"

Questions that may arise and you will need to answer:

• Is oral sex real sex?
• Can you still be a virgin and have oral sex?
• Why is this game dangerous to your child?
• If one guy gives oral sex to another, is he gay?
• How is oral sex fun for girls?
• Why don't boys ever reciprocate the favor?
• What are the symptoms of gonorrhea?
• What is an STD?
• How do you prevent STD's?

Although many would like to simply discard this article and subject, being an educated parent will make you better prepared and lead to safer and healthier teens.

Parents must watch video and read more about this troubling topic.

Sue Schefff: What Teens Need to Know About STD's

Parenting teens today is challenging and although many of our concerns today are focused on technology and online safety, we need to go back to basics – a trend that a parent of any generation needs to be concerned about. Teens having sex. Years ago it was a fear of pregnancy, today it is so much more. Sexually transmitted diseases are not going away and kids/teens needs to understand the consequences which can not only lead to infertility, but in extreme cases, the end of life.

The latest statistics from the Centers for Disease Control show that there is one sexually transmitted disease that affects more teenage girls than any other age group. Last year, 1.2 million cases of Chlamydia were reported among teens. That’s 100,000 more than the year before.

Source: Connect with Kids

Chlamydia on the Rise

“I don’t really know anything about it.”

– Berit, Age 16, when asked about Chlamydia.

The latest statistics from the Centers for Disease Control show that there is one sexually transmitted disease that affects more teenage girls than any other age group. Last year, 1.2 million cases of Chlamydia were reported among teens. That’s 100,000 more than the year before.

What is Chlamydia?

If you ask many teenage girls, you’re likely to get a blank stare. “I really don’t know much about it at all,” says 14-year-old Tavia.

Or you’ll get a wrong answer. “Um, it’s one of the female body parts,” says 14-year-old Jade.

Most kids don’t know it, but Chlamydia is a sexually transmitted disease that infects 1.2 million teenage girls every year.

Kids often don’t know what it is and they don’t know they have it, because the symptoms may not show up for years when it’s too late.

“Chlamydia infections have been associated with pelvic inflammatory disease, which can cause scarring of the fallopian tubes and lead to infertility,” says infectious disease specialist Dr. Kimberly Workowski.

According to the CDC, nearly half of all new Chlamydia cases are among teenager girls for two reasons: first, teens are less likely than adults to use condoms; second, the immature cells in a teenage girl’s cervix are more vulnerable to infection.

Still, it’s a “very curable disease,” says Dr. Workowski. Curable, if it detected. Many teens, however, don’t suspect they have the disease, and they’re afraid to go to a doctor to get checked.

“I don’t think they’re really educated about that stuff yet, they don’t even listen, they don’t care,” says Jade.

Experts say parents should take the lead, and talk with their child about getting tested.

“You can get a non-invasive test, like a urine sample, to see if there is any evidence of chlamydia,” says Dr. Workowski. The experts say, if parents think to themselves, “there is no way my child has chlamydia!” they need to consider the consequences if they’re wrong.

“You’re daughter…can be infertile,” Dr. Workowski warns, “because of this infection.”


Tips for Parents
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Chlamydia (”kla-mid-ee-uh”) is the “most common bacterial sexually transmitted disease in the US today. It is estimated that 4,000,000 new cases occur each year. The highest rates of Chlamydia infections are among 15-to19-year-olds, regardless of demographics or location.

Chlamydia is transmitted through sexual contact (primarily vaginal and anal) with an infected person. According to the Association for Voluntary Surgical Contraception International (AVSC), about 75% of infected women and half of infected males have no symptoms of chlamydia. In other words, most people infected with the disease don’t even know they have it.

Symptoms

In women, symptoms of chlamydia may include:

an unusual vaginal discharge
bleeding after intercourse
bleeding between menstrual periods
abdominal or pelvic pain
In men, symptoms of chlamydia may include:

discharge from the penis
burning with urination
swollen and/or painful testicles
(Keep in mind, most people with chlamydia have no symptoms at all.)

Treating Chlamydia

The best way to prevent sexually transmitted disease (STDs) is to not have sexual relations. The CDC recommends that people who are sexually active use a condom, and get regular checkups for STDs. Though condoms are good at protecting against some STDs, others such as herpes and HPV may still be passed on through sexual contact.

Most STDs are readily treated, and the earlier treatment is sought and sex partners are warned, the less likely the disease will do irreparable damage such as the formation of scar tissue in the woman which can lead to infertility or an increased likelihood of a tubal pregnancy which can be life threatening.

Chlamydia can be easily treated and cured with antibiotics. It is also important that sexual partners receive treatment in order to prevent getting infected again. Doctors also recommend avoiding sex while being treated to reduce the chances of getting the infection again or giving it to someone else.


References
AVSC International
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
American Academy of Pediatrics

Learn more about teen pregnancy.

Sue Scheff - Teen Sex, Social Networking and Parenting your Teens

The news today? Teens floating photo's of themselves in their birthday suits, well, more or less. It seems more and more teens are not thinking about the consequences of sending questionable photos through email, texting, social networks etc. Parents need to explain to their child that placing such pictures may potentially cause them "not" to be accepted at a college or not get a job. More and more college admissions offices and potential employee's are Surfing the Net to find out more information on applicants. What you post today, may haunt you tomorrow!

With all the discussions around the nude pictures - it brings up another concern - does this mean your teen is being recognized as a sex object? Does it say he or she is "easy"?

Many people will ask, "where are the parents?", however it is almost impossible to monitor your teen 24/7, especially Online. As parents and adults everywhere, we need to tell our kids how this can harm them in the future. Their BFF today - may be their enemy next summer! Then where will those photos end up?
Keep informed - stay up to date with information for parents and teens.

Visit The National Campaign to Help Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.

Sue Scheff: Sexual Harassment by Connect with Kids

By Connect with Kids

“Guys grab my butt… it happens all the time.”

– Louisa, 15 years old

Talk to girls in high schools across the country, and you‘ll hear similar stories about being inappropriately touched in the hallways.

“One of my friends, I mean every single day like guys would hit her butt,” says 14-year-old Jordan.

“Like guys grab my butt, and I just turn around and ‘stop’” adds 15-year-old Louisa.

Apparently there’s a lot of sexual touching and talking going on in school hallways. A new study from U-C Santa Cruz finds that 90 percent of girls report experiencing sexual harassment, including demeaning comments, unwanted attention and physical contact.

But many kids are having trouble with deciding when and how to say no.

“Sometimes you like it when it happens, but sometimes you get confused like should, is this wrong or is this right?” says 12-year-old Zahra.

Experts on the issue suggest the problem is that when it comes to sexual harassment, like other things in a child’s life, they still struggle to separate fantasy from reality.

“They have to differentiate when is it o-k to behave like that, like the movies show, and when is it not o-k. We didn’t have to make that distinction as kids. We knew it was inappropriate,” says counselor Denise Poe.

In and effort to clarify that kind of confusion, expert say both girls and boys should be taught to listen to their own intuition. If a conversation or physical advance feels wrong, it probably is. Kids should understand clearly, that when that happens, it’s not only o-k, but absolutely necessary to say “stop.”

“Let kids know that these behaviors are wrong, that they are harmful, and to let them know what to do if they are faced with that situation. Because maybe dad is telling them boys will be boys and they’re getting other messages from their friends from their family, and we want to tell them no, this will not be tolerated,” says Poe.

Tips for Parents

Sexual harassment in schools is defined as any unwanted, uninvited sexual attention. It may involve remarks, gestures, or actions of a sexual nature that make a person feel unsafe or uncomfortable and that creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive learning environment.

This means that a student is being sexually harassed when someone imposes unwanted and uninvited sexual attention on them. It can occur between people of the same gender, or people of different genders. Sexual harassment can include saying sexual things, making sexual jokes, making sexual gestures, and touching someone in a sexual way.

Here are some examples of student-to-student sexual harassment. To be considered sexual harassment, these behaviors must be unwelcome by the victim.

unwanted, unwelcome physical contact like touching, grabbing or patting;
demeaning nicknames like "chick," "sexy," "stud," or "babe;"
homophobic name calling like "fag", "dyke", "lezzie" or "queer"
cat calls, rating or embarrassing whistles;
insulting remarks about sexual orientation;
sexually insulting remarks about race, gender, ability or class;
bragging about sexual prowess for others to hear;
intimidating hallway behavior;
names written on walls or desks -"for a good time, call ;"
stalking (i.e., following someone)
It is not:

hug between friends;
mutual flirtation.
Although primarily considered an issue affecting adult women in the workplace, there is increasing evidence that student-to-student sexual harassment is growing more prevalent in scholastic environs. Studies have shown that up to 90 percent of the girls and 76 percent of the boys have experienced sexual harassment.

Surveys have also found:

although both girls and boys experience sexual harassment at alarming rates, sexual harassment takes a greater toll on girls
girls who have been harassed are more afraid in school and feel less confident about themselves than boys who have been harassed
sexual harassment in school begins early;
students are harassed by boys and girls;
girls of all races experience more sexual harassment than do boys
Recommendations

According to the U. S. Department of Education, “Sexual harassment can occur at any school activity and can take place in classrooms, halls, cafeterias, dormitories and other areas. Too often, the behavior is allowed to continue simply because students and employees are not informed about what sexual harassment is or how to stop it. Students, parents and school staff must be able to recognize sexual harassment, and understand what they can do to prevent it from occurring and how to stop it if it does occur.

Harassing behavior, if ignored or not reported, is likely to continue and become worse, rather than go away. The impact of sexual harassment on a student's educational progress and attainment of future goals can be significant and should not be underestimated. As a result of sexual harassment, a student may, for example, have trouble learning, drop a class or drop out of school altogether, lose trust in school officials, become isolated, fear for personal safety, or lose self-esteem.

For these reasons, a school should not accept, tolerate or overlook sexual harassment. A school should not excuse the harassment with an attitude of "that's just emerging adolescent sexuality" or "boys will be boys," or ignore it for fear of damaging a professor's reputation. This does nothing to stop the sexual harassment and can even send a message that such conduct is accepted or tolerated by the school. When a school makes it clear that sexual harassment will not be tolerated, trains its staff, and appropriately responds when harassment occurs, students will see the school as a safe place where everyone can learn.”

Sexual harassment involves situations in which the person doing the behavior has more power than the person experiencing the behavior. This means that it can be very difficult for students to solve these problems on their own. Tell your parents or a teacher about the problems you are experiencing.

Here are some things you can do:

It is the responsibility of your school to make the school safe for you. Only do the things recommended below if you are comfortable doing them. If you are not comfortable, then get help from a teacher or counselor.
Be assertive.
Write the harasser a letter.
Document Incidents.
Check with other students.
File a formal complaint.
References
University of California- Santa Cruz
LaMarsh Research Centre: Information And Advice on Student-to-Student Sexual Harassment -
U.S. Department of Education Office of Civil Rights: Sexual Harassment: It’s Not Academic
Hostile Hallways: The AAUW Survey on Sexual Harassment in America's Schools -
Too Many Teens Suffer Sexual Harassment

Teenage Pregnancy on the Rise

Many people have seen the recent news stories on the 17 girls in MA that made a pact to get pregnant and succeeded. The Boston Globe article details this distressing situation.

The National Campaign seeks to improve the well-being of children, youth, families, and the nation by preventing unplanned and teen pregnancy. Take a moment to visit this website of educational resources.

***********************************
For parents, a teenage daughter becoming pregnant is a nightmare situation.

Every year, approx. 750,000 teenage girls become pregnant in the United States. That is roughly 1/3 of the age group’s population, a startling fact! Worse, more than 2/3 of teens who become mothers will not graduate from high school.

If you are a parent who has recently discovered that your teenage daughter is pregnant or may be pregnant, we understand your fear and pain. This is a difficult and serious time in both yours and your daughters’ life.

Our organization, Parent’s Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.™) works closely with parents and teenagers in many troubling situations, such as unplanned pregnancy. We understand how you feel!

No matter what happens, you and your daughter must work together to make the best choice for her and her unborn child. Your support and guidance is imperative as a mother. You CAN make it through as a family!

We have created this website as a reference for parents dealing with teenage pregnancy in hope that we can help you through the situation and make the best decisions.

Sue Scheff: How to Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Drugs and Alcohol

By ParentingMyTeen.com




These are subjects you’ll want to talk about with your children before there is a problem. As a family, you can establish boundaries and consequences and come to a common understanding of what is acceptable.Sex: According to Advocates for Youth, statistics indicate that children who talk to their parents about sex are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior, such as having sex without condoms.

70.6% of teens who reported they didn’t feel comfortable talking to their parents had sex by age 17-19. That compares to 57.9% of teens who reported a close relationship.

It’s true. Not talking to your children about sex isn’t that likely to keep them from doing it. But the opposite is also true. Talking to them about it, isn’t more likely to have them engaging in sexual activity. If it means having sexually active children behaving maturely, talking things out can only help keep our kids safer.

If you think your child is already having sex, chat with them about it. Don’t get angry, but approach it in a calm and reasonable manner. Talk to them about your experiences and be honest. If your child has a boyfriend/girlfriend and things seem to be getting serious, start the conversation if you haven’t already. Above all, make sure they are being safe.

Drugs & Alcohol: Many professionals agree that when parents talk to their kids about drugs and alcohol, those discussions are very likely to shape the child’s attitude about those subjects.

Before you talk to your kids - educate yourself. Check with your local school, library or even look online for the straight facts about drugs and alcohol. Simply telling your kids, “Drugs and alcohol are dangerous,” isn’t going to be as efficient as truly illustrating the very real dangers of substance abuse. Try not to lecture, listen to what your kids have to say and really talk about the issues.

As always, keep it casual. If you spend time with your teenagers and keep the lines of communication open, bringing up the subject is much easier.

Signs of Drug & Alcohol Use: Look out for these tell-tale signs that your child might be using drugs or alcohol:

• Loss of interest in family and other usual activities.
• Not living up to responsibilities.
• Verbally or physical abusiveness.
• Coming home late.
• Increased dishonesty.
• Declining grades.
• Severe mood swings.
• Big change in sleeping patterns..

Understand that a lot of the above signs, especially near the top of the list, could mean a multitude things. Teenagers who are depressed can act in similar ways. When approaching your child, don’t be accusatory. Try to connect with them and see what’s really happening in their lives.

Additional Resources:

Teen Addiction

This anthology presents an examination of the causes of teen addiction and various proposals to reduce or solve the problem, as well as the personal narratives of teens struggling to overcome their addictions.

Teen Pregnancy Rate Up: By Connect with Kids

“I knew a little bit about it just from health class, things like that, but nobody in my family had ever really talked to me about it.”

– Amber Schalk, 19

For the first time in 14 years, the number of babies born to teenage parents in the U.S. is up, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). What’s behind the increase?

Amber says she had to learn about sex on her own.

“I knew a little bit about it just from health class, things like that. But nobody in my family had ever really talked to me about it,” says Amber Schalk, 19.

Now, Amber is a 19-year-old mother of two.

“What book do you want to read?” Schalk asks her daughter.

“I wasn’t using any protection, because I guess I just thought I wouldn’t get pregnant. I don’t know why, but I did -- eventually it happened,” says Schalk.

According to the CDC, after a steady decline for more than a decade, the teen birth rate rose 3 percent from 2005 to 2006. Some experts fear that what parents and schools teach kids about sex is superficial or incomplete.

“We’re still grappling with the whole idea that somehow if you have knowledge that you’re going to act on it. That is totally wrong. Actually, the more knowledge you have, the less likely you are to engage in sex,” says Gail Wyatt, PhD, clinical psychologist.

She says teens are powerfully curious about sex. That’s why parents need to be open and honest.

“You don’t want to walk away and say, ‘that’s not a good question, I’m not going to talk to you,’ or, ‘you shouldn’t even be thinking about that.’ To shut a conversation down is probably about the worst thing that a parent can do, and to make the teen feel guilty for having asked the question,” says Wyatt.

“Kids wind up getting these answers, but they’re not going to get them from you. They learn to ask their friends,” says Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician.

Schalk says she loves her kids and yet, there is some regret.

“I wish somebody just would have talked to me. Sat down and talked to me about sex and things that were going to happen during my teenage years, but nobody did,” says Schalk.

Tips for Parents

If kids are left to their own devices, they may simply act on their hormones. If they understand their bodies and their hormones, chances are they won’t choose to be sexually active. (Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist)

Just as we teach our children how to brush their teeth and take care of themselves, parents and educators need to teach children about reproductive health care. It’s a vital part of who we are as healthy human beings. (Michele Ozumba, Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention)

It can be difficult for parents to talk to their teens about sex. One good way to start the conversation is to use teaching moments from television programs, news reports, DVDs, etc.

“One suggested way to open the conversation is to say, ‘Even though I don’t want you to be having sex now, I know that [some] kids do have sex in high school, and whether or not you’re going to, you’re going to have friends who have sex, or classmates, and I think we should talk about this.’” (Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician, researcher, author)

When your teens ask about sex, one of the worst things that a parent can do is to shut down a conversation, and make the teen feel guilty for having asked the question. Listen, try not to be judgmental, and provide age-appropriate information. (Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist)

“Your child may be sitting at the dinner table pretending not to listen, but they’re absorbing every word. They’re very eager to hear what you have to say about this. Actually, when kids are asked who they want to learn about sex from, it’s their parents.” (Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician, researcher, author)

“Don’t just talk about sex, talk about love. Share with your kids what’s wonderful about love. Share how sex can fit into a loving, caring relationship. Kids should get all of that from their parents. They shouldn’t just get the part about how body parts fit together; they should get the whole emotional package from their parents.” (Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician, researcher, author)

Talking about sex shouldn’t just be a lecture. Listen to what your teen is saying and thinking. They are exposed to much more sexually explicit material than previous generations, and need to separate the truth from the fiction. (Michele Ozumba, Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention)

References

Columbia University
Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention
Guttmacher Institute