Sue Scheff: Bringing out the best in our teens and kids

With all the negative outside influences that surround our children, it is important today that parents encourage their kids and find out what their passion is and build on it. Children’s Author and Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Kara Tamanini, recently wrote an excellent article just on this topic.

By Kara Tamanini

How Do We Bring The Best Out in Our Kids

Parents often wonder how to bring out the best in their children in order to produce the best possible child that they can. While consistent parenting, discipline, and communication are all keys to this, here are a few tips on bringing out the best possible child that you can.

1.) Have regular family meetings, dinners, or family game night with your child/children. We have all seen the commercials on T.V. about the importance of family dinners or having a family game night. Well folks, this time that we spend with our kids is really that important. Here is your chance to show an interest in what your child is doing and to ask questions about what is going on in their life. Ask about their friends and what is going on at school. By doing so, parents can often avoid their child later on turning into the quiet; withdrawn or surly teenager that tells their parents virtually NOTHING about what is going on in their life. This usually is not a good thing for parents or the teen!!

2.) Monitor the television shows that your child is watching. Reduce the amount of T.V. and watch for shows that have alot of violent content in them. Set a curfew for your child and always know where and with whom your child currently is. Trouble usually occurs when parents do not know where their child is and with whom.

3.) If you see that your child is struggling with self-control or anger problems, then by all means enroll them in a class on anger management, social skills, or how to make friends. These groups are usually available through schools, churches, or the local YMCA. Anger that is left untreated children, almost always becomes a bigger problem later on.

4.) Try to do things together with your child that your child enjoys. Praise your child as often as possible and by all means encourage your child to talk about their feelings. Ask them how their day went at school. Communication on your child’s developmental level goes a very long way with letting your child know that you take an interest in them. (even when your child tells you that they did nothing all day long at school!)

5.) If you find out that your child is having problems at school in getting along with other kids or in bullying others, then by all means talk to your child and your child’s teacher about their behaviors. Communication and dealing with issues as they come up is the key in avoiding problems later on down the road. And of course, implement reasonable and age-appropriate consequences for behavior as discipline problems come up.

Visit Kid Awareness Series for more fantastic and educational articles

Sue Scheff: Plastic Surgery and Teens

When you hear about plastic surgery, do you think of teenagers? Plastic surgery is commonly heard about in Hollywood with many celebrities, however today we are hearing more and more about it with not only adults, now with teens.

There are definitely some cases of plastic surgery that can physically and emotionally help a teenager. NBC's Today Show contributor, Dr. Nancy Snyderman listed some valid reasons. Take a moment to watch the video. Whether it is a breast reduction for health reasons or extreme circumstances of bullying due to a physical disfigurement, Dr. Syderman explains that in some cases, teen plastic surgery is acceptable.

The most common procedures teens choose include nose reshaping, ear surgery, acne and acne scar treatment, and breast reduction.

KidsHealth.org has listed some reasons why teens consider plastic surgery:

1. Almost all teens (and many adults) are self-conscious about their bodies. Almost everyone wishes there were a thing or two that could be changed. A lot of this self-consciousness goes away with time. Ask yourself if you're considering plastic surgery because you want it for yourself or whether it's to please someone else.
2. A person's body continues to change through the teen years. Body parts that might appear too large or too small now can become more proportionate over time. Sometimes, for example, what seems like a big nose looks more the right size as the rest of the person's face catches up during growth.
3. Getting in good shape through appropriate weight control and exercise can do great things for a person's looks without surgery. It's never a good idea to choose plastic surgery as a first option for something like weight loss that can be corrected in a nonsurgical manner. Gastric bypass or liposuction may seem like quick and easy fixes compared with sticking to a diet. Both of these procedures, however, carry far greater risks than dieting, and doctors should reserve them for extreme cases when all other options have failed.

Some people's emotions have a really big effect on how they think they look. People who are depressed, extremely self-critical, or have a distorted view of what they really look like sometimes think that changing their looks will solve their problems. In these cases, it won't. Working out the emotional problem with the help of a trained therapist is a better bet. In fact, many doctors won't perform plastic surgery on teens who are depressed or have other mental health problems until these problems are treated first.

Source: KidsHealth for Teens

As with many aspects of parenting, communication is key. If your teen has asked about having plastic surgery, listen to them. Find out the reasons why. Is it medically necessary. Are they being bullied, teased or do they feel less confident, struggling with depression over a disfigurement or are they trying to look like the next Britney Spears?

In 2008 in Palm Beach County, Florida, 18 year-old, Stephanie Kuleba, a West Boca High School student, lost her life after undergoing a breast augmentation surgery. Kuleba was undergoing surgery to correct asymmetrical breasts and an inverted areola. Doctors believe this tragedy was due to a fatal reaction to anesthesia during the surgery. - GMA reported on this story in March 208

Be an educated parent, you will have healthier teens both emotionally and physically.
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Sue Scheff: Fathers at School

Today more than ever we are seeing more dads attending school functions with their kids. Personally, I think this is fantastic and also helps your child to feel important and know they matter. Whether it is because there are more single parent households or a father is out of work, it will benefit your child and that is the most important element.

Source: Connect with Kids

Fathers at School

“When I first started (going to my son's school) years ago it was very, very, scary. You know, I would go in and go places, and there were just moms there. I always felt like I was the odd man out.”

– Danny Montalvo, Father

The Obama Administration is holding a series of forums this fall about fatherhood and the roll that dad can play within the school. Studies show that moms outnumber dads 12 to one in the PTA and yet when dads get involved their child's grades go up.

Andrew's dad goes to school often. And when Andrew gets home, his dad helps with homework.

Andrew, who's now 11, says, "He's like, the best Dad in the world."

But visiting his son's school hasn't always been easy for Danny Montalvo. Danny says, "When I first started doing this years ago it was very, very, scary. You know, I would go in and go places, and there were just moms there. I always felt like I was the odd man out."

Research from the U.S. Department of Education shows when fathers visit the classroom and attend school events...their children get higher grades and are more likely to graduate.

Allan Kennedy, a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta says, "I think it also helps the teacher's perception of the student, when the dad is involved."

The research shows having dad at school even helps kids who don't live with their fathers. Kennedy says, "Particularly in a situation where mom and dad can still communicate effectively, his involvement in the school, even though he's not at home at night maybe to do all the homework with the child, research shows real clearly that the number of young men getting A's in a class is almost double, then when just the single mother does it by herself."

He says, at first, it's normal for dads to feel uncomfortable at school. "However, the more you get involved and push through that discomfort, the more comfortable you will feel, obviously, and the more that your son will see that comfort level growing, and the more he'll believe in the importance of having you there," says Kennedy.

Studies show that the risk of juvenile delinquency, substance abuse, sexual abuse, early pregnancy and dropping out of high school is six times higher for children whose biological fathers are not part of their lives. Other research indicates fathers who are interested in their children's activities increase the chances that they will stay involved with those activities. Consider the following:

■Girls who grow up without a biological father are likely to physically mature faster, reach puberty at a younger age than their peers and have earlier pregnancies.
■The most significant influences on children's choices of how they spent their free time were their own personalities and their parents' interest in their activities.

Tips for Parents
Taking an active role in school activities, such as PTA meetings, is just one way fathers can get more involved in their children's lives. Most children yearn for two parents. And most parents would agree that parenting is one job that requires more than one adult. New research supports these ideas.

Seventy percent of men between the ages of 21 and 39 say they are willing to give up some pay for time with their families. A recent poll indicates that the majority of men today are more involved in childrearing and maintaining their households than their fathers ever were.

Fathers may find the time when their children reach puberty to be difficult or uncomfortable. But their continued interest and support is essential for their children's healthy development. Children gain positive reinforcement from fathers who express interest in their various activities. A father's presence is especially significant during adolescence. Consider the following:

■Young children may take the absence of their father as a personal rejection. They begin to think their dad is not around because there's something wrong with them.
■It's more important for a dad to be at home and around for his kid's extracurricular activities than putting in inordinate hours at the office. Dad's presence is more desirable to a child than life's luxuries.
■Parents, and especially fathers, influence their children throughout middle adolescence.
■Parental participation transcends gender and relates to a mutual respect and admiration between the parent and child.
■It is necessary for all parents and children to participate in enjoyable experiences together.

References
■HealthDay
■Psychology Today
■Time Magazine
■USA Today