Teen Self-Esteem: Moms, Daughters - Teen Girl's Survival Guide

Being a mother of a daughter I know firsthand that raising a teenage girl can be a challenge.  Though my daughter’s teen years are a decade behind me, I listen to parents today and I sympathize with the extra burdens they have to endure with the added pressures of technology.  It is not easy.  The one common denominator that doesn’t change is most girls always feel they are never pretty enough, thin enough or fit in. 

This needs to stop.  Where does all this low self-worth stem from?  As a parent,  many of use always try to build out kids up – however peer pressure can be so strong.

Here is a fantastic guest post that I think parents will benefit from:

Just Mom and Me: A Teen Girl’s Survival Guide
Mom and daughter relationships are very complicated and multifaceted. Some of them are the best of pals and communicate with each other regularly. Some are forever in the combatant phase. There are some who even steer clear of any kind of clash. But it can be stated without an iota of doubt that there is a whiff of all these traits in almost all relationships.

The million dollar question here is for the mommies, “how to raise your darling daughters into influential girls who are self-confident?” they become adept at making constructive choices regarding their own lives and execute productive actions for others. In spite of being normal girls with their little insecurities, they have a strong will and feel all right about themselves. You should know that these girls will mature sensibly and lead a worthwhile and satiated life.

Acknowledge your family’s most valued ideals
It is very essential to mull over your family ethics and contemplate upon the means by which you will put across these values. Be sure to include suitable examples to corroborate your message in the most appropriate manner. For this you have to constantly keep a check on instances in your daily life to exemplify these ideals you want your daughter to imbibe.

Persuade your daughter to resolve her own issues before settling it yourself
You have to coach your daughter to make her own decisions. She has to be independent and develop her own aptitude to deal with situations. Tell her to deliberate upon more than two approaches to deal with the circumstances and then inquire about likely consequences. You should convince her to make her own decisions for the very dilemma. It is okay even if you do not see things the same way; at least now your daughter has a feeling of control over her life.

Do not let her accomplish by magnitude, creates trouble
Try to make your daughter toil and excel at one thing at a time. Do not become hasty in trying to make them into little mechanical multi-taskers. Yes, this is an extremely competitive world and the motto of survival of the fittest is “the thing” to follow. But give your daughter some space and let her follow her own interests. You are there to guide her of course. Do not register her in infinite activities like dramatics, soccer, art, music etc. the belief that self worth is acquired by who you are and not what you achieve.

Make your daughter work together with other girls
If your daughter works jointly with other a girl of her school and solves her predicaments together, she will excel later in taking big risks and tackle many trials and tribulations in life. Working together makes them have an unbelievable sense of achievement and feeling of proficiency. All this is good for your daughter and good for you in the long run. So the bottom-line is inspire your daughter to take part in team-building activities where everyone works cooperatively to provide solutions to their problems.

Let your daughter be aware of the fact that you love her because of who she is
Do not be over fixated about everything your daughter does. She needs her own space just like you do as a mother. Keep encouraging her to have good habits but never obsess about it too much. It is alright if she takes her own time, everything does not happen overnight. But, show a positive reception for her individuality. Do not keep cribbing about her weight or her looks as she first needs to recognize her inner self. You need to deflate the thought that beauty is just about your appearance. Over obsession about the physical appearance will definitely lead to a lot of insecurities in your daughter’s life.

So, remember this rearing a girl up can be very thrilling and stimulating. Both of you can work it out together and enjoy so many things together. Maintain this bond even when she grows older. She will appreciate it for sure and you will always cherish it forever.

About the author: Alia Haley is a blogger and writer. She loves writing on topics related to wedding, health and luxury. Beside this she is fond of bags. She recently shared an article on designer baby clothes. These days she is busy in writing an article on Teeth whitening kits.

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Inspire a girl, change her world: It only take a minute

It sounds so easy, but how many times have you stopped what you are doing and told your daughter or son how proud you are of them?  Have you told them although they may be struggling in school, you have faith they will and can do better?  Have you told them you believe in them?


Did you know that a one-minute compliment can change a young person’s life forever?


Whether you are 4 or 14 or 24 or 40 years old, everyone wants to be inspired, everyone needs to hear nice things about them.  Going through the tween and teen years can definitely be the most difficult and absolutely needs to be the time you are there for them – encouraging them every step of the way.

Many kids (tweens and teens) will make mistakes, we all have.  Even as parents, we are constantly making mistakes.  The lesson is how do we learn from them?

Dove Movement for Self-Esteem Campaign is about inspiring a girl, helping to change her world in a positive way.

The Dove Movement for Self-Esteem is being sponsored by the Boys and Girls Club, Girls Inc. and Girls Scouts, Dove is marching out a campaign to help teen girls have a brighter future and step into their own skin by believing in themselves.

Read more and watch video.

Sue Scheff: Fathers at School

Today more than ever we are seeing more dads attending school functions with their kids. Personally, I think this is fantastic and also helps your child to feel important and know they matter. Whether it is because there are more single parent households or a father is out of work, it will benefit your child and that is the most important element.

Source: Connect with Kids

Fathers at School

“When I first started (going to my son's school) years ago it was very, very, scary. You know, I would go in and go places, and there were just moms there. I always felt like I was the odd man out.”

– Danny Montalvo, Father

The Obama Administration is holding a series of forums this fall about fatherhood and the roll that dad can play within the school. Studies show that moms outnumber dads 12 to one in the PTA and yet when dads get involved their child's grades go up.

Andrew's dad goes to school often. And when Andrew gets home, his dad helps with homework.

Andrew, who's now 11, says, "He's like, the best Dad in the world."

But visiting his son's school hasn't always been easy for Danny Montalvo. Danny says, "When I first started doing this years ago it was very, very, scary. You know, I would go in and go places, and there were just moms there. I always felt like I was the odd man out."

Research from the U.S. Department of Education shows when fathers visit the classroom and attend school events...their children get higher grades and are more likely to graduate.

Allan Kennedy, a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta says, "I think it also helps the teacher's perception of the student, when the dad is involved."

The research shows having dad at school even helps kids who don't live with their fathers. Kennedy says, "Particularly in a situation where mom and dad can still communicate effectively, his involvement in the school, even though he's not at home at night maybe to do all the homework with the child, research shows real clearly that the number of young men getting A's in a class is almost double, then when just the single mother does it by herself."

He says, at first, it's normal for dads to feel uncomfortable at school. "However, the more you get involved and push through that discomfort, the more comfortable you will feel, obviously, and the more that your son will see that comfort level growing, and the more he'll believe in the importance of having you there," says Kennedy.

Studies show that the risk of juvenile delinquency, substance abuse, sexual abuse, early pregnancy and dropping out of high school is six times higher for children whose biological fathers are not part of their lives. Other research indicates fathers who are interested in their children's activities increase the chances that they will stay involved with those activities. Consider the following:

■Girls who grow up without a biological father are likely to physically mature faster, reach puberty at a younger age than their peers and have earlier pregnancies.
■The most significant influences on children's choices of how they spent their free time were their own personalities and their parents' interest in their activities.

Tips for Parents
Taking an active role in school activities, such as PTA meetings, is just one way fathers can get more involved in their children's lives. Most children yearn for two parents. And most parents would agree that parenting is one job that requires more than one adult. New research supports these ideas.

Seventy percent of men between the ages of 21 and 39 say they are willing to give up some pay for time with their families. A recent poll indicates that the majority of men today are more involved in childrearing and maintaining their households than their fathers ever were.

Fathers may find the time when their children reach puberty to be difficult or uncomfortable. But their continued interest and support is essential for their children's healthy development. Children gain positive reinforcement from fathers who express interest in their various activities. A father's presence is especially significant during adolescence. Consider the following:

■Young children may take the absence of their father as a personal rejection. They begin to think their dad is not around because there's something wrong with them.
■It's more important for a dad to be at home and around for his kid's extracurricular activities than putting in inordinate hours at the office. Dad's presence is more desirable to a child than life's luxuries.
■Parents, and especially fathers, influence their children throughout middle adolescence.
■Parental participation transcends gender and relates to a mutual respect and admiration between the parent and child.
■It is necessary for all parents and children to participate in enjoyable experiences together.

References
■HealthDay
■Psychology Today
■Time Magazine
■USA Today

Sue Scheff: Tip Sheet for Today's Teen Girl

Source: Dove Self Esteem Fund

Every Parent’s Back-to-School Tip Sheet for Today’s Teen Girl
How to Avoid a Back-to-School Breakdown

1. Body Image Breakdown: When girls feel bad about their looks, more than 70%, ages 15-17,avoid normal daily activities such as attending school.

o TIP: Your daughter’s body image starts with you! Show her each and every day how great you feel about your body and your looks. That will begin to set the tone in teaching your daughter about appearance and what it means to be proud of who she is – inside and out. By not insisting your daughter looks a certain way — whether it is what she wears, how her hair looks or how she has to behave in what she is wearing — you will build the foundation for how she sees her body and the importance of how she looks.

2. Super Girl Syndrome: Girls may respond to the pressure around them from school, media, parents and peers by trying to do it ALL (look perfect, get good grades and have a busy social life), and do it all perfectly! Their quest for “Super Girl Status” can stress them out and cause their self-esteem to plummet.

o TIP: Encourage your daughter to find her favorite one or two activities and focus on doing them well rather than being the very best at everything. By honing in on activities/skills she can excel at, she will be able to better set realistic goals for herself and more easily recognize her accomplishments. Set an example for her by doing the same thing in your life.

3. Frenemies: Frenemies are defined as relationships in which girls behave as half friends and half enemies. This could mean your daughter is bullying or spreading rumors/secrets about her friends or having the same done to her. Self-esteem plays a crucial role in determining a girls’ tendency to engage in this type of behavior. In fact, 75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities, such as disordered eating, cutting, bullying, smoking, or drinking, when feeling badly about themselves.

o TIP: Talk to your daughter regularly and let her know you are aware of things that go on in school. If you suspect your daughter is bullying, tell her this is not acceptable behavior.
Help her learn other ways to deal with anger and frustration and help her understand how her actions have affected the person she has been picking on. If your daughter is the victim of a frenemy, make sure she understands it is not her fault. Talk about ways of responding to this – role play with her, acting out different scenarios she might encounter. Encourage her to walk away from a friendship that harms her and make other friends.

4. Clashing with Cliques: The teen years are an age when everyone is trying to define themselves and their independence. From jocks and geeks, to drama queens and cheerleaders, cliques are rampant in middle school and high school. Trying to fit in can be exhausting.

o TIP: Help your daughter recognize that being authentic is better than any label out there. Encourage her to embrace all different types of people and not to limit her friendships to just one group of peers. Expressing her own diversity in what she likes to do and who she likes to hang out with helps her remain well-balanced and true to herself.

5. Cyberbullying: The Internet has become an additional platform for the teasing and taunting of vulnerable girls. More than one in ten girls ages 8-17 have been bullied online.

o TIP: If you find your daughter is participating in cyberbullying (by bullying or being bullied) do not ignore it, thinking it is harmless. Talk to your daughter about how it feels to be on the receiving end and ask her what is making her do this. Bring the implications of this action to life. If you find your daughter is being victimized, let her know you understand it hurts.
Remind her that while she cannot always control what is said in school, she can control her reactions to it. Also, try not to overreact – your daughter may be afraid of involving you because she fears you will make things even worse.

6. Crush Crisis: Does he like me? Will he ask me to the dance? How can I get him to notice me? Having a crush can be so exciting, but also confusing and potentially heart-breaking.
o TIP: Remember how you felt when you had your first crush? Try not to minimize your daughter’s feelings. Instead, speak to her with compassion about her questions or uncertainties. Teach her about healthy romantic relationships, how to tell when someone is really into you and what to expect from them. When she tastes rejection for the first time, make sure you have extra hugs ready!

7. Sexual Pressure: One in ten teen girls were unable to say no when a boy asked them to do something that made them uncomfortable. In fact, girls with low self-esteem are four times morelikely to engage in activities with boys that they have ended up regretting later.
o TIP: Do not avoid “The Talk!” Have open and consistent conversations about sexual boundaries with your teenager. Use everyday media examples (her favorite TV show, a pop song on the radio) to discuss the pressure girls face to be sexually active. Let her know you will not judge her for the things she shares, but you are there to help her navigate through this tricky time.

8. Creative Communications: The top wish among all girls is for their parents to communicate better with them, which includes more frequent and more open conversations, as well as discussions about what is happening in their own lives.

o TIP: We all know getting your teen girl to open up to you can be like talking to a brick wall. Find ways to engage with your daughter such as doing an activity together (run a 5K or learnto knit). By participating in things you have in common, you may find that the conversations begin to flow more frequently.

9. Dating Violence: A shove, an angry text or a rude comment – young love may not always be innocent. Most violent relationships begin during the teen years. Verbal bullying, violent actions or emotional abuse are not ‘normal teen behaviors’ and should not be excused because the perpetrators or the victims are young and immature.

o TIP: First, make sure you understand the warning signs of dating violence. Then, use highprofile couples, like Rihanna and Chris Brown, to talk about what is going on in their relationship. Talk to your daughter about how she deserves to be treated in relationships.
Intervene upon the first sign of violence – do not wait. It is most important to model a healthy dynamic with your spouse/partner if you have one. If you have violence in your home, get help, talk about it and make sure you are doing what you can to break the cycle for your daughter.

10. Sexting: What used to be harmless flirting in the hallway now has a new edge. Teens are taking isks in their communication with the opposite sex by exploring their sexuality through ’sexting.’ Both boys and girls are pushing sexual boundaries and hiding behind the two dimensional nature of a text message. While your daughter may think it is harmless fun, the consequences could stay with her forever, as pictures posted through texts have wound up on Web sites around the world.

o TIP: Talk to your daughter about the dangers of overstepping her own comfortable boundaries in a text message. Help her understand that while it may seem exciting, the consequences of her actions could be dangerous to her self-image, reputation and safety.

Encourage her to express herself verbally with her friends so she is not relying solely on a touchpad for communication. If you have concerns that she has been sexting already, it might be necessary to monitor her cell phone usage or take away the device all together.

To learn more visit http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/ where you can download free self-esteem building tools for moms, mentors and daughters.

Sue Scheff: Teen are having more plastic surgery

Source: Tangerine Times

Teens are having more plastic surgery.

I’m not talking about reconstructive surgery, I’m talking about plastic surgery for cosmetic reasons: Breast enhancement. Botox. You know — procedures that are supposed to “improve” one’s looks and, many people assume, bolster one’s self esteem.

According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, the number of plastic surgery procedures (among teens 18 and younger) has increased from 59,890 in 1997 to more than 205,119 in 2007. That number includes surgical procedures such as breast reduction and nonsurgical procedures such as laser hair removal, micro-dermabrasion and chemical peels. Nearly 8,000 breast augmentation procedures were performed on females 18 and younger in 2007. The most frequently performed surgical procedure among teens was otoplasty (having ears pinned or reshaped).

In “Real Girls, Real Pressure: A National Report on the State of Self-Esteem”, a survey of more than 1,000 girls in the United States showed that 70 percent of girls ages 8 to 17 believed that they “are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members.” Distressing, yes? If you combine this information with the information about plastic surgery increasing…well, you see where I’m going.

Forget the word cosmetic and remember the word surgery.

Teens bodies are still changing. Their facial skeletal structure is still changing. Is it possible that what bothers them today will change and NOT bother them when they reach adult-hood? I would just raise this issue and ask if we are projecting our definition of adult beauty onto younger and younger girls (and boys). Here are some other articles on this subject you might be interested in:

U.S. News and World Report
Breast Implant Information
New York Times
Science Daily

Sue Scheff: Teen Body Image

Source: Sarah Maria

If you're in high school, most of your friends are probably on a diet. A recent study shows that 90% of junior and senior girls are on a diet regularly, even though only 10-15% are actually overweight.

The modeling industry also promotes the idea that you need to diet and exercise religiously. Fashion models are actually thinner than 98% of American women. An average woman stands 5'4" tall and weighs about 140 lbs, while the average fashion model is a towering 5'11" tall and weighs under 117 lbs.

In reality no amount of dieting, exercise and discipline can earn you a magazine cover-ready body because those photos have been Photo Shopped, doctored and airbrushed. Don't waste your time attempting to be what you are not, instead; focus on cultivating who you are!

Body Image Tips
As you progress through puberty and your high school years, your body changes as fast as your favorite ringtones. But learning to appreciate your body and have positive self image is a task that few adults have even mastered. Here are some tips to help you learn to love yourself:

Learn to Cook- It is never too early to learn to cook. In just a few years, you will be on your own and you will be expected to feed and take care of yourself. Get some practice at home by preparing some family meals or meals for just yourself. Try some new foods by looking through cookbooks and online. Impress your friends by having a dinner party. This also helps you understand how food functions within a regular diet. Learn how to cook healthily so you can eat healthily, but don't spend too much time worrying about food!

Don't Diet!- Dieting is a great way to ruin your eating habits and your relationship with food and your body. Instead, learn about healthy eating and exercise habits. The healthy habits you learn while you are young will serve you throughout your life!

People Watch- Go to the mall or a public space and people watch. How many are fat or thin? How tall are most women? Men? What do you like or dislike about people's styles, looks or body type? How much of their appearance is "style" and how much is their actual body types? Cultivate the ability to see style and beauty in everyone. As you learn to do this, you can be a trend-setter instead of a trend-follower.

Keep it Real- Remember, people only pick the best photos to be on their MySpace or Facebook page. Remind yourself that they all have bad hair days, the occasional zit or an unflattering outfit choice.

Stay Well Rounded- Sign up for activities that you have never tried. Join an intramural sport or speech meet. Build up your college resume by participating in extracurricular activities. It's a great way to broaden your social circle and prepares you for college or a job.

Be a Trend Setter- Don't just follow the crowd - create your own crowd by being a trend setter. Find your own style and look by experimenting with your hair, makeup and clothing. What is your look trying to say? Does it match what you want people to think about you? Someone has to set the trends. Why not you?

Learn to meditate- It is never too early to learn to meditate. You will find that this is a skill you can use all your life. By focusing inward, it is easier to distill the truth rather than listening to outside influences. It will also help you manage the stress of your busy life.


Parental Tips
If you are a parent of a teen, you know the challenges of living with an emotional, possibly aloof teenager who begs for guidance but disregards most of what you say. Their alternating moods and attitudes make approaching a touchy subject like body image feel dangerous. The following are some tips to help with a positive body image:

Have an Open Door Policy-You'd like your teen to approach you with any problem she is facing but often you aren't sure if she's coming to you, going to her friends or suffering alone. Encourage regular candid conversation by noticing what times and places your teen is most likely to talk. Is she a night owl? Does she like talking on a long drive? Is she more comfortable emailing? Use the time and venue that is most comfortable for her and encourage open sharing.

Limit Harmful Media- Put your teen daughter on a media diet. Don't feel you need to restrict website, magazine or TV shows entirely. Just be cautious of what mediums she concentrates on. Be especially mindful of any one celebrity that she idolizes or photos that she tears out and stares at repeatedly. Discuss how all magazine photos are airbrushed and doctored.

Compliment Her and Her Friends- Make a point to compliment both your daughter and her friends on a well-put together outfit or a new hair style. Teens are trying on new looks and personalities as their bodies change. Let them know that they have hit on a good look when they experiment in the right direction.

Make sure to compliment them on things not related to their appearance as well. A good grade, a valiant sports effort or kind deed also deserve notice. Try to practice a 90/10% rule. Let 90% of your comments and insights be positive and only 10% should be carefully worded constructive criticism.