Is Your Teen Hooking Up?

Keep up with today's teen lingo is imperative, and here is one very good reason.  Hooking up is no longer just meeting you at the mall....

The teens say that two kids were “hooking up” at a party. It might sound like two kids were just meeting. But actually, it may be a dangerous practice that parents need to know about.

Today, “hooking up” can describe a wide variety of brief, casual, sexual relationships. For some it could just mean that two young people kissed. But often, it means they had some form of sex.

The Kaiser Family Foundation found that 37% of teens said they knew someone who had “hooked up.” Teens who “hook up” with others are putting themselves at risk. They’re in danger of getting pregnant or of getting HIV/AIDS or other diseases.

There are emotional and academic risks, too. Teens say that after “hooking up,” it is hard to face the other person. They may feel that they have been used. At the very least, homework and schoolwork suffer, and failing one or more classes is a real danger.

Parents need to talk openly with teens about “hooking up.” Make sure your child knows your family’s values and standards on sexual involvement. Many teens who have tried “hooking up” say they wish they had not.

Parents need to let teens know that they have the right to say no to any sexual involvement. Despite the messages of popular culture, not everyone is having sex.

Copyright © 2013 Parent Institute

Teen Runaways: Tips Parents Need to Know

If you are currently dealing with a runaway, act immediately. Do not waste any time in utilizing every resource you can to find your child.

The list below details a plan of action and tips for finding help.

Tips For Finding a Runaway

• Keep an updated phone list with the home and cell numbers of your teen’s friends. Using the phone list, call every one of your teen’s friends. Talk immediately with their parents, not their friends, as teenagers will often stick together and lie for each other. The parent will tell you anything they know, including the last time contact was made between their child and yours. They will also know to keep closer tabs on their own child.
• Keep an updated photo of your child on hands at all times. With this photo, create one-page flyers including all information about your teen and where they were last seen. Post these flyers everywhere your teen hangs out, as well as anywhere else teenagers in general hang out. Post anywhere they will allow you to.
• Immediately contact your local police. It is advised that you actually visit the office with a copy of the flyer as well as a good number of color photos of your teen. Speak clearly and act rationally, but make sure that they understand how serious the situation is.
• Contact the local paper in order to run a missing ad. Also, contact any other printed media available in your area; many will be very willing to help.
• Contact your local television stations, as well as those in nearby counties. Most stations will be more than happy to run an alert either in the newscast or through the scrolling alert at the bottom of the screen.
• Contact the Runaway Hotline:  1-800-RUNAWAY 1-800-786-2929.

Having a teen runaway is very frightening and it can bring you to your “Wits End”. Remain positive and be creative: try to understand why your teen is acting this way, what they are running from and where they might be running. These are times when parents need to seek help for themselves. Don’t be ashamed to reach out to others. We are all about parents helping parents. Please visit Sue Scheff™’s Parents Universal Resource Experts™ to find support and professional help with your runaway situation.

Learn more.

Facebook Status and Your Teen: Know What they Mean

Is your teen acting withdrawn?  Secretive? Shutting down their screen as you walk by? Losing weight? Gaining weight? Changing friends?  Recent boyfriend break-up? Depressed?

Especially at the holidays, teenagers can feel blue just like some adults.  Know how your kids are feeling.

What are their Facebook status saying?

“Forgive me.”
“When will this end?”
“I hate my life”

RED FLAGS and parenting.  Know them!

Facebook is the social hangout of the internet for all ages, but it is particularly true of teenagers.

Teenagers often are much more open about what they are thinking and feeling in this cyber environment than most older adults. Since teens experience many emotional ups and downs, it can be easy to dismiss most of their dramatic postings as nothing more than normal teenage drama. However, there have been too many instances in recent years when parents had wished they’d paid more attention to what their teenager had posted as their ‘current status’.

Here a few status updates parents should watch for and investigate further.

1. I can’t take it anymore. Although, this could mean anything from homework overload to sibling irritation, it could also be a cry for help from a teen who is truly overwhelmed with life in someway. It is not a status update that you want to ignore. Parents should take the initiative and find out what prompted this entry.
2. Text me. This may seem innocent enough, but, for some parents, it may be a signal that their teen may be trying to keep something hidden that needs to be in the open. Privacy and protection are always a fine line to walk with teenagers. Parents, however, should never hesitate to ask about the reason behind such a post.
3. Really loaded right now. If your teen is high enough to make this post on Facebook without thinking about the fact that their parents might see it, there is drug or alcohol abuse going on. Ignoring these types of problems does not make them go away.
4. Depressing song lyrics. Song lyrics are popular posts from teens. It may be what they’re listening to at the moment or a song that is running through their head. If the lyrics of the songs are continually negative and depressing, this could be an indication of the teen’s emotional state, as well.
5. No one understands. This is a common feeling during teenage years, but it is also one that can develop into a true depressive state. Seeing this posted as your teen’s Facebook status should raise enough concern for their parents to pursue the reasons behind the posting.
6. I hate my life. Again, this is not an unusual statement to come from a teen at different points in their adolescence, however, posting it as your Facebook status is similar to shouting it from the rooftops. It is always better to treat these statements seriously, than to ignore them as a simple impulse statement.
7. Forgive me, Mom & Dad. This kind of post would be one that should require immediate connection with your child. If it doesn’t mention what they are asking forgiveness for, it may be a subtle plea for you to stop them from doing something terrible. Take this very seriously!
8. You’re all going to die. In light of the terrible things we have seen happen in our schools, a teen who posts something like this should not be ignored. “I was just joking” is not an acceptable explanation for this type of post. A teen who posts such a statement publicly should expect inquiry from, not only his parents, but school and law enforcement as well.
9. I wish I were dead. Never assume these statements are words only. Any type of suicidal expression like this should be taken very seriously. Many parents have had the misfortune of finding out that even a verbal statement can be an indication of suicidal thoughts. A public posting of that thought should be taken just as seriously.
10. I hate my school. The key word in this status update is ‘my’. It doesn’t say ‘I hate school’, it is more specific than that. It would behoove the parents to find out what it is, about the child’s school, that made them post this statement, and what can be done to improve the situation.

Facebook status updates reach a lot of people, a parent of a teenager should definitely be one of those people who pays attention to what their child is broadcasting into cyberspace. It may be their way of trying to find out if anyone is really paying attention, and if anyone really cares.

Source: My ISP Finder

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Teens and Phones: How did they survive without cell phones?

How many parents have seen their kids go crazy looking for their cell phone?
How many parents are paying for cell phone services for their kids or teens?
How many parents try to limit their teen's cell phone time?
How many parents are finally learning to text to communicate with their teenager?

Just another example of how parenting has become more challenging than generations prior. Exactly what did we do when there weren't any cell phones?

Sometimes, it appears that cell phones have become a required accessory attached to every kid and teenager that you see in public. You see them being used for calls, text messaging, music listening, and game playing, virtually everywhere that kids are found.So, how did kids survive without cell phones in the 80′s?

10 ways kids survived without cell phones:

1. Notes in Class. Kids in the 1980s may have been one of the last generations to have to rely on passing notes to communicate with each other during class.
2. Pay Phones. Though they are rarely seen in public places today, coin operated pay phones were available on virtually every street corner and in most public buildings. If a kid needed a ride, or otherwise wanted to make a phone call while out and about, it was going to cost them a quarter.
3. Home Computers. When personal computers first began to be common in homes, kids were some of the first to begin finding new ways to use them for fun. There were few games available for early home computers, but they were perfect tools for role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons, which were extremely popular with the young people of that era.
4. Video Game Arcades. In the 1980s, video game arcades became widespread, and functioned as gathering places for kids and teenagers. Games such as Pac-Man and Space Invaders kept kids feeding quarters into the machines.
5. Walkman. The Sony Walkman was introduced in 1979, and it changed the way people, especially kids and teenagers, listened to music. By the early 1980s, young people wearing lightweight headphones and bobbing their heads to music had become a common sight in public places. Kids could have their music with them at all times, without annoying people around them.
6. MTV. In the early 1980s, MTV debuted, and kids everywhere gathered in front of the television to watch and listen to music videos. MTV literally changed the way the music business operated, as videos became a required part of virtually every new music release.
7. Game Consoles. Atari, Sega, and Nintendo became household names in the 1980s, and the first stores devoted completely to electronic game cartridges and accessories began to appear. During this period, many homes began to have at least one television that was devoted completely to video games.
8. Game Watches. It may sound a bit hokey to today’s kids, but the introduction of Game Watches by Nelsonic Industries was a huge step in the evolution of gaming. Game watch combined a timepiece with an electronic game, was worn on a wrist like a watch, and could be played anywhere.
9. Game and Watch. The Game and Watch from Nintendo was a handheld device that, like the Game Watch above, combined a timepiece and a video game. The early versions were made to play only one game, but later versions allowed the user to play various games on one unit.
10. Teen lines. Many homes in the 80′s had more than one phone line for their land line phone. Often times, the second line was referred to as the ‘teen’ line. If they wanted to call their friends, they used the their land line at home to call their friend on their friend’s home phone.

It may be hard for young people today to imagine, but life in the 1980s without cell phones was not only survivable, it was an exciting time of innovation, and many of the applications that kids use on their cell phones today were born during that decade.
Source: Landline Phone Service

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Education in the 21st Century

Source: TopMastersInEducation.com In today's dynamic classrooms, the teaching and learning process is becoming more nuanced, more seamless, and it flows back and forth from students to teachers.

Teens and Cell Phones: Setting Up Boundaries and Rules

Cell-ear fusion: every parent’s worst nightmare!

The question is no longer whether you are going to give your teenager his own cell phone but at what age you allow him to have his own cell phone. This is largely going to depend upon you and the maturity level of your teenager (which is something that only you as a parent can gauge).

Whatever age you decide your teenager is ready, though, it’s good to have some rules in place.

In spite of what your teenager might tell you, unfettered cell phone use is not in his best interests right now.

Monitoring Software
It’s a good idea to install some mobile monitoring software on your teenager’s cell phone. This way, if you need to, you will be able to look up his call history, see what websites he has visited, and, most importantly, where his phone is located.
Do not, as tempting as it may be, sneak this software on to your teenager’s phone. Explain that you don’t want to have to use it but that it will be installed as a “just in case” precautionary measure.

Setting Limits
Set up limits on minutes and texts before you give your teenager his phone. Explain that every minute and every text costs money (even if you have an unlimited plan) and that the phone is not meant to replace the other methods of communication he already has at his disposal (house phone, email, Facebook, etc).

Decide upon a “phone curfew” (the time he has to turn off his cell phone each night). Make rules about whether or not you’ll allow the phone to be used in the car, at the dinner table, during family events, etc.

Sexting and Bullying
It’s okay to be freaked out by having to spell this out for your teenager, but you still need to do it. Sexting and sending provocative images between phones is a crime and one that he can be punished for, possibly for the rest of his life. Talk to him about this and explain why he needs to not give in to peer pressure when it comes to things like sexting, forwarding photos, etc.
Bullying via cell phone is certainly a first-world problem, but it is, nonetheless, a problem. Make sure your teenager knows how to handle any cell phone based bullying he might receive and that there will be severe consequences if he uses his phone to bully someone else.

With any luck this will be the weirdest photo your teen has.

Keep Private Information Private
Set up rules about the people to whom he is allowed to give his cell phone number (hint: only people he already knows in person. Period.). Talk about how easy it is for someone he doesn’t know to get a hold of his private information if he isn’t careful about protecting it on his phone.
You’ve had a similar talk already when you allowed him to start up his Facebook page. Talk about how the same sorts of rules apply to phones, too.

Overages
Have a plan in place for what will happen if your teenager goes over his minute and text quota. Will you have him pay you for it out of his allowance or money he earns at an after-school job? Will you have him work it off with chores around the house?
Quotas are more likely to be respected if there are consequences for surpassing them. Talk to your teenager about what is a fair punishment, but make sure this talk happens ahead of time so that he knows in advance that there will be consequences for breaking the rules.

The more open you are with the communication, the less you are going to have to worry that your teenager is going to do something life-alteringly stupid…because, obviously there will be at least a few dumb things done with that phone—that’s just how teenagers roll. If you keep the lines of communication open, though, you should be able to build a level of trust that allows you to sleep soundly at night…as soundly as the parent of a teenager can sleep, anyway.

Good luck!

Contributor:  Erin Steiner is a full-time freelance writer who covers a variety of topics for a wide range of websites including, but not limited to, Reputation.com.

Family Time: Connecting With Your Teens

Studies have shown that teens will engage in less risky behavior when there  is more family involvement at home.

In a world where there never seems to be enough time to get everything done, connecting with your kids and forming real, lasting relationships with them can seem more difficult than ever. There are ways to bolster your connection to your kids and find ways of fostering strong relationships, though, even when time is at a premium. These tips can help you make the most of your relationship with your children, laying the groundwork for an environment of love, close bonds and trust.

Turn Screen Time into Family Time
Instead of retiring to separate rooms at the end of the day to zone out in front of different screens, why not take the chance to turn screen time into family time? Arrange regular family movie nights, get invested in an age-appropriate show that everyone in the family can discuss and bring family game night into the 21^st century with party-style video games that encourage group participation.

Have Dinner Together Regularly
When everyone has their own practices, school and work demands to attend to, it often seems easier to grab meals where you can and hope that everyone is having reasonably healthy dinners while they’re on their own. However, kids from families who regularly eat meals together at the family table tend to perform better in school, are less likely to be involved in teen pregnancies, are less likely to experiment with drugs, alcohol and smoking and are more likely to finish high school than those who eat alone or in front of the television. Even if you struggle to carve out time for your family meals and rely on pre-packaged convenience food, make a point of having dinner together at the dinner table at least once each week.

Start Your Own Book Club
Books like the Harry Potter franchise and others of their ilk have mass appeal, drawing in and captivating readers of all ages. The next time you decide to pick up a book, why not choose one from your kids’ bookshelves or select a great read from the Young Adult section that your teenager is interested in reading at the same time? When you read the same books, you’ll be able to form your own family version of a book club and find plenty of fodder for conversation at the family table.

Look for Common Ground
If you and your teenager are both fans of classic rock, make a point of trading playlists with one another on a regular basis. Talk to your kids about areas in which you share common ground, and cultivate those interests. When you’re able to talk about hobbies or activities you both share, you’re able to connect on an entirely new level. It’s also a great way to show older kids that you aren’t quite as out of touch as they imagine.

Keep the Lines of Communication Open
More than anything else, knowing that you’re always there to talk and that you truly will listen encourages a strong bond between you and your children. Make sure that your kids know there’s nothing you can’t or won’t talk about with them, and that you’re always available when they’re in need of advice, a sounding board or even just to discuss their day.

Establish a Judgment-Free Zone
Set aside one particular area in your home and call it the “judgment-free zone.” Let this be the area where your kids can come to you with any fears, questions or concerns and where they are able to talk freely, without fear of repercussions or judgmental treatment. Knowing that you’re not going to scold or judge makes it easier for your kids to come to you with difficult situations, which will make your bond that much stronger.

Make Time to Spend Time
Put down your phone, turn off the television and step away from the computer when your child talks to you. Make eye contact, and listen intently. Your kids need to know that they’re the most important part of your life, and that they’re not competing with work or the television for your attention. Make time to spend time with your kids, and leave room in your schedule for one-on-one time with each of your children individually.

Source:  Find A Nanny

Parenting Teens Online: Internet Safety and Privacy

Recently we read about whether parents should read their child’s diary or journal.  With the advances of technology, we need to take this a step further:  Should you read their emails or text messages?

Again we can go back to “when safety trumps privacy.”

Our teens deserve to be trusted unless they give us reason to suspect something is wrong.  Is their behavior changing?  Here is a review of some warning signs (many are the same to determine if you should read their diaries).

• Is your teen becoming very secretive? Sure, teens do like their privacy, however if you have a “gut feeling” something is deeper than a secret, you may have to cross that line.
• Is your teen becoming withdrawn? Again, teens will develop some attitudes of not wanting to be with adults, however when it becomes extreme, it may be time to cross that line.
• Is your teen changing peer groups? And this is not into a better one, however to one that is less than desirable? You will again attempt to talk to your teen and find out why and what happened to the other friends.
• Is your teens eating habits changing?
• Is your teen sleeping a lot? Bloodshot eyes? Do you suspect drug use?
• Is your teen sneaking out? Becoming extremely defiant? Not respecting your boundaries?
• Are they overly protective of their cell phones or computer?
• Do they hide their cell phones? 
• Are they anxious when at their computer, seem fearful, attempt to hide their incoming emails?
• Overall, is your teen slowly becoming a child you don’t recognize?

Like with determining if you should invade their privacy with their journals or diary, unless your teen or tween gives you good reason to read their private text and emails, as parents, we should respect their privacy.

When it comes to younger children, under 10 years old, parents should always be allowed to see what they are doing.  Most younger children are usually not as protective as teens or tweens.  As a responsible parent, you will know when there are red flags or warning signs and you need to step in.

Keeping an open dialog with your tweens and teens is critical.  Letting them know you are there for them as well as talking to them about the issues of sexting, cyberbullying, predators and other areas of concern.
Should you read your child’s emails or text messages?  Only you can answer that.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer children.