Eating Disorders and Your Kids

How am I supposed to bring this up with my kids? I don’t know where to start.

Initiating a conversation about someone else is a neutral, non-threatening way to broach the topic. If you hear that someone in your child’s school has an eating disorder, that is an appropriate time to bring it up. Your child already knows or will hear rumors soon, and may have questions that you can answer. If you don’t have any examples closer to home, there are frequently stories of celebrities in and out of treatment.

One that your child may already know is Demi Lovato, a teen actress and singer who has been in numerous Disney movies and TV shows. She entered the residential treatment center last fall, and in April 2011 she gave a few interviews where she discussed some pretty heavy topics.

She discussed being bullied as a child, and her subsequent depression, eating disorder, and self-mutilation, as well as her recent diagnosis with bipolar disorder, her recovery, and helping other girls in her new role with Seventeen Magazine. Here are a few sources for you that condense her story: an article that summarizes Demi’s disorders and treatment or this video where Demi discusses being bullied, her eating disorder, cutting, and her treatment.

Chances are, your children already know her story, and have heard about people at school doing things like skipping meals, purging, or cutting. Demi’s life may not have been that of a typical child, but we can use her story to check in and connect with our children.

Why should I be concerned if my kid is on a diet? I’m on a diet too.

You as an adult are more likely to have your diet in the proper perspective. Kids and teens, especially perfectionist, driven, rule-bound ones, can take things too far until it is a compulsion they cannot control. In her interview, Demi said that by fifteen years old, she was skipping most meals, and when she failed to lose weight, started throwing up. Take stock of your own eating habits – ditch the rules about food, weighing portions, or calorie counting, and instead focus on eating mostly nutritious food, only when you are hungry. Also, never cut yourself down for your weight or what you eat, or be critical about others’ weight or appearance. Before you say it, think how it would sound coming out of a child’s mouth.

My son has been losing weight, but it’s for sports, so that doesn’t count, right?

It’s true that girls and women are more likely to develop eating disorders, but out of eleven million suffering from ED today, one million of those are male. Check over the list of symptoms below, and pay attention to your instinct as a parent. If anything about the way your son is losing weight concerns you, talk to him and talk to a professional. Better safe than sorry!

What’s the difference between an eating disorder and a diet? Or, what are the symptoms of an eating disorder?

It’s possible to diet without developing an eating disorder, but most medical professionals agree that children should not be on any diets.

Where the two differ, however, is the ability or inability to think logically and rationally. So when a normal dieter looks in the mirror and sees progress, anorexics have a distorted view and cannot see themselves as anything but fat. Their irrational compulsion justifies extreme measures, like purging, skipping entire meals, and laxatives. A medical professional or therapist can help with an accurate assessment and diagnosis, but let your instinct as a parent serve as an early warning system. You are often the first to know when something is up with your child, even if you aren’t sure what it is.

Be watchful for these symptoms:

• Different eating habits, diet plans, skipping meals, snacks, meat, or desserts, avoiding eating with others
• Distorted, negative self-image
• Eating alone, in secret, or at night
• Avoiding social situations that involve food
• Change in moods including depression, anxiety, withdrawal, irritability, obsessive behavior in other activities
• Preoccupation with dieting, calories, food, cooking, diet books, what others are eating 
• Visiting websites that promote unhealthy weight loss
• Any weight loss, weight gain, or failure to make expected gain in height
• Compulsive exercising
• Taking laxatives, diet pills, or steroids
• Making excuses to get out of eating
• Going to the bathroom right after meals, running water to hide vomiting sounds
• Wearing loose clothing to hide weight loss or body shape
• Hoarding high-calorie food, or evidence of binge eating (food wrappers, quantities of food disappearing)

If I suspect they are hiding something, should I snoop in their things?

If you are truly concerned for their safety, you are justified in violating their privacy. This is a last resort, however, and there are ways to avoid it unnecessarily. Are you sure you can’t draw it out in a conversation? If you are just curious, or feeling out of touch, you should instead be working on building your relationship. If you are paying for your son or daughter’s cell phone, internet service, and car payments, you can establish upfront rules about their use that don’t leave them feeling violated. Be judicious with what you find.

If it’s serious, such as laxatives, weapons, drugs, evidence that they are being bullied or stalked by a predator, act on it immediately. They will of course be furious and hurt, but the danger to them is substantial. If you find something upsetting but not dangerous, such as communication complaining about you, first take a deep breath, try to remember what it was like to be a teenager, and let go of your anger. Then work on strengthening your connection.

I’ve seen signs, and now I’m worried. How do I ask my son or daughter if they have an eating disorder?

If you have reason to believe there is a problem, tell them you are concerned without using guilt or blame. Begin by saying, “We have noticed this. Let’s talk.” Skip the lecture, ask open questions, and do more listening than talking. Show compassion and patience. Don’t accuse, shame, or demand anything (except, of course, a visit to a doctor).

Find a therapist that has experience and training in eating disorders. Educate yourself with the resources available from reputable sources such as the National Institute of Mental Health site, the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Parent Toolkit, or call the NEDA Helpline at 800-931-2237. HelpGuide.org also has a good basic guide for family and friends.

Why is our son or daughter doing this? Is it my fault?

Finding who to blame should not be your first action. However, the question may nag you whether you as a parent have contributed to your child’s condition. Parents do not cause eating disorders. Studies have found that someone can inherit a predisposition, but there are many other factors involved. Like in Demi’s case, where she suffered from depression first, and was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder, ED is often combined with other mental conditions such as depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, or anxiety. Personality traits like perfectionism, eagerness to please, and being highly driven seem to correlate. ED patients come from every sort of family, every ethnicity, cultural background, and economic status. Parents can, however, be instrumental to recovery.

Special contributor: M. Quinlan

Be an educated parent, you will have healthier teens.

Continue reading on Examiner.com Talking to your teens about eating disorders - Jacksonville Parenting Teens | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/parenting-teens-in-jacksonville/talking-to-your-teens-about-eating-disorders#ixzz1S6lC5Anu

What Home Means to Teenagers

With today’s real estate collapse, people losing jobs, increase in families losing their homes, the stability of many is not only stressful, it is overwhelming.

During the summer months parents will make the move to be sure their kids, especially teens, are settled into a new school district when schools open again.  This can be a difficult time for many teens.  Whether it is leaving friends and familiar places, or moving away from family, it is a time to realize what is most important about having a home – not just a house or apartment.

• Home is where the heart is, and that’s what differentiates it from all other places or states of mind a person may find themselves’ abiding. As you may well know, a home is beyond a physical structure, and has more to do with a place that provides the ultimate comfort and security for someone.Whether it be a plot near a lake, a village of birth, a cardboard box in an alley, or a memory of a moment and time; home is always the best place to be.

• Permanence - Life transitions from one challenge to the next, while a home constitutes a sense of endurance against such challenges and is therefore considered permanent. Some may choose to relocate mind or body, but the reference of home will always accompany them wherever they go.

• Acceptance - Nowhere else may one experience the true freedom of their personal spirit, without any apology, than in their own private space. A home intimately understands its residents and accepts, willfully, all strengths and deficiencies equally.

• Safety - Whether achieved structurally or emotionally, a home portrays the ultimate fortress against foreign elements that would invade or corrupt the sanctity that lies within.

• Security -A home is the purest embodiment of security. Within the confines or parameters of that which is considered ‘home’, an individual or family may thrive in the peace and harmony that they create in this atmosphere; and they are able to enjoy this freedom without fear or intimidation.

• Nurture - Within each home there is a beauty that is unique in this life. The mere presence of a place that is considered ‘home’, becomes a self-generating energy for the inhabitants within its boundaries.

• Prosperity -The true value of the home is often measured by goals and dreams achieved by those who respect ‘this’ as their home. The prosperity may only be realized by those who participate in this ideal; and that may be the most intrinsic beauty of all.

• Communal - One of the most invigorating attributes of a home is that it is, quite frankly, meant to be shared. With this sharing, a visitor may experience the uniqueness of this foreign home while exchanging and sharing elements of that which they hold as their own home.

• Strength - The best example of strength generation may clearly be found in the home. There, in safety and acceptance, a person is able to rejuvenate, heal, and energize when external forces have chipped away at that which is held sacred by the home.

• Wellspring -The home has the distinctive function of quenching the thirst of those who seek  relief within the home. There and there alone teems a spring that will endure and satisfy as it replenishes and refreshes its residents.

• Sanctuary - Only within a home may we come to know and experience a place or state of being that embraces and celebrates our most personal endeavors. Within such confines, we may explore the uninhibited realms of our faith, dreams and aspirations; and retain the confidence that is a provision of our home.

Home is a relative term.  What becomes most important is that each, and every one of us, has such a place—a place to call ‘home’.

Source:  Change of Address

Continue reading on Examiner.com How does your teen describe the word ‘home’? – Fort Lauderdale Parenting Teens | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/parenting-teens-in-fort-lauderdale/how-does-your-teen-describe-the-word-home#ixzz1R8ik7WRv

Is Your Teen Ready for a Cell Phone?

Parents will tend to disagree on the issue of whether or not teens should have their own cellphones or not. When you look around yourself at a mall, it would appear that the parents who have said no to cellphones are in the minority. What are the reasons some parents are withholding this privilege from their teens?

10 Reasons to consider not giving your teen a cell phone:

1. Cost of service – Cellphone service cost money. Unless a teen is paying for these costs themselves, this is just another expense that a parent has to pay for. Unless they have an unlimited plan, there can also be potential charges for overages on minutes or text messages.
2. Lost phones – Teenagers are notorious for losing things. They lose their jackets, their ipods, their school books and any number of other things. They even lose their precious cellphones. Even if you have insurance, a replacement still can cost money. If you don’t have insurance, it will definitely cost you money to replace.
3. Wasted time – Even when they aren’t actually texting or talking on their phone, it can still be a temptation for wasting time. Even the simplest cellphones seem to come with games to play and a camera.
4. Down time – Kids are connected to electronic gadgetry for much of their leisure and school time. Adding a cellphone to the mix will just make it worse. Kids need some time away from their electronic world to remind them what the rest of life is all about.
5. Distraction – Cellphones can be a distraction for kids, even if it is just waiting for a call or message. They can also be distracting to others around them while the teen themselves are totally oblivious to the annoyance they are causing.
6. Responsibility – Many teens just aren’t responsible enough to take proper care of a cellphone and use it wisely. Cellphones have been sent through the laundry and used for prank phone calls, each of which demonstrates a lack of personal responsibility.
7. Parental control – It can make it more difficult for a parent to monitor a child’s interaction with their peers, when they own their own cellphone. When they have to use the land line or their parents phone, it is more obvious to the parent to know how much time their kids are spending on the phone.
8. Late nights – Unless the phone is taken away at night, teens have a tendency to stay up to all hours texting on their phone, even on school nights. Lack of sleep is a much bigger problem in schools than a lot of people realize.
9. Unexpected charges – Teens often don’t realize the danger of giving out their cellphone number online. ‘Free’ ringtones are frequent lure to get people to give out their cellphone numbers and get signed up for a monthly ringtone fee without them realizing that they have done so.
10. Driving – If the teen is also old enough to drive, a cellphone can be an added temptation to take their eyes off the road. It can be difficult for a teen to have the self-discipline to let their cellphone go unanswered while they’re driving.

Although there are reasons why a teen should not own a cellphone, the reality is that many of them do. When that is the case, it becomes the parents responsibility to teach them how to use it responsibly and to set the necessary limits.

Also read the counter-argument – Why teens should get cell phones.

Source:  Phone Service

Continue reading on Examiner.com Why some teens will NOT get a cell phone: Really? - Jacksonville Parenting Teens | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/parenting-teens-in-jacksonville/why-some-teens-will-not-get-a-cell-phone-really#ixzz1QsPC4kGm

Why Not to Push Your Teen into College: Is Every Teen Ready?

For many kids, the stages of learning are defined long before the first thoughts of college enter their minds. Society dictates that graduating high school should immediately be followed by higher education, and parents often encourage this idea. However, with rising tuition prices and a plunging economy, pushing your teen to attend college may no longer be the best choice.

Rising Tuition and Economic Decline

Attending college has always been an expense for which both parents and students have had to plan. Basic tuition plus books, campus activity fees, and expenditures for room and board add up fast. With the cost of higher education at an all-time high and still going up all the time, it’s worth considering whether or not college is the next logical step for your teen.
If your teen has little idea of what he or she wants to do for a living, attending college straight out of high school makes little sense. Without a clear goal in mind, all college has to offer are liberal arts courses that may or may not help toward a particular degree or professional field. Paying for these courses can essentially amount to paying for a directionless education, one that likely won’t be of use to teens as they move on in life.

Even teens who know what type of degree they want to pursue should think about whether it’s worth the cost. Four- and six-year degrees can wind up saddling kids with large amounts of student loan debt that may remain hanging over their heads long into the future. Students who get degrees online may face additional obstacles.

While online universities are growing rapidly, many people do not consider these schools to be a legitimate way to obtain a higher education. As such, if a perspective employer sees an online school mentioned on a resume, they may be less than impressed. Even if a student receives their education from a tradition brick-and-mortar institution, having a college degree no longer guarantees people a reliable career, especially with economies all over the world in a slump. There are so many people vying for available positions that there’s a good possibility your teen may emerge from college and not be able to get a job for months or years.

Parents and teens who are unaware of or don’t fully grasp the current economic situation may fall prey to what is being referred to as the “higher education bubble.” The belief that higher education is essential to getting a good job and will lead to the best possible careers for degree-holders pushes many people to spend a great deal of money on college. When coupled with easy access to student loans and the idea that expensive schools provide better quality education, this creates a situation where young people emerge from college with thousands of dollars in debt and no reliable way to pay it back. This in turn leads to more money being spent on loan payments and less going back into the economy, further fueling an already problematic decline.

Social and Academic Pitfalls

Teens who move straight from one academic environment to another often do so with little or no “real world” experience in between. While some teens may be able to handle this without a problem, those at lower maturity levels may be at risk for both social and academic reasons.
In the past, teens were expected to do more in the way of working and helping out their families, and these responsibilities helped them to grow both mentally and emotionally. Today’s teens spend more time immersed in media than any previous generation, a condition that keeps them disconnected from reality more often than not. A college environment creates its own brand of unreality, immersing students in academic activities and social situations that don’t exist anywhere else.

As a parent, it is of paramount importance to become familiar with the situations your teen may encounter at college. For some teens, college is the first time that they’re away from home, unsupervised by parents and other authority figures. This newfound level of freedom can lead to poor choices, especially when presented with a social structure that supports and often encourages drinking, substance abuse, and sexual experimentation.

Moving directly from high school to college also keeps teens immersed in academia. Attending class and completing assignments in a timely manner teaches responsibility and time management, but how many teens really grasp these skills in a way that will be useful once they enter the workforce? And how many real life skills are kids learning during the time they spend as students? Being academically intelligent doesn’t necessarily mean that your teen will have the knowledge to take on life’s challenges or tackle everyday tasks. Some things can’t be learned at school, and your teen will have to pick up on basic life skills whether or not he or she completes a higher education.

Alternate Plans
Teens who decide not to go to college right away should have some kind of alternate plan. Working with your teen to come up with such a plan can help him or her make the most of time that would otherwise be spent in school. Many positive, enriching things may be accomplished during this time, including:

• Getting “real world” work experience and saving money towards future academic endeavors.
• Exploring career options and learning what’s really involved in different jobs.
• Checking out vocational training, internships and other hands-on learning situations.

Taking the time to do these things offers teens the chance to gain knowledge not available to them at college. Going out into the world and seeing how everything works is an invaluable experience that can help when choosing a major in the future. Teens may even find that there are job opportunities they never considered that don’t require a college degree.

Pushing teens to attend college directly after high school isn’t always in their interest. Changes in the job market and the economy make it prudent to consider alternative options. Whether your teen waits to go to school or decides to do something else entirely, challenging the ideas of traditional education may be a great benefit to his or her future.

Byline: Lindsey Wright is fascinated with the potential of emerging educational technologies, particularly the online school, to transform the landscape of learning. She writes about web-based learning, electronic and mobile learning, and the possible future of education.  Contact her at lindswright82@gmail.com.

Teen Drinking: Summer is Here -More Free Time-Be an Educated Parent

What is your teen doing this summer?

Summer Time and Alcohol-Related Crimes: What Your Teen Needs to Know About Under Age Drinking

The summer is here which means the “party season” is now in full force. And while the time off of school is a great way for teenagers to rejuvenate and have some fun, those  who are thinking about partaking in underage drinking this summer should think twice before doing so—underage drinking is a crime and can result in jail time, pricey fines, probation and can result in death.

In fact, according to experts May through August are the most deadliest months for teenagers between the ages of 15 and 19 due to underage drinking and driving.  While you can’t watch your teens like a hawk at these summer parties, you can warn them of the repercussions that may arise if they decide to participate in underage drinking. Even you, the parent, can in trouble for giving your under age teen “access” to alcohol. With that said, to learn some the different alcohol-related crimes and to learn the consequences your teen (or you) may face, continue reading below.

Minor in Possession (MPI)
If a person who is under the legal drinking age is caught consuming an alcoholic beverage, appears to be intoxicated due to alcohol remnants on one’s breath, or is caught with an open or even an unopened container of alcohol, he or she is breaking the law. While each state has its own regulations, typically if a juvenile has a blood alcohol content of a mere .01, he or she can be charged with a misdemeanor offense, which is a crime punishable up to a $500 ticket, six months of jail time, and up to six months of license suspension (even if he or she is not caught in a moving vehicle); those who are under 17 years of age can have their license suspended for a longer period of time. However, if he or she is a first offender, chances are he or she will only need to pay a hefty fine and register for an alcohol awareness program. A minor may have to undergo probation as well, but that heavily depends on the circumstances and whether he or she is a first offender or not. Note that an MPI can possibly affect your teen’s chances of getting accepted into college or graduate school.

MPI & Driving Under the Influence
Just about every state has a zero tolerance law when it comes to drinking and driving, but minors are subject to experience even more fierce consequences. If a minor is caught driving behind the wheel and is intoxicated, her or she is committing a crime. Typically it is considered a misdemeanor if no one is injured, but if someone is harmed or the worse scenario occurs (someone is killed) the crime will be considered a felony and punishment will double. But if a minor is a first offender and no one is injured, he or she can expect a punishment of up to a $1,000 fine, up to 30 days in jail, and up to a one year of driver’s license suspension. Additional punishment may include the installation of an ignition interlock device on his or her vehicle, registration for an alcohol awareness program, community service, and and/or probation. Like with an MPI, a DUI can really affect your teen’s acceptance to college or graduate school.

Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor
If you are the type of parent that if given a choice would rather your teen drink under your supervision so that you can have a watchful eye, know that you may get into trouble as well, especially if you allow their friends to condone in the same behavior. This is because those that over the age of 21 and freely serve or purchase minors alcohol are committing a crime. Even if you give your teen and his or friend’s easy access to alcoholic beverages—meaning your alcohol is just right there in the open for the taking or you give your teen permission to throw a party and while you’re locked upstairs in your room your teen and friends are boozing it up downstairs—you could be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Although just a misdemeanor (if no one is injured) you can be ticketed up to $1,000 and spend up to 6 months in jail.

Author's Bio:
Nancy Farrell is a freelance writer and blogger. She regularly contributes to criminal justice schools, which discusses about child abuse, human rights, divorce, and crime related articles. Questions or comments can be sent to: nancy.farrell13@gmail.com.

Legal Pot: Is it Being Sold on Amazon?

'Legal Pot,' Made in China, Sold To U.S. Kids

If you missed ABC News recent report on fake pot, also known as spice, you need to take the time to learn about this today and now.  Teens are dying - yes, dying from this.  
 
High school students use "legal marijuana" or "herbal incense," marketed as K2, Spice and Potpourri, to get high because the products are legal, easily available and do not show up on drug tests.

According to ABC News, the products have spurred more than 4,000 calls to poison control centers around the country since 2010 and have been linked to deaths. The parents of 18-year-old David Rozga of Indianola, Iowa say their son committed suicide after he smoked K2 and became overwhelmed with anxiety.

"He just continued to become agitated -- indicating that he felt like he was in hell," said David's father Mike Rozga.

Detective Sergeant Brian Sher, who investigated Rozga's death for the Indianola police department, is adamant that smoking K2 is the only thing that could have triggered the suicide.

"I want people to know that," said Sher. "There are nay-sayers, but I can say definitively there's just nothing in the investigation to show that. Given what we know about K2 and Spice, David's anxiety, his feeling like he was in hell, has happened in many other cases." 

Wake up parents, this is accessible and available through websites as credible as Amazon.  An ABC News investigation found these products available on-line and at stores for anywhere from $15 to $85. Amazon.com did not respond to requests for comment.

Continue reading on Examiner.com Legal pot for sale on Amazon? Is your teen at-risk? - Jacksonville Parenting Teens | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/parenting-teens-in-jacksonville/legal-pot-for-sale-on-amazon-is-your-teen-at-risk#ixzz1Otj2OINP

Parenting Teens: Common Mistakes Parent's Make

Major misconception of parents:  Almost all parents that contact us have that next Einstein or Dan Marino, but the fact they are either changing friends, smoking pot, not attending classes or school at all, wanting to drop out of school all together and just get a GED, are all signs you are heading down a very negative path. This road usually escalates before it gets better.

Teen Help Advisers are here to help educate you with sound and objective resources and options.  Contact us today.

When therapy isn't working anymore, what can you do?

When a parent is reaching their wit's end, they are most at risk for making mistakes - mistakes that can cost them financially as well as emotionally.

TEEN HELP ADVISERS offers over 25+ years of combined experience in the teen help industry, which is a big business! 

Teen Friendships: 10 Ways to Destroy Friendships

Friends are such an important part of life. Next to our families, our friends can be one of the most cherished relationships any of us can have. That doesn’t mean we are all great at being friends. It also doesn’t mean that, we will always do what will keep a friendship lasting for a lifetime.

Real friendships can be a challenge to keep intact, but so rewarding when we do so.  However, there are times when we just seem to do the wrong thing way too often, and end up destroying a friendship.

Here are ten ways that we often ruin friendships unintentionally.

1. Being too needy. Everyone has emergencies and crises that come into our lives. When we do, it is wonderful to have a friend who will listen and help. If we are always in the person in the needy position and seldom in the helping position, it can become emotionally draining for our friends.
2. Criticism. No one enjoys constantly being ridiculed and criticized.  Finding fault with everything someone does will not help to endear them to us. Unless we balance our criticism with some positives, they are likely to withdraw from us.
3. Treating someone as a tool. There is nothing wrong with asking for help from time to time. But if someone comes away thinking the only reason you ever spend time with them is to get something from them, they will move on to those who actually care about them as a person, and not just for what they can give.
4. Give your relationship no value. If every time you want to spend time with someone they have other more important things to do, it won’t be long before you’ll stop trying. There is nothing friendly or inspiring about always feeling you don’t count in someone else’s view.
5. Being obsessed with needing compliments. We all need to be encouraged at times when we feel down. But pestering someone to constantly keep telling you that you are great or good at something will get old very fast.  It won’t take much for a friend to get tired of holding your hand to make sure you feel good about yourself if it becomes a daily need.
6. Being overly irritable. Who really enjoys being around someone who is in a bad mood? When you can’t say anything that doesn’t upset them? If the person is always grouchy and is unable to have a conversation without complaining about life, their friends will start seeking out more pleasant company.
7. Gossip about your friend to others. Telling things told to you in confidence is very hurtful when others find out. In addition, making negative comments about your friend can also be very upsetting, if they are heard from a third person. Once that trust is gone, it isn’t easy to regain.
8. Involving others in your disagreements. It is one thing to have disagreements with a friend.  However, if you invite others into the conflict to side with you against the other person, you may find yourself winning a battle and losing a friend.
9. Too much attention. Too much attention can be as bad as too little.  It can strain the joy of the time you do spend together. Too much of a good thing can make us grow tired of it. The same is true of people. We all need to feel cared about, but no one wants to be smothered by your constant presence.
10. Waiting for real pals. It can really hurt a friend’s feelings if you talk about someone else all the time and how much fun they are to be with.  It can be hard not to see that as a negative comparison.