Sue Scheff: Supervised Underage Drinking

As New Year's Eve is fast approaching, people have made their plans or in the process of deciding what they will be doing. One thing is almost certain, many plans include drinking alcoholic beverages. It is a fact that the rate of drunk driving increased during holiday times, however that doesn't mean we can't still remind people that drunk driving and buzzed driving kills!
The topic of underage drinking is also a huge concern, and a topic every parent of a teen needs to be aware of. According to a Connect with Kids article this past summer, it gave some insights as to why some parent "allow" this and the philosophy behind it.

Here are some excerpts from the article, and you make your own decisions.

"It's kind of like [parents] open the door as soon as you get to the party, and they have a bowl to the side where they take your keys before you even start drinking."

- Cameron Herron, 19

New research from Penn State University reports that high school kids who aren't allowed to drink alcohol are far less likely to drink heavily when they get to college. This contradicts the conventional wisdom that forbidding alcohol turns it into a kind of "forbidden fruit" that causes kids to go wild in college.

But still, every year there are parents who break the law: they host a party and serve teens alcohol.

How often does this happen? According to teens, all the time.

"It's kind of like they open the door as soon as you get to the party," says 19-year-old Cameron Herron, "and they have a bowl to the side where they take your keys before you even start drinking."

Why do some parents allow underage drinking?

"Because they would rather it be at their house and for them to have the control," answers 19-year-old Marlena Flesner, "and for them to know where their kids are."

"I hear that a lot," says Dr. Michael Fishman, an addiction specialist, "and the fallacy is ‘to keep the kids safe'."

That's the assumption, but is it true? Is it really safer when kids drink with adult supervision?

"I've been at parties where I've seen a mom say, ‘hey, this kid is a little too drunk - no more for him,'" says 19-year-old Anthony Machalette.

The problem, kids say, is that sometimes there is no supervision.

"And it was pretty much all of us downstairs partying," recalls 19-year-old Ryan Soto. "The parents are upstairs doing - nothing. They just kind of minded their own business and let us have a party downstairs."

"Usually they are not around," agrees Marlena Flesner. "They just kind of host it and sometimes buy the alcohol - or they just allow it."

And often, the kids start drinking at home - but they don't stay there.

"In fact, some people are going to leave that house intoxicated," says Dr. Fishman.

"It was a lot of the wealthy parents who had a big house," says 20-year-old Jessica Holt, about one party she attended. "A lot of people could come. They wouldn't collect keys or anything."

Finally, experts say, allowing kids to drink at home sends a message.

"You're introducing a lifestyle to your 15, 16, 17 year old and that lifestyle is alcohol. And so by allowing them to drink in your home, you're basically giving them permission to drink in the world at large and any time they'd like," explains Stacey DeWitt, President of Connect with Kids.

She says it's easier for kids to say no if you make a stand against underage drinking that is loud and clear.

"I know my mother would kick my behind if I was drinking underage," says 20-year-old Erin Smith.

What do you think? Watch the video - be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.

Please have a safe and healthy New Year's Eve, and you really don't need alcohol to have fun! Learn about to put your own twist into the New Year Eve's party with your teens!

Also on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Parenting 2009 Wrap-up (Part 2)

Parenting is always a priority. 2009 has been filled with stories of cyberbullying, sexting, school violence and more. Of course we also have to look at the positive, teen volunteering increased and more teens and parents are taking the time to learn about college applications.

6. Encourage your teen to get a job or volunteer: In today's generation I think we need to instill responsibility and accountability. This can start early by encouraging your teen to either get a job or volunteer, especially during the summer. Again, it is about keeping them busy, however at the same time teaching them responsibility. I always tell parents to try to encourage their teens to get jobs at Summer Camps, Nursing Homes, ASPCA, Humane Society or places where they are giving to others or helping animals. It can truly build self esteem to help others.

7. Make Time for your Child: This sounds very simple and almost obvious, but with today's busy schedule of usually both parents working full time or single parent households, it is important to put time aside weekly (if not daily at dinner) for one on one time or family time. Today life is all about electronics (cell phones, Ipods, Blackberry's, computers, etc) that the personal touch of actually being together has diminished.

8. When Safety trumps privacy: If you suspect your teen is using drugs, or other suspicious behaviors (lying, defiance, disrespectful, etc) it is time to start asking questions - and even "snooping" - I know there are two sides to this coin, and that is why I specifically mentioned "if you suspect" things are not right - in these cases - safety for your child takes precedence over invading their privacy. Remember - we are the parent and we are accountable and responsible for our child.

9. Are you considering outside treatment for your child? Residential Therapy is a huge step, and not a step that is taken lightly. Do your homework! When your child's behavior escalates to a level of belligerence, defiance, substance abuse or God forbid gang relations - it may be time to seek outside help. Don't be ashamed of this - put your child's future first and take steps to get the help he/she needs - immediately, but take your time to find the right placement. Read Wit's End! for more information. Take a moment to read a recent News Articles from the Miami Herald on Wit's End and Sun-Sentinel - Rescuing Your Troubled Teens.

10. Be a parent FIRST: There are parents that want to be their child's friend and that is great - but remember you are a parent first. Set boundaries - believe it not kids want limits (and most importantly - need them). Never threaten consequences you don't plan on following through with.

Did you miss the first five reminders? Go Back. <<<<<
Parenting 2010 - Five Part Series that will help you become more computer savvy to further protect your kids while they surf online.

Do you have an at-risk teen? Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/

Don't forget to subscribe to my articles for more parenting and Internet advice throughout 2010!

Also on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Parenting Online Chat rooms - Who are your kids talking to?

It is school break, holiday time, and more kids, especially teens, are surfing in cyberspace. The breaking story of the parents in the UK posing as their daughter to catch predator is an example of the dangers that lurk online.

Chat rooms are one of the riskiest places our kids can mingle in. It is difficult to monitor all their cyber time, so the best solution is to educate them. First, parents need to be educated. Reminder to parents: Order your FREE booklet on Cyber safety from the FTC today.

Here are some Chat Room Safety Tips for Teens:

Source: Assembly of Words

1. Never enter into private chats or private chat rooms with people you don't know. Most kids know about stranger danger and are taught not to talk to, or give personal details to strangers in the street. The same rules apply, don't do it with strangers online either.

2. Think before you send a message. Once a message is out there, there is no way to get it back so think before you send the message and be careful about what you let others know about you.

3. Be careful of who you trust or think you know. Online predators specifically target chat rooms as most kids feel safe as they are in the comfort of their own home. Just because you have seen someone's profile, they are still a stranger.

4. Always use a nickname on your personal profile and don't include any personal details.

5. Log out if you, in any way, feel uncomfortable and make sure you tell a parent or adult immediately.

6. Stay in control. Never give out personal details in chat rooms, it doesn't matter how well you think you know them. This includes your name, nickname, address, phone number, password details, email addresses etc. If they are a friend, get their home email address(not an online one) or phone number and communicate personal details that way.

7. Learn how to block and/or ignore people.

8. Never meet anyone you have met in a chat room in person. If you must meet someone in person make sure you discuss it with an adult so that they can make sure its in a public area and with an adult present.

9. Learn how to save parts of your chat room conversations you may want to show your parents or report to the authorities.

10. Look out for your friends. Never use their information instead of yours and make sure they follow the same guidelines. Let your parents know if you think your friend is in trouble or out of their depth.

11. Know how to report any suspicious behavior to your chat room provider and tell your parents. Things like inappropriate comments, asking for personal information, talking about things that make you uncomfortable should all be taken seriously. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed of any inappropriate behavior online, it is not uncommon and it is not your fault, so please tell an adult.

If teens and kids follow these simple steps they will significantly reduce any potential chat room dangers for themselves.

Be sure to be ready for 2010 by making a resolution to learn more about Internet safety and your family.

Parenting 2010 - Getting ahead of your kids technically! T.A.L.K.

Also on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Teens and Eating Disorders

This weekend's loss of a beautiful young actress is a tragedy. There are some reports that Brittany Murphy was looking exceptionally thin within the past few weeks prior her death. Although there are no confirmed reports of any eating disorder, it is a topic parents need to be educated on.

Eating disorders among teens, especially girls, are a serious concern. With today's peer pressure to keep up with the trends, fit into those skinny jeans and be a part of the cool clique can lead your teen down a troubled road.

What is an eating disorder? The MayoClinic describes it as follows:

Eating disorders are a broad group of serious conditions in which you're so preoccupied with food and weight that you can often focus on little else. The main types of eating disorders are anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge-eating disorder, and there are also many subtypes.

Most people with eating disorders are females, but males also have eating disorders. The exception is binge-eating disorder, which appears to affect almost as many males as females.

Treatments for eating disorders usually involve psychotherapy, nutrition education, family counseling, medications and hospitalization.

Anorexia nervosa
When you have anorexia nervosa (an-o-REK-se-uh nur-VOH-suh), you're obsessed with food and being thin, sometimes to the point of deadly self-starvation. You may exercise excessively or simply not eat enough calories.

Bulimia nervosa
When you have bulimia, you have episodes of bingeing and purging. During these episodes, you typically eat a large amount of food in a short amount of time and then try to rid yourself of the extra calories by vomiting or excessive exercise. In between these binge-purge episodes, you may eat very little or skip meals altogether. You may be a normal weight or even a bit overweight.


Binge-eating disorder
When you have binge-eating disorder, you regularly eat excessive amounts of food (binge), sometimes for hours on end. You may eat when you're not hungry and continue eating even long after you're uncomfortably full. After a binge, you may try to diet or eat normal meals, triggering a new round of bingeing. You may be a normal weight, overweight or obese.

Eating disorders in youngsters
Eating disorders can affect people of any age. In children, it's sometimes hard to tell what's an eating disorder and what's simply a whim, a new fad, or experimentation with a vegetarian diet or other eating styles. In addition, many girls and sometimes boys go on diets to lose weight, but stop dieting after a short time. If you're a parent or guardian, be careful not to mistake occasional dieting with an eating disorder. On the other hand, be alert for eating patterns and beliefs that may signal unhealthy behavior, as well as peer pressure that may trigger eating disorders.

Causes of eating disorders:

It's not known with certainty what causes eating disorders. As with other mental illnesses, the possible causes are complex and may result from an interaction of biological, psychological, family, genetic, environmental and social factors. Possible causes of eating disorders include:


Biology. Some people may be genetically vulnerable to developing eating disorders. Some studies show that people with biological siblings or parents with an eating disorder may develop one too, suggesting a possible genetic link. In addition, there's some evidence that serotonin, a naturally occurring brain chemical, may influence eating behaviors because of its connection to the regulation of food intake.

Psychological and emotional health. People with eating disorders may have psychological and emotional characteristics that contribute to the disorder. They may have low self-esteem, perfectionism, impulsive behavior, anger management difficulties, family conflicts and troubled relationships, for instance.

Sociocultural issues. The modern Western cultural environment often cultivates and reinforces a desire for thinness. Success and worth are often equated with being thin. The media and entertainment industries often focus on appearance and body shape. Peer pressure may fuel this desire to be thin, particularly among young girls.

Learn the symptoms and risk factors of eating disorders.

Be an educated parent, you will have healthier teens!

Learn about teen body image.

Sue Scheff: Parenting Wrap-Up 2009

Last January 2009 I posted some quick tips for parenting in the New Year. As we head into 2010, let's be reminded of 2009. Many of these tips never stop helping you being a better parent. Being an educated parent should always be your priority.

1. Communication: Keeping the lines of communication of your child should be a priority with all parents. It is important to let your kids know you are always there for them no matter what the subject is. If there is a subject you are not comfortable with, please be sure your child has someone they can open up to. I believe that when kids keep things bottled up, it can be when negative behaviors can start to grow.

2. Knowing your Children's Friends: This is critical, in my opinion. Who are your kids hanging out with? Doing their homework with? If they are spending a lot of time at a friends house, go out of your way to call the parent introduce yourself. Especially if they are spending the night at a friends house, it important to take time to call the parents or meet them. This can give you a feeling of security knowing where your child is and who they are with.

3. Know your Child's Teachers - Keep track of their attendance at school: Take time to meet each teacher and be sure they have your contact information and you have theirs if there are any concerns regarding your child. In the same respect, take time to meet your child's Guidance Counselor.

4. Keep your Child Involved: Whether it is sports, music, drama, dance, and school clubs such as chess, government, school newspaper or different committees such as prom, dances and other school activities. Keeping your child busy can keep them out of trouble. If you can find your child's passion - whether it is football, soccer, gymnastics, dance, music - that can help keep them focused and hopefully keep them on track in school.

5. Learn about Internet Social Networking: In today's Cyber generation this has to be a priority. Parents need to help educate their kids on Cyber Safety - think before they post, help them to understand what they put up today, may haunt them tomorrow. Don't get involved with strangers and especially don't talk about sex with strangers. Avoid meeting in person the people you meet online without you being there. On the same note - cell phone and texting - don't allow your child to freely give out their cell numbers and never post them online. Parents should consider ReputationDefender/MyChild to further help protect their children online.


Learn more tips from 2009 >>>>>

Parenting 2010 - Five Part Series that will help you become more computer savvy to further protect your kids while they surf online.

Do you have an at-risk teen? Visit www.helpyourteens.com

Sue Scheff: Teen Girls and Body Image

With the recent untimely death of Brittany Murphy, many are mourning the loss of a young, sparklingly actress. There have been reports that Brittany Murphy was concerned about her body image.

When negative events happen, it can be an opportunity to open doors to an awareness of important topics that need to be discussed with our teens.

There are a vast amount of resources to help parents talk to their teens about body image, eating disorders and other issues many teens struggle with today. Peer pressure can be a driving force and it is critical parents keep their lines of communication open with their teens, especially if they are becoming withdrawn and secretive.

Dara Chadwick, author of You'd Be So Pretty If...., offers a wealth of information on girls suffering with body image issues as well as helping parents recognize although they are not perfect, they can help their daughters through their own faults.

Today Dara Chadwick added to her educational blog about Tips for the Holiday Food Truce:

•The only person you can control is you. If mom's pushing pie on you and you'd rather not partake, don't. It's that simple. On the flip side, mom, if you offer a treat and your daughter says, "No, thanks," try not to see it as a judgment of you, your cooking or your mothering. It's just pie.
•You don't have to voice every thought you have. If your daughter has, in fact, put on weight since the last time you saw her, trust me, she already knows. Telling her will just create bad feelings. On the flip side, daughter, if you've become a vegetarian since your last visit home, now is not the time to launch into a judgmental critique of your parents' meat-eating habits. Save it for another day.
•Watch the "helpful" suggestions that really aren't. Mom, if you're concerned about your daughter's weight, please don't say, "Wouldn't you rather have some nice salad?" when she reaches for the candied yams. If you don't want her to eat candied yams, just don't make them. No food should be off-limits to just one person at the table.
•Build the right kind of holiday memories. Alcohol, stress and fatigue can make many of us short-tempered and quick to speak. Remember that your words and actions are building memories -- do you really want your daughter to remember holiday dinners as events where she felt judged and not good enough? Trust her to make her own decisions about food and honor the person she is -- not just the outer package she comes in.

Learn more about Dara Chadwick at http://www.darachadwick.com/. She has written for many publications including Psychology Today, Family Circle, Washington Post and many more.

Follow Dara Chadwick on Twitter at @DaraChadwick

Learn more about eating disorders.

Most important, be an educated parent - you will have healthier teens!

Sue Scheff: Cyber safety now available for parents and kids - Order your free copies!

Just released:

FTC, Department of Education, Federal Communications Commission Officials Present Free Booklet at D.C. Middle School

A new booklet released today by the Federal Trade Commission and other government agencies helps parents and teachers steer kids safely through the online and mobile phone worlds.

Net Cetera: Chatting with Kids About Being Online was unveiled this morning at Jefferson Middle School in Washington, D.C. by FTC Chairman Jon Leibowitz, U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, and Federal Communications Commission Chairman Julius Genachowski. At the middle school, which is known for its emphasis on science and technology, the officials met with students and teachers to discuss online safety.

"The conversations that make kids good digital citizens aren't about the technology; they're about communicating your values as a parent," said FTC Chairman Jon Leibowitz. "Teaching kids to treat others as they'd like to be treated online is key. Net Cetera tells you how to start those conversations - even if you think your kids are more tech-savvy than you are."

Net Cetera tells parents and teachers what they need to know to talk to kids about issues like cyberbullying, sexting, mobile phone safety, and protecting the family computer. Talking to kids about these topics can help them avoid behaving rudely online; steer clear of inappropriate content like pornography, violence, or hate speech; and protect themselves from contact with bullies, predators, hackers, and scammers.

The booklet is available at OnGuardOnline.gov, the federal government's online safety Web site. OnGuardOnline.gov is a partnership of more than a dozen federal agencies and the technology industry. Like all the consumer education resources at the site, Net Cetera is free and available for public use. At OnGuardOnline, parents can download sections of the booklet, link to it, or post it on their own site. At bulkorder.ftc.gov parents can order the printed version of the booklet in bulk.

Be an educated parent, take the time to learn - you will have safer kids in cyberspace!

Don't forget to read about Parenting 2010 - Getting ahead of your kids technically through T.A.L.K.

Official Press Release - click here.

Sue Schefff: What Teens Need to Know About STD's

Parenting teens today is challenging and although many of our concerns today are focused on technology and online safety, we need to go back to basics – a trend that a parent of any generation needs to be concerned about. Teens having sex. Years ago it was a fear of pregnancy, today it is so much more. Sexually transmitted diseases are not going away and kids/teens needs to understand the consequences which can not only lead to infertility, but in extreme cases, the end of life.

The latest statistics from the Centers for Disease Control show that there is one sexually transmitted disease that affects more teenage girls than any other age group. Last year, 1.2 million cases of Chlamydia were reported among teens. That’s 100,000 more than the year before.

Source: Connect with Kids

Chlamydia on the Rise

“I don’t really know anything about it.”

– Berit, Age 16, when asked about Chlamydia.

The latest statistics from the Centers for Disease Control show that there is one sexually transmitted disease that affects more teenage girls than any other age group. Last year, 1.2 million cases of Chlamydia were reported among teens. That’s 100,000 more than the year before.

What is Chlamydia?

If you ask many teenage girls, you’re likely to get a blank stare. “I really don’t know much about it at all,” says 14-year-old Tavia.

Or you’ll get a wrong answer. “Um, it’s one of the female body parts,” says 14-year-old Jade.

Most kids don’t know it, but Chlamydia is a sexually transmitted disease that infects 1.2 million teenage girls every year.

Kids often don’t know what it is and they don’t know they have it, because the symptoms may not show up for years when it’s too late.

“Chlamydia infections have been associated with pelvic inflammatory disease, which can cause scarring of the fallopian tubes and lead to infertility,” says infectious disease specialist Dr. Kimberly Workowski.

According to the CDC, nearly half of all new Chlamydia cases are among teenager girls for two reasons: first, teens are less likely than adults to use condoms; second, the immature cells in a teenage girl’s cervix are more vulnerable to infection.

Still, it’s a “very curable disease,” says Dr. Workowski. Curable, if it detected. Many teens, however, don’t suspect they have the disease, and they’re afraid to go to a doctor to get checked.

“I don’t think they’re really educated about that stuff yet, they don’t even listen, they don’t care,” says Jade.

Experts say parents should take the lead, and talk with their child about getting tested.

“You can get a non-invasive test, like a urine sample, to see if there is any evidence of chlamydia,” says Dr. Workowski. The experts say, if parents think to themselves, “there is no way my child has chlamydia!” they need to consider the consequences if they’re wrong.

“You’re daughter…can be infertile,” Dr. Workowski warns, “because of this infection.”


Tips for Parents
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Chlamydia (”kla-mid-ee-uh”) is the “most common bacterial sexually transmitted disease in the US today. It is estimated that 4,000,000 new cases occur each year. The highest rates of Chlamydia infections are among 15-to19-year-olds, regardless of demographics or location.

Chlamydia is transmitted through sexual contact (primarily vaginal and anal) with an infected person. According to the Association for Voluntary Surgical Contraception International (AVSC), about 75% of infected women and half of infected males have no symptoms of chlamydia. In other words, most people infected with the disease don’t even know they have it.

Symptoms

In women, symptoms of chlamydia may include:

an unusual vaginal discharge
bleeding after intercourse
bleeding between menstrual periods
abdominal or pelvic pain
In men, symptoms of chlamydia may include:

discharge from the penis
burning with urination
swollen and/or painful testicles
(Keep in mind, most people with chlamydia have no symptoms at all.)

Treating Chlamydia

The best way to prevent sexually transmitted disease (STDs) is to not have sexual relations. The CDC recommends that people who are sexually active use a condom, and get regular checkups for STDs. Though condoms are good at protecting against some STDs, others such as herpes and HPV may still be passed on through sexual contact.

Most STDs are readily treated, and the earlier treatment is sought and sex partners are warned, the less likely the disease will do irreparable damage such as the formation of scar tissue in the woman which can lead to infertility or an increased likelihood of a tubal pregnancy which can be life threatening.

Chlamydia can be easily treated and cured with antibiotics. It is also important that sexual partners receive treatment in order to prevent getting infected again. Doctors also recommend avoiding sex while being treated to reduce the chances of getting the infection again or giving it to someone else.


References
AVSC International
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
American Academy of Pediatrics

Learn more about teen pregnancy.