Teen Help: Parents Seeking Help and Not Getting Scammed

With the tragedy of Newtown, CT we are faced with so many unanswered questions.

The grief of the loss of life is unimaginable - when you look at the age of the children and their protectors that died doing what they were trained to do, it is simply unconscionable that anyone could do such a heinous act.

We are hearing issues of gun control combined with mental health.  At the end of the day, like teenagers using illegal drugs (and adults for that matter) if someone is determined to find a gun and shoot people, they will.

The fact is we need to get people the help they need before they get to the point of wanting to seek out guns for killing - or drugs for getting high.

Though that is an extreme example, many parents are seeking help for their struggling teen.  They are at their wit's end.  They feel like they are hostage in their own home.  After exhausting all their local resources they realize that residential treatment is their last resort - but how can they send their child away?

The real question is, how can you not?  How can you not get your teen the help they need?  In many cases your teen does need to be removed from their environment to be able to start recovery.  Being around their negative peer group and sometimes ever around their family (and this is not a personal reflection on you) but the state of mind your child is in, can bring contention that they are not able to move forward.

So what can you do?  You get online and the confusion is overwhelming with websites promising all sorts of things - marketing people scaring you into the urgency of placing asap or else..... Sticker shock of the price of getting help! Don't get scammed - it did happen to me - I created my organization so it wouldn't happen to other parents.

There is help for everyone.  If you don't have insurance for mental help, and even with insurance, there are programs that can help.  You will have to dig harder to find them.

Obviously if you are able to go into a program you can finance there are more options, but in a time in our economy when things are not financially great, not everyone falls into this category.  This doesn't mean you can't find help.

I encourage you to visit my website - www.helpyourteens.com for more information on residential therapy.  Never give up - be proactive.  Now, more than ever, is a reality that parents need to get their troubled teens the help they need.

Teens Entrepeneurship: Teaching Teens About Online Businesses

Does your teen want to start their own business?

You hear about it all the time, a teen has started a great online business and it’s making tons of money, getting lots of recognition, and turning into something beyond anyone’s dreams. Now your teen has that great idea, or maybe just the drive and motivation, and he or she wants to launch an online business. You think it might really work, but you’re a little worried about the online aspect of it.

You want your teen to start his business in a smart, effective, and safe way. Don’t worry – it can be done!

Focus in on Your Product and Find a Niche

Some good advice for teens launching an online business is to find that niche and focus in on it. Maybe your teen is a wonderful artist and wants to start selling her art. Instead of just setting up a website and posting general work that people can buy, offer a specialty, like pet portraits or names with personalized colors and lettering (you can even help get the word out). She can post some samples and make it easy for customers to contact her about details.

Whether it’s starting a business selling greeting cards or tutoring math online, there is a place for almost any venture. Any business will do better the more specific it is; work with your teen about finding that part of their talent and narrowing in on it.

Safety is a Big Priority

As a parent, it’s your responsibility to oversee your teen’s online business. If your daughter is babysitting, you wouldn’t let her just go to anyone’s home to babysit–you’d make sure it was safe. You need to do the same online. Go over safety issues with your teen. Reiterate the importance of not giving out too much personal information. Sure, an email address is fine (but your teen may want a “business” email address separate from his personal one). If you need to give out an address, think about opening a PO Box so your home address is not public.

PayPal is a great way to receive payment; it takes care of the need to give out personal information to receive checks or other payment. The bottom line about safety is: Be smart, as a parent and as a teen. A younger teen will need more supervision, while your older teenager can handle more freedoms with his business.

Marketing

Though safety and privacy is a concern and a consideration when your teen wants an online business, know that at some point, she will have to market the business, and that means herself. Some businesses really take off when a young person creates and runs them; they have their age in their favor. If they want media coverage, their name may have to be made public. So though you should monitor all of this, keep in the back of your mind that if your teen is serious about starting a small business, you both may have to step outside the original safety box and into the adult world of marketing and business at some point.

Kids have great ideas–they are innovative, creative, and unafraid. Guide your teen along on his endeavor, keep an eye on things, stay safe, but don’t stifle this–it could be big! Best of luck to you and your teen!

Special contributor:  Heather Legg is a blogger who writes on Internet safety, small businesses, and parenting.

Bullying: Is your child a victim of a bully at school? Warning signs parents should know

According to a May 2011 survey published by the United States Department of Education, approximately 8,166,000 students between the ages of 12 and 18 reported that they were being bullied in school; this number translates to about 31.7% of American students in that age group. The effects of bullying have been emphasized to parents, educators and childcare providers as media coverage of teen suicides resulting from unchecked bullying increases. In today’s world, children require protection from each other, as well as reprehensible adult influence.

Fortunately, there are a few warning signs that could indicate that your child is the victim of schoolyard bullies.

• Unexplained Injuries or Damages to Property – When items go missing or turn up broken, clothing and other property is torn or damaged, or your child shows clear signs of physical injury but lacks a plausible explanation for these occurrences, there’s a very strong chance that he’s being bullied and trying to hide it from you. Because seeking help for bullying is often considered a sign of weakness, some kids will go to great lengths to keep their plight under wraps.
• Displays an Aversion to School – A child that was once happy and eager to attend classes but suddenly exhibits a strong aversion to school, attempts to fake illnesses as a means of staying home, or puts up a fight every morning may be trying to avoid school because he’s trying to avoid being bullied there. Most kids show at least a mild aversion to school from time to time; however, should your child seem genuinely afraid or angry about going to his classes each morning, there may be more to the story than a typical childhood distaste for school.
• Difficulty Sleeping or Nightmares – One of the most common signs of post-traumatic stress disorder, which is not uncommon in children that are severely bullied, is difficulty sleeping. Sleep disruptions and nightmares should be viewed as a cause for concern when they become a regular occurrence; the occasional bad dream is simply par for the childhood course, but recurring nightmares could indicate a serious problem.
• Lowered Academic Performance – Kids that are the victims of bullying may experience a drop in grades or show other indications of a lowered academic performance, either as a result of being actively distracted from their studies by bullies or because they’re experiencing symptoms of depression or post-traumatic stress disorder that makes it difficult for them to focus. When grades rapidly plummet, parents should always address the situation; however, if there are other indicators of bullying, kids should certainly not be punished if their studies are suffering.
• Loss of Interest in Hobbies or Activities – When a child that was once eager to join in activities, extra-curricular sports or after school programs abruptly shows a lack of interest or even a distaste for those hobbies, it could indicate that he’s being bullied by other participants and wants to distance himself from the situation as much as possible.
• Isolation – It’s not unheard of for tweens and teens to barricade themselves in their rooms, eschewing the company of their parents in favor of talking to their friends; it’s so common, in fact, that it’s become something of a societal cliché. That being said, if your child is isolating himself from everyone, and doesn’t seem to have many friends that he’s interacting with, that isolation could be an indicator of bullying or harassment.
• Self-Harming Behavior – The most drastic, and perhaps the most upsetting, indicator of bullying is self-harming behavior in your child. Cutting, eating disorders and risky behavior, like running away from home, are all classic signs of bullying or abuse; though they may seem extreme and overwhelming, they’re not an indicator that all hope is lost. A child exhibiting these signs is likely to require some treatment, and may need to be removed from their current school as a protective measure.

Fear of retribution, a reluctance to appear helpless, and humiliation at their plight may leave kids reluctant to notify an authority figure, or even to admit to being bullied in many cases. The 2008 to 2009 School Crime Supplement indicates that roughly two-thirds of bullying cases go unreported by the victims or their peers, so uncovering the truth may require a bit of finesse. Aggressive questioning can feel like an interrogation to an already victimized child, so parents should keep their tone open, calm and non-judgmental during conversations about the subject.

Source: Babysitting Jobs

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Teen Peer Pressure: Be An Educated Parent

Frequently we hear how a teen used to be such a nice kid until they started hanging out with so-and-so. Yes, the wrong crowd. Everyone knows about the wrong crowd.

We’re surrounded by peer pressure every day in a variety of different ways, from the unknown forces of the media to our friends and family. Although a parent can’t erase peer pressure from her child’s life, she can give her the tools she needs to stay strong in the face of it and make decisions based on what’s best for her.

Here are a few tools to help you teach your child about peer pressure.

Talk to your child about the influences of the media. Every time you turn on the TV, pick up a magazine, read a billboard, go on Facebook or Twitter, or surf the web there are people trying to get you to take the action they want you to take or think the way they want you to think. Many people don’t recognize these forces as peer pressure because they’ve become such an engrained part of our lives; however, the media greatly influences our ideas and choices. Talking with children about these influences can help kids see things with a critical mind and allow them to make smarter, more objective decisions.

Be a good role model. If your child sees you rush out to buy the latest fashion, stand in line for hours to land the latest gadget, or try the latest fad diet because everyone else on the block is singing its praises, she’s much more likely to fall prey to the same peer influences. Let your child see you making decisions based on what’s best for you and the situation, even when it’s not necessarily the popular choice.

Talk to your child about the people and things that influence him. Conversation is one of the most powerful tools you have in helping your child withstand peer pressure. Talk with your child about what choices his friends are making, the choices he’s facing, the factors that influence him, and how he makes decisions about what to do and what not to do. Giving him a safe place to explore his thoughts and feelings will help him make well thought out decisions. It will also allow him to make up his mind about what to do in a tough situation before he’s actually in the tough situation. Working through his choices ahead of time gives him the confidence to act in accordance with his beliefs and values.

Involve your child in a community that supports your values. Although you can’t insulate your child from peer pressure, you can stack the deck in your favor by surrounding your child with people that can help her make good choices. Your local church, Boys and Girls Club, Boy and Girl Scouts, and community programs are all great places to find like-minded families. Your child will still be pressured to do things that are not in her best interest, but it’s a lot easier to say no when others are saying no alongside you.

Help your child develop a strong sense of self. Children with high self-esteem and a positive self-image have a much easier time resisting peer pressure. Those things don’t develop overnight, so plant the seeds of self-esteem and self-image when your child is young and cultivate them as your child grows.

Help your child avoid troublesome situations. Sometimes peer pressure can be avoided simply by avoiding a certain person or taking control of a situation. If your child’s classmate is known for rallying friends to pick on younger kids, stop meeting him and his mom at the local park. Instead, foster a friendship between your child and a kinder classmate. If your child’s new neighbor friend spends hours watching R rated movies while he’s home alone after-school, insist they play at your house where you can monitor their TV choices. If you’re worried about your daughter being out late with her older boyfriend, impose an early curfew but allow the boyfriend to stay and visit.

Be supportive. Making good choices in the face of peer pressure is tough. It can be a very emotional struggle for many kids. Be the person your child can confide in, can count on, and can ask for advice.

Don’t expect perfection. Your child will make mistakes. She will hang out with the wrong people. She will make bad choices. How you react when those things happen will have a big impact on how she handles similar situations in the future. Your goal is to help her learn from her mistakes, help her learn how to make a better choice next time, and help her correct her course when she realizes that she’s going in the wrong direction.

A parent can’t protect her child from peer pressure, but she can help her make decisions based on what’s best for her and not simply on what everyone else is doing.

Source: Go Nannies

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Specialty Boarding Schools Accused of Abuse

Recently it was brought to my attention from a parent that I helped several years ago, she was reading a series of articles on abuse and neglect that happens in residential programs for teens and kids.

We are in 2012 - a time when you would think that transparency of all schools and programs should be a given.  Unfortunately, like I also learned the hard way, when it comes to the big business of "teen help" and parents are at their wit's end - they can fall prey to most anything that sounds like relief.

This is one of the reasons I created my organization, Parents' Universal Resource Experts, Inc (P.U.R.E.)  I felt there wasn't any place I could turn that could give me reliable information.

PURE helps educate parents and gives them insights to a very daunting industry.  Though you initially think you are looking for a boot camp type environment (thinking you want to teach your child a lesson) you will soon realize that your teen is crying out for help.  Searching for a program that has an ACE factor (A-academic, C-clinical, E-enrichment) will serve your teen much better.

Another misconception parents have is that Military Schools are for troubled teens.  This couldn't be further from the truth.  The majority of legitimate Military Schools such as Admiral Faragut in Clearwater, Florida, will only accept students with a certain GPA, in many cases a teen has to write an essay of why they want to attend.

Some parents may find some Military Schools that will accept an unwilling child, but what happens next you won't be so happy with.  If he/she get expelled, chanced are very good you will then forfeit your tuition.  Are you ready for that?  The other emotional component of this is - setting your child up for failure will only serve to do him/her more emotional damage and probably cause more defiance and resentment.

Many parents are dealing with good kids making bad choices.  Many parents are dealing with kids experimenting with substances.  We need to take this all very serious today.  Remember it is not the pot of yesterday.  It is being laced with stronger elements and even addictive ones.  Entitlement issues today are a common thread - kids simply have too much and have no boundaries.

It doesn't matter what your issues are, if you have reached the point where you are convinced you need residential therapy, please contact PURE and talk to us.  We have free consultations.  If you have a list of programs that you are considering, we can go down that list with you.  We have visited a large number of programs in our country.  We also receive feedback from parents, students and even employees frequently.

Talk to us.... don't risk sending your child into harms way.  This is a major financial and emotional decision.  It is a parent's responsibility to get their child help - you don't have to fear it - you just have to be smart about it.

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Read my story here.  My book - Wit's End! Advice and Resources for Saving your Out of Control Teen.

Teens and Online Safety: It is as important as driving safely

Safety and kids are sometimes like oil and water. Parents go to the ends of the Earth to protect their children from harm, yet kids believe they are invincible. That naïve childhood thinking is envious and unrealistic, so the adults must step in at times.

In today’s digital age, Internet safety is quite similar to automobile safety. Both require a higher level of responsibility and can be considered rites of passage. As parents, we’d love to surround our little ones in bubble wrap, but we also know that they must learn to fail in order to grow. Imagine if they never made a mistake!

Here is a little roadmap and a few tips to navigate Internet safety.

Insurance
Car insurance is a must-have for all drivers, but online insurance is just as important. What do we mean by that? Spyware, adware, and other types of online protection keep your computer and its contents secure. There are many companies that offer such online protection, and your kids must know about it. They should never disable any firewalls to gain access to any sites that could compromise the computer or the files. Of course, no one will give you a ticket if you don’t have insurance on your computer. But a hacker or a computer virus doesn’t need much to steal your online identity or destroy the computer contents.

Seatbelts
Restraints in any situation can be a life-saver. While they can’t be buckled, parental controls can guide kids in the right direction when they might be veering off course. Hopefully only used in dire situations, these controls can be loosened or tightened depending on the child and the circumstance.

Reliable Vehicle
Nowadays, computers come in every shape, size, and price range. Remember that not every kid needs his or her own laptop or Mac. The tried but true brands of computers still connect to the same Internet as the higher-end ones. It’s the guidance from parents that makes the difference.

Roadside Assistance
We’ve all been there when a car battery refuses to start or we blow a tire. Thank goodness for roadside assistance, even though some of us hate to admit that we can’t change our own tires. Our kids feel the same way. While parents shouldn’t hover or secretly log into their children’s accounts, parents still need to make themselves available. Fostering an environment where kids can ask questions and make mistakes without judgment is paramount to building trust and opening the lines of communication.

Owner’s Manual
In the end, a plan must be determined by adults and be understood by the children. In no uncertain terms, lay out prohibited and accepted sites and online behavior. No child should be secluded in his or her room to surf the Web, and parents should be aware of what their children are using the computer for each night.

Another tip: Limit online and computer usage. There’s nothing like a breath of fresh air to clear the mind, and your kids deserve that luxury.

Contributor:  Laura Burkey is a freelancer who writes on various topics including home décor, gardens, and online reputations.

Teens, Financial Literacy and Entitlement Issues

Let's have the talk.... 

Teaching your teen to be financially literate is a priority. 

While encouraging good grades in school, sportsmanship and respectfulness are all a part of parenthood, teaching about money also plays a profound role. Educating your family about financial literacy and creating a healthy monetary environment will equip your children with the skills to make good decisions now and in the future.

Money management, credit card responsibility and valuing the dollar are lessons that will help your teen develop good characteristics and become a good member of society. Before you hand your teen a credit card and wads of cash, keep in the mind how financial illiteracy, money carelessness and even entitlement can have a significant negative effect on your teenager.

The Teenage Brain
If you're thinking about providing your teenager with a credit card, remember to emphasize to your teen how this little plastic purchasing tool comes with high risks and long-term consequences that they're most likely unaware of. According to CNN.com Health, the teenage brain is actually attracted to risk-taking behaviors. In other words, "teens' senseless choices may result from biological tendencies."
CNN.com explains that research shows teens are very aware of risks and consequences, such as unprotected sex and STDs, rather they're more drawn to the unknown risks. Think excessive, irresponsible credit card use and frivolous purchasing. Agnieszka Tymula, the lead author of a study on adolescent risk taking behavior, stated, "adolescents engage more in unknown risks than they do in known risks." Because of teenage information processing, they also tend to fixate on the rewards.

Rewards vs. Risks
Teens like rewards — rewards like the instant gratification from owning a smartphone or admiration from peers for wearing designer clothes to school. On the other hand, risks like a poor credit score, credit card debt and identity theft, go unacknowledged in the teenage mind. Teenagers want those rewards, and now, regardless of the risks associated with obtaining them. Teens aren't thinking about long-term consequences, such as debt collection, or how Lifelock protection would safeguard their identity.
Purchasing a future home and credit checks, for example, aren't typically going to have a profound effect on the decision to purchase something in the moment. Protect your teens' future and spending habits by emphasizing how and when to charge a purchase. Teach your family to be financially literate with crash courses on how to use credit cards and practice healthy monetary habits that also contribute to good character traits.

Financial Literacy & Teen Entitlement
Teens feel invincible — invincible from consequences and free of responsibilities. You lecture them on the risks of drinking and having unprotected sex and then cross your fingers that when your teenager walks outside your line of vision, he or she will make good decisions. While trying to prevent car accidents, teen pregnancy or failing grades, teaching your teen about the value of a dollar may be a battle you choose to lose. Perhaps you enforced an allowance for walking the dog or washing the car, but eventually as life got busier and more complicated, you gave in.
What's at stake with a financially illiterate teenager? A respect for work ethic, responsibility and gratitude. What's to gain? Entitlement. Teenagers with a sense of monetary entitlement can start to develop character flaws such as disrespect and a lack of appreciation for money, working and earning the privileges that you're awarded. Financial literacy is the idea of teaching our children at a young age about the exchange of money and what it takes to have that iPhone or wear those Nike Air Jordans.

Keep in mind teens don't necessarily need to know about the family's financial details, such as mortgage payments or 401(k) plans. Financial literacy starts with instilling good values so that they're not only developing good character attributes, but preventing poor monetary habits that can lead to serious financial troubles in the future.

Money Management

Teach your teen to be financially literate by starting with basic money management and personal financial skills — tailored to the teenage life. From a new car and gadgets to social expenses and extracurricular activities, teenagers face decisions about money and challenges on how to pay for what they desire. Margaret Magnarelli, senior editor of Money magazine and author of Per$onal Finance, tells USNews.com that "the first step to [a teen's] financial understanding should be taught by parents."

Teach your teen money-management skills with the following:

• Communicate: Make time for creating dialogue around desires and purchases. If your teenager asks for money for new clothes or video game, Magnarelli suggests asking, "what it would take for you to save up to buy that?" or "How many hours of your part-time job would it take to achieve that?" Once you've started the conversation, find a fair solution. As a team, establish a savings plan. For example, agree to match your teen's $20 weekly savings for costly items such as an iPod. Make a bargain. For example, offer to pay for weekend activities with friends as long as your teen takes care of weekend chores.
  
• Say No: Listen to your teen's request and digest the reasons for why he or she wants something. According to CBSNews.com's MoneyWatch, a quick no marks parents as "intransigent, uninformed, and simply out to make [your teenager] miserable." Start a conversation, acknowledge your teenager's point of view and explain why you decided to say no.
  
• Practice What You Preach: Instill healthy money habits by setting an example. Show your family the value of budgeting and saving by vocalizing smart financial decision making. For example, explain how paying for piano lessons or going on a family trip are more meaningful to your family than bringing the latest gadgets into the home.
  
• Set Priorities & Limits: Ensure that your teenager knows how to distinguish between a want and a need. New shoes for cheerleading could actually be a need that takes precedent over a designer pair of jeans. Although there's nothing wrong with "wants," establish limits and be consistent when you do buy something for your teenager. For example, while school shopping, provide a price range for a new pair of shoes or set a budget for how much you're going to spend on clothes. Decide ahead of time what you're shopping for to avoid impulse spending. Also teach your teen about delayed gratification to prepare them for responsible financial habits as an adult.

Contributor: Kevin Parker

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Risky Behavior Teens Will Do: Parents Be Alert!

Many teenagers think they are invincible, and are always looking for the next thrill.  While the stunts that were tried 10 to 20 years ago may have seemed daring and dangerous at the time, teens today are pushing the envelope in even more dangerous new ways.  Parents truly need to be aware of the risky things that some teens are doing.

1. Planking- Kids have taken what started out being a move done for strengthening the core to a trend that was kind of cute to something downright dangerous.  Planking is where you lay face down on any surface and have your picture taken.  The picture is then uploaded to Facebook or some other social media site.  Teens turned this fun trend into a dangerous stunt when they started planking on things like escalators, moving cars, trains and rooftops.
2. Car surfing- Instead of surfing in the water standing on a surfboard, teens are standing on moving cars.  Some start by standing on the trunk with the car moving very slowly, and in an effort to continually raise the stakes they have moved to more even more dangerous locations on the car, and now teens have been killed doing this.
3. Smoking Smarties- According to tutorials online, the candy is crushed to a fine powder and the end of the tube is opened and the powder is puffed and inhaled like smoke.  On the surface the activity is not illegal or all that harmful, but it could lead to infections and chronic coughing.  The bigger concern is that this behavior could lead to more dangerous experimentation with drugs in the future.
4. Vodka eyeballing- To avoid getting caught with alcohol on their breath, teens have started pouring vodka directly in their eyes.  The alcohol is absorbed through the mucus membrane and goes directly into the blood stream.  This trend has been shown to cause blindness in a worst case scenario, but at a minimum it can burn the cornea and cause scarring.
5. Chatroulette- Chatroulette.com is a site that connects users through their web cams with people from all over the world for live chat sessions.  They do have filters which allow the user to speak to only English speakers or only females.  While the policy on chatroulette is against nudity and other inappropriate activities, risky behavior still happens.  Sexual predators could use this medium as a way to interact and ultimately harm kids.
6. Purple drank- Drinking this mix of jolly ranchers, cough syrup with codeine and Sprite can lead to hallucinations and is extremely toxic. Kids love to copy the next celebrity trend, and for some celebrities, this purple drink it is.
7. Rainbow parties- A group of girls at a party will wear various shades of lipstick and perform oral sex on the same guys.  At the end of the evening the genitals of the guys have many colors of lipstick, thus mimicking a rainbow. 
8. Choking game- The choking game is where kids choke each other or themselves with various things like belts or scarves, to cut off the flow of blood to their brain in order to get a high.  When the choking stops the blood goes back to the brain quickly and they get a natural high.  Many teens who have tried this have passed out doing it and could, and have, died of asphyxiation. 
9. Distilling hand sanitizer- By combining salt with liquid hand sanitizer the alcohol can be distilled out of it.  The alcohol is very strong and some teens who have drank it have ended up in the ER with alcohol poisoning. 
10. Rummy bears- Kids and adults alike are soaking gummy bears in various alcohols, like rum or vodka.  The gummy soaks up the alcohol and kids are said to be eating them at school and getting buzzed. 

Knowledge is power. If adults are aware that these trends are going on in other areas of the country they will be better able to spot them in their own kids or their friends.

Source: Babysitters.net

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