Do You Know Who Your Teen Is Chatting With Online? The Catfish Scam

This is not just about teens and kids; adults and parents can be lured by deceptive people digitally.

The sad tale of Manti Te’o and his fraudulent girlfriend has brought a problem with online dating to light: the risk of catching a catfish. “Catfish” is the term used to describe a person who poses as someone they’re not in order to establish a relationship with an unsuspecting online dater.

These scams can be carried out for financial gain, or simply to fulfill a need for acceptance and love that the catfish isn’t feeling in their actual lives. Whatever the motive, perpetrating such a ruse can have heartbreaking effects on the targeted party.

If you’re in an online relationship or considering one, here are 10 ways to guard yourself against a catfish scam.

1. Web Search – Some people hesitate to “Google” their new online sweetheart for fear of invading their privacy. The truth is, a quick web search may turn up a few pieces of information that confirm your significant other’s identity. You don’t have to pry or dig into personal backgrounds with in-depth reports. Just run a quick search and see what comes up.
2. Insist on Webcam Chats – When someone you’re dating online dodges webchats for an extended period of time, it’s often an indicator that she isn’t who she claims to be. It’s understandable to be hesitant about webchatting in the earliest stages of a relationship, but it’s a bit fishy when she’s professing her undying love but still dodging the camera.
3. Read Between the Lines – It’s easy to miss signs that are literally right before your eyes when you’re swept up in the excitement of a new romance. Before you get too emotionally invested, make a habit of reading between the lines of what he says and listening to what he doesn’t say. Fabricating an entirely new personality isn’t easy and you may be able to pick up on some subtle warning signs.
4. Their Facebook Wall – Creating a fake Facebook profile is easy, but making it look genuine is not. When you scan your new sweetie’s Timeline, look at the things posted there. A plethora of games and app requests combined with a dearth of personal postings may be a red flag that the person you’re dating doesn’t actually exist. Think about the things that your own friends and family members post on your wall; if they’re missing from his, it may be because the fictitious character you’re chatting with has no friends or family.
5. Critical Thinking – When emotion takes over, it’s difficult to think about things objectively and use your own common sense regarding the situation. In many cases, however, an entire false relationship could have been avoided with a bit of old-fashioned critical thinking. If something doesn’t seem to add up, it’s usually because there are holes in the story.
6. Trust Your Instincts – Your own instincts are a powerful detection tool, but they may be hard to follow when you’re focused solely on your emotions. Having a hunch that all is not what it seems or a nagging feeling that something is off with your new relationship is a sure sign that you should dig a bit deeper before investing further.
7. Look for Photo Tags – Group photos posted on Facebook or other social networking sites that include your honey, but have none of the other members tagged, can be a sign of a stolen picture. To realistically fake a fully-tagged group shot, a catfish would have to create and maintain that many fraudulent accounts. In the end, even the most dedicated sweetheart scammers probably won’t have that kind of time on their hands.
8. Use Dating Sites With Verification Services – To help stem the tide of con-artist heartthrobs, some online dating sites are offering verification services that ensure an account holder is who they claim to be. Using these sites to meet someone allows you an extra layer of security against catfish scams.
9. Be Wary of Elaborate Excuses – Car trouble or bad weather are par for the course in anyone’s life, but if your online girlfriend keeps putting off meetings or webchats because she’s been in a coma-inducing car accident before being sucked into a tornado and swallowed by a tsunami, there’s a good chance there’s a bit of dishonesty going on. Elaborate, over-the-top tales of woe are a trademark move of relationship scammers and can be a very reliable indicator that you’re not talking to the person who you think.
10. Pay Attention to Detail – Keeping track of all the many details that are necessary to convincingly fake an entire personality and life history is amazingly difficult. Simply keeping an eye out for details that don’t add up or stories that don’t fit into a proper timeline can give you all the evidence you need of an Internet sweetheart that’s not shooting straight.

In the interest of protecting your assets, it’s wise never to send money to someone you’re dating online and have never met in person. Online dating is a legitimate way of meeting and establishing relationships with open and honest people, but there is a slight chance that you’ll come across a huckster or two before you meet your intended.

Source: Longhorn Leads

Should you discuss Catfish with your teens? Absolutely! Click here for tips.

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Sexual Predators: Ways They Seek Kids Online

With many parents online shopping it also means more adults with not the same motives will be online also.  Do your kids practice online safety measures?

Children today are growing up with the Internet as a regular part of life, yet the World-Wide-Web was fairly new when their parents were young. Along with all the fun and informative things available to children online, a serious danger also lurks. Internet predators like to use the anonymity of the Internet, and are constantly on the lookout for innocent victims.

It’s important for parents to be aware of the ways sexual predators troll for kids online.

Here are 10 things to watch out for to keep your kids safe on the Internet.

1. Online games – One place Internet predators connect with kids is online games. They will choose games that are popular with the age group they prefer and pose as other kids to foster a friendship with children. Predators will watch for gamer names that indicate the gender, location or other information that is useful to them.
2. Chat rooms – Sexual predators will pose as kids in chat rooms that are popular with children. This is an easy way for them to garner information and target unsuspecting youngsters. Once they gain a child’s trust, they may try setting up a meeting in person.
3. Facebook – Parents need to be very careful about whether or not they allow their children to have their own personal Facebook accounts. This is prime hunting grounds for Internet stalkers who target kids. It’s very easy for them to set up fake Facebook pages and “friend” teens and preteens.
4. Twitter – Social media is a great way for pedophiles to connect with their victims, and Twitter is no exception. Many young people use tweeting as their primary form of communication, and predators know this and go where the kids are.
5. Websites for kids – Parents may think websites like Disney and PBS Kids are safe for their children to frequent, but predators like to frequent them too. What better place is there to find lonely kids who want to chat?
6. Instant messaging – Since emails will linger in an account until they’re deleted, Internet predators prefer to use instant messaging that disappears once the window is closed. This makes it harder for parents to monitor who’s talking to their kids and what they’re saying.
7. MySpace – Some consider MySpace one of the worst sites for online predators who want to connect with children. The online surveys are fun to fill out, but they also provide lots of information that can be used to gain trust with unsuspecting youngsters.
8. Pictures – Parents need to educate their children on how pictures posted online can be used by sexual predators. It helps them to identify kids who fit their personal preferences, and any picture posted online can be used and manipulated by anyone. Child pornographers are constantly monitoring the Internet for potentially suggestive photos of children.
9. Target the vulnerable – Internet predators are constantly on the lookout for vulnerable children that they can exploit. Kids that are lonely, unhappy, who are having difficulty with school, or who have poor relationships with their parents are easy targets. They also like kids who are willing to keep secrets from their parents or other authorities.
10. Use coded language – The shortcut language that kids use for texting makes it harder for parents to readily understand what they’re saying. Just glancing over their child’s shoulder, a text message can look like gobbledygook, so parents need to learn this coded language to help keep their kids safe. You better believe the Internet predators know exactly what texting shortcuts mean and how to use it to gain a child’s trust.

Being aware of the inherit risks that the Internet poses to innocent children is the first step parents who want to keep their children safe need to take. Parents need to educate themselves and their children about the dangers of Internet predators as they teach them how to use the Web.
Establish rules and guidelines for computer and cell phone use, and keep the computer in a common area easily observable by parents and siblings. Use online tools for privacy settings and set up parental alerts. Parental involvement is the key to protecting your children from online sexual predators.

Source: Nanny News Network

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School Safety: How Safe Is Your School?

In the light of the Sandy Hook tragedy and a smattering of school shootings over the course of 2012, many parents are beginning to wonder in earnest if their children are actually safe in their schools. Fears of violent attacks aside, you may also be wondering if your little ones would be adequately protected and looked after in the event of a natural disaster or catastrophic weather conditions.

While there is no surefire way to predict the future, there are steps you can take as a parent to ensure that the children in your child’s school are being protected and kept safe to the best of the administrators’ abilities.

Visit
The only way that you can actively observe your kids’ schools and the daily procedures that are in place is to visit. Be sure that you stop at the office to explain your presence, prove that you are the parent of a student and ask for a tour. Watching the children as they make their way to classes and seeing common areas and safety features for yourself will allow you to not only determine how the school is operated and if you feel that their practices are safe, it will also help you learn more about the layout of the school in case of an emergency. Taking the time to visit your child’s school will also provide you with the opportunity to do a bit more in-depth investigation.

Communicate With Administrators and Teachers
During a visit to the school, you’ll be able to see the daily operations and routines. More importantly, however, you’ll be able to meet with and talk to your child’s teachers, school administrators and others in positions of power. You can ask them about any procedures they have in place for managing a violent attack on the school, how they deal with violence between students, the official stance and repercussions for bullying and what procedures are in place for managing dangerous weather conditions. Sometimes speaking to administrators and getting the chance to become acquainted with them will be enough to ease your mind altogether.

Talk to Your Child
The best source of information at your child’s school is your child. He knows more about the daily goings-on than you could ever determine just by visiting, and also understands the inner workings of both the student body and school administrations. If he seems hesitant to discuss certain subjects or exhibits signs of fear, reluctance to go to school or frequently feigns illness, there may be a chance that he simply does not feel safe there. While it is wise to keep in mind that kids can be prone to exaggeration when they’re under stress or worried about world events, there could be some truth to your child’s statements. Administrators and staff can put on a convincing face for visiting parents, especially when they’re expecting them and have time to prepare statements. Kids that spend the majority of their days in the school, however, may have a more realistic view of them.

Examine Disciplinary Policies
In the hustle and bustle of the back-to-school rush, it can be easy to toss your child’s student handbook aside for later perusal and simply never get to it. Those documents, however, almost always contain valuable information about procedures and policies, including disciplinary actions. Knowing what the school is willing to subject a child to in the name of punishment and whether or not those disciplinary actions line up with your own parenting procedures can give you an even greater idea of the school’s safety level.

Consider Emergency and Disaster Plans
After a violent attack on schoolchildren is sensationalized in the news, it’s easy to focus solely on the possibility of violence. Because some areas of the country are more prone to some natural disasters and weather problems than others, you’ll need to know what the emergency and disaster plan is for severe weather in your area. Knowing what plans the school has in place for such situations and how well-prepared they would be in the event of a disaster striking your individual geographic area will help you be more informed when deciding whether or not your kids are safe in their schools.

Source: Find A Nanny

Getting Your Teen to Talk to You: Breaking the Ice

At some point, every parent will start to get grunts and nods when asking their kids simple questions, like “How was school today?” or “What would you like to do this afternoon?”

Separating from parents and keeping more and more of their thoughts and feelings to themselves is a natural stage kids go through, but that doesn’t make any less difficult for parents to endure. It also doesn’t have to be the natural progression of the parent/child relationship.

It takes some extra time and effort, but you can stay close to your child. Here are some ways to keep the lines of communication open.

Avoid questions that start with why. It’s often surprising how regularly we question rather than converse with kids. Kids often get defensive as soon as they hear the word “why.” Instead of opening up the lines of communication, asking questions like “Why did you do that?” can make the child feel like there’s a right and wrong answer, even when it’s asked with a genuine interest. Instead, ask questions that will encourage your child to share his thoughts, feelings and motivations.
Ask open ended questions. We often ask questions looking for specific information. Wonderful things can happen when we don’t have a specific agenda and instead welcome wherever the conversation may lead. Questions like “What was the best part of your day?” or “What was the funniest thing that happened today?” make kids think outside the box and often gives you a great jumping off place for a deeper conversation.
Resist the urge to offer advice or solutions. Whenever a parent learns that her child is struggling with a problem, even a small one, her first instinct is to jump in and offer advice and a solution. Even when you offer your child great suggestions, jumping into a problem solving mode often turns the conversation into what feels like a lecture. When your child is facing a problem or struggling with how to handle a tough situation, use that opportunity to connect. Ask her about how she sees things, how she feels about what’s happening, what she sees as her choices, and what she thinks the results of those choices would be. By creating a safe space for your child to work through her thoughts and feelings, you’re strengthening your relationship and helping your child develop valuable critical thinking and problem solving skills.
Talk on their timetable. Sometimes it seems that kids want to talk at the worst possible moments. Your daughter wants to give you all the details of an argument she had with her best friend when you’re trying to finish a big presentation for work. Your son wants to ask you about joining the hockey team when you’re rushing to help your 6th grader finish a science project that’s due the next day. You only have so much time and energy, and often there is just not enough of it to go around. Unfortunately, as children get older the times when they initiate a meaningful conversation get fewer and fewer, so take advantage of the opportunities you’re given whenever possible. If you have to postpone a conversation, let your child know why and pick a specific time to finish the conversation.
Plan time to connect. Your child is much more likely to open up to you when connection and conversation are an integrated part of your relationship. From an early age, spend one on one time with your child on a regular basis. This is a great way to get to know your child outside the hustle and bustle of family life and it gives you the chance to create special memories together. That regular one on one time early on can make it much easier to continue to connect as they get older.
Take advantage of small windows of time. Not every conversation needs to be a sit down, face to face talk. In fact, many of the best conversations won’t be. Take advantage of the time you and your child spend in the car driving to and from activities, getting ready for bed, cooking dinner over the weekend, or shopping for school clothes. Talking while involved in another activity creates a no pressure environment to talk with each other. Of course it’s important to carve out time when you’re focused on each other as well, however, in between those times try to take advantage of the many chances you have every day to connect and talk.
It’s important to both you and your child to connect and talk with each other. Although the parent/child relationship naturally changes as your child gets older, you can still have a close connection through the years.

Source: Babysitting Jobs

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What Happens When Good Kids Start Making Bad Choices?

Post Newtown tragedy and we as a society not only mourn the loss of precious lives, we are debating what we can do from to prevent this from happening again.

The conversation of gun control and mental health will continue for a long time.

As someone that works with parents of struggling teenagers, I am faced on a weekly basis with families that are at their wit’s end.  They have exhausted all their local resources, the therapy sessions are going nowhere (if you can get your child to attend), school has usually reached their limit with the student, and in some cases the local authorities are now involved.

Over the past few weeks we have heard from parents that feel like their teenagers are holding them hostage in their own homes.  They will punch holes in walls, they will scream at their parents, the level of disrespect today is at an all time high.  Sadly, though we are only hearing about this in the media lately, it has been going on for years.

Some of these homes consist of only one parent or both parents are working leaving less supervision and guidance at home.  Gone are the days when kids came home to at least one parent.  Is this part of the problem of today’s society?  I am not convinced of that.  In my opinion it could be one of the excuses.

Kids today lack the respect that generations prior were born and raised with.  Gone are the days when a parent told a child to be home at 10:00pm and they were actually home at 10:00pm without question.  Today the teen will argue that every other kid has a curfew of 2:00am and that is when he/she will be home whether we like it or not.

Yes, that is the way many parents are living today – at the mercy of their teenager.  I am sure some of you are recognizing your child here.

It’s not just pot anymore.

When a teen has escalated to a point that they are now controlling your home, failing in school, using drugs, hanging with the less than desirable peer group (which by the way they have become themselves), and you have determined this is more than typical teenage behavior – it may be time to seek residential therapy.  These are typically good kids making bad choices.  Some may label them spoiled rotten brat syndrome.

Residential therapy is sometimes mistaken for mental illness.  Though there are residential treatment centers that help the mentally challenged, I am discussing residential therapy that is aimed at building a child back up to making the better choices, teaching them self-respect and respect for others, continuing their education (underachievers) and offering enrichment programs.

Many of these teens are spoiled brats.  The problem; entitlement issues.  Many parents today are guilty of over-indulging our kids and the results are coming back to us during the puberty years – in spades. The sweet angel of a toddler we once had is now a troubled teenager that is driving us mad.  We literally don’t recognize the person they have turned into.  From sneaking out of the house, to dropping out of their favorite sport – that once happy-go-lucky child has gone missing.   It is a parent’s responsibility to find them again.  It is not about shipping them off, it is about giving them a second chance at a bright future.  Sometimes that does involve removing them from their comfort zone; their environment.

Researching for residential therapy can be daunting.  The sticker shock of the price to get your child help can leave you feeling completely helpless and hopeless.

Don’t allow this to happen.  Yes, residential therapy can be costly, however there are some that accept insurances and there are others that work with parents in accordance to their income.  You need to do your homework, there is help out there.  Don’t be a parent in denial, be proactive – it is our responsibility as a parent to get our child the help they may need.

As far as private residential programs for teen help, even though they can be a bit more expensive, don’t assume anything.  You need to do your due diligence and research.  Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com for a list of tips and questions to ask schools and programs.  Being an educated parent helps you to find the best program for your individual child.  Learn more in Wit’s End!  Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen (HCI).

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Teens That Think they are Invincible: Tips for Parents

Does your teen make poor choices?

“I just like to see how far I can go and what I can do and what I can accomplish out[side] of the everyday norm.”
– Allan, 17

It has been said a thousand times: the biggest reason kids drink and drive, take drugs and do all kinds of crazy, dangerous stunts is that they think they’re immortal, invincible and bullet-proof. But is this what teenagers really think?

“It’s a sense of freedom, I guess,” says Allan, 17.

Allan is a self-proclaimed risk-taker.

“I just like to see how far I can go and what I can do and what I can accomplish out[side] of the everyday norm,” says Allan.

Risky behaviors can include rock-climbing, skydiving, street racing and even unprotected sex. It’s often said that teenagers feel invincible – but do they really feel this way? Researchers at UC San Francisco say no. In fact, they found that teenagers actually overestimate the danger of certain activities. And, while they know there are risks, they think the benefits and the fun are worth it.

“[Teenagers] are — compared to an adult — relatively uninformed. And if they are a novice and inexperienced with alcohol, drugs or sex, or any of those things — as everyone is in the beginning — they don’t know what to expect. Very often they don’t fully understand the complete nature of the risks they’re taking,” says Jeffrey Rothweiler, Ph.D., clinical psychologist.

“It might be that because the frontal lobes are not yet fully developed during adolescence that they’re more likely to make decisions, that they don’t fully think through the consequences of their actions,” says Elizabeth Sowell, Ph.D., neuroscientist. The prefrontal cortex matures the most between the ages of 12 and 20.

Allan knows there is a potential for injury with some of the risky actions he takes.
“I guess death is a factor, or getting paralyzed or … hitting the ground while you’re climbing. But you just try not to think about it, keep a positive attitude,” says Allan.

But in his mind, the benefits are worth it.

“Just being able to look back and see that you’ve done something. That you’ve accomplished … a rapid or a rock or a trail or something like that,” says Allan.

Tips for Parents

• Research shows that certain approaches to parenting can help prevent teens from engaging in all types of risky behaviors, from drug and alcohol use to dangerous driving to sexual activity. This includes having a warm, loving and close relationship with your teen; setting and consistently enforcing clear rules and consequences; closely monitoring your teen’s activities and whereabouts; respecting your teen; and setting a good example, especially when it comes to illicit drug and alcohol use. (Office of National Drug Control Policy)
• Encourage safe driving, healthy eating and good school performance; discourage drug use, teen sex and activities that may result in injury. (U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, HHS)
• Teach healthy habits. Teach your teenager how to maintain a high level of overall health through nutrition, physical fitness and healthy behaviors. Make sure your teen gets eight hours of sleep a night — a good night’s sleep helps ensure maximum performance in academics and sports. Sleep is the body’s way of storing new information to memory and allowing muscles to heal. (HHS)
• Promote safe driving habits. Make sure your teenager uses a seat belt every time he or she is in a car, and ask your child to ensure that all other passengers are wearing their seatbelts when he or she is driving. Encourage your young driver to drive responsibly by following speed limits and avoiding distractions while driving such as talking on a cell phone, focusing on the radio or even looking at fellow passengers instead of the road. (HHS)
• Promotion of school success. Help your teen to become responsible for attendance, homework and course selection. Be sure to have conversations with your child about school and show your interest in his or her school activities. (HHS)
• Prevent violence. Prevent bullying by encouraging peaceful resolutions and building positive relationships. Teach teens to respect others and encourage tolerance. Teach your teens that there is no place for verbal or physical violence by setting an example with your words and actions and by showing them respect as well. (HHS)
• Know the 4“W’s”—who, what, when, where. Always know who your teen is hanging out with, what they will be doing, when and for how long they will be out, and where they will be. And check up on your child. Be aware of the dangers that can arise at teenage parties. Teen parties present an opportunity for your teen to experiment with alcohol or tobacco. One approach is to host the party so you have more control over ensuring that these parties stay safe and fun for everyone involved. (HHS)

References

• Office of National Drug Control Policy
• U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (HHS)
• Connect with Kids

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Teen Help: Parents Seeking Help and Not Getting Scammed

With the tragedy of Newtown, CT we are faced with so many unanswered questions.

The grief of the loss of life is unimaginable - when you look at the age of the children and their protectors that died doing what they were trained to do, it is simply unconscionable that anyone could do such a heinous act.

We are hearing issues of gun control combined with mental health.  At the end of the day, like teenagers using illegal drugs (and adults for that matter) if someone is determined to find a gun and shoot people, they will.

The fact is we need to get people the help they need before they get to the point of wanting to seek out guns for killing - or drugs for getting high.

Though that is an extreme example, many parents are seeking help for their struggling teen.  They are at their wit's end.  They feel like they are hostage in their own home.  After exhausting all their local resources they realize that residential treatment is their last resort - but how can they send their child away?

The real question is, how can you not?  How can you not get your teen the help they need?  In many cases your teen does need to be removed from their environment to be able to start recovery.  Being around their negative peer group and sometimes ever around their family (and this is not a personal reflection on you) but the state of mind your child is in, can bring contention that they are not able to move forward.

So what can you do?  You get online and the confusion is overwhelming with websites promising all sorts of things - marketing people scaring you into the urgency of placing asap or else..... Sticker shock of the price of getting help! Don't get scammed - it did happen to me - I created my organization so it wouldn't happen to other parents.

There is help for everyone.  If you don't have insurance for mental help, and even with insurance, there are programs that can help.  You will have to dig harder to find them.

Obviously if you are able to go into a program you can finance there are more options, but in a time in our economy when things are not financially great, not everyone falls into this category.  This doesn't mean you can't find help.

I encourage you to visit my website - www.helpyourteens.com for more information on residential therapy.  Never give up - be proactive.  Now, more than ever, is a reality that parents need to get their troubled teens the help they need.

Teens Entrepeneurship: Teaching Teens About Online Businesses

Does your teen want to start their own business?

You hear about it all the time, a teen has started a great online business and it’s making tons of money, getting lots of recognition, and turning into something beyond anyone’s dreams. Now your teen has that great idea, or maybe just the drive and motivation, and he or she wants to launch an online business. You think it might really work, but you’re a little worried about the online aspect of it.

You want your teen to start his business in a smart, effective, and safe way. Don’t worry – it can be done!

Focus in on Your Product and Find a Niche

Some good advice for teens launching an online business is to find that niche and focus in on it. Maybe your teen is a wonderful artist and wants to start selling her art. Instead of just setting up a website and posting general work that people can buy, offer a specialty, like pet portraits or names with personalized colors and lettering (you can even help get the word out). She can post some samples and make it easy for customers to contact her about details.

Whether it’s starting a business selling greeting cards or tutoring math online, there is a place for almost any venture. Any business will do better the more specific it is; work with your teen about finding that part of their talent and narrowing in on it.

Safety is a Big Priority

As a parent, it’s your responsibility to oversee your teen’s online business. If your daughter is babysitting, you wouldn’t let her just go to anyone’s home to babysit–you’d make sure it was safe. You need to do the same online. Go over safety issues with your teen. Reiterate the importance of not giving out too much personal information. Sure, an email address is fine (but your teen may want a “business” email address separate from his personal one). If you need to give out an address, think about opening a PO Box so your home address is not public.

PayPal is a great way to receive payment; it takes care of the need to give out personal information to receive checks or other payment. The bottom line about safety is: Be smart, as a parent and as a teen. A younger teen will need more supervision, while your older teenager can handle more freedoms with his business.

Marketing

Though safety and privacy is a concern and a consideration when your teen wants an online business, know that at some point, she will have to market the business, and that means herself. Some businesses really take off when a young person creates and runs them; they have their age in their favor. If they want media coverage, their name may have to be made public. So though you should monitor all of this, keep in the back of your mind that if your teen is serious about starting a small business, you both may have to step outside the original safety box and into the adult world of marketing and business at some point.

Kids have great ideas–they are innovative, creative, and unafraid. Guide your teen along on his endeavor, keep an eye on things, stay safe, but don’t stifle this–it could be big! Best of luck to you and your teen!

Special contributor:  Heather Legg is a blogger who writes on Internet safety, small businesses, and parenting.