“My 18 year old is out of control and I am at my wits end! What can I do?” – Anonymous Parent.
18 – 19 year old teens can be the most difficult to address simply because they are considered adults and cannot be forced to get help. As parents, we have limited to no control. Practicing “Tough Love” is easier said than done, many parents cannot let their child reach rock bottom – as parent’s, we see our child suffering – whether it is needing groceries or a roof over their head and it is hard to shut the door on them.
I think this is one of the most important reasons that if you are a parent of a 16-17 year old that is out of control, struggling, defiant, using drugs and alcohol, or other negative behavior – I believe it is time to look for intervention NOW. I am not saying it needs to be a residential treatment center or a program out of the home, but at least start with local resources such as therapists that specialize with adolescents and preferable offer support groups.
It is unfortunate that in most cases the local therapy is very limited how it can help your teen. The one hour once a week or even twice, is usually not enough to make permanent changes. Furthermore getting your defiant teen to attend sessions can sometimes cause more friction and frustrations than is already happening.
This is the time to consider outside help such as a Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center. However these parents with the 18-19 year olds have usually missed their opportunity. They were hoping and praying that at 16 – 17 things would change, but unfortunately, if not address, the negative behavior usually escalates.
In the past 7+ years I have heard from thousands of parents – and most are hoping to get their child through High School and will be satisfied with a GED. It is truly a sad society of today’s teens when many believe they can simply drop out of school. Starting as early as 14 years old, many teens are thinking this way and we need to be sure they know the consequences of not getting an education. Education in today’s world should be our children’s priority however with today’s peer pressure and entitlement issues, it seems to have drifted from education to defiance – being happy just having fun and not being responsible.
I think there are many parents that debate whether they should take that desperate measure of sending a child to a program and having them escorted there – but in the long run – you need to look at these parents that have 18-19 year olds that don’t have that opportunity. While you have this option, and it is a major decision that needs to be handled with the utmost reality of what will happen if things don’t change. The closer they are to 18 – the more serious issues can become legally. If a 17+ year old gets in trouble with the law, in many states they will be tried as an adult. This can be scary since most of these kids are good kids making very bad choices and don’t deserve to get caught up the system. As a parent I believe it is our responsible not to be selfish and be open to sending the outside of the home. It is important not to view this as a failure as a parent, but as a responsible parent that is willing to sacrifice your personal feelings to get your child the help they need.
At 18, it is unfortunate, these kids are considered adults - and as parents we basically lose control to get them the help they need. In most cases, which may be with your niece - if they know they have no other alternatives and this is the only option the parents will support, they will attend.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Parent's Universal Resource Experts and Sue Scheff: Alcohol and Rape by Connect With Kids
“If we drink too much then we don’t pay attention to as many things in our environment.”
– Corinne McNamara, rape crisis specialist
GHB, “roofies,” Ketamine – all are known as “date rape” drugs. But experts say there is another drug that is easier to get, less expensive, and accounts for more than 65 percent of all date rapes.
Drinking may be a part of Erin’s college experience, but she says she knows her limits.
“I know that when I go out to party my goal is not to go out and get drunk, it’s just to have a good time,” says Erin, 18.
Still, her mom is afraid.
“What I worry is, she’s lost control and she’s at the mercy of whoever she happens to be with,” says Terry Dillard, Erin’s mother.
Alcohol is the real date rape drug. According to a study from the University of Ulster in Ireland, alcohol is involved in more than 65 percent of date rapes. Many experts say the problem is the same in the United States.
“If we drink too much then we don’t pay attention to as many things in our environment,” says Corinne McNamara, rape crisis specialist.
McNamara says that parents should teach their daughters that drinking could compromise their safety.
“Although it’s not your fault if something bad happens to you -- for example, if you are raped it’s not your fault – [but] these are some of the things you can do to avoid dangerous situations,” says McNamara.
First, she says, don’t drink underage. It’s dangerous and against the law. Second, if you do drink, bring along a friend who won’t leave your side.
“I think that’s a great idea to have a friend with you on the side who’s sort of like ‘you need to stop now’ or ‘we need to go back to the dorm now,’” says Erin.
Experts add that kids also need to pay attention to their intuition.
“Listen to that voice in the back of your mind that says ‘this is an awkward situation, I need to leave now’,” says Corinne.
Erin knows the risk of sexual assault is real, but she says she won’t be paralyzed by fear.
“I want to be careful with what I do, but I don’t want to go out there and just stay away from everything, keep myself locked up in my room, not be a part of things because I’m scared something bad might happen to me,” says Erin.
Tips for Parents
Make sure your children know the basic facts about drinking: it slows reflexes, distorts vision, reduces coordination, can cause memory lapses and even blackouts; it can lead to poor judgment and lowered inhibitions – which can lead to risky behaviors like driving while drunk and unprotected sex; that drinking large quantities of alcohol at one time or very rapidly can cause potentially fatal alcohol poisoning; and that it’s illegal to possess or obtain alcohol under the age of 21. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)
Avoid secluded places (this may even mean your room or your partner's room) until you trust your partner. (Nemours Foundation)
Don't spend time alone with someone who makes you feel uneasy or uncomfortable. This means following your instincts and removing yourself from situations that you don't feel good about. (Nemours Foundation)
Stay sober and aware. If you're with someone you don't know very well, be aware of what's going on around you and try to stay in control. Also, if you are a male, be aware of your date's ability to consent to sexual activity; you may become guilty of committing rape if the other person is not in a condition to respond or react. (Nemours Foundation)
If you're injured, go straight to the emergency room -- most medical centers and hospital emergency departments have doctors and counselors who have been trained to take care of someone who has been raped. (Nemours Foundation)
References
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Human Services Administration (SAMHSA)
Nemours Foundation
– Corinne McNamara, rape crisis specialist
GHB, “roofies,” Ketamine – all are known as “date rape” drugs. But experts say there is another drug that is easier to get, less expensive, and accounts for more than 65 percent of all date rapes.
Drinking may be a part of Erin’s college experience, but she says she knows her limits.
“I know that when I go out to party my goal is not to go out and get drunk, it’s just to have a good time,” says Erin, 18.
Still, her mom is afraid.
“What I worry is, she’s lost control and she’s at the mercy of whoever she happens to be with,” says Terry Dillard, Erin’s mother.
Alcohol is the real date rape drug. According to a study from the University of Ulster in Ireland, alcohol is involved in more than 65 percent of date rapes. Many experts say the problem is the same in the United States.
“If we drink too much then we don’t pay attention to as many things in our environment,” says Corinne McNamara, rape crisis specialist.
McNamara says that parents should teach their daughters that drinking could compromise their safety.
“Although it’s not your fault if something bad happens to you -- for example, if you are raped it’s not your fault – [but] these are some of the things you can do to avoid dangerous situations,” says McNamara.
First, she says, don’t drink underage. It’s dangerous and against the law. Second, if you do drink, bring along a friend who won’t leave your side.
“I think that’s a great idea to have a friend with you on the side who’s sort of like ‘you need to stop now’ or ‘we need to go back to the dorm now,’” says Erin.
Experts add that kids also need to pay attention to their intuition.
“Listen to that voice in the back of your mind that says ‘this is an awkward situation, I need to leave now’,” says Corinne.
Erin knows the risk of sexual assault is real, but she says she won’t be paralyzed by fear.
“I want to be careful with what I do, but I don’t want to go out there and just stay away from everything, keep myself locked up in my room, not be a part of things because I’m scared something bad might happen to me,” says Erin.
Tips for Parents
Make sure your children know the basic facts about drinking: it slows reflexes, distorts vision, reduces coordination, can cause memory lapses and even blackouts; it can lead to poor judgment and lowered inhibitions – which can lead to risky behaviors like driving while drunk and unprotected sex; that drinking large quantities of alcohol at one time or very rapidly can cause potentially fatal alcohol poisoning; and that it’s illegal to possess or obtain alcohol under the age of 21. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)
Avoid secluded places (this may even mean your room or your partner's room) until you trust your partner. (Nemours Foundation)
Don't spend time alone with someone who makes you feel uneasy or uncomfortable. This means following your instincts and removing yourself from situations that you don't feel good about. (Nemours Foundation)
Stay sober and aware. If you're with someone you don't know very well, be aware of what's going on around you and try to stay in control. Also, if you are a male, be aware of your date's ability to consent to sexual activity; you may become guilty of committing rape if the other person is not in a condition to respond or react. (Nemours Foundation)
If you're injured, go straight to the emergency room -- most medical centers and hospital emergency departments have doctors and counselors who have been trained to take care of someone who has been raped. (Nemours Foundation)
References
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Human Services Administration (SAMHSA)
Nemours Foundation
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Parents Universal Resource Experts & Sue Scheff: Childhood Depression by Psych Central
Depression is a serious health problem that affects people of all ages, including children and adolescents. It is the persistent experience of a sad or irritable mood and the loss of interest or pleasure in nearly all activities. These feelings are accompanied by a range of additional symptoms affecting appetite and sleep, activity level and concentration, and feelings of self-worth.
Clinical depression is more than just �feeling blue� or having a bad day. And it's different from the feelings of grief or sorrow that might follow a major loss, such as a death in the family. It�s not a personal weakness or a character flaw. Children and teens with clinical depression cannot simply �snap out of it.�
Depression is a form of mental illness that affects the whole body � it impacts the way one feels, thinks and acts. If left untreated, depression can lead to school failure, alcohol or other drug use, and even suicide.
Know The Signs.
Persistent sadness and hopelessness.
Withdrawal from friends and activities once enjoyed.
Increased irritability or agitation.
Missed school or poor school performance.
Changes in eating and sleeping habits (e.g. significant weight loss or insomnia).
Indecision, lack of concentration or forgetfulness.
Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt.
Frequent physical complaints such as headaches and stomachaches.
Lack of enthusiasm or motivation.
Low energy and chronic fatigue.
Drug and/or alcohol abuse.
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide.
Know The Facts.
As many as one in every 33 children and approximately one in eight adolescents may have depression. (Center for Mental Health Services, 1996).
Treatment of major depression is as effective for children as it is for adults. (Dr. Graham Emslie, American Medical Association, Archives of General Psychiatry, November 15, 1997).
What are some of the risk factors for depression?
Children under stress, who have experienced loss, or who have attention, learning, or conduct disorders are at a higher risk for depression (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry).
Adolescent girls are more likely than adolescent boys to develop depression (National Institute of Mental Health).
Youth, particularly younger children, who develop depression are likely to have a family history of the disorder (National Institute of Mental Health).
Four out of every five runaway youth suffer from depression (U.S. Select Committee on Children, Youth & Families).
What are some of the consequences of depression?
Once a young person has experienced an episode of depression, he or she is at risk for developing another episode of depression within the next 5 years (Center for Mental Health Services).
Depression in childhood may predict more severe depressive illness in adulthood (National Institute of Mental Health).
Depression in children and adolescents is associated with an increased risk for suicidal behaviors (National Institute of Mental Health).
What Can Parents/Adults Do?
If parents or other adults in a young person's life suspect a problem with depression, they should:
Know the warning signs of depression and note how long problems have been going on, how often they occur, and how severe they seem.
See a mental health professional or the child's doctor for evaluation and diagnosis.
Get accurate information from libraries, hotlines and other sources.
Ask questions about treatments and services.
Talk to other families or find a family network organization.
It is important for people who have questions about, or are not satisfied with, the mental health care they receive to discuss their concerns with the provider, ask for more information and seek help from other sources.
Help is Available
Depression is treatable.
Early diagnosis and treatment are essential for children with depression.
Children who exhibit symptoms of depression should be referred to and evaluated by a mental health professional who specializes in treating children and adolescents.
The diagnostic evaluation may include psychological testing, laboratory tests and consultation with other specialists.
A comprehensive treatment plan may include psychotherapy, ongoing evaluation and monitoring, and in some cases, psychiatric medication.
Optimally, this plan is developed with the family, and whenever possible, the child or adolescent is involved in treatment decisions.
Read more about major depression or teenage depression now...
Clinical depression is more than just �feeling blue� or having a bad day. And it's different from the feelings of grief or sorrow that might follow a major loss, such as a death in the family. It�s not a personal weakness or a character flaw. Children and teens with clinical depression cannot simply �snap out of it.�
Depression is a form of mental illness that affects the whole body � it impacts the way one feels, thinks and acts. If left untreated, depression can lead to school failure, alcohol or other drug use, and even suicide.
Know The Signs.
Persistent sadness and hopelessness.
Withdrawal from friends and activities once enjoyed.
Increased irritability or agitation.
Missed school or poor school performance.
Changes in eating and sleeping habits (e.g. significant weight loss or insomnia).
Indecision, lack of concentration or forgetfulness.
Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt.
Frequent physical complaints such as headaches and stomachaches.
Lack of enthusiasm or motivation.
Low energy and chronic fatigue.
Drug and/or alcohol abuse.
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide.
Know The Facts.
As many as one in every 33 children and approximately one in eight adolescents may have depression. (Center for Mental Health Services, 1996).
Treatment of major depression is as effective for children as it is for adults. (Dr. Graham Emslie, American Medical Association, Archives of General Psychiatry, November 15, 1997).
What are some of the risk factors for depression?
Children under stress, who have experienced loss, or who have attention, learning, or conduct disorders are at a higher risk for depression (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry).
Adolescent girls are more likely than adolescent boys to develop depression (National Institute of Mental Health).
Youth, particularly younger children, who develop depression are likely to have a family history of the disorder (National Institute of Mental Health).
Four out of every five runaway youth suffer from depression (U.S. Select Committee on Children, Youth & Families).
What are some of the consequences of depression?
Once a young person has experienced an episode of depression, he or she is at risk for developing another episode of depression within the next 5 years (Center for Mental Health Services).
Depression in childhood may predict more severe depressive illness in adulthood (National Institute of Mental Health).
Depression in children and adolescents is associated with an increased risk for suicidal behaviors (National Institute of Mental Health).
What Can Parents/Adults Do?
If parents or other adults in a young person's life suspect a problem with depression, they should:
Know the warning signs of depression and note how long problems have been going on, how often they occur, and how severe they seem.
See a mental health professional or the child's doctor for evaluation and diagnosis.
Get accurate information from libraries, hotlines and other sources.
Ask questions about treatments and services.
Talk to other families or find a family network organization.
It is important for people who have questions about, or are not satisfied with, the mental health care they receive to discuss their concerns with the provider, ask for more information and seek help from other sources.
Help is Available
Depression is treatable.
Early diagnosis and treatment are essential for children with depression.
Children who exhibit symptoms of depression should be referred to and evaluated by a mental health professional who specializes in treating children and adolescents.
The diagnostic evaluation may include psychological testing, laboratory tests and consultation with other specialists.
A comprehensive treatment plan may include psychotherapy, ongoing evaluation and monitoring, and in some cases, psychiatric medication.
Optimally, this plan is developed with the family, and whenever possible, the child or adolescent is involved in treatment decisions.
Read more about major depression or teenage depression now...
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Parent's Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.)
My organization is creating parent awareness for today's teen issues and the struggles they may deal with. A parent needs to keep the lines of communication open with their child, as hard as that may be at times, it is important to keep our children safe. Know their friends, know where they are going and what they are doing. As a parent, we are their advocate.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Sue Scheff: Parenting Books
I recently created a Blog on a variety of parenting books that have been recommended from parents throughout the country as well as ones I have read. P.U.R.E. is about parents helping parents and sharing information.
Click here.
Click here.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Sue Scheff: Articles to help parents of teens
My new Blog of News Articles around the world on today's teens including teen depression, teen suicide, teen anger, teen pregancy and more offers parents of teenagers today valuable information.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sue Scheff - (P.U.R.E.) Educating Parents
P.U.R.E. is proudly going on 8 years of continuing to help families and educating parents with today's youths.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Sue Scheff - Teen Internet Addiction
Teen Internet Addiction is my new website designed to educate parents on the dangers of the Internet and how to keep your teens safe in Cyberspace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)