Defiant Teens: When Books and Therapy Doesn't Work

Your teen or tween is starting to act in ways that are foreign to you.  Whether they are hanging with peers that are less than desirable or starting to fail in school when you know they are more than capable.  They are underachieving, they are good kids making some bad choices and slowly escalating into a person you barely recognize.

Many of us read those baby books before our first child came into the world – and after he or she arrived, we always opened a parenting book with answers and explanations.  But when it comes to teenage time – it can be a totally different story!

Defiance is the tone of your home, and disrespect has become second nature.

First you try therapy or counseling, there has to be something physically wrong.  In most cases, that is not the story.  There usually isn't a pill to fix a teen that is spiraling out-of-control.

During these therapy sessions, you are gathering and reading as many parenting teen books as possible!  Now you find a DVD that makes promises to turn your teen around in 30 days?!  Really?  Some books are excellent - seriously really good - and can help YOU cope, but what about your teen?  Is it resolving these deeply root issues that are causing this negative behavior pattern?

No matter - you are desperate and willing to try whatever it takes.  As a responsible parent this is what we have to do.  However don't allow your emotions to take over as they did in my story.

Are you at your wit's end?  Even read my book - "Wit's End!" - but still wondering how to move forward.  Visit www.HelpYourTeens.com and find out more.

Sue Scheff: Hoarding - It can start in adolescence years

With the expansion of cable television, there doesn't seem to be a topic in reality shows that is missing. From 16 and Pregnant, to Intervention, to Hoarders, people are learning more about a variety of issues. More importantly, there is now an awareness that is helping others to understand disorders, addictions, challenges others are facing and a distinct mental health problem such as hoarding.

Hoarding can start in early adolescence. If not addressed, it can get progressively worse. Some of the symptoms can be:

• Cluttered living spaces
• Inability to discard items
• Keeping stacks of newspapers, magazines or junk mail
• Moving items from one pile to another, without discarding anything
• Acquiring unneeded or seemingly useless items, including trash
• Difficulty managing daily activities, including procrastination and rouble making decisions
• Difficulty organizing items
• Perfectionism
• Excessive attachment to possessions, and discomfort letting others touch or borrow possessions
• Limited or no social interactions

It's not clear what causes hoarding. Some researchers believe that hoarding occurs on a continuum - some people may simply be considered harmless pack rats, while others have a much more severe form of collecting that is life-threatening. The condition is more likely to affect those with a family history of hoarding, so genetics and upbringing are likely among the triggering factors.

Hoarding is currently considered a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), but this classification is under debate. Many mental health researchers argue that, while some people with OCD have hoarding behavior, hoarding is not specific to OCD. In fact, one study found that hoarding was no more likely to be associated with OCD than with other anxiety disorders. - Mayo Clinic

Some risk factors and features about hoarding that researchers have come to understand are associated with age, family history, stress factors, social isolation and perfectionism.

Help for hoarders is widespread today. Hoarding Cleanup is an nationwide service that offers resources of help. If you are in Florida, click here to find a local service near you.

Parents, start with your kid's bedrooms - encourage them to keep their rooms organized and if you notice that their room is becoming more than "just a messy room" take steps to find out why. Another red flag could be your child's locker at school. Check it out!

Be an educated parent, you will have safer and healthier teens.

Read more on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Parenting Teens Today can be Challenging

Parenting teens today has become one of the most challenging jobs with a new generation of technology, peer pressure, substance abuse, and much more.

As a Parent Advocate, I continuously help parents with today's teen issues. Many call my organization, Parents' Universal Resource Experts, at their wits end.

Here are some article that I encourage parents of teens and tweens to take the time to read. An educated parent is a prepared parent. A prepared parent can lead to a safer teenager.

School Violence: The dangers of bullying
Teens Shoplifting and Stealing
Teen Dating Abuse
Teen Inhalant Abuse
Teen Suicide
Parenting teen girls
Teen Vandalism
Teen Truancy
Teen Pregnancy
Teen Depression
Teen Runaways
Teen Drug Prevention

Click here to learn more about the author.

Also on Examiner.com

Sue Scheff: Teenage Runaways

Teen Runaways are on the increase. Many teens think that the grass is greener on the other side.

They are confused and following the crowd of peers making poor choices. Teens want to escape the "rules of a household" and we as parents, become their number one enemy. They feel that they are fearless and can prove they can survive without their parents and our rules. Rules are put in place for a reason; we love our children and want them to grow up with dignity and respect we try to instill in them. Their flight plan, in some ways, is a cry for attention. Many times runaways are back home shortly, however there are other situations that can be more serious. This is not to say any child that runs away is not serious, but when this becomes a habit and is their way of rebelling, a parent needs to intervene.

So many times we hear how "their friend’s parents" allow a much later curfew or are more lenient, and you are the worst parents in the world. This is very common and the parent feels helpless, hopeless and alone. It is all part of the manipulation the teens put us through. With their unappreciative thoughts of us, they will turn to this destructive behavior, which, at times, results in them leaving the home.

Some teens go to a friend's house or relative they believe they can trust and make up stories about their home life. This is very common, a parent has to suffer the pain and humiliation that it causes to compound it with the need to get your child help that they need. If you fear your child is at risk of running, the lines of communication have to be open. We understand this can be difficult, however if possible needs to be approached in a positive manner. Teen help starts with communication.

If you feel this has escalated to where you cannot control them, it may be time for placement and possibly having your child escorted. Please know that the escorts (transports) are all licensed and very well trained in removing children from their home into safe programs. These escorts are also trained counselors that will talk to your child all the way, and your child will end his/her trip with a new friend and a better understanding of why their parents had to resort to this measure.

Helpful Hint if you child has runaway and you are using all your local resources – offer a cash reward to their friends privately, of course promising their anonymity and hopefully someone will know your child’s whereabouts.

Having a teen runaway is very frightening and it can bring you to your wits end. Try to remain positive and hopeful and do all you can to help understand why your child is acting out this way. These are times when parents need to seek help for themselves. Don’t be ashamed to reach out to others. We are all about parents helping parents.

Sue Scheff - Teen Gangs and Teen Cults

Teen Gangs and Teen Cults

Gangs prey on the weak child that yearns to fit in with a false illusion they are accepted into the “cool crowd”. With most Gangs as with Teen Cults, they can convince your child that joining “their Gang or Cult” will make them a “well-liked and popular” teen as well as one that others may fear. This gives the teen a false sense of superiority. Remember, many of today’s teens that are acting out negatively are suffering with extremely low self confidence. This feeling of power that they believe a gang or cult has can boost their esteem; however they are blinded to the fact that is dangerous. This is how desperate some teens are to fit in.

In reality, it is a downward spiral that can result in damage both emotionally and psychically. We have found Teen Gangs and Teen Cults are sometimes hard to detect.

They disguise themselves to impress the most intelligent of parents. We have witnessed Gang members who will present themselves as the “good kid from the good family” and you would not suspect their true colors.

If you suspect your child is involved in any Gang Activities or any Cults, please seek local therapy* and encourage your child to communicate. This is when the lines of communication need to be wide open. Sometimes this is so hard, and that is when an objective person is always beneficial. Teen Gangs and Teen Cults are to be taken very seriously. A child that is involved in a gang can affect the entire family and their safety. Take this very seriously if you suspect your child is participating in gang activity or cult association.

Learn more click here.

Need help - visit www.helpyourteens.com