Teen Self-Esteem: Moms, Daughters - Teen Girl's Survival Guide

Being a mother of a daughter I know firsthand that raising a teenage girl can be a challenge.  Though my daughter’s teen years are a decade behind me, I listen to parents today and I sympathize with the extra burdens they have to endure with the added pressures of technology.  It is not easy.  The one common denominator that doesn’t change is most girls always feel they are never pretty enough, thin enough or fit in. 

This needs to stop.  Where does all this low self-worth stem from?  As a parent,  many of use always try to build out kids up – however peer pressure can be so strong.

Here is a fantastic guest post that I think parents will benefit from:

Just Mom and Me: A Teen Girl’s Survival Guide
Mom and daughter relationships are very complicated and multifaceted. Some of them are the best of pals and communicate with each other regularly. Some are forever in the combatant phase. There are some who even steer clear of any kind of clash. But it can be stated without an iota of doubt that there is a whiff of all these traits in almost all relationships.

The million dollar question here is for the mommies, “how to raise your darling daughters into influential girls who are self-confident?” they become adept at making constructive choices regarding their own lives and execute productive actions for others. In spite of being normal girls with their little insecurities, they have a strong will and feel all right about themselves. You should know that these girls will mature sensibly and lead a worthwhile and satiated life.

Acknowledge your family’s most valued ideals
It is very essential to mull over your family ethics and contemplate upon the means by which you will put across these values. Be sure to include suitable examples to corroborate your message in the most appropriate manner. For this you have to constantly keep a check on instances in your daily life to exemplify these ideals you want your daughter to imbibe.

Persuade your daughter to resolve her own issues before settling it yourself
You have to coach your daughter to make her own decisions. She has to be independent and develop her own aptitude to deal with situations. Tell her to deliberate upon more than two approaches to deal with the circumstances and then inquire about likely consequences. You should convince her to make her own decisions for the very dilemma. It is okay even if you do not see things the same way; at least now your daughter has a feeling of control over her life.

Do not let her accomplish by magnitude, creates trouble
Try to make your daughter toil and excel at one thing at a time. Do not become hasty in trying to make them into little mechanical multi-taskers. Yes, this is an extremely competitive world and the motto of survival of the fittest is “the thing” to follow. But give your daughter some space and let her follow her own interests. You are there to guide her of course. Do not register her in infinite activities like dramatics, soccer, art, music etc. the belief that self worth is acquired by who you are and not what you achieve.

Make your daughter work together with other girls
If your daughter works jointly with other a girl of her school and solves her predicaments together, she will excel later in taking big risks and tackle many trials and tribulations in life. Working together makes them have an unbelievable sense of achievement and feeling of proficiency. All this is good for your daughter and good for you in the long run. So the bottom-line is inspire your daughter to take part in team-building activities where everyone works cooperatively to provide solutions to their problems.

Let your daughter be aware of the fact that you love her because of who she is
Do not be over fixated about everything your daughter does. She needs her own space just like you do as a mother. Keep encouraging her to have good habits but never obsess about it too much. It is alright if she takes her own time, everything does not happen overnight. But, show a positive reception for her individuality. Do not keep cribbing about her weight or her looks as she first needs to recognize her inner self. You need to deflate the thought that beauty is just about your appearance. Over obsession about the physical appearance will definitely lead to a lot of insecurities in your daughter’s life.

So, remember this rearing a girl up can be very thrilling and stimulating. Both of you can work it out together and enjoy so many things together. Maintain this bond even when she grows older. She will appreciate it for sure and you will always cherish it forever.

About the author: Alia Haley is a blogger and writer. She loves writing on topics related to wedding, health and luxury. Beside this she is fond of bags. She recently shared an article on designer baby clothes. These days she is busy in writing an article on Teeth whitening kits.

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Cross Creek, Horizon Academy, Red River Academy, Teen Help or Not?

What, are you second guessing yourself?  Were you desperate - about to make a quick decision?  Suddenly decided let me make one more Internet search.... Yes, it can be that last search that leads you to what you need to know... Remember, you are investing in your child's future - not just buying a car here.


So, your teen is driving your crazy.  You are at your wit’s end. You have finally decided you need outside help. You have exhausted all your local resources.  Local therapy doesn’t help, heck, you can’t even get your teen to attend.  Your teen is failing in school, he/she is very smart yet doesn’t want to attend school and believe they know it all.  Many say, “typical teen“, but as a parent, we know it is more than that.
Where did our good kid go?  Good kids making bad choices – and they don’t need to be placed in an environment that will make them worse in my opinion – learn from what happened to me!

As a victim of the WWASPS organization – I am often called or receive many emails about our (my daughter and I) experiences with them.  Obviously not pleasant.  Though I am happy to say the program she was at, Carolina Springs Academy, which attempted to go through a name change to Magnolia Christian Academy (or School) depending on the day you Googled it, is finally closed – it has been rumored some of the staff is now at their affiliate program – Red River Academy.  Maybe some at Cross Cross in Utah – or even Horizon Academy both in Southern Utah and Nevada.

Let me be clear for legal purposes – these are rumors – but if I were placing my child in program, I personally wouldn’t take any chances – and furthermore, Red River Academy and Cross Creek are clearly named in the current lawsuit which is extremely disturbing with allegations of fraud, abuse, neglect and much more – (click here) that is current.

Then we come to Horizon Academy.  Another alleged WWASPS facility.  Why say alleged?  Maybe they will deny they are affiliated – yet look at their staff, again, you will see they were once employed at other WWASPS programs.  Jade Robinson was at the program in Mexico (named in that lawsuit with alleged abuse and neglect) Casa By the Sea, then went on to Bell Academy, which didn’t last long, and I assume is trying to continue at Horizon Academy.

So when the “sales rep” tells you that “Sue Scheff” is a disgruntled parent – I say – YES, I was – you put my daughter in a box for 17 hours, she was mentally and emotionally abused – food and sleep deprived – I was complete defrauded – and she also missed out on 6 months of education.  None of which I had signed up for.  Grant it, this was 10 years ago – a lot has changed – but those original owners haven’t – so in my humble opinion – I wouldn’t trust any of their programs with my pets….. BTW: I am the only parent to have defeated WWASPS in a jury trial.  

Most of the other (many) lawsuits have settled out of court with silence agreements.  I don’t have one, which is why I can still share my story – which is why I get slimed online – which is why their sales reps have all sorts of stories about me – including “the jury made a mistake” – neglecting to tell you I won the appellate court too.  No one condones child abuse – period.

I have been called a crusader (and not in a flattering way) though I take it that way.  I have made it my mission to find the better programs and schools, since I do know what it is like to be at your wit’s end.  I know what parents need help. I am not against residential therapy, which brings us to many  of my stalkers that were formally abused in programs that believe all programs should be closed down.  That is being extreme – they are not a parent trying to save their child’s life and future.

I will share with you that there are more safe and quality programs than there are bad ones – it is just about doing your homework and research.  Today you are more fortunate than I was – you have more access to information and you can learn from my mistakes and  my knowledge.

Please – take another 10 minutes to read my story and see the list of programs that are and were once affiliated with Carolina Springs Academy – and from there, you make your own choices for your child.
I had one parent that almost went to Red River Academy that actually said the sales rep said they could have their teen “extracted” within a few hours?  Extracted?  Really – is your child a tooth?  Please don’t get rushed into a quick decision – this is a major emotional and financial decision.

My organization is Parents’ Universal Resource Experts – and no matter what those “sales reps” or the Internet fiction – I don’t own, operate or manage any schools or programs!  We are about educating parents when they are looking for help for their at risk teen…. Don’t get scammed when you are at your wit’s end.
Oh – and when these “sales reps” send out these defamatory links about me – another FACT they neglect to tell you is I won the landmark case for Internet Defamation that awarded me $11.3M in damages for what was said about me online!  Lies and twisted facts!  Here is my recent appearance on Anderson Cooper.

This is strictly my opinion on my own experiences – you are free to make your choices…

Teen Jobs: 5 Reasons Teens Should Get a Job

Today more and more teens have a sense of entitlement.

With shows like “My Super Sweet 16” that glorify teens have extravagant lives and demanding over the top birthday parties we’ve become inundated with the idea that our teens need to be pampered and spoiled beyond reason. This mindset has led to teens believing that they deserve the most expensive clothes, cars, and cell phones, and that these things should just be handed to them on demand. The reality of it, though, is that our teenagers should be learning the importance of working hard for what they want, and one way to impart this lesson and have them reap the benefits of it is by having them work a part-time job. There are numerous lessons and values teens will learn from working:

1.     Time management:  Having to balance school and work will teach teens early on the importance of prioritizing responsibilities and managing their time. The sooner they learn how to do this the better off they’ll be when they leave for college and eventually branch out into the real world of full-time jobs and responsibilities.
2.     Help build a resume:  Being able to list work experience on a resume will help your teen get ahead of the crowd when it comes time to apply for college or find a full-time job. It will show prospective colleges and employers that your teen is a motivated, hard-working individual and will set them above the people who have no prior work experience.
3.     Financial independence:  There’s a certain satisfaction that is brought about by being able to buy something you want with your own hard-earned money, and having a job that brings in a paycheck will allow teens to learn how to effectively manage their money and rely on themselves and not their parents for different purchases. Learning to manage money is a life skill that everyone needs to have, so learning it early on will only benefit your teenager.
4.     Develop indispensable life skills:  Your teen will learn very quickly the importance of working as a team and having solid communication skills, two talents that are transferrable into almost any industry or experience. The experiences that they have, both good and bad, from a part-time job will help them to become better-rounded as an individual.
5.     Learn the value of hard work:  Unfortunately hard work is becoming more under-valued these days, especially with teens, and it’s important to teach our kids that hard work is a trait to be admired and respected. Learning to work for what you want is an advantageous tool to have.
While your teens may complain about having to get a job initially, it’s likely that they’ll end up thanking you for it in the long run. The lessons they’ll learn from having to work a part-time job are irreplaceable.

Author Bio
Heather Smith is an ex-nanny. Passionate about thought leadership and writing, Heather regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and parenting blogs/websites. She also provides value to nanny service by giving advice on site design as well as the features and functionality to provide more and more value to nannies and families across the U.S. and Canada. She can be available at H.smith7295 [at] gmail.com.

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Tough love is not an option: It is a choice to get your teen help!

Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, Tough love or "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit. Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse.  Tough love is exactly that: Tough.  Loving our children is unconditional, but we don't have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.

There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough! This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups (if you can find them and if you believe in their philosophy), along with professional intervention. This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it. 

Many times tough love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene.  If you see that Tough love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). 

Quality Residential placements work with the entire family. Once the child is safely removed from the family, everyone is able to concentrate on the issues calmly and rationally. Tough love can mean finding the most appropriate setting outside of the home for your child.

While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems. With time and distance, the healing starts to occur. Tough love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in many families, very necessary and very rewarding.  

Tough love if used correctly can be helpful.  However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing.  Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems.  Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do.  

Don't be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.

Learn more about quality residential therapy at www.helpyourteens.com. 

As far as Tough Love Support Groups, I am not familiar with any groups that are still operating today.  Years ago it there an organization by that name, however I understand they disbanded. Personally I was never a fan of them - since I know that many parents could never just abandon a child.  I understand the concept - and I do know that loving our child to death is not an option, but there are choices out there, and residential therapy is one of them.  If your child is a young adult, it is a different scenario and again, there are ways to handle it.

Red River Academy - Teen Help Program - Not Really - IMO

So, your teen is driving your crazy.  You are at your wit's end. You have finally decided you need outside help. You have exhausted all your local resources.  Local therapy doesn't help, heck, you can't even get your teen to attend.  Your teen is failing in school, he/she is very smart yet doesn't want to attend school and believe they know it all.  Many say, "typical teen", but as a parent, we know it is more than that.

Where did our good kid go?  Good kids making bad choices - and they don't need to be placed in an environment that will make them worse in my opinion - learn from what happened to me!

As a victim of the WWASPS organization - I am often called or receive many emails about our (my daughter and I) experiences with them.  Obviously not pleasant.  Though I am happy to say the program she was at, Carolina Springs Academy, which attempted to go through a name change to Magnolia Christian Academy (or School) depending on the day you Googled it, is finally closed - it has been rumored some of the staff is now at their affiliate program - Red River Academy or Horizon Academy.

Let me be clear for legal purposes - these are rumors - but if I were placing my child in program, I personally wouldn't take any chances - and furthermore, Red River Academy is clearly named in the current lawsuit which is extremely disturbing with allegations of fraud, abuse, neglect and much more - (click here) that is current.

So when the "sales rep" tells you that "Sue Scheff" is a disgruntled parent - I say - YES, I was - you put my daughter in a box for 17 hours, she was mentally and emotionally abused - food and sleep deprived - I was complete defrauded - and she also missed out on 6 months of education.  None of which I had signed up for.  Grant it, this was 10 years ago - a lot has changed - but those original owners haven't - so in my humble opinion - I wouldn't trust any of their programs with my pets..... BTW:  I am the only parent to have defeated WWASPS in a jury trial.  Most of the other (many) lawsuits have settled out of court with silence agreements.  I don't have one, which is why I can still share my story - which is why I get slimed online - which is why their sales reps have all sorts of stories about me - including "the jury made a mistake" - neglecting to tell you I won the appellate court too.  No one condones child abuse - period.

I have been called a crusader (and not in a flattering way) though I take it that way.  I have made it my mission to find the better programs and schools, since I do know what it is like to be at your wit's end.  I know what parents need help. I am not against residential therapy, which brings us to many  of my stalkers that were formally abused in programs that believe all programs should be closed down.  That is being extreme - they are not a parent trying to save their child's life and future.

I will share with you that there are more safe and quality programs than there are bad ones - it is just about doing your homework and research.  Today you are more fortunate than I was - you have more access to information and you can learn from my mistakes and  my knowledge.

Please - take 10 minutes to read my story and see the list of programs that are and were once affiliated with Carolina Springs Academy - and from there, you make your own choices for your child.

I had one parent that almost went to Red River Academy that actually said the sales rep said they could have their teen "extracted" within a few hours?  Extracted?  Really - is your child a tooth?  Please don't get rushed into a quick decision - this is a major emotional and financial decision.

My organization is Parents' Universal Resource Experts - and no matter what those "sales reps" or the Internet fiction - I don't own, operate or manage any schools or programs!  We are about educating parents when they are looking for help for their at risk teen.... Don't get scammed when you are at your wit's end.

Oh – and when these “sales reps” send out these defamatory links about me – another FACT they neglect to tell you is I won the landmark case for Internet Defamation that awarded me $11.3M in damages for what was said about me online!  Lies and twisted facts!  Here is my recent appearance on Anderson Cooper.

This is strictly my opinion on my own experiences - you are free to make your choices....

Sexting, texting and your teens

Online safety of teens and kids of all ages is a priority as well as cell phone safety.  This brings us to a very hot topic which a guest writer has asked me to post his recent article to help parents understand how important it is to understand what sexting is and how they can take steps to help keep their children safe virtually.

Sexting has become a recent trend with mobile users, as nearly 40% of teens reporting sexting at least once or consistently. Sexting is when one person sends a nude, or sexually suggestive picture/text of themselves to another person or a group. The consequences of sexting range from nothing, to serious. For parents, the worries are real and dangerous.

Child Pornography

The primary concern for parents is sexting that involves suggestive photos, especially nudes. Several teens have been charged with ownership of child pornography. That’s because even if two students under age 18 are dating, possession of nude photos of individuals under the age of 18 constitutes child pornography. In some cases, teens who have snapped pictures of themselves have been charged with “manufacturing, disseminating or possessing child pornography.” Those receiving the pictures have faced, and been sentenced, to charges of possession. Convictions lead to life-long registration on sexual offender lists.

Digital World

Once the pictures have been taken, parents have more issues to worry about, namely digital records. After pictures have been taken digitally, they immediately enter a digital world where they can become permanent. One person can send the picture to another and so on until it’s been shared across the digital world. It can all start with one phone. With chat rooms and other websites, it’s easy for pedophiles and other predators to misrepresent age, sex, and location. Teens and kids are constantly connected to the web. Not only can those pictures make their way to illegal websites, they can also make their way to strangers.

Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, and other social media sites are like online directories for everyone and anyone. It can be easy anyone to assume a false identity. With a couple clicks on the phone, a picture gets into the hands of the wrong person.

Psychological Factors

There are many reasons why teens take part in sexting and most of them are a new take on the old world of flirting and courting. Many teens send the texts as flirtatious messages, to boost popularity, or because of peer pressure. They can also include forms of sexual harassment, or bullying.

The ramifications for of this are undocumented in terms of sexting, but the potential psychological issues of self-esteem are wide and concerning. Adolescents and teens are entering a stage of life where body-image and self-esteem are developing. Bullying, harassment, and derogatory comments can degrade and damage morale. The effects of this can last for years or decades.

By sexting, teens put their bodies out there to be judged and critiqued. While their bodies may be healthy, teens use any chances to tease or insult another, especially if it means a chance to elevate themselves in a social clique, or in popularity. The self-esteem issues created by pictures, or suggestive language, being misconstrued, getting into unwanted hands or from unwarranted comments, can devastate teens and lead to suicide.

Cautionary Steps

Beyond eliminating and forbidding the use of all digital devices, there are other measures that parents can take to protect their teens.

The first is establishing a good relationship. Studies consistently show that parents who foster good relationships with their children have more influence on them than the media or peer pressure.
A strong relationship makes it easier for parents to approach kids about sexting and its consequences. Being honest with children about the potential legal consequences, psychological factors, and personal ethics and morals behind sexting is a good way to help them understand its seriousness.

To instill that seriousness, parents should monitor their child’s activities and friends. Much of sexting in teenagers is caused by peer pressure or social interactions. Supporting them in making the right decisions, and spending less time from those who are sexting, may be the best way to keep them safe.

Special contributor:  Steven Farrell is the administrator of ReversePhoneLookup.org, the best reverse phone directory online.

Troubled Teens: Finding Help You Can Trust

Especially during the holiday season, this can be one of the hardest decisions a parent can make.

Sending a child to a residential program/school is a major decision. It is not one to be taken lightly or to be decided on overnight.

Usually a teen's behavior has been slowly escalating and a parent knows that deep down things are not getting better.  As much as you hope and pray that things will change, this is only typical teen behavior, sometimes it just isn't.

With drug use and substance abuse rising - more dangerous and deadly ingredients being used, such as spice and inhalants, parents have reason to be concerned.  It isn't your marijuana of generations prior - it is so much worse and in many cases - addictive and deadly.

If you have reached your wit's end and now surfing the Internet for help, remember, anyone can build a website.  Anyone can put up nice pictures and create great content.  You need to do your due diligence.

Years ago I struggled with my own teenager.  I was at my wit's end.  I didn't realize what a big business this "teen help industry" was.  Yes, my child needed help, but what we received was anything but that.  My story is a cautionary tale - not one to scare you into not using a program, however on the contrary, you have to get your child help, but you have to do your research in getting them the right help.

Here are some quick tips:

• Your child is not for sale, try to avoid those marketing arms selling you a list of programs that are not in the best interest of your child's individual needs.
• Always speak with an owner or director - Someone that has a vested in your teen's recovery.  Their reputation is on the line.
• Wilderness and other short term programs are usually nothing more than a band-aid that will fall off as quickly as the program lasted.  They are expensive camping trips and in most cases the Wilderness program will tell you at about 4 weeks that your teen will need to continue on to a longer term program.  What? Yes, now you go back to the research board and worse than that, your teen will be deflated when he finds out he/she isn't coming home in 6-9 weeks as they were lead to believe - and they will be starting all over again with a new therapist - new schedule - and new setting.  Don't get caught up in this "shuffle."  Start and finish with the same school/program.
• The average stay should be about 6-9-12 months, depending on your teen.  Anything less is probably non-effective.  Anything more, you may be creating abandonment issues in my opinion. 
• Do you really need an Educational Consultant?  Absolutely not.  You are the parent and no one knows your teen better than you do - with a few tips, you will be able to make some sound choices.

For more helpful hint and tips, please contact www.HelpYourTeens.com for a free consultation. After the ordeal I went through, I created this advocacy organization to help educate parents on finding safe and quality programs. 

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Teen Runaways - A parents nightmare

Holidays can be a time of joy and a time of turbulence in some households.  Is your teen starting to become withdrawn?  Hanging with a different group of friends? Do you suspect he/she is using drugs or drinking? 

Are they leaving your home and not coming home?  Do they think they know it all?


Unfortunately some parents experience this type of teen behavior and it can escalate during the holidays when they have more free time.

The authorities all but tell you (or they do tell you) “typical teen” they will show up eventually.  In the meantime you are a nervous wreck.

What do you do?  Here are some quick tips for you:

• Keep an updated phone list with the home and cell numbers of your teen’s friends. Using the phone list, call every one of your teen’s friends. Talk immediately with their parents, not their friends, as teenagers will often stick together and lie for each other. The parent will tell you anything they know, including the last time contact was made between their child and yours. They will also know to keep closer tabs on their own child.
• Keep an updated photo of your child on hands at all times. With this photo, create one-page flyers including all information about your teen and where they were last seen. Post these flyers everywhere your teen hangs out, as well as anywhere else teenagers in general hang out. Post anywhere they will allow you to.
• Immediately contact your local police. It is advised that you actually visit the office with a copy of the flyer as well as a good number of color photos of your teen. Speak clearly and act rationally, but make sure that they understand how serious the situation is.
• Contact the local paper in order to run a missing ad. Also, contact any other printed media available in your area; many will be very willing to help.
• Contact your local television stations, as well as those in nearby counties. Most stations will be more than happy to run an alert either in the newscast or through the scrolling alert at the bottom of the screen.

Be sure to contact National Runaway Switchboard and if you need residential therapy, please contact Parents’ Universal Resource Experts. 

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