Sue Scheff: Teen's Getting Teacher Recommendations for College Applications

As your High School Juniors and Seniors prepare to apply to colleges, getting teacher recommendations is usually part of the process. Today colleges have become competitive and more selective on their applicants. Many college recruiters are using search engines to research their applicant, however the old-fashion teacher recommendations are also an asset. Here is a great article to help parents and teens to better understand this process.

Source: Connect with Kids

Teacher Recommendations

“I only see a few (recommendation letters) that are really specifically negative, but a few are less than positive. That’s the best way I can put it. Where they say, ‘Well, this student may be strong in this area in the future,’ or, ‘They have a lot of potential.’”

– David Graves, Associate Director of Admissions, University of Georgia

Across the country, high school seniors are in the midst of applying to college. One important factor is a recommendation from a teacher – a task that is not always without risk.

“I only see a few that are really specifically negative, but a few are less than positive,” says David Graves, associate director of admissions at the University of Georgia. “That’s the best way I can put it. Where they say, ‘Well, this student may be strong in this area in the future,’ or, ‘They have a lot of potential.’”

He says “a lot of potential” is one of those phrases that shows a teacher has reservations.

“They might say something like, ‘They turn in all their information on time,’” he adds. “Well, I expect that from everybody pretty much, so just having that as their best praise isn’t much of a praise.”

Another risk is that letters can be so vague as to become meaningless.

“That doesn’t give me any insight if its just a run-of-the-mill ‘here’s my formula’ recommendation letter,” says Graves.

His advice? Students should ask the teacher directly if they would give a positive review.

“Just say, ‘How do you feel I’ve done in your class?’” suggests Graves.

“If you are really having doubts, I would probably reconsider asking that teacher,” says Afrooz, a high school senior at Atlanta International School.

Also, kids should choose a teacher who can be specific about their skills and efforts in the classroom.

“I felt like I wanted teachers who knew me,” says Eva, 18, “not just as a strong student, but as a person.”

Another tip is to find the right teacher. A good choice is a math or English teacher from junior year.

“It might be a teacher that teaches, you know, driver’s ed,” says Graves. “And that’s not going to matter that much to me what the driver’s ed teacher says.”

Finally, he says, ask for the letter at least a month in advance.

“I think I asked for my letter about two or three months before it was due,” says senior Graham, “just to make sure that they had time.”

“I was kind of late so I kind of had to do a little begging,” says classmate Rodrigo.

Experts advise students to get to know their guidance counselor as well, because many universities require the counselor to fill out an evaluation form.

Students once allowed the luxury of “finding themselves” now fear that without serious direction early in high school, their future may be lost. What they may lose instead is their childhood.

College enrollment has increased nearly 20% since 1985 and almost tripled from a generation ago. With competition for specific schools fiercer than ever, high school freshmen hoping to go to a choice school are told they may already be behind in the race to build a college résumé.

“I guess in middle school they start emphasizing they’re like, OK, you gotta start getting good grades ’cause colleges will look back even at your eighth-grade year if you’re on the brink of getting in or not getting in,” 17-year-old Sharyn says.

However, good grades may only get them past the first cut. Then, it’s outside activities like volunteer work or special clubs that factor in as much as 40% by some colleges.

Says 17-year-old Andrew: “Sometimes, I find that I take too many things at once – track, academic, math team … I mean, it’s really time consuming.”

Experts say parents of these pressurized kids need to look closely for signs of too much stress and urge them to ease up.


Tips for Parents

It’s one of the most difficult and important decisions your child will make in his or her young adult life. And no parent of a high school junior or senior needs reminding of the pressure that selecting a school brings to his or her child and the entire family.

Recent statistics reveal that it’s also more competitive to enroll in college than years before. Between 1985 and 1995, higher education enrollment increased by 16%, due in part to an increase in female enrollment and the new trend of part-time students. And while experts urge parents to have an open dialogue with their child to deal with the stress, there are a few changes in the process that will make enrolling in a school easier.

More and more schools are turning to the Internet to disperse information, easing the workload on counselors and empowering the curious student. A word of caution: stay with reliable sites or go to a specific college website to verify application deadlines.

Another stress reliever: The trend toward hiring assistance for the essay portion of an application seems to be subsiding. More and more colleges have stated that they are looking for creative responses, even if they are unpolished. And many universities have dropped the essay portion of the application altogether, relying on scores and recommendations to make their decision.

Here are a few starting steps to help you or your child pick the right college or training program:

Request as much information as possible from the schools on your list, including an application for admission, financial aid and all costs.
Make a short list of the schools that possess the characteristics for which you are looking.
Decide if a traditional college is right for you – consider picking up information on community technical schools.

References
Mapping Your Future
National Center for Education Statistics

Sue Scheff: Teens, sex and the dictionary

In the same week we hear about the increase of teen pregnancies, we also learn about parents in California wanting "oral sex" removed from the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary. As uncomfortable as some parents are with discussing oral sex, if we don't educate our children, someone else will! And it may not be exactly the way you would like them to learn it.

Recently two articles struck a nerve with many parents that were completely unaware of the teen or even tweens, sex games. Just when you think lipstick is a little spark of beauty and bracelets can be a fun accessory, we learn about the Rainbow and Snap games! You won't find these games in the dictionary - but both offer "oral sex" so you want to be sure YOU are the one talking to your teens about this.

"One of the nation's shining success stories of the past two decades is in danger of unraveling," said Sarah Brown of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. "Clearly, the nation's collective efforts to convince teens to postpone childbearing must be more creative and more intense, and they must begin today." - Washington Post January 26, 2009

As much as we talk to our kids about sex, offer sex education classes and continue to be there for them, this is a subject we need to continue to talk about. Whether it is a word/term in the dictionary or slang on a school bus, encourage your children to come to you to discuss it. If they are uncomfortable speaking with a parent, try to have a close relative or friend they can turn to. Someone you trust.

Remember, an educated parent is a prepared parent which equals safer and healthier teens.

Watch PSA.

The Price is Your Life.

The term "oral sex" remains in the dictionary. For the parents in the California, Menifee Union School District, students will take permission slips home. They also offer alternative dictionaries.

Read more on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Teen Sex Games - Be an educated parent - SNAP

A very sticky topic, jelly bracelets. Why would these harmless bracelets be dangerous? What is going on in our society to create such disturbing games being played by our teens and tweens?

Since being an educated parent will help you to have healthier and safer teens, you need to be aware of these types of games that are being played. In a previous article, Rainbow Parties, shocked many. This bracelet game, Snap, is another blow to a parents mind.

Some people have may have heard about the latest fad in colleges, high schools, even middle schools! This social phenomenon involves "snapping" the bracelet off the wearer, enabling the snapper to earn a sexual favor from the snappee based on the color of the snapped off bracelet.

Here are the color associations:

• Yellow - wearer is willing to HUG
• Pink - wearer is willing to give a hickey
• Orange - wearer is willing to KISS
• Purple - wearer is willing to kiss a partner of either sex
• Red - wearer is willing to perform a LAP DANCE
• Green - indicates that ORAL SEX can be performed on a girl
• Clear - indicates a willingness to do "whatever the snapper wants"
• Blue - indicates ORAL SEX performed on a guy
• Black - wearer will have regular "missionary" sex
• White - wearer will "FLASH" what they have

Sex bracelets are a teen fad with a dangerous sexual twist. The bright colored bracelets are popular with teens, but they're creating controversy and many children, and even adults, wear these decorative bracelets without any sexual connotation or meaning whatsoever.

Teach your children about the dangers of STD's. We can talk about sex to our kids, some schools offer sex education and we can even "believe" we have a very open relationship with our teens - but do you really know about these trends? Peer pressure can be part of this dangerous game. The more you know, the more you can help to educate your teens.

These topics are not to scare you, they are to educate you. Your child may be wearing one of these bracelets and it has no association to this disgusting game. It is only about you knowing that this does exist - as hard as it can be to believe.

Watch video and read more on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Rainbow Party - A game or party you don't want your teens to attend!

This is a sensitive subject and many will be appalled and disgusted, however as a parent, it is about being educated. Knowing what can be happening in your neighborhood, in your schools, or even in your own home - is your responsibility as a parent to stay in touch with your children and their lives.

"Rainbow Party" by Paul Ruditis, is written as fiction, however has a powerful message that many will be shocked to hear about. This rainbow party is not about homosexuals coming out, it is about sex and your teens. It is, in fact, an oral-sex party in which each girl wears a different color lipstick. In theory, after the girls perform oral sex on the boys, they would be left with rainbows around their penises.

Many parents have the sex talk with their kids. Many schools offer sex education. There are also many resources, websites and books that can help educate your teens to be better prepared when they do decide to have sex. But have you talked to your teens about the dangers of games/parties such as "Rainbow Parties?"

Questions that may arise and you will need to answer:

• Is oral sex real sex?
• Can you still be a virgin and have oral sex?
• Why is this game dangerous to your child?
• If one guy gives oral sex to another, is he gay?
• How is oral sex fun for girls?
• Why don't boys ever reciprocate the favor?
• What are the symptoms of gonorrhea?
• What is an STD?
• How do you prevent STD's?

Although many would like to simply discard this article and subject, being an educated parent will make you better prepared and lead to safer and healthier teens.

Parents must watch video and read more about this troubling topic.

Sue Scheff: Can Gossip be good for your teens?

What an interesting article this week on Connect with Kids. Gossip can be good in some ways and extremely hurtful in other ways. Where is the balance? Be an educated parent, read this educational article.

Source: Connect with Kids

Gossip Is Good

“It lets people really know each other, and know about what's going on in their lives. And that enables people to feel safe. It makes them feel a sense of belonging.”

– Wendy Simonds, PhD, sociology

The Tiger Woods scandal sparked discussions about personal image and adultery on news stations and at dinner tables across the country. But are these discussions useful or just gossip? Some experts say they can be both.

"Did you see the outfit she had on?" friends Zuri and Meimi laugh.

It's often irresistible and painful. "[It] ruins friendships, ruins lives, messes people's reputations, hurt's people's feelings," seventeen-year-old Zuri says.

"I'm normally the one who starts and spreads the gossip," says seventeen-year-old Kyle, "so, I mean, I've broken up a lot of good friends over gossip."

And sixteen-year-old Caitlin has been the brunt of it as well, "I've had my fair share of broken friendships that I've kind of had to rekindle because of things that were said or spread around because people didn't know all the facts."

Gossip can hurt, psychologists say, but here's the surprise, "It lets people really know each other, and know what's going on in their lives," explains Wendy Simonds, professor of sociology at Georgia State University, "And that enables people to feel safe. It makes them feel a sense of belonging."

And in a teenager's life it can act as a social road map of right and wrong and as a warning signal, not to befriend the wrong person.

Seventeen-year-old Meimi found out through gossip that a guy she was dating was trouble, "You know, I had to listen and a couple of weeks later I had found out he sold drugs and he had been locked up and a lot of stuff, so I was kind of appreciative of gossip at that point."

Still, experts and kids warn, you have to be careful. "I think it's always a good idea to try to personalize the issue that's being talked about, what if it were me and people were talking about me this way," advises Simonds.

"Gossip is fine, as long as it's not making up complete lies," says sixteen-year-old Lee, "And just being flat out mean, that's not cool."

As hard as it is to believe, the words "sibling" and "gossip" originated from the same word: "Godsibb." The word originally translated to mean "a person related to one in God," or a "godparent." In this circumstance, gossip was used to denote a relationship of trust and friendship. However, in the 1800s, the word "gossip" began to stray from its original roots until it became what it is today – nearly the opposite or what is was originally.

Tips for Parents

Gossip can be extremely harmful, but there are some times when it can be helpful. Dr. Offra Gerstein, a clinical psychologist, gives the following suggestions for parents to share with their children for how to handle gossip in a healthy manner:

■Create healthy ways of connecting with others that do not require negative talk about a third party.
■When you are told about another person, ask for verification of the information. Trusting that what is said is true without challenging its veracity makes you a partner in perpetuating gossip.
■If you hear negative talk, refuse to listen and politely attempt to stop the speaker.
■Ask the "gossipper" to tell you what positive things he/she may relate about the individual being criticized.
■When you are entrusted with a secret, feel honored and never repeat it to anyone. Repeating confidences is like stealing one's dignity.
■Feel free to share positive gossip with others, provided that your facts are correct.
■As enjoyable as it may be to bond with someone temporarily through gossip, the damage to all parties is immeasurable. Resist the momentary temptation for gaining a wholesome sense of self-respect.

References
■Psychology Today
■Santa Cruz Sentinel
■University Press of Kansas

Sue Scheff: Just Turn it OFF - Get Connect with Your Teens Again

Parenting is becoming extinct. Not really, but parents need to go back to parenting and tell their kids to "turn it off!" Turn off the cell phones, turn off the television, turn off the Ipod, turn off the computer and tune into the family!

The latest report from Kaiser Family Foundation has found that kids and teens are spending approximately 7.5 hours a day with "hooked-up" to technology. Whether it is texting, watching TV, listening to music or surfing the net, the emotional connection of a family circle is breaking down.

A national survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that with technology allowing nearly 24-hour media access as children and teens go about their daily lives, the amount of time young people spend with entertainment media has risen dramatically, especially among minority youth. Today, 8-18 year-olds devote an average of 7 hours and 38 minutes (7:38) to using entertainment media across a typical day (more than 53 hours a week). And because they spend so much of that time 'media multitasking' (using more than one medium at a time), they actually manage to pack a total of 10 hours and 45 minutes (10:45) worth of media content into those 7½ hours. - Kaiser Family Foundation

What can you do as a parent? Be an example! Some parents are guilty of the techno obsession today too. Our kids have to see parents "turning it off" and being part of the family circle. Start with dinner time - get absolutely "unplugged" from it all and spend an hour discussing with each other about the day's events. We all know that finding that time for family has become more difficult, so if dinner is out, plan a 15-130 family time out later in the evening and get un-wired!

Learn about recycling your electronic gadgets, do it as a family.

Be an educated and involved parent, you will have happier, safer, and healthier children.

Watch report from MSNBC and read more about this topic.

Sue Scheff: Teen stress to keep up with their peers

The pressure today to have the right cell phone, perfect hair, name brand clothes and purses, not to mention the fancy cars, for teenagers is overwhelming!  We have always heard about keeping up with the Jones', but this is now keeping up with the Jones' teenagers. 

Generation "Me"

By Connect with Kids

“They are looking at materialism in an effort to demonstrate and to illustrate self-worth. And, when you are not able to buy enough, when you are not able to have the iPod, the iPod phone and the BMW... when you're not able to have all those things at one time, there tends to be a diminished sense of self-worth.”

– David Wall Rice, Ph.D., Personality Psychologist

A new study from San Diego State University finds that five times more teens suffer from depression and anxiety than teens who grew up during the Great Depression. Experts say the reasons are many, including school stress, intense competition, instability at home and the need for more.

Instead of "peace, love and happiness," teens today say they want designer labels, fancy cars and the latest technology.

"I kinda felt left out when I didn't have a camera phone," explains 17-year-old Ebonee.

"Like, I'll save up all my money and buy purses," adds 14-year-old Marisa.

"I have a couple jeans that are more than $200, maybe $300," admits 18-year-old Joey.

And that need for the newest and latest, experts say, is one of the reasons behind much of today's anxiety and depression. In fact, according to a new study by San Diego State University, five times more teens suffer from depression now than they did in 1938.

Experts say it's sad, but often teens confuse what they have, with who they are.

"They are looking at materialism in an effort to demonstrate and to illustrate self-worth," says Dr. David Wall Rice, a personality psychologist with Morehouse College. "And, when you are not able to buy enough, when you are not able to have the iPod, the iPod phone and the BMW... when you're not able to have all those things at one time, there tends to be a diminished sense of self-worth."

Experts call the obsession "Affluenza" – and even during the recession, many teens still suffer from it.

We gave a group of high school cheerleaders a test to see whether or not they have it.

They were asked: "Have you ever lied to a family member about the amount you spent for a product?" "Do you ever use shopping as a therapy?" "Has one of your credit cards ever been rejected by a sales person because you were over the limit?"

Several kids in the group answered 'yes' to all three questions.

Experts say one of the easiest ways for parents to counteract "Affluenza" is by setting limits. If kids ask for items they don't need, parents should refuse without feeling guilty.

"There are some boundaries that you need to set," he says, "and you need to be able to say 'no'. 'No, you can't have those.' Or, 'no, you can work towards that. Maybe in about four to six weeks you might be able to get them on your own, if it's that important to you.'"

Numerous studies show that kids who regularly eat dinner with their families are better students, happier, healthier people and less likely to smoke, drink or use drugs. For example, a University of Michigan study of children between the ages of 3 and 12 found that more meal time with the family was the single strongest predictor of better achievement scores and fewer behavioral problems. In fact, time spent eating with one's family proved even more beneficial than time spent studying or in church.

■In 2003, 61 percent of youths 12 to 17 said they ate dinner with their families at least five nights a week, an increase from 47 percent in 1998.
■In general, children who eat with their families have better nutrition, abuse fewer substances, are less suicidal and have less sex.
■Researchers found that the more frequently kids ate with their parents, the less likely they were to smoke, drink, use marijuana or show signs of depression.
■On September 27, 2004, 400 communities and 42 states proclaimed the date a day to eat dinner with your children. Companies from General Mills to Bristol-Myers Squibb offered employees incentives – in some cases leaving work early – to do so.

Tips for Parents

For many, family dinners are often far from the ideal bonding experience. Considering the time necessary to prepare a meal, the logistical challenges of getting everyone to the table and the potential for squabbles between siblings and spouses, many parents secretly dread the family dinner. Some parents place kids at opposite ends of the table in an attempt to avoid bickering.

Families should view dinnertime as an opportunity to reconnect, share daily events and strengthen relationships. Thirty-eight percent of family cooks say their children influence food purchases and preparation, so involve your kids in shopping and cooking processes. Some ideas to reap the most benefit from table-time include:

■Stimulate conversation and reduce arguments by making dinnertime special. Distinguish between routine and ritual. Transforming your household with lit candles, music, a tablecloth and one simple, cooked meal for everyone can work wonders.
■Ask yourself, "What am I doing that aggravates dinnertime?" Often, the answer is unnecessary reprimanding. Dinner should not be a control struggle. If kids don't eat their vegetables, let it go.
■Don't allow conversation to be an interrogation regarding school or activities. Ask kids conversation starters like: If you could meet someone from history, who would it be?
■Be creative, especially when kids are young. Try a one-color meal or an alphabet dinner, with every dish beginning with the same letter. Picnic in the living room or even try dining under the table.
■If dinner is too much to handle, try breakfast, or start with just Sunday night.

References
■American Dietetic Association
■U.S. News & World Report
■University of Rochester
■The Wall Street Journal

Sue Scheff: Teen Pregnancy Pact

Parenting years ago and having a teen get pregnant was, in many families, humiliating and shameful to the family. Today teens are having babies and some are not considering the consequences, or maybe are considering them however don't realize the "real life" situation rather than what they read.

January 23rd, Saturday night, Lifetime Network will premier, "The Pregnancy Pact" at 9:00pm ET. Inspired by a true story, this movie depicts a fictional pregnancy pact between a group of teenagers. The film explores the costs of teen pregnancy and was prompted by the news reports from June 2008. Time Magazine ran a story about this pregnancy pact in a school where the teen pregnancies rose to 18 girls.

The discussion of birth control is started by the school nurse who tries to convince the school to provide contraception to students to address the pregnancy epidemic but is met with great opposition from the school and community.

According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teenage Pregnancy:

• Three in 10 girls in the U.S. get pregnant at least once by the age of 20.
• Six in 10 teens who have had sex say that they wish they had waited.
• Half of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned - about 3 million each year.
• One out of 10 children in the United States is born to a teen mother.

Lifetime Networks is proud to partner with the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, a nonpartisan and nonprofit organization dedicated to preventing teen pregnancy and unplanned pregnancy among single, young adults.

Additional information and resources are available at http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/ .

Parenting teens is challenging today, between the technology and peer pressure, it almost seems impossible to keep up. Teen pregnancy was an issue many years ago, and still is today. The difference is we have much more awareness, education and information to help our teens understand the consequences as well as the dangers of unprotected sex.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer and healthier teens.

Watch video and read more Examiner.