Sue Scheff: Teen Girls Coping with Stress by Drinking

This is another fantastic and educational guest Blog by Parenting Expert, Michele Borba. As this first summer holiday weekend approaches, be an educated parent when it comes to raising your teenager.+

Teen girls-more than boys-get high to cope with home stress. Nine research-based tips to curb a troubling trend

By Michele Borba

Think drinking is only a “boy” problem? Just-released data from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America may make you think again. The survey results on 3287 teens in grades nine through twelve reveal a troubling trend—especially for girls. And why kids are getting high is particularly disturbing. Study highlights include:

• More than two-thirds of teen girls admit using drugs to help them cope with stress at home

• Half of the girls said that drugs help them forget their troubles

• Teens state a key reason for drug and alcohol use is as a way to “escape for a short period of time”

• Research found alcohol and marijuana use increasing in boys and girls alike

Key Findings from the 2009 Partnership Attitude Tracking Survey (Get Smart About Drugs)

Teen Alcohol Use
53% of girls: in 2008
59% of girls: in 2009
50% of boys: in 2008
52% of boys: in 2009

Teen Marijuana Use
28% of girls: in 2008
39% of girls: in 2009
34% of boys: in 2008
39% of boys: in 2009

Make no mistake: Teen substance abuse is a serious health problem with devastating consequences. If there is a ray of hope it’s this: Research also shows that the reason most frequently quoted by kids for not drinking is their desire not to harm the relationship they have with their parents. Hint: A parent’s caring, involved relationship with their child is the best solution to underage drinking.

Here are research-based tips from the chapter on Drinking in my book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries. Please use them so you can use your influence and turn this troubling trend around.

9 Parenting Solutions to Turn A Troubling Youth Trend Around

1. Get savvy. Please don’t use a “Not my kid” kind of attitude. Forget the “He’s too young” or  “Not my daughter!” attitude as well. Teen drinking and substance abuse is a growing problem that we simply can’t ignore. Kids are taking their first drink at younger ages. Drinking amongst the girl scene is also increasing. We all need to take a reality check.

2. Be a good model of restraint. Teens get their views about alcohol from watching your behavior and listening to your comments. This research also is a warning that we not glamorize alcohol or say we’re using pills or alcohol as a way to unwind, “I sure could use a drink!”  The research shows that teen girls in particular are getting high as a way to cope. Beware!

3. Set clear rules against drinking and drugs. Feel free to be puritanical and strict. Consistently enforcing those rules and monitor your kid’s behavior all help reduce the likelihood of underage drinking. A study of over 1000 teens found that kids with “hands on” parents who establish clear behavior expectations, monitor their comings and goings, and aren’t afraid to says no are four times less likely to engage in risky behaviors like drinking. Be a parent, not a pal.
4. Start those talks earlier and talk often. You must talk to your child about drinking and the earlier the better. Before age nine, kids usually perceive alcohol negatively and see drinking as “bad” with negative consequences. By around the age of thirteen kids views of alcohol, change and become more positive and harder to change. Some kids are experimenting with drinking as young as ten or eleven. It’s never too early to start this talk, so don’t put it off.


5. Watch out for TV advertising. Long-term studies show that kids who see, hear and read more alcohol ads are more likely to drink and drink heavier than their peers. A study with third, sixth and ninth graders found those who alcohol ads desirable are also more likely to view drinking more positively. Use those frequently-aired beer and vodka commercials during those ballgames you’re watching together as opportunities to discuss your values, concerns, and rules about drinking and pill popping.

6. Dispel the “quick fix” myth. The increase use of prescription drugs as well as cold medications amongst teens is also a growing and serious problem. Those TV commercials can give kids a very wrong impression: “The quick fix to any problem is a pill.” Calvina Fay, executive director of the Drug Free America Foundation points out, “We’ve become a society that basically says, “If things aren’t perfect in your life, take a pill. This cause our young people to see drugs as an answer.” Instead, we must help our kids grow strong from the inside-out. Boost authentic self-esteem. Get her involved in healthy activities. Turn him on to positive peers. Keep a strong relationship.

7. Reduce stress and teach coping strategies. The 2009 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) found that stress is the main reason teen girls are using drugs. Girls also related that they are using drugs as a way to cope with problems at home. (This confirms research from varying sources showing teen stress is mounting as well as teen depression). Keep a lid on the stress at home. Find ways to cope as a family (walking, exercising, eating healthier, sticking to a sleep routine). Teach coping strategies and stress reducers to your teen (yoga, deep breathing, stress management techniques).

8. Get on board with other parents. Forty-one percent of boys in the report responded: “parties are more fun with drugs” (an increase from 34% in 2008). More than half also reported that drugs help them relax in social settings. Know your kid’s friends and their parents. Call any parent hosting a party to ensure they are really supervising those sleepovers or parties.

A word to the wise: 99 percent of parents say they would not be willing to serve alcohol at their kid’s party, though 28 percent of teens say they have been at supervised parties where alcohol is available. Ninety-eight percent of parents say they are present at teen parties at their home, but 33 percent of teens say parents are rarely or never at teen parties. Though the teen party scene maybe several years away, get to know those parents now. They will be hosting those parties your child may be attending in just a few short years.


9. Watch the home scene. More kids take their first drink at your home or at the home of their friends. In fact, 60 percent of eighth graders say it is fairly or very easy to obtain alcohol-and the easiest place is in their own home. Count those bottles in your liquor cabinets. Lock up your liquor supply (and don’t tell your kids where the key is). Check your credit card: the hottest new place kids buy alcohol is on the Internet. Watch your medicine cabinet (abuse of prescription drugs, cold and cough syrup medication is on the rise). Stay alert!

Get educated. Stay involved! And know you do make a difference!

Now go talk to your kids.

GO!

Michele Borba is the author of over 25 books, her latest and one of her best is The Big Book of Parenting Solutions! There isn’t a parenting topic she doesn’t discuss.

Sue Scheff: Teen Stress

As adults we always seem to be forgetting phone number, names, and more. As we get older we believe our memory is fading, but have you considered this in teens and children? Stress can be a factor, especially with adult, however it can also be in our kids today. Connect with Kids just posted an educational article for parents to better understand this and helpful tips.

Source: Connect With Kids

Stress and Memory Loss

“I think it’s kind of validating that it’s not just ‘Oh, we’re crazy and scattered,’ but there’s really a reason why we tend to lose it a bit when we are overstressed and overscheduled.”

– Dr. Marla Shapiro, psychologist

Some teens do poorly on exams, not because they don’t know the answers, but because they’re nervous. “A lot of times, I’ll, like, stay up really late, and we’ll do flash cards or whatever, and then when it comes time for the test I’ll just sort of forget,” says 14-year-old Alix. Sixteen-year-old Reed Gott has seen it too. “A lot of times people get stressed out, and they just totally, like, bomb a test.”

According to a recent study in the journal Science, the culprit is an enzyme called PKC, or protein kinase C. Under stress, this protein in the brain causes short-term memory loss. “Unpredicted stress or unexpected events over which we have no control can activate levels of PKC and cause some of the forgetfulness and the scatteredness that we all feel when we’re really stressed,” explains psychologist Marla Shapiro.

She explains that with everything teens are expected to do, tests, papers, applying to college, add to that jobs, sports, activities and a social life, they can forget things often. Just like Jermeen Sherman, “Taking multiple AP classes or hard classes can be stressful, and I think sometimes that’s my problem, like I have too much work to do, and you try to do it all, and you lack somewhere.”

Shapiro says the best ways to overcome stress are good study skills, plenty of sleep, and if the student still draws a blank, “physically remove yourself from the situation, and take some slow deep breaths. The more they stare at that test paper, the more helpless they’re gonna feel.”

Tips for Parents

Experts say today’s children are experiencing anxieties at earlier ages. Stress can affect anyone, even children, regardless of age. Proper rest and good nutrition can help increase a child’s ability to cope with stress. It’s also important to make time for your child each day. Even as your child ages, “quality time” is important. By showing interest in your child throughout his or her life, you show that your child is important to you. Also, be sure to talk to your child about what causes stress in his or her life. Learning to relax is yet another way to combat stress.

Stress doesn’t have to be traumatic to lead to memory impairment. If one feels out of control, memory loss can occur. Control is the essential factor. When you are confident, you don’t have problems with memory.

•A child’s stresses are not limited to their own lives. If adult conversations, like office or financial troubles, are overheard, a child may experience stress.
•Stress raises kids’ risk for insomnia, skin disorders, headaches, upset stomach, depression and possibly obesity.
•Signs that your teen might be stressed include: frequent headaches, stomachaches and trouble handling anger.
•Signs that your pre-schooler or elementary student might be stressed include: sudden or extreme shyness, excessive irritability and bedwetting after months or years of dry nights.

References
•San Diego State University
•The Journal Science

Sue Scheff: Teens, Stress and Memory Loss

As adults we always seem to be forgetting phone number, names, and more. As we get older we believe our memory is fading, but have you considered this in teens and children? Stress can be a factor, especially with adult, however it can also be in our kids today. Connect with Kids just posted an educational article for parents to better understand this and helpful tips.

Source: Connect With Kids

Stress and Memory Loss

“I think it’s kind of validating that it’s not just ‘Oh, we’re crazy and scattered,’ but there’s really a reason why we tend to lose it a bit when we are overstressed and overscheduled.”

– Dr. Marla Shapiro, psychologist

Some teens do poorly on exams, not because they don’t know the answers, but because they’re nervous. “A lot of times, I’ll, like, stay up really late, and we’ll do flash cards or whatever, and then when it comes time for the test I’ll just sort of forget,” says 14-year-old Alix. Sixteen-year-old Reed Gott has seen it too. “A lot of times people get stressed out, and they just totally, like, bomb a test.”

According to a recent study in the journal Science, the culprit is an enzyme called PKC, or protein kinase C. Under stress, this protein in the brain causes short-term memory loss. “Unpredicted stress or unexpected events over which we have no control can activate levels of PKC and cause some of the forgetfulness and the scatteredness that we all feel when we’re really stressed,” explains psychologist Marla Shapiro.

She explains that with everything teens are expected to do, tests, papers, applying to college, add to that jobs, sports, activities and a social life, they can forget things often. Just like Jermeen Sherman, “Taking multiple AP classes or hard classes can be stressful, and I think sometimes that’s my problem, like I have too much work to do, and you try to do it all, and you lack somewhere.”

Shapiro says the best ways to overcome stress are good study skills, plenty of sleep, and if the student still draws a blank, “physically remove yourself from the situation, and take some slow deep breaths. The more they stare at that test paper, the more helpless they’re gonna feel.”

Tips for Parents

Experts say today’s children are experiencing anxieties at earlier ages. Stress can affect anyone, even children, regardless of age. Proper rest and good nutrition can help increase a child’s ability to cope with stress. It’s also important to make time for your child each day. Even as your child ages, “quality time” is important. By showing interest in your child throughout his or her life, you show that your child is important to you. Also, be sure to talk to your child about what causes stress in his or her life. Learning to relax is yet another way to combat stress.

Stress doesn’t have to be traumatic to lead to memory impairment. If one feels out of control, memory loss can occur. Control is the essential factor. When you are confident, you don’t have problems with memory.

•A child’s stresses are not limited to their own lives. If adult conversations, like office or financial troubles, are overheard, a child may experience stress.
•Stress raises kids’ risk for insomnia, skin disorders, headaches, upset stomach, depression and possibly obesity.
•Signs that your teen might be stressed include: frequent headaches, stomachaches and trouble handling anger.
•Signs that your pre-schooler or elementary student might be stressed include: sudden or extreme shyness, excessive irritability and bedwetting after months or years of dry nights.

References
•San Diego State University
•The Journal Science

Sue Scheff: Just Turn it OFF - Get Connect with Your Teens Again

Parenting is becoming extinct. Not really, but parents need to go back to parenting and tell their kids to "turn it off!" Turn off the cell phones, turn off the television, turn off the Ipod, turn off the computer and tune into the family!

The latest report from Kaiser Family Foundation has found that kids and teens are spending approximately 7.5 hours a day with "hooked-up" to technology. Whether it is texting, watching TV, listening to music or surfing the net, the emotional connection of a family circle is breaking down.

A national survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that with technology allowing nearly 24-hour media access as children and teens go about their daily lives, the amount of time young people spend with entertainment media has risen dramatically, especially among minority youth. Today, 8-18 year-olds devote an average of 7 hours and 38 minutes (7:38) to using entertainment media across a typical day (more than 53 hours a week). And because they spend so much of that time 'media multitasking' (using more than one medium at a time), they actually manage to pack a total of 10 hours and 45 minutes (10:45) worth of media content into those 7½ hours. - Kaiser Family Foundation

What can you do as a parent? Be an example! Some parents are guilty of the techno obsession today too. Our kids have to see parents "turning it off" and being part of the family circle. Start with dinner time - get absolutely "unplugged" from it all and spend an hour discussing with each other about the day's events. We all know that finding that time for family has become more difficult, so if dinner is out, plan a 15-130 family time out later in the evening and get un-wired!

Learn about recycling your electronic gadgets, do it as a family.

Be an educated and involved parent, you will have happier, safer, and healthier children.

Watch report from MSNBC and read more about this topic.

Sue Scheff: Is your child overscheduled?

Source: Education.com

By Hannah Boyd

There was a time when concerns about overscheduling kids would have been laughable. That was before scheduled play dates and after-school classes came into the picture. Now, kids race from soccer games to Mandarin class to music practice, while frazzled parents follow along wondering what happened to free time. “If you have to schedule a child’s play dates more than a week or two ahead, that child is probably overscheduled,” says Jacqueline Golding, Ph.D, Adjunct Professor at the University of California, San Francisco.

“If kids have to stay up at night past a reasonable bedtime more than once in a great while in order to do their homework after their after-school activities…they’re definitely doing too much.” “Too much over-scheduling limits two very important developmental elements,” says Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D, a child psychologist and Founder of the Better Parenting Institute.

“One is unstructured play time…kids have very little time to interact with peers without it being orchestrated. They don’t have to make any decisions or navigate friendships on their own. The other crucial element is quiet time. Kids do not know how to spend down time and entertain themselves…they need time to create their own stimulation, and not have others be the suppliers.” Sounds reasonable, right? Unfortunately, we live in a competitive society, and many parents worry that their kids will fall behind if they don’t use every spare moment enhancing their resumes. While it’s true that college admissions have become increasingly competitive, it’s also true both that there are enough spots to go around and that more and more freshmen are showing up burned-out and overwhelmed. Free play helps children develop their imaginations and their independence, build friendships, and shake off stress.

These gifts don’t show up on college applications but they benefit kids their whole lives. “As a rule of thumb, children should only be involved in one sport and one other kind of activity at a time,” says Panaccione. Every child is different, though, so one kid’s invigorating schedule is another’s overscheduled nightmare. A lot depends on age and temperament. If your child becomes irritable, complains of frequent stomachaches or headaches, starts having nightmares, or regresses or withdraws emotionally, he or she might be feeling overscheduled. So take it down a notch! It will give both of you a break.

Sue Scheff: Disengaged Students

I hear this frequently from parents. More with older teens (students) where they used be an overachieving student and now fortunate to get B’s and C’s. With younger students, sometimes it is learning difference that hasn’t been recognized or difficulties focusing. Connect with Kids offers an excellent article on this topic with some great parenting tips.

Source: Connect with Kids

Disengaged Students

“If you look at a 4th grade classroom with 32 kids, the kids at either end of that bell curve aren’t getting attention. And so it’s not the kids in the middle of the road, it’s the kids at either end who tend to disengage much more quickly.”

– Deborah Christy, Educator


A new university study comparing American students to Chinese students finds that our kids place less value on education than their Asian counterparts and aren’t as engaged in their studies. But interestingly, both groups of students show less interest in school at about the same time: middle school.

Andrew, 17, was an ‘A’ student in elementary school. Then he went to middle school, and his grades went down … way down. “A big change happened probably in 6th grade,” says Andy, “and then just started to get worse.”

But why? “I found new interests, got a taste of different things in life, “I could just not be inside, locked inside having to do all this work, that didn’t seem to be getting me anywhere.” Instead, Andy says, he focused his attention elsewhere, like Irish dancing. He became a champion dancer.

Educators say typically, there are two kinds of kids who lose interest in school. Gifted kids, like Andy, and kids with learning disabilities. ”If you look at a 4th grade classroom with 32 kids, the kids at either end of that bell curve aren’t getting attention,” says educator Deborah Christy. “And so it’s not the kids in the middle of the road, it’s the kids at either end who tend to disengage much more quickly. “

So how can parents help? First, avoid using threats about the future. “You can keep saying you’ll never get into a good college if you don’t take this. A lot children can’t think that far in advance, they’re interested in the right now,” says Ms. Christy.

Christy says next, think about tutors or alternatives to conventional schooling. She explains, “almost every school system in the United States offers magnet programs or accelerated programs or some form of unconventional approach to education.”

Finally, stay connected with your child, and listen. Christy says,“I think the simple act of a parent walking into a child’s bedroom, sitting on the bed with no agenda, just showing up and saying what’s going on. And a lot of high school parents don’t do that anymore.”

Andy’s parents’ never stopped encouraging him and, finally, his grades started to improve. “I’m still working hard to pull them up,” says Andy, “and they’re standing by me all the way, they’re helping me out as much as they can.”


Tips for Parents

There is a common pattern that many students seem to follow as they get older. When they are in elementary school, they tend to enjoy homework and school, but as they get into middle and high school, they begin to lose focus, dislike homework and even regret having to attend classes. The National Parent Information Network (NPIN) of the U.S. Department of Education has developed a list of things that may help parents who have students who are becoming unconcerned about homework. Everyone needs to work together – the school, teachers, parents and the student – to solve the problems. If your child refuses to do assignments, call his or her teacher. If you and your child can’t understand the homework instructions, call the teacher. The teacher may also be able to help you get your child organized to do the homework. The NPIN says different homework problems require different solutions:

•Does your child have a hard time finishing assignments on time? Maybe he or she has poor study skills and needs help getting organized.
•Is the homework too difficult? Maybe your child has fallen behind and needs special help from a teacher or tutor.
•Is your child bored with the homework? Maybe it’s too easy and your child needs extra assignments that give more challenge.
The NPIN suggests asking your child these questions to combat any problems about homework that may arise:

•What’s your assignment today?
•Is the assignment clear? (If not, suggest calling the school’s homework hotline or a classmate.)
•Do you need special resources (a trip to the library or access to a computer)?
•Do you need special supplies (graph paper, poster board, etc.)?
•Have you started today’s assignment? Have you completed it?
•Is it a long-term assignment (a term paper or science project)?
•For a major project, would it be helpful to write out the steps or make a schedule?
•Would a practice test be useful?
There are certain things you can offer your child whether he or she asks for help or not, according to the Chicago Public Schools.

•Encouragement – Give your child praise for efforts and for completing assignments.
•Availability – Encourage your child to do the work independently, but be available for assistance.
•Scheduling – Establish a set time to do homework each day. You may want to use a calendar to keep track of assignments and due dates.
•Space – Provide a space for homework, stocked with the necessary supplies, such as pencils, pens, paper, dictionaries, a computer and other reference materials.
•Discipline – Help your child focus on homework by removing distractions, such as television, radio, telephone and interruptions from siblings and friends.
•Modeling – Consider doing some of your work, such as paying bills or writing letters, during your child’s homework time.
•Support – Talk to your child about difficulties with homework. Be willing to talk to your child’s teacher to resolve problems in a positive manner.
•Involvement – Familiarize yourself with the teacher’s homework policy. Make sure that you and your child understand the teacher’s expectations. At the beginning of the year, you may want to ask your child’s teacher these questions: What kinds of assignments will you give? How often do you give homework? How much time are the students expected to spend on them? What type of involvement do you expect from parents?

References
•American School Board Journal
•Academic Quality Improvement Program
•Chicago Public Schools
•National Parent Information Network
•National School Board Associations
•U.S. Department of Education

Sue Scheff: Warning Signs of Teenage Depression

Common warning signs/symptoms of teenage depression

•Changes in eating and sleeping habits (eating and sleeping too much or too little)
•Significant change in weight (loss or gain)
•Often misses school and/or shows bad school performance
•Reclusive, withdrawing from friends or family members
•Quick to show anger/rage
•General restlessness or anxiety
•Overreacts to criticism, even constructive
•Seems very self conscious, guilty
•Unusual problems with authority
•No longer partakes in or enjoys activities and events they once loved
•Indecision, lack of concentration, or forgetfulness
•Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
•Frequent health complaints despite being healthy
•Lack of motivation and enthusiasm for every day life
•Drug/alcohol abuse
•Mentions or thoughts of suicide


Learn more - click here.

Sue Scheff: Following the Rules

By Lisa Medoff

Nina posted some questions about her 10-year-old daughter lying about eating and drinking in the bedroom and watching TV with the door closed. Nina wants to how she can tell if her daughter is deliberately lying or simply forgetful, as her daughter was a micro-preemie, and Nina is worried that her premature birth has affected her behavior and memory.

Nina is also wondering about the best way to encourage her daughter to tell the truth about her behavior. Her husband feels that their daughter plays both of her parents against each other, and he punishes her by saying that he is not going to take her anywhere for the summer; she won’t be allowed to go bike riding or have other interesting adventures. Nina wants to know if these are apt punishments for her daughter’s behavior.

Unfortunately for parents, there is no absolute, surefire way to determine if your child is deliberately lying or has simply forgotten the rules. Therefore, instead of spending your time trying to figure out if your daughter is lying, shift your focus to trying to help her remember the rules.

Tell your daughter, “I can see that it has been hard for you to remember our rules about not eating in the bedroom and watching TV with the door closed. Let’s see if we can figure out a way to help you remember.”

Try different ways to help her with her memory, such as having her write sticky notes with the rules and posting them near the TV, or making poster collages with pictures of food that is crossed out.


Any extra practice with memory tricks will be helpful for children who have experienced developmental difficulties.

Tell her that even though it may be hard for her to remember, she will still need to learn the consequences for breaking the rules.

Discuss what those consequences will be and follow through on them every time. She needs to see that the end result is the same, whether she lies or forgets, and you won’t have to waste time or energy trying to figure out if she is lying.

Be on the lookout for times when she does remember the rules. Give lots of positive attention, such as saying, “I noticed that you finished your snack in the kitchen before you went in to watch television. You must feel good about remembering to follow the rules. I’m really proud of you.”

Make a behavior chart to keep track of days where she was able to follow the rules.
Think of rewards that she can earn after a week or a month of good days.

In terms of the consequences, discipline works better if it is specific, immediate, is appropriate for the situation, and allows the child to make up for breaking the rules.
For example, a consequence of eating where she is not supposed to could be having to clean and vacuum the area.


Read entire article here: http://www.education.com/magazine/column/entry/Following_the_Rules/