Sue Scheff: What girls are learning online

Jane Balvanz an educator and a Female Friend Expert, she recently wrote an extremely timely and important article about raising our girls today. Parenting today's teens and tweens can be challenging and with the added stress of the Internet and cyberbullying, it can be downright impossible to keep up with.

Do mean girls grow up to be mean women? Jane Balvanz asked this question and has some great insights. Life is about change, as parents we need to guide our daughters and help them to understand that being mean is not cool.

Relational Aggression in Women: What Are We Teaching Our Girls Online?

By Jane Balvanz

A two-year-old child died recently. He drowned in a swimming pool, a parent's true nightmare. Controversy immediately arose online, because the child's mother tweeted the accident and eventually announced his death. Her Twitter timeline showed she had been tweeting most of the day.

In reaction, online moms tweeted support and made suggestions about fundraising for the bereaved family. Others questioned the validity of the death before it was confirmed and cautioned about sending money in case it might be a hoax. Once the death was verified, two clear factions formed. One supported the grieving mother and her choice of tweeting shortly before and after her son's death. The other questioned the mother's parenting abilities, suggesting her attention to Twitter led to her son's death. It devolved from there and went viral. Words became weapons.

Passion and Drama in 140 Characters or Less

The Internet is a wonderful tool that offers ways to give and receive information in a heartbeat. It can also be used to extend help or inflict hurt. In this case, relational aggression (emotional bullying) started within seconds of a mom announcing her child fell into a pool. Twitter is fast. Information flies as rapidly as you can type 140 characters and press send. Even though many heads of reason and compassion were part of this situation, passion and drama took over. Incivility prevailed.

There were tweeted threats (some serious), name-calling, campaigns, taunting, and cyber defaming. National news took notice and various blogs called the participants "mean girls." These weren't girls, though. They were grown women.

Do Mean Girls Grow Up to Be Mean Women?

Continue to part 2

Visit http://www.awaythrough.com/  for more information on female friendships.  Also on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Teens, Kids and Physical Education

Let's face it, more and more kids today are engrossed with their computers and cell phones. Less are participating in physical activity. Years ago a game of kick-ball in the neighborhood was a weekly or even daily event afterschool. Today with the fear of our kids being kidnapped or the kids simply more interested in their technology, teens and kids are not getting enough exercise.

Parents it is time to speak up. PE 4 Life is an organization that can help you bring more psychical education into your school district and your community.

Do you realize that schools have devalued and cut physical education to the point that the majority of children get one day of PE per week? Children today have a shorter life expectancy than their parents for the first time in one hundred years because of the epidemic of obesity, according to Dr. William Klish, Professor of Pediatrics and Head of Pediatric Gastroenterology at Baylor College of Medicine. Lack of PE at school is a disservice to your child's health. Speak up. Demand that your school offers daily quality physical education.

Use PE4life as a resource partner to enhance your school's PE program. A recent study revealed that 81% of teachers and 85% of parents favor requiring students to take physical education every day at every grade level. As parents, you can rally people in your community to get involved by ordering a PE4life Community Action kit video and show it to the PTA, the school board and other community groups. The next step is to invite PE4life to make a presentation to your school leaders, bring a team of people to train at a PE4life Academy, or invite PE4life to do an in-service for your school staff. As your resource partner, PE4life can provide these and many other services to your school as you work to get children more active and healthy.

PE4life Core Principles

We believe PE should:

• Be directed to all students, not just the athletically inclined
• Offer a variety of fitness, sport, leisure and adventure activities
• Provide a safe and encouraging learning environment
• Utilize individual assessments
• Incorporate current technology
• Extend beyond the walls of the gymnasium
• Ideally, be offered to every child every day

Today’s “New P.E.,” as exemplified by PE4life, is a health-and-wellness-based approach to physical education that caters to all students, not just the athletically inclined. Students are encouraged to pursue a variety of sports and physical activities (team and individual) – for a lifetime.

Source: PE4LIFE - visit today and learn more!

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Sue Scheff: Dangers of Steroids and Your Teens

With the recent admission in the news about Mark McGwire using steroids throughout his career has shocked some people. How do we explain this to our children and our teens, especially our athletic ones that looked up to this sports hero?

Ad Council started a campaign a few years ago, Don't Be An Asterisk. Whether it is a potential college scholarship or just helping the team win, some teens feel pressure to do whatever it takes to get an "edge", even if it means taking steroids or other illegal substances.

Use this opportunity to explain to your teens about the dangers of steroid use.

• Steroids affect your heart. Steroid abuse has been associated with cardiovascular disease, including heart attack and stroke. These heart problems can even happen to athletes under the age of 30.
• Steroids affect your appearance. In both sexes, steroids can cause male-pattern baldness, cysts, acne, and oily hair and skin.
• Steroids affect your mood. Steroids can make you angry and hostile for no reason. There are recorded cases of murder attributed to intense anger from steroid use.
• Steroids increase your risk of infection. Sharing needles or using dirty needles to inject steroids puts you at risk for diseases such as HIV/AIDS and hepatitis.

Help them to be aware of more risks:

• Know the law. Steroids are illegal to possess without a prescription from a licensed physician. It is illegal for individuals to sell steroids.
• Get the facts. Doctors prescribe steroids for specific medical conditions. They are only safe for use when a doctor monitors the person.
• Know the risks. Illegal steroids are made overseas and smuggled into the United States or made in underground labs in this country. They pose greater health risks because they are not regulated by the government and may not be pure or labeled correctly.
• Look around you. The majority of teens aren't using steroids. Among teenage males, who are most likely to use steroids, only 1.8 percent of 8th graders, 2.3 percent of 10th graders, and 3.2 percent of 12th graders reported steroid use in the past year.

Reference: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Be an educated parent, have safer and healthier teens!

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Sue Scheff: Should Parents Read Their Teen's Emails and Text Messages?

Recently we read about whether parents should read their child's diary or journal. With the advances of technology, we need to take this a step further: Should you read their emails or text messages?

Again we can go back to "when safety trumps privacy."

Our teens deserve to be trusted unless they give us reason to suspect something is wrong. Is their behavior changing? Here is a review of some warning signs (many are the same to determine if you should read their diaries).

• Is your teen becoming very secretive? Sure, teens do like their privacy, however if you have a "gut feeling" something is deeper than a secret, you may have to cross that line.
• Is your teen becoming withdrawn? Again, teens will develop some attitudes of not wanting to be with adults, however when it becomes extreme, it may be time to cross that line.
• Is your teen changing peer groups? And this is not into a better one, however to one that is less than desirable? You will again attempt to talk to your teen and find out why and what happened to the other friends.
• Is your teens eating habits changing?
• Is your teen sleeping a lot? Bloodshot eyes? Do you suspect drug use?
• Is your teen sneaking out? Becoming extremely defiant? Not respecting your boundaries?
• Are they overly protective of their cell phones or computer?
• Do they hide their cell phones?
• Are they anxious when at their computer, seem fearful, attempt to hide their incoming emails?
• Overall, is your teen slowly becoming a child you don't recognize?

Like with determining if you should invade their privacy with their journals or diary, unless your teen or tween gives you good reason to read their private text and emails, as parents, we should respect their privacy.

When it comes to younger children, under 10 years old, parents should always be allowed to see what they are doing. Most younger children are usually not as protective as teens or tweens. As a responsible parent, you will know when there are red flags or warning signs and you need to step in.

Keeping an open dialog with your tweens and teens is critical. Letting them know you are there for them as well as talking to them about the issues of sexting, cyberbullying, predators and other areas of concern.

Should you read your child's emails or text messages? Only you can answer that.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer children.

Also on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Social Networking - Should Teachers Befriend Students?

As today's generation is definitely the surf the waves of cyberspace, where do we draw the line? Should teachers befriend their students? Should student befriend their teachers?

With the growth of Facebook while MySpace is still alive more and more people are signing up for social networking. Whether you Twitter or Facebook, chances are you will run into your kids and your kids may run into their teachers - virtually speaking.

As parents should be the monitor for their child's online safety; Should the teacher be part of their off-line - off-campus life?

Although there may be some teachers that are comfortable with befriending their students, many would prefer to keep their private lives just that - private.

Teachers, as well as many others that either own a business or are employed, like to keep their business lives separate. However there are many that prefer the mix. Depending on your personal comfort level, you will know where you fit in. Learning to respect each others space needs to be taught to our children too.

Parents should not encourage their children to befriend a teacher, explain that adults need their personal time and space. We want the child to understand this is not about them personally, it is about allowing people to have their own time and space off work - off-line.

If a teacher has started an online club or organization in respect to a school project, that is completely different, and at that point kids should be encouraged to join into educational conversations and activities.

As always, parents need to remember that their child's safety comes first. Teaching your child Internet Safety starts at home, parents need to take the steps to get in tune technically!

Be an educated parent - you will have safer kids!

Being ONE CLICK AWAY - will it be into a safety room, or a dark hallway?

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Sue Scheff: Just Say NO to Boot Camps for Struggling Teens

As my series continues for the New Year in helping educate parents about the daunting "business" of teen help programs and schools, one thing is for sure in my experiences, just say no to boot camps.

This is a strong opinion I have had for years, for many reasons. Many parents believe a good wake up call will shake up their teen, what they are not considering is the anger and resentment most boot camps can instill in your teen.

Let's face it, in many cases your teen is already filled with anger and rage, even hate - do you honestly believe that placing them in a rigid and "punitive" environment will help them? I am not saying your child deserves a trip to Atlantis, however they need a program or school that will work on their emotional growth and find out "why" they are acting out negatively - where are these negative impulsivities coming from?

From there you can move forward and work towards recovery. A program or school should be structured with positive discipline as well offer the nurturing environment that can stimulate your teen in a positive direction. The end goal is to bring your family back together.

In Florida, many if not all, boot camps have been closed down. The death of Martin Lee Anderson in a Florida Boot Camp shocked our country with the realities of what Boot Camps can be like for teens. Although he wasn't a saint, he didn't deserve the treatment that eventually ended in his death.

If you are a parent and thinking about sending your troubled or struggling teenager to a boot camp, think twice. Also use caution since many programs advertise as boot camps to lure you in, be an educated parent, do your homework. You want to help your teen, not destroy them.

Learn more about finding safe and qualified schools and programs. Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/ . Parents' Universal Resource Experts is about educating and guiding parents. Learn from my mistakes, gain from my knowledge.

Are you at your wit's end and need help? Learn how to find the best placement for your teen.

Footnote: Boot Camps and Military Schools are completely different.

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Sue Scheff: Troubled Teens - Are you considering residential therapy?

As the school begins back in session in many areas of the country, some parents experienced some difficult times with their teenagers during the holiday break. Many of this behavior only escalated with the extended "free" time, as other parents were hoping and praying things would get better as their teen spends more time with their family.

Some families planned out of town vacations, removing the teen from the environment that they believe is causing the negative behavior. Some parents believed that simply being home and with the festive holidays their teens will slowly come back to their childhood selves.

For those that have reached a point of seeking outside help, this can be one of the most difficult decisions a parent can make. It will come after seeking all local resources, even trying to have your teen live with another family member, however unfortunately, you can change environments, but it usually won't change whatever issue is causing the negative behavior.

Let's assume you have attempted local therapy, support groups, even out-patient therapy (some have even tried 24-72 hour in-patient) determined there is something wrong that possibly a little pill can help. However it has been my experience that in many cases, until you address the internal issues, these short-stop and/or pit-stops are usually band-aids. This is not saying medication won't help if your teen is appropriately diagnosed.

Now we are convinced that residential therapy is our last resort. After getting over the sticker shock, you soon realize the confusion of the Internet. The keen marketing, beautiful websites, and programs so far away! You are at your wit's end, desperate, confused and just want to get your teen help - stop, think, and do your homework!

Here are some helpful tips in searching for the right program for your teenager: Click here.

Watch video and slideshow - click here.

Don't be a parent in denial - you could risk your teen not getting the help they need. If you are thinking about threatening Military School to your teen, think twice. Many parents are under the misconception Military Schools are for at-risk or troubled teens. If your teen is extremely defiant, using drugs (even just experimenting), or simply doesn't want to attend Military School, chances are, he won't be. If your teen gets expelled from a Military School, you will risk forfeiting your $20,000 to $40,000 tuition. Remember, Military Schools are not set-up as a therapeutic setting. They are structured, however usually do not offer the therapy or emotional growth many troubled teens may need. Learn more from our story.

Part 2 - click here. Helpful tips for finding programs to fit your needs.

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Sue Scheff: Teens that make a difference, even after life.... Start a trend in 2010, learn to give back!

Although many teens are still on school break, prom season is around the corner! What that means is the teenage girls will be in search for that perfect dress, shoes, accessories, and of course those nails and hair design to meet the times.

What about those that are less fortunate? Especially with a difficult economic season, many parents may not be able to give their teenage girls the little extras that can help a teen feel good about themselves, or even allow them to attend a prom.

On August 20th, 2003 our community suffered a loss of a beautiful, inspirational, young 16 year-old, Rebecca Kirtman, in a tragic car accident. Her family and friends continue Becca's love, generosity and passion to give back to her community. Becca's Closet lives on.

It's just a dress...but it's so much more!

In the Spring of her Freshman year at Nova High School in Davie, Florida, Rebecca launched a dress drive to provide prom dresses and accessories to high school girls who could not afford to purchase them. Rebecca was a passionate, bright, fun-loving young woman who loved being with her friends and felt that no one should miss a high school event because they couldn't afford to be there. She saw the inequity in the situation and sought to change things. During the Spring of her sophomore year, Becca single-handedly collected and donated over 250 formal dresses and helped hundreds of girls across South Florida attend their High School proms in style.

To keep Becca's dream alive, countless dedicated people throughout the world have joined with her family and friends to provide opportunities for those who seek them. Our volunteers work toward a common goal initiated by Becca.

Since the inception of this wonderful mission, Becca's Closet has expanded into educational scholarships to recognize the exemplary efforts of young men and women who demonstrate Becca's spirit of generosity in their own communities.

Start a trend in 2010 - learn how you can give back to your community. Do you have a dress you can donate? Or do you know someone in need? Click here. Even if you are not in Florida, there may be a local chapter near you. Becca's Closet is a member of Donate My Dress Network.

Help put a smile on a less fortunate teen girl that may not be able to attend their prom.....

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