Source: Connect with Kids
“Some guys are really stupid and all they want is to have sex and, yeah, they brag about everywhere.”
– Stephanie, 16 years old
Teenage boys like to talk about it and, sometimes, they exaggerate.
“All they talk about is sex,” 17 year old Tyler says. “You go walking down the hallway…sex, sex, sex. ‘Hey I had sex with her, I had sex with him.’”
In a new Seventeen magazine survey of boys and young men, almost half said they were virgins and one in four said he had lied to other kids about not being a virgin. According to the survey of 1,200 boys and young men, age 15 to 22, 60 percent said they lied about something sexual, 30 percent lied about “how far they had gone,” and 78 percent said that there was too much pressure from society to have sex.
17 year old Brad confirms that “guys brag all the time. I mean I’ve met one guy who hasn’t bragged about it. ”
Still there are some boys, like 17 year old Jesse, who are willing to say ‘no’ even when pressured by a girl.
“I was just astonished and I was like, ‘no’ because I like know this girl, she was my friend, but she wasn’t someone I wanted to do that stuff with. She wasn’t the right person for me to lose my virginity with.”
Daniel Jean-Baptiste, a health educator, says he has seen a change in the attitude of young men. “The attitude is starting to become, ‘I don’t really care if my buddies are talking about it and this person is bragging about it. It’s not really a big deal, because you can get STDs. Or you can get someone pregnant.”
Many experts argue that in our culture, boys are pressured to have sex, or at least say they have, but that it’s up to parents to talk about the seriousness of sex… and the risks.
“A young person is never too young to talk about HIV, to talk about STDs, to talk about puberty,” Jean-Baptiste says. “And I think that if parents start to talk to their young people before they reach puberty… you’ve really seasoned them, so that in the future years… you’ll be more comfortable and they’ll be more comfortable talking to you.”
They will be more comfortable, as he says, and there is a good chance they will listen.
“Kids, they might not say they listen to their parents but deep down inside, there’s always… their parents are their little voice… anything a parent says usually does get taken to heart,” says 18 year old Jesse.
Related Information
It’s not uncommon to see statistics showing that girls face a great deal of pressure to have sex at an early age. But a new survey from the Kaiser Family Foundation shows that girls are not alone. Researchers found that one in three teen boys reported feeling peer pressure to have sex – often from male friends. In fact, the survey findings showed that boys were more likely than girls to feel pressure and more likely to believe that waiting to have sex is a myth.
How prevalent is sexual behavior among teens? The most recent numbers come from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2007 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey of high school students from 34 states:
•An estimated 48% had sexual intercourse before graduating from high school.
•Approximately 15% had sexual intercourse with four or more partners before graduating from high school.
•Nearly 62% of currently sexually active students used a condom during last sexual intercourse.
•Approximately 90% of the students said they had been taught about AIDS and HIV infection in school.
Tips for Parents
Nearly two-thirds of teens that have had sexual intercourse say they regret it and wish they had waited, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. The campaign also found that when it comes to making a decision about sex, 30% said that friends influenced their decision the most.
As a parent, how can you help your child make an informed decision about sex? It is first important to openly discuss sexual health with your child. Although it may be tough and awkward at times, open communication and accurate information that comes from you – the parent – increases the chance that your teen will postpone sex or use appropriate methods of birth control once he or she begins. The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry offers the following advice when talking to your child about sex:
•Encourage your child to talk and ask questions.
•Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.
•Use words that are understandable and comfortable.
•Try to determine your child’s level of knowledge and understanding.
•Keep your sense of humor, and don’t be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.
•Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring and respect for oneself and one’s partner.
•Be open in sharing your values and concerns.
•Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
•Help your child to consider the pros and cons of choices.
Your teen may be feeling pressure to have sex from a number of places – friends, peers or partners. As a parent, it is important that you give your child the necessary tools to make a decision about sex before peer pressure makes the decision for him or her. The American Social Health Association (ASHA) offers the following advice about sex and peer pressure to share with your teen:
•Not every person your age is having sex. Even if sometimes it feels like everyone is “doing it,” it is important to realize that this is not true. People often talk about sex in a casual manner, but this doesn’t mean they are actually having sex.
•Hollywood doesn’t show the full story. Sexual situations are everywhere in our culture. They are on television, in movies and even in commercials and magazines. This is part of the reason why we enjoy these things so much. Just remember: Characters in these movies, television shows and advertisements are actors and actresses. They can’t get unwanted pregnancies and STDs. You can.
•There are lots of great reasons why people wait to have sex. You may be making plans to go to college or to start a job after you finish high school. Would a baby in your life make it easier or tougher for you to do the things you’ve dreamed about? Wanting to avoid STDs is another reason that some people are very cautious about becoming sexually active.
You can continue to help your teen avoid peer pressure to have sex by teaching him or her the following strategies from the ASHA:
•Hang out with friends who also believe that it’s okay to not be ready for sex yet.
•Date several people and hang out with different groups of people.
•Go out with a group of friends rather than only your date.
•Introduce your friends to your parents.
•Invite your friends to your home.
•Always carry money for a telephone call or cab in case you feel uncomfortable.
•Stick up for your friends if they are being pressured to have sex.
•Think of what you would say in advance in case someone tries to pressure you.
•Be ready to call your mother, father or a friend to pick you up if you need to leave a date.
•Never feel obligated to “pay someone back” with sex in return for an expensive date or gift.
•Say “no” and mean “no” if that’s how you feel.
References
•American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
•American Social Health Association
•Kaiser Family Foundation
•National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
•Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (CDC
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